Unsure, what now?

[blanky]

My ex and I were in a LD relationship... we were working towards closing the gap when his dad suddenly passed away just a few days before we were planning to re-unite. As we postponed the trip, things changed for him... he became very depressed and had doubts about rescheduling.

 

After a conversation with his best friend he chose to call the relationship off. This was after I had rescheduled this trip to see him, and he wanted me to come anyhow, so I did. We spent two weeks together, and while he said he did not have feelings for me, it was pretty clear that the feelings remained. Everything was easy and happy between us, his friends noticed him come out of the funk. Lots of laughing and just generally a good time, but very limited physical intimacy. He brought it up frequently but said he wouldn't have sex with me and then just send me home.

 

When asked why he was doing this, he told me he didn't know, he told himself he was done thinking about it and told himself he didn't feel the same any longer. I told him that was fine, and that we would no longer be in contact, but he continued to plan events, meetings, and conversations we might have in the future. On the advice of his friend I stupidly decided not to go NC when I got home from the trip.

 

Since going on this trip, I have discovered there is another woman with whom he is having a sexting relationship (they live in different countries) but, I feel very insecure because he met her through the same unique avenue as me. We got into a bit of a conversation about it when I accidentally (seriously, intended for my mother) texted him a photo of the woman.

 

We stopped having communication after that, after 3 days he texted me asking how I was doing and talking about his day as if nothing happened. I waited days deciding to respond or not, then responded casually. He responded back asking about what was going on with me. Since then he has ignored my response, but then gone on to leave nostalgic comments on my photos and wall regarding what would have been our anniversary of meeting on a stellar long weekend trip we did together.

 

I'm not sure what to make of this contact. I'd like to go NC, but I feel that he will just invest more in the sexting relationship and it will hurt me. Also I know that many people who go NC with the hope of getting back together eventually only do so until the dumper contacts them, but he never stops contacting me, or at least reaching out to be in abstract ways (photo comments etc, which the sexting girl clearly must notice?). Should I continue to just play happy and cool with this guy, or should I disappear? Or should I tell him not to contact me unless he's having doubts? I will be moving about 3 hours away from him at the end of October and would prefer to be over this, or have him open to the idea of dating each other semi-locally by that point.

[ThorntonMelon]

I don't see what's left of your relationship. I will make you aware of one thing for the future, however.

 

and while he said he did not have feelings for me, it was pretty clear that the feelings remained.

 

This is the worst way to deal with the world. If he says he doesn't have feelings, live like he doesn't. Don't read minds. If he wants to show you his feelings, let him, otherwise find someone who is willing to.

 

Past that, no games, straight up he is too immature to deal with things, you need to be the mature one, and let him sext away. What a miserable life - instead of actually, you know, having sex, to have to get enjoyment out of a telephone screen. Truly dreadful.

[blanky]

I don't see what's left of your relationship. I will make you aware of one thing for the future, however.

 

 

 

This is the worst way to deal with the world. If he says he doesn't have feelings, live like he doesn't. Don't read minds. If he wants to show you his feelings, let him, otherwise find someone who is willing to.

 

Past that, no games, straight up he is too immature to deal with things, you need to be the mature one, and let him sext away. What a miserable life - instead of actually, you know, having sex, to have to get enjoyment out of a telephone screen. Truly dreadful.

 

What is left of any relationship that is posted about in the "breaking up" section of Loveshack? The old relationship is dead, I think "second chances" is about guiding oneself to a good bargaining position to approach a new relationship.

 

Specifically what I was asking is for strategies and input as to how to approach things from this point. I think it would be a bit awkward to go NC right now, since we are interacting sometimes on a friendly level. Although the sexting did hurt my feelings, I don't view it as terribly significant when I take a step back. He is very attractive and successful and certainly capable of choosing to have sex if he so wishes. If I posted all of the details of our relationship, or what I think makes him worthwhile as a partner, or his behaviour excusable this thread would be unreadable due to its length. I wouldn't be invested if I didn't think he was a good person and a good match.

 

I think NC would be best for me, but I wonder what is that best approach. I don't have to read minds. I'm dealing with a guy who told me he would marry me in a second one moment, and then told me he had no feelings the next. Who kissed me goodbye for 10 minutes at the airport, then told me he missed me and was "stubborn". He's confused about things and I don't blame him for that - he's been through some really hard changes in the past year.

 

If the dumper is still contacting the dumpee what does the dumpee do? I guess I haven't really wrapped my head around this "crumbs" thing?