hidingsecret Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 have an online girlfriend that ive been on skype 24/7 with for the last few months. we've micced, but never webcammed. our connection is as close as you can get to someone without ever seeing them. we are both aware that chemistry might be missing and have accepted the possibility of us not connecting in real life. however, im hiding a dark dirty secret - im missing an eye. yes, literally, missing one. i lost it at a young age due to disease. im at the lowest point of my life atm, knowing ill disappoint her deeply if i were to tell her this. ive been in bed depressed thinking about this the question is - do i do it anyway? do i tell her? i feel like an absolute piece of sh*t. please, tell me how to handle this guys. you're all ive got. Link to post Share on other sites
AliOop Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I would tell her if I were you. Having one eye is not a deal breaker in my opinion. I dated a guy with one leg who was convinced that no woman would want him because of it - he was wrong! Please don't beat yourself up over this but also don't waste any time telling her the facts - if she's really worth it, it won't matter. I know how scared you must be.....I believe that once you get this out in the open you will feel better at not carrying that weight around. I wish you the best of luck - let us know how it works out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGypsy Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 For any woman worth your while, this will not be a deal breaker or I would hope an issue of any kind. You should tell her. For yourself, because it's troubling you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Absolutely tell her! The longer you keep this going the worst her reaction will be. I'd poor my heart out to her in an email letting her know how much you like her so much so that you need to be honest with her. If this is a problem for her you need to find out now than later. Any woman worth your time won't leave because of your eye but they would leave because of your lie. So lay it on the line and come clean. We're here for you! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 You should tell her. I dated a guy with one eye in college. I guess it would be a dealbreaker for some and not others, just like having a big scar is gross to some people but absolutely not an issue to others. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Tell her! She will most likely not care at all. This isn't a dirty dark secret. A dirty dark secret would be that you are married, or that you are really a 70 year old guy, or that you are actually from Nigeria and want to borrow $10K. This is just part of who you are. And I know it is scary to be vulnerable and open yourself up to possible rejection. But you need to do it. Because if she is a person who is going to reject you because of this - something that doesn't in the slightest change who you are as a person or your availability to be with her - then, it's better to find that out and get it over with, rather than allow yourself to fall more deeply for her and then have her reject you. Most likely, she is going to be ok with it. She may be shocked, since that's not something she'd be expecting to hear, but most likely when you say "I have a secret I need to tell you", and she finds out what it is, she is going to be relieved! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 im at the lowest point of my life atm, knowing ill disappoint her deeply if i were to tell her this. No, you do not "KNOW" that at all. You are making negative guesses and assumptions about her...one being that she is too stupid to understand/accept that people get sick and oftentimes suffer serious, life-changing effects as the result of their sickness. Another being that she has no capacity for understanding and compassion. Another being that she is superficial and values appearance over qualities and substance. I get that, for you, this is a "dark dirty secret"...but in reality it is not that. It is, yes, a physical condition over which you are deeply self-conscious. And that is what you tell her, and the reason you give for not having told her sooner. After all, if she is too stupid to grasp sickness and its consequences, and/or if she does lack understanding and compassion, and/or if she is basically a superficial person at this stage of her development...then you may as well find out those things about her sooner than later. Hugs. I hope that things actually turn out really well. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Polak Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I totally understand how you feel, I've been in a similar boat when I was still getting to know my ex in the first few months. I have a small case of psoriasis (overproduction of skin cells in certain areas, like the scalp, leading to small red spots. Not a big deal.) Well, I thought it was a big deal and assumed it would be a dealbreaker to her. Basically she found out about it by herself and asked me about it, which I denied because I felt very nervous. She then proceeded to tell me that she knew what I had and got slightly upset because I lied to her. She said she would always rather know the truth and that she loved me for who I was, imperfections and everything, and something like that didn't matter to her. Since then I have never been nervous about it anymore. That right there is one of the best things she taught me, and started making me feel like a unique individual. So tell your girl! It's not a dark secret, it's just a physical difference that you understandably feel self-conscious about. If she is even slightly worthy of a girlfriend, she will understand and accept you for it 100%. She will also no doubt feel relieved that it isn't something crazy like you actually being some old man (like a poster above said haha). You have nothing to worry about! Let us know what happens! Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Well what happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Honesty. It's the ONLY way to live your life. If she runs, that says a lot about her character. If she stays, it says even MORE about her character. Besides, isn't it exhausting hiding secrets from someone you care about? It's not until you can embrace your own flaws that others will as well. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hidingsecret Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 (edited) UPDATE: Well, I ended up telling her that I was hiding a secret that would make her hate me. She got worried, and even though it took me a while to confess (was quite scary to tell someone something like this knowing I might not get accepted), I let her know about my 'dark dirty secret'. She was extremely relieved and went all 'OMG you idiot!', followed by 'that's really hot'. She genuinely did not seem to care at all and thought it was cool/cute/unique and told me symmetry was overrated. The complete opposite reaction of what I thought it would be. And the same reaction some of you guys guessed Couldn't have done it without you guys though. I know its just a few strangers posting on a forum but each and every one of your posts gave me the courage to do it, as well as valuable insight. It feels like a big rock has been lifted off my chest. Thanks alot guys! I even feel like we are a bit closer and we like each other more now (at least as close as we can be online - as stated, we both know chemistry might be missing when we meet up but don't care because the happiness we provide to each other right now is worth it), and now the next step is to meet with her. But basing our online relationship off honesty will give us a better grounds for a relationship to flourish. As background for anyone who is interested, we met off an online game through a mutual friend and hit it off for the last few months skyping and gaming 24/7 (lol pathetic I know). Edited September 5, 2014 by hidingsecret 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 (edited) That is most awesome news...and she is awesome and inspirational!!! :bunny: Thanks for updating us. (FYI - I think your story of how you met is romantic...not pathetic at all.) So now I guess the 'secret' that you're 'hiding' is that you're HOT Or actually, no...I guess what she actually said is that you're a hot idiot? I'm glad it worked out so well. Keep the faith that you will always experience the best that humans have to offer...and sometimes it'll be interspersed with ignoramuses just to keep things interesting. Hugs and best. EDIT TO ADD: I didn't congratulate on your courage for "taking the plunge", so to speak. Congrats...I'm sure it must have been really tough to put yourself out there like that. But for sure, as you've learned, is most times well worth the risk. Edited September 5, 2014 by Ronni_W 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rick_B Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Met online gaming - that's not pathetic ! Hang on ... Which game? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySide0418 Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 UPDATE: Well, I ended up telling her that I was hiding a secret that would make her hate me. She got worried, and even though it took me a while to confess (was quite scary to tell someone something like this knowing I might not get accepted), I let her know about my 'dark dirty secret'. She was extremely relieved and went all 'OMG you idiot!', followed by 'that's really hot'. She genuinely did not seem to care at all and thought it was cool/cute/unique and told me symmetry was overrated. The complete opposite reaction of what I thought it would be. And the same reaction some of you guys guessed Couldn't have done it without you guys though. I know its just a few strangers posting on a forum but each and every one of your posts gave me the courage to do it, as well as valuable insight. It feels like a big rock has been lifted off my chest. Thanks alot guys! I even feel like we are a bit closer and we like each other more now (at least as close as we can be online - as stated, we both know chemistry might be missing when we meet up but don't care because the happiness we provide to each other right now is worth it), and now the next step is to meet with her. But basing our online relationship off honesty will give us a better grounds for a relationship to flourish. As background for anyone who is interested, we met off an online game through a mutual friend and hit it off for the last few months skyping and gaming 24/7 (lol pathetic I know). Haven't you guys exchanged pictures? If not, why not? And why do you only skype with voice? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGypsy Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Aww what a great update. What a perfectly lovely reaction. I'm so glad you came back with that happy news. