TigerLilly78 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Thats true I did this without her in my life at all although she was my motivation for it at the beginning, now its because i like my lifestyle but i can't help but think about her the last couple weeks. I do still have feelings for her. Just to clarify the girl i have been dating for the past few months isn't yet my girfriend, we haven't had the talk and we are at the moment both happy going with the flow and seeing what happens i guess. but lately it seems i have been thinking of my ex more then my new friend Almost seams like now your trying to minimize this new girls importance in your life cause maybe you feel bad? ask yourself this if this shoe was on the other foot how would you feel? If she was important enough to bring up in this thread then titles do not matter at this point im sorry what your doing to her is not fair and selfish..end of story! You need to ether stop seeing this EX or stop seeing the new girl you now this is more then a friends deal with the EX just don't be surprised when she dumps you again and def don't try to run back to the new one.. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 (edited) since you seem to be at war with yourself and you cant let your ex be a thing of the past since she's in your life again and all you can do is think about her you're backtracking a ton and at this point id say let the new girl go. Whatever progress you made to be ready to date is now gone with this ex in your life and you being all wishy washy its unfair to this new girl let her go Figure out if you want to get your ex back or if you need to work on being ready to date again without past complications but do it without the new girl. Bottom line the fact that your letting the ex make you feel unsure about the new girl shows clear as day you lost your progress, you still have feelings for the ex because when she came round you let her in with the coffee date. You are not ready to date someone new. Edited September 2, 2014 by Omei 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author generic person Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 (edited) @generic person I just want to help you man, I know how much this can mentally aswell as physically drain you...Its horrible. And again, you can look over my previous threads, I contemplated not texting her, texting her first, leaving it with her, sending her a funny picture, sending flowers gestures... You name it, seriously. I look back on some of the things I did now and I can quite honestly say I cringe at myself. In my personal opinion gaining control is the most important in a situation like this. By explaining to her you really enjoyed the meet, however this is not good for you as you still have feelings for her and that you cannot just be her friend. Unfortunately you will not be making contact with her any more. This gives you the control, you have not only been fair to yourself but you have been fair to her, if anything she will admire you more for making a stand and making the decision. One thing you have to realise, you can never control another persons emotions, you can take control of the situation but not there emotions. Whether they want to come back or not only they can make that decision, do not force it. Take control of the situation, make your stand and get yourself in the best possible position. You have lasted 12 months without this woman, not imagining her as a part of your life again is horrible. Believe me I know. But you must maintain your pride and continue to work on becoming the best man you can be. She will respect you for this. Please regain yourself and do not give her any more of your power. You will probably allow this to occupy your mind more and more for the coming week or so, It gets worse as the days go on after a meet. Be strong and stay busy. Mike Just so every one knows i do actually like the new girl i think it has just been blocked a lot by the reconnection with the ex i guess. I am a really honest guy so i will not hide anything with the new girl, like some one else said i am at war with myself to what i want. but i think this might be a short term thing as everything just happened so quickly. one second I haven't heard from my ex than a week later we are having the most unsuspecting coffee But i do really like the idea of explaining myself and getting some pride back. been the one to end it and for the right reasons this time. I like what you said about expressing how i had a great time but i obviously still have feelings for her and unless the feeling is mutual i will can't be friends. im just not sure how much detail to use in the text Edited September 2, 2014 by generic person Link to post Share on other sites
Author generic person Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 @generic person I just want to help you man, I know how much this can mentally aswell as physically drain you...Its horrible. And again, you can look over my previous threads, I contemplated not texting her, texting her first, leaving it with her, sending her a funny picture, sending flowers gestures... You name it, seriously. I look back on some of the things I did now and I can quite honestly say I cringe at myself. In my personal opinion gaining control is the most important in a situation like this. By explaining to her you really enjoyed the meet, however this is not good for you as you still have feelings for her and that you cannot just be her friend. Unfortunately you will not be making contact with her any more. This gives you the control, you have not only been fair to yourself but you have been fair to her, if anything she will admire you more for making a stand and making the decision. One thing you have to realise, you can never control another persons emotions, you can take control of the situation but not there emotions. Whether they want to come back or not only they can make that decision, do not force it. Take control of the situation, make your stand and get yourself in the best possible position. You have lasted 12 months without this woman, not imagining her as a part of your life again is horrible. Believe me I know. But you must maintain your pride and continue to work on becoming the best man you can be. She will respect you for this. Please regain yourself and do not give her any more of your power. You will probably allow this to occupy your mind more and more for the coming week or so, It gets worse as the days go on after a meet. Be strong and stay busy. Mike is this too sopppy, Hey (name), i had an amazing time seeing you again unfortunately it was a little to good and its clear to me that i still love you or have fallen for you again so unless you feel the same way about me, i can't contact you again. sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
