Friendship with the EX?

[Dave]

My gf used to hang out with her EX, which bothered me a lot. I asked her to completely disconnect with him, if she wanted for us to build a stron relationship. I can not handle the fact when I am with my GF , and all of a sudden her cell phone goes off, and its her EX, just spoils the mood for the night, or when I call her, and she says she is shopping withe her EX.

 

First of all, why would her ex be friends with her, unless he hoped to get some from her sometime??

 

Secondly, I told her, to either pick him(His past) or me(the present) and allow the relationship to develop without the PAST being there.

 

She said, she can not stop him from taking her to dinner, or hanging out with her, and that she is still attached to him to some extent, and does not want to lose him as a friend,

 

Also she said that whoever makes her choose, loses her.

 

SO I said "Good luck to you amd your EX" I am out

 

What do you guys think of all this? I have pride too.

 

Is not it irrational, the way she behaved.

 

I understand ocassional phone calls, but hey, that was over the limit!

[Rachel]

I completely agree with you. I think she might not be completely over her ex.

 

Just don't be a jerk. Be kind and tell her that being polite and friendly with her ex is one thing, but hanging out with him is disrespectful of your relationship.

[Ed]

I think it is best that are not seeing this girl anymore.

 

I have been in a similar situation before. At first, I felt so immature, insecure and just plain jealous. Eventually, I discovered that even though I was immature, insecure and jealous, it was mostly my gut feeling telling me - somethings not right here...it's time to move on.

 

If you ever find yourself in a situation like this again, don't tell the girl she must make a choice between you and somebody else and don't give her an ultimatum. The reason being, more times that not, you are setting yourself up for rejection. Just go by your gut feeling and BACK OFF. Be proactive and do what is best for you. You be the decision maker, not her. This will help you with your confidence and your ability to pick up and move on to a more satifying relationship with someone in the future.

[Bobby Dygytul]

You did the right thing. I was in a similar situation. Nobody should be jerked around. You need to let her know that you do like her and you are interested in her, but you are a human being and you are not going to be jerked around by her or anyone else.

 

You do not require her for your happyness and you will find someone that will give YOU the attention that you need. She seems to still want her ex in her life, which indicates to me that she still has feelings for him.

 

If i was you, i would cease all contact with her for a while and see how she reacts to it. WAY TO GO!!!!! Im with you all the way. and also by the way, when i was in a similar situation, i had to learn the hard way. It hurt really bad and made me feel like sh*t!!! Next time i will learn!!!!

 

Good luck in the future!!

My gf used to hang out with her EX, which bothered me a lot. I asked her to completely disconnect with him, if she wanted for us to build a stron relationship. I can not handle the fact when I am with my GF , and all of a sudden her cell phone goes off, and its her EX, just spoils the mood for the night, or when I call her, and she says she is shopping withe her EX. First of all, why would her ex be friends with her, unless he hoped to get some from her sometime?? Secondly, I told her, to either pick him(His past) or me(the present) and allow the relationship to develop without the PAST being there. She said, she can not stop him from taking her to dinner, or hanging out with her, and that she is still attached to him to some extent, and does not want to lose him as a friend, Also she said that whoever makes her choose, loses her. SO I said "Good luck to you amd your EX" I am out What do you guys think of all this? I have pride too. Is not it irrational, the way she behaved.

 

I understand ocassional phone calls, but hey, that was over the limit!

[Laurynn]

I agree with others, you did the right thing. A big part of relationships are compromise and respect. In regards to your girlfriend, I didn't see any from her. She basically told you 'tough beans', that she'd continue to hang out with her ex regardless of your feelings and that if you didn't like it, too bad. Not a good attitude.

 

I think she was rather selfish and insensitive. Glad you stuck to your guns and didn't take her crap.

 

Laurynn

[girl's view]

dave,

 

you have done the right thing. the simple fact of the matter is, very few people can remain strictly friends with no feelings for each other, unless they have to see each other for the sake of children involved - and even in that situation, it is very, very hard.

 

this girl's actions convey a total lack of disrespect for this relationship and your feelings. any human being with an ounce of empathy would compltely understand your discomfort with a partner being in contact with an ex. once a relationship has ended, it is time to move on.

 

her comment "whoever makes her choose, loses her", is very selfish and immature. you don't need someone so selfish in your life.

 

when my ex and i split up, it was very painful. he asked if we could still be friends, but was worried that if we were, we may never be able to completely move on because we may always have feelings for each other, which will get in the way. i decided that no, i can't be friends with him. for one, i want to be able to move on, and secondly, i doubt i would if he was still in my life. i have never loved anybody in my life the way i did my ex, and even though it was the most painful decision i have ever had to make in my life, it is for the best in the long run.

 

she is being unfair, selfish, inconsiderate and immature.

 

you have done the right thing, that's for sure. you don't need crap like this.

 

at least you can now say what you will and won't stand for in the future. you stood up for yourself, which was great, and you deserve a girl who can devote herself to you and only you.

 

no-one needs to handle someone elses baggage.

[livingjewel]

I disagree with Rachel. You are NOT acting like a jerk. You are a human being with feelings. Your girlfriend showed a complete lack of respect for your feelings. You had every right to ask her to make a choice between her ex and you. Cell phone calls from the ex while you two were together - please.

 

You don't need this girl. You sound like a great person -- go out there and find someone who deserves you!!

 

livingjewel

I completely agree with you. I think she might not be completely over her ex. Just don't be a jerk. Be kind and tell her that being polite and friendly with her ex is one thing, but hanging out with him is disrespectful of your relationship.