Author fonoma Posted September 11, 2014 Author Share Posted September 11, 2014 Busy is never an excuse, Fonoma. If he really wanted to see you, he would make time. Meet you at the dog park to have a quick picnic? He seems more invested with the dog. In the beginning you said he was planning dates for the future. What has happened to all that energy a month or so in? A month and it's dwindling. What happens in 6 months? FWIW, looking back on everything, we were actually more like 6:5 (him:me) on initiating meet-ups and dates but I could tell he was still interested and he only rescheduled on me once and cancelled on me once (and changed his mind but it was too late and I made other plans). We hardly planned things days into the future– most were informal the day of, where he or I would then ask about doing something the next day while on that current date, or maybe two days ahead. Very rarely would it be 2 more days in the future unless it was a pre-existing event we wanted to attend that we were excited about. The only time he asked to meet by text was our first date, one informal meet-up while he studied where he suggested the next date, and one invite to a yoga class for the next night he was going to that turned into a dinner where he finally at the end told me he wanted to take me out for my Birthday which turned out really nice. He's had a history of kind of spur-of-the-moment/spontaneous invites that I couldn't tell if they were pre-planned or if he was waiting to see how I reacted in person, but since they were consistent I didn't worry. I know I can't keep speculating and will just go for it and see what happens this evening or tomorrow when I ask about Saturday. And thanks acrosstheuniverse for the tips on online dating. I guess I just need to keep meeting more people. The correspondence back-and-forth before meeting just got me so mentally fatigued though, which I guess is why I'm enjoying Tinder more. But we'll see how serious those guys really are The one I met today seems like a cool guy and probably more excited about me than I am about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 This is stupid and childish he's obviously playing games I would have left already Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 I've been dating a guy for 5-6 weeks now. Things were going great, he's been very into me to the point that I was afraid he'd scare himself off, and has expressed numerous things for us to do in the future, some with actual concrete dates, and just two Fridays ago during a romantic dinner and movie evening at my place he told me he wanted me to meet his best friend who lives out of town soon. I am just going by what you said. Regardless of who asked what, when, how -- the fact remains that it has regressed. And so soon into it, it is not a good sign. Ask him soon and not wait till tomorrow. Then it will seem like a last minute afterthought to him or even possibly him making the excuse that you should have asked him sooner as he's made other plans. Ask him this evening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fonoma Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 Well, I got the answer I was expecting (sort of.) I was having a short text conversation with him in the evening and then asked if he wanted to get together for brunch on Saturday after having all of Friday to himself and he made some excuse saying "maybe, we'll see when I get my paycheck tomorrow. I probably won't be doing much for the rest of the month." So it's obvious what's going on, but still I let him know that we could just cook something and that I just wanted to hang out. I really didn't want to have this sort of conversation by text– I Just wanted to see him face to face finally. I haven't heard from him since. I see him Monday for my last session so we'll see. I do want some clarity as it shocks me that he's actually ignoring me– I honestly didn't expect him to be that immature about this. He could have just told me he wasn't feeling it or wanted his ex back or whatever and things wouldn't have to be so awkward because I'm certain we will run into each other occasionally in the future and I'm not going to stop going to the gym because of him. I know this happens but I just don't get how he can go from being so into me and literally over night change the way he feels. It really started the night after we had very passionate, staring in the eyes, kisses every 15 minutes, sharing the past and wanting to introduce me to his best friend moments. The next morning he had a crazy migraine and suffered all weekend, he was in obvious pain on Saturday, and I hardly heard from him on Sunday. And then came the week he was leaving and acting distant. Why in the world did he change so suddenly? Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Well, I got the answer I was expecting (sort of.) I was having a short text conversation with him in the evening and then asked if he wanted to get together for brunch on Saturday after having all of Friday to himself and he made some excuse saying "maybe, we'll see when I get my paycheck tomorrow. I probably won't be doing much for the rest of the month." So it's obvious what's going on, but still I let him know that we could just cook something and that I just wanted to hang out. I really didn't want to have this sort of conversation by text– I Just wanted to see him face to face finally. I haven't heard from him since. I see him Monday for my last session so we'll see. I do want some clarity as it shocks me that he's actually ignoring me– I honestly didn't expect him to be that immature about this. He could have just told me he wasn't feeling it or wanted his ex back or whatever and things wouldn't have to be so awkward because I'm certain we will run into each other occasionally in the future and I'm not going to stop going to the gym because of him. I know this happens but I just don't get how he can go from being so into me and literally over night change the way he feels. It really started the night after we had very passionate, staring in the eyes, kisses every 15 minutes, sharing the past and wanting to introduce me to his best friend moments. The next morning he had a crazy migraine and suffered all weekend, he was in obvious pain on Saturday, and I hardly heard from him on Sunday. And then came the week he was leaving and acting distant. Why in the world did he change so suddenly? Maybe he just got "scared/cold feet" after that "passionate" evening. That's my interpretation. Perhaps too much, too soon? He probably was looking to be more casual for a little while before increasing the intensity. Maybe he felt the intensity shoot up quickly and was put off by it. Maybe he had second thoughts. In any case, it doesn't matter. Things don't work out. It happens 99% of the time. You meet thousands people in your life, date a handful of them, and eventually (most people, that is) settle for ONE. This was just one out of thousands you've met or you'll see. Don't stress over it. It is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fonoma Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 That's what I'm thinking too. Regardless, we'll have to see each other in person and we share friends. Sometimes I even go over to his place because I'm friends with his roommates. I really don't want things to be so awkward. I ignored guys when I was more immature and stupid– I thought he'd be better :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 I know this happens but I just don't get how he can go from being so into me and literally over night change the way he feels. It really started the night after we had very passionate, staring in the eyes, kisses every 15 minutes, sharing the past and wanting to introduce me to his best friend moments. The next morning he had a crazy migraine and suffered all weekend, he was in obvious pain on Saturday, and I hardly heard from him on Sunday. And then came the week he was leaving and acting distant. Why in the world did he change so suddenly? Honestly, I don't think he is emotionally available. It could be because of the ex or that he isn't really into you or wanting to pursue any type of relationship. It's normal for people to act all into you and then the next moment change, especially with new meetings. This sometimes happens because they're trying to distract themselves from an ex, maybe he got caught up in the moment and the next day realized it wasn't working for him -- the fact that he was all into you that night and it all changed, I have to believe he is emotionally unavailable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fonoma Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 Thanks for all your help Zahara, and everyone else who's responded. I've definitely learned a lot about myself from all this and grew from it. I'm glad it's nearing or at its end because I was pretty miserable for a whole month. I was much happier single when all I had was a crush that was going nowhere, but I guess that's not where growth is going to happen. I'll update if I ever learn anything else from him, but I assume you are right about him being emotionally unavailable. I just don't know why someone like that would keep trying at starting new relationships when they can't seem to connect with people on that level. Maybe not everyone is as self-aware, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 I just don't know why someone like that would keep trying at starting new relationships when they can't seem to connect with people on that level. Maybe not everyone is as self-aware, I guess. Maybe he was rebounding, trying to move on, thinking he was ready to move on, wanting to connect with someone -- then realizing that he just isn't ready or present. Yes, it's much better this way. You've saved yourself a lot of confusion and hurt. If you had waited around longer for him, you would have invested more and felt more let down by this. You're going to be fine. Don't let this discourage you or define you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts