I am Angry and disappointed

[Keepsake]

Ahhh, dang it ! Now he knows you're handing him all YOUR power.

 

Just put his stuff at the curb and tell him it's a free for all unless he gets there first.

 

 

You think I handed him back the power? All I said was :

It is mean - beyond hurtful and clearly intentional!!

 

Then I blocked him but obviously I can still retrieve those if I wanted.

 

I want him to know what he did was clearly wrong. I don't care if he gave me some crap apology about it being his girlfriend. I am not sure I even believe that.

 

As for his stuff, I packed the rest of it in boxes and bags and stuck it in the basement for now.

 

I really am seething over this and I can't understand why, I wasn't by any means over the whole thing but never expected to feel like this...

[Missy0724]

Just keep him blocked! There is your power!

 

I blocked my ex, then felt bad, so unblocked him...went back and forth.

 

Takes time to take the rose colored glasses off! And that's ok! And we have feelings! It's ok to feel, be, act angry when someone disrespects us. I have learned I will not tolerate that ever again or let a man manipulate me to the point I sacrifice my values!!! Have to forgive myself! I am!

 

Doing ok, better. Thank you, all. For caring and sharing.

 

We loved this person. So we feel guilty or disloyal when we begin to unlove them... But THEY hurt us, he left me! I owe him nothing!!!

I owe it to ME to take my power and heart back! He doesn't get to keep or "borrow" that for his own selfish needs, ego trip, ease his pain for breaking up!

Hello !!! I have seen the light! Just need to keep following it...

:-)

Stay strong you guys! We can do it! Middle finger to them!

haha

[Keepsake]

Just keep him blocked! There is your power!

 

I blocked my ex, then felt bad, so unblocked him...went back and forth.

 

Takes time to take the rose colored glasses off! And that's ok! And we have feelings! It's ok to feel, be, act angry when someone disrespects us. I have learned I will not tolerate that ever again or let a man manipulate me to the point I sacrifice my values!!! Have to forgive myself! I am!

 

Doing ok, better. Thank you, all. For caring and sharing.

 

We loved this person. So we feel guilty or disloyal when we begin to unlove them... But THEY hurt us, he left me! I owe him nothing!!!

I owe it to ME to take my power and heart back! He doesn't get to keep or "borrow" that for his own selfish needs, ego trip, ease his pain for breaking up!

Hello !!! I have seen the light! Just need to keep following it...

:-)

Stay strong you guys! We can do it! Middle finger to them!

haha

 

I so wish I had your fire in me right now... I would blast him a letter that he would never ever expect of me. Everyone saying take the high road, well I always take the high road. I am tired of it and getting walked on and treated like **** because I am always the nice one, the understanding one. BULL****....

 

As a good friend of mine always says: You teach someone how to treat you.

 

Step up or Step the f out.

 

[Missy0724]

Keepsake - I truly, truly understand where you are coming from. And I agree, it is good to keep the high road, and be an adult. I was. For 10 months. I stood by him, was understanding, supportive, a best friend to him. And he continued to disrespect me, have his "cake and eat it". With me, intimate with me, but still emotionally involved with his ex wife, consumed by her, his past with her, wondering if he could reconcile with her, angry at her. I tried to accept it, as he was recently divorced. I'd been thru a divorce. I was loving him the best I could! Gave him SO much!

 

Then it comes to an end - he breaks up with me. For months before he distant, making excuses, lying to me here and there, to cut back time with me. Maybe he was already online looking for another, connected with another. Have no idea...All I know he was pulling away...I asked him, what's wrong, let's figure it out, talk to me... He lied, kept sleeping with me, acting as if all OK, had me go away for weekend with him and his kids! Met his mother! Holding my hand in front of his kids...Then days later, tells me some hurtful things again, more talking about ex, etc.

 

He was SO rude to me, during the relationship and after. And the WHOLE time I kept my composure, acted mature, understanding, calmly