If a woman chokes her boyfriend - is that considered domestic abuse?

[Hollywood-Tourist]

She is trying to get control, as it was stated.

 

 

She has always been hungry for control. I see this more with hindsight than I did at the time of being with her.

 

You need to figure out [slowly], that the problem is not as much as in her but in you.

 

 

Why did you not see how messed up she was earlier?

 

 

Do you mean that I am the problem and not her?

 

 

I did see how messed up she was earlier & it did raise some eyebrows but because she'd never used that behaviour on me, I bypassed it.

 

 

Look at your behaviour post-incident [on this forum too], and i'm sure you will see what others have seen ... that you are part enabler. You are like candy to these ppl, as every abuser needs fertile land.

 

Look at your boundaries ...

 

What do you mean I'm part enabler? Do you mean it's my fault for her choking me?

 

 

Boundaries was something that was never established because she always wanted her way, always her way or she would sulk or go moody if I did things I wanted.

[Radu]

She has always been hungry for control. I see this more with hindsight than I did at the time of being with her.

Hindsight is always 20/20.

 

 

Do you mean that I am the problem and not her?

 

 

I did see how messed up she was earlier & it did raise some eyebrows but because she'd never used that behaviour on me, I bypassed it.

 

Let me put this another way.

She is messed up, but she is not your responsability nor is she someone who will remain in your life.

Saying or thinking 'it's her fault', while to some degree true, also removes from you the option of working on this.

 

Instead of thinking 'this all went downhill because she is nuts' you could think 'why did i accept her into my life'.

This way you take power over your destiny and can in fact do change in your type, you can learn from this relationship so that in future you avoid women [and in general ppl] like her.

 

I'm sure i'm not the only one who has seen an enabler-ish streak in you, in your actions.

 

 

What do you mean I'm part enabler? Do you mean it's my fault for her choking me?

Yes and no.

 

It is her fault for the way she acted, and it's good that you removed yourself from that situation.

You should never take responsability for this.

 

However, understand that it was your choices that landed you in a relationship with her and up to that point.

Nobody put a gun to your head, the relationship did not just happen to you.

It was a choice, by you, and that's where you have power.

Accept this, learn why you ended up with human being in a relationship and in the future apply what you have learned.

 

Don't become one of those ppl to whom life just ... happens, spectators in their own life.

 

 

Boundaries was something that was never established because she always wanted her way, always her way or she would sulk or go moody if I did things I wanted.

When a relationship first starts, there is this dance between the ppl involved in it.

Basically, at some instinctual level, we all try to find out how much we can get away with in a relationship, and this stuff is determined in the early stages of a relationship.

 

Someone with healthy boundaries, will have them placed in the right place and will enforce them [not strictly, there has to be some give and take ... but overall enforce them].

 

From what you said, you had no boundaries or they were not enforced and she enforced her own boundaries upon the relationship.

 

That is not an equal relationship, and that is not a respectful relationship.

 

PS: You haven't mentioned how long were you two together.

PPS: It's very unusual for a woman to want to be in charge the way she is.

Most women prefer the position that is similar to the one of the first mate on a boat, and have the guy take the captain's position.

In some cases this desire to be a leader can be brought by fear, a situation of 'i better be the leader so i won't get hurt'.