movingonnow1 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 (edited) Just so every one knows i do actually like the new girl i think it has just been blocked a lot by the reconnection with the ex i guess. I am a really honest guy so i will not hide anything with the new girl, like some one else said i am at war with myself to what i want. but i think this might be a short term thing as everything just happened so quickly. one second I haven't heard from my ex than a week later we are having the most unsuspecting coffee But i do really like the idea of explaining myself and getting some pride back. been the one to end it and for the right reasons this time. I like what you said about expressing how i had a great time but i obviously still have feelings for her and unless the feeling is mutual i will can't be friends. im just not sure how much detail to use in the text You are in love with the girl she used to be. You do not even know if you love her, or if she loves the new you. A lot of time has passed and you cannot expect her to react well to that message...she will think you're out to lunch coming back into her life and not over her. My opinion is this, she has a boyfriend. You should never ever go for a taken girl. Its 1) Bad karma 2) not right. Think about if you were on the other end, would you like guys going after your girlfriend? Obviously not. So live by what you would want for others. I have zero respect for people who go for taken girls / guys. If she becomes single, then you can talk to her again. Other then that, I suggest not contacting her back and letting her come to you. She got her ego boost and now you are thinking about breaking up her relationship. Forget it man, spend time with the new chick who is a fresh start. Edited September 2, 2014 by movingonnow1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I would cut all contact with the ex and either give it a go with the new girl or be single until you're indifferent about your ex. Someone once told me that breakups happen because the relationship was broken. I ignored that and got my heart broken again. Don't do what I did. You've moved on, have a new girl, leave the past in the past. Don't string the new girl along. End it entirely with the ex and either move on with the new girl or be alone long enough until you're indifferent about the ex. It will benefit you in the long run, I promise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Exs are Exs for a reason op simple as that I think you need to stop looking at her thu rose colored glasses she hasent changed thats clear by the fact she snuck behind her her BFs back! So yeah remember how that felt? how it felt to be dumped like yesterdays trash via phone? hold onto that cause that's the truth .. think back and really remember how that felt when ever she tries to spout some more BS at you.. Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Hey (name), i had an amazing time seeing you again unfortunately it was a little to good and its clear to me that i still love you or have fallen for you again so unless you feel the same way about me, i can't contact you again. sorry. Lets try: I had a great time and it was a great reminder of our good times. However, I think it's not good for either of us to pretend that we can just be friends. I hope you find happiness in whatever you do. It was wonderful seeing you and I am glad you're doing well. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Michael 93 Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Generic, I would go with the above text ^^ that melon has written. Doesn't give to much neediness, explains your point clearly. I appreciate that you may feel confessing your true feelings is the right way to go. That is not always the case, sometimes you can give off too much. Seriously. Go with ThorntonMelons option it is to the point and still shows that you have some compassion left, whether or not she deserves it I don't know but It will leave you to move forward on the better foot. I give you my best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author generic person Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 (edited) Lets try: I had a great time and it was a great reminder of our good times. However, I think it's not good for either of us to pretend that we can just be friends. I hope you find happiness in whatever you do. It was wonderful seeing you and I am glad you're doing well. Thanks boys, that message sounds pretty spot on, How ever my feelings have completely settled down today and i'm actually not to worried about her. maybe because it happened so fast i was sucked into the whole thing again but now after i was back at work and not stuck at home thinking about it like i was yesterday (day off) i'm ok. I dont need to send her a message to let her know I can't be her friend, I think im happy just not contacting her again and if she does message me depending what she writes i think you have given me the perfect response. cheers Edited September 3, 2014 by generic person 9 Link to post Share on other sites
twosadthings Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 So you met her for "closure" and the reason for her dumping you after four years by telephone no less. Did you ever get your answer? Twosadthings P.S. in my opinion closure is bullspit. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Thanks boys, that message sounds pretty spot on, How ever my feelings have completely settled down today and i'm actually not to worried about her. maybe because it happened so fast i was sucked into the whole thing again but now after i was back at work and not stuck at home thinking about it like i was yesterday (day off) i'm ok. I dont need to send her a message to let her know I can't be her friend, I think im happy just not contacting her again and if she does message me depending what she writes i think you have given me the perfect response. cheers We only wish you the best. You've come a long way and would hate to see you have to start all over again and possibly ruin what could be a good relationship with the girl you're with. I hope that if somehow I get contacted my ex down the road again that I have the strength not to fall back and have to start over again. Sounds like you're getting into the right mind set, just be true and honest to yourself. Your fighting the mind vs heart right now. Don't let the heart win out on this one because it is not telling you the truth. Your mind can see what's going on, your heart can't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author generic person Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 We only wish you the best. You've come a long way and would hate to see you have to start all over again and possibly ruin what could be a good relationship with the girl you're with. I hope that if somehow I get contacted my ex down the road again that I have the strength not to fall back and have to start over again. Sounds like you're getting into the right mind set, just be true and honest to yourself. Your fighting the mind vs heart right now. Don't let the heart win out on this one because it is not telling you the truth. Your mind can see what's going on, your heart can't. Thanks dumbass, i care even less about her today than i did yesterday so my feelings are definitely subsiding again i was just severely caught up in the whole thing again for a couple days. After all she doesn't deserve me or what i have to offer and like the other guys said I'm not in the business of chasing girls with boyfriends as much as i dislike this guy. The guy she has been with for the past 6 months 'long distance" is from her home town in another state and is her ex that she was with for 3 months 5 years ago. as far as i know he is a scum bag cheater so good luck to them, when we were together she mentioned a few times that he had tried to kiss her and probably been after her for a while. I'm sure you will make the right decision when your ex contacts you again my friend, they would have to make a very significant effort to try and get back with you especially if they were the one to leave you. The heart and brain defintely hate each other at the moment though lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author generic person Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 UPDATE she just sent me a snap chat of her, her mum and sister having breakfast. So obviously she is playing games and besides me hating her mum i'm sure this is pretty inapropriate and i wonder if her boyfriend knows she is sending me snap chats. I haven't replied, probably won't either but it just adds fuel to the fire that she is a nightmare. it could be nice to send her a message saying that, sending me a photo of the family i wont be seeing again is a little innpropriate haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Why not simply block her on Snapchat? Seems like a much easier and more effective solution. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 UPDATE she just sent me a snap chat of her, her mum and sister having breakfast. So obviously she is playing games and besides me hating her mum i'm sure this is pretty inapropriate and i wonder if her boyfriend knows she is sending me snap chats. I haven't replied, probably won't either but it just adds fuel to the fire that she is a nightmare. it could be nice to send her a message saying that, sending me a photo of the family i wont be seeing again is a little innpropriate haha. I hope you keep this mentality of it being a nightmare. You do NOT need to get involved with this. I promise you her BF has NO idea. So, if she is going to keep sneaking around HIS back and doing whatever...you KNOW she is going to do the same to you AGAIN if the time comes that she wants you back. I get it.....its tempting and you want to do it, but PLEASE dont do it. One of the more important things I'll ever say on here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author generic person Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 I hope you keep this mentality of it being a nightmare. You do NOT need to get involved with this. I promise you her BF has NO idea. So, if she is going to keep sneaking around HIS back and doing whatever...you KNOW she is going to do the same to you AGAIN if the time comes that she wants you back. I get it.....its tempting and you want to do it, but PLEASE dont do it. One of the more important things I'll ever say on here. it is quite tempting to send her a polite text explaing that its innapropriate and to shut her down. but for some reason since i have met up with her, i think i feel like i can finally move on and want nothing to do with her. No idea why it took a coffee meeting and a few snap chats to do that but we will see. i will keep you guys updated if anything interesting happens or my feelings change for the worse you have all been great Link to post Share on other sites
Michael 93 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 really pleased for you generic well done. Your mentality is excellent at the moment. Keep it that way. Any changes you know where we are. I think deleting her off snapchat is a good idea for now. It is a good sign your feelings calming after a couple of days. You should be proud of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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