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 UPDATE: Well, I ended up telling her that I was hiding a secret that would make her hate me. She got worried, and even though it took me a while to confess (was quite scary to tell someone something like this knowing I might not get accepted), I let her know about my 'dark dirty secret'. She was extremely relieved and went all 'OMG you idiot!', followed by 'that's really hot'. She genuinely did not seem to care at all and thought it was cool/cute/unique and told me symmetry was overrated. The complete opposite reaction of what I thought it would be. And the same reaction some of you guys guessed Couldn't have done it without you guys though. I know its just a few strangers posting on a forum but each and every one of your posts gave me the courage to do it, as well as valuable insight. It feels like a big rock has been lifted off my chest. Thanks alot guys! I even feel like we are a bit closer and we like each other more now (at least as close as we can be online - as stated, we both know chemistry might be missing when we meet up but don't care because the happiness we provide to each other right now is worth it), and now the next step is to meet with her. But basing our online relationship off honesty will give us a better grounds for a relationship to flourish. As background for anyone who is interested, we met off an online game through a mutual friend and hit it off for the last few months skyping and gaming 24/7 (lol pathetic I know). Thats awesome! glad to see it worked out ok oh and btw not pathetic at all that's exactly how I met my now rl partner as well.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Haven't you guys exchanged pictures? If not, why not? And why do you only skype with voice? Just a guess...but likely because he felt extremely shy and uncomfortable, which was the point of his post. In any case, there are no worries because everything's worked out perfectly for them. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Glad it all worked out ok. Now go and meet in the real world! Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 I've had a rough night OP and you just made my night! My heart is full! I'm SOOOO HAPPY for you! So glad you could come here pour your heart out and actually follow the advice you got. Not everyone is so brave. I wish you the best and a fantastic relationship. She sounds like a keeper! Ummm, off to learn how to play some online games and catch a man . Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Since he's never seen her either, I wonder what her "dirty little secret is." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blade96 Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 I love cute happy stories like this. Makes me go all "awwwwwwww!" inside. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hidingsecret Posted November 29, 2014 Author Share Posted November 29, 2014 UPDATE: We have now been dating (in real life) for 2 months and are absolutely smitten with each other - the online chemistry certainly did translate in this case straight from the first meeting (which is oft not the case in alot of online relationships, so I feel very lucky in that regard). In hindsight, I realise that if someone does not accept your flaws (especially ones that were completely out of your control), then they weren't the right one for you anyway. Haven't you guys exchanged pictures? If not, why not? And why do you only skype with voice? Just a guess...but likely because he felt extremely shy and uncomfortable, which was the point of his post. In any case, there are no worries because everything's worked out perfectly for them. basically this - felt extremely shy and uncomfortable for a few months and felt that i was not good enough for her because of my flaws, which is why i did not webcam, and even held off on meeting her. it is normal for us to skype with voice only because thats how communication is in most team based online games these days. one day, it was just us two left in the convo, and the rest is history. so even though it might seem a bit weird with it being voice only, this is how it started and how we slowly developed a connection. we did eventually exchange pictures at one point - however, it was very hard to notice my flaw in most pictures if i was looking directly at the camera. I've had a rough night OP and you just made my night! My heart is full! I'm SOOOO HAPPY for you! So glad you could come here pour your heart out and actually follow the advice you got. Not everyone is so brave. I wish you the best and a fantastic relationship. She sounds like a keeper! Ummm, off to learn how to play some online games and catch a man . thank you so much for the support it really is you guys that pushed me to do it. i had originally planned to meet her next year and held it off as long as possible due to my insecurities (but didn't tell her why). i am so thankful that you guys gave me the courage to make the plunge (before posting on LS, there was a 0% chance i would ever tell her). it has been the happiest 2 months of my (and i hope her) life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 it has been the happiest 2 months of my (and i hope her) life. Just a guess...but likely she is still with you cos she is happy, too! Thanks for taking the time to update us. It's great that you found the support at LS, that made a difference. In hindsight, I realise that if someone does not accept your flaws (especially ones that were completely out of your control), then they weren't the right one for you anyway. That really is the take-away! Life will throw its curve-balls -- if that is something you decide you need, to help you grow...but it will NOT be due to the fact that you suffered an illness when you were younger, that left you with some permanent physical sign of the illness. Hugs, and very best for your future. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Aww that's awesome! Very happy for you Link to post Share on other sites
bubbletea Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 That is sweet, congratulations Now if only the rest of us singles here could find the same happiness Link to post Share on other sites
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