XxJeordiesHotXx Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 [color=darkblue]My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years and I just broke up about a month ago (I broke up with him 'cause he is a liar). We had dinner last night in an attempt to be friends (Way too soon for me it turns out). We talked about some things, but it was mostly a little awkward. He told me it was nice to see me and that he missed me and thought about me but that he did not want a girlfriend. Later when he brought up the awkwardness, I jokingly said, "Maybe we should just never see each other again" and he seriously agreed! I started crying because the whole time we were together that night, aside from saying he missed me and such, his facial expression never changed. He seemed to have lost all feeling for me. And then he told me we should never see each other again and I was crying cause he was all calm and logical and ready to give up seeing me at all forever. He just shut my car door and talk to his house calmly. I am wondering why it seems like he is already over me and the whole situation? He told me he just keeps his feelings to himself and that he cries a lot when he is alone. Does it sound like he meant anything he said or he was just saying it to not seem like he was really a heartless bastard who is already over me and didn't care anymore? How can he not want to see me anymore if any of the nice stuff was true? Despite what he says, it seems like it is easy for him to move on with his life so what does that say about me? Please, any ideas would help.[/color] Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 you broke up with him........why does it matter what he thinks/says/feels........surely you should have thought about all of this before you broke up with him not after. Link to post Share on other sites
Author XxJeordiesHotXx Posted March 3, 2005 Author Share Posted March 3, 2005 I broke up with him because I caught him lying to me. I came home from work and caught him. If I didn't break up with him I would have been a dumba$$. But obviously I care about him after 3 1/2 years of being together. That is why it matters to me. I broke up with him, but it was more like he broke up with me because he kept screwing up leaving me with no other choice. Coming home from work and catching him...yeah. There was no time to think about it. He had made the decision for me. Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 he kept screwing up leaving me with no other choice. Coming home from work and catching him...yeah If I didn't break up with him I would have been a dumba$$. I caught him lying to me. I came home from work and caught him sorry, am i missing the point here? why does it matter? i suspect that you are feeling down over this now because he seems to have got over you a lot quicker than you did over him. when you suggested not seeing each other again, did you think he was going to plead to carry on seeing you, get on his knees and beg you to let him hang around.......after you dumped him? of course he wasnt. remember the reasons why you ended it, let him go and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author XxJeordiesHotXx Posted March 3, 2005 Author Share Posted March 3, 2005 You don't think I would have a reason to be down then? When people screw you over they are supposed to care and I am wondering why he doesnt; what it means about me. You are saying I should just move on but I do not know how to when I thought somebody cared about me for so long and they seem to be fine. I was wondering if anybody thought he actually meant the nice things he said. I guess I am looking for some hope that he is not a complete heartless monster, that there is nothing wrong with me for having cared about him, that he actually cares back and I didn't just waste 3 1/2 years of my life. Since you seem so smart, could you give the questions to my first entry a try? Of course I wasnt expecting him to beg, I was expecting something though like a sign that he actually cared if he never saw me again. And again, It is more like he broke up with me. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 Hey, Saffy, play nicely Saffy's fundamental point is right of course, JH, that you need to keep the reasons you dumped him uppermost in your mind. But since it *does* help to get closure in other ways too, here are my thoughts. After 3.5 years together, I'm pretty sure he still misses you and thinks of you *all the time*. When you dumped him - however much he deserved it - this must have been a big rejection for him (how did he take it btw?). The dinner was his opportunity to reject you back. If I understand correctly, he doesn't want a girlfriend right now. That speaks volumes. About a month or so after the end of a relationship there is usually quite an incredible need and he doesn't have the heart to find someone to satisfy this. Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 You don't think I would have a reason to be down then? yes of course you have a right to feel down, its almost like you have been rejected twice.......once when he betrayed and lied to you, and secondly when you went to dinner and he got his revenge by doing it again When people screw you over they are supposed to care when people screw you over, they are proving that they DONT care. or that they dont care enough. I was wondering if anybody thought he actually meant the nice things he said. I guess I am looking for some hope that he is not a complete heartless monster, that there is nothing wrong with me for having cared about him, that he actually cares back and I didn't just waste 3 1/2 years of my life. there is nothing wrong with you for caring about him, and you didnt waste 3 1/2 years of your life, you learn from the experience.....and you move on and become stronger from it......then you get to be "smart". Link to post Share on other sites
Author XxJeordiesHotXx Posted March 3, 2005 Author Share Posted March 3, 2005 [color=darkblue]Thank you RR. I know my problem is not the largest one in history but I am glad that somebody on this site actually cares enough to phrase things a little nicer than some, especially because the pain I am feeling seems very real to me. I know more insensitive people probably wonder why I am even still stuck on him since it was only 3 1/2 years and we were only supposed to get married but silly me being human- emotions and all. He actually cried when we broke up and he said he was sorry and hoped I would find somebody to actually make me happy. I guess that was pretty spectacular considering I asked him to move out of our house at 11 pm when he had to work at 7 am (I guess I am not considerate when I am mad). Anyway, thank you again for your kind reply. I guess the message is still the same though: remember the reasons and move on. I guess I will try. Thank you again.[/color] Ok Saffy, I see your points. Have a nice night everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 jeordie, you posted looking for comments/advice, i offered my view on the situation. i do not ever claim to be either right or wrong. i was not being "insensitive" as you put it, but merely putting across my opinion. i apologise if this isnt what you wanted to hear, or how you wanted to hear it, but my opinion stands. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 I think he probably feels worse than he lets on .... But you'll never know because he won't tell you. His walls are up, he's hurt and now it's an ego thing too. NOONE who was dumped wants to really see the other person. Just read No Foolin's thread about NC and then maybe you'll understand why he doesn't want to keep intouch. I'm sure you made it easy for him by saying let's not keep intouch - YOu handed that to him on a golden platter and unfortunately for you- he took you up on the offer...Thing is, when you give someone a choice, an ultimatum...Be prepared for anything, even worse case senario... You were the one who broke up with him so don't kid yourself by thinking he isn't hurting cuz he IS! How could anyone NOT hurt after 3 1/2 years. Don't dismiss the relationship and what you shared before it turned sour. I'm sorry, but it does seem abit of ego is in this...You want to feel better for hurting him and want to make sure he doesn't hate you...That is normal, so don't worry, but now he isn't part of your life and out of respect - now you must let him go his own separate way. Never say never, 6 months or so who knows if you both can be friends again, but right now seems to be a no. Keep posting and definately read No Foolin's thread on NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Isabella82 Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 I know how you feel when you said that even though you broke up with him, you feel like he broke up with you because he gave you no other choice. That has happened to me before too, and it hurts to think that he didn't care enough about the relationship to be honest with you. Just know that you are better off without him, you did the right thing. If you can't trust him then there is no relationship and you deserve better. No contact is the best thing to do inorder to move on. I am sure he is hurt, but guys show it differently. It is hard getting over someone that you were planning on marrying, that is what I am going through too, but it will get better. Try not calling him, post on here as much as you can, talk to friends, your parents, write in a journal, do whatever but do not call him. You stood up for yourself and in my opinion he doesn't even deserve to be your friend, he did you a huge favor. Be proud of yourself and keep your head up. Link to post Share on other sites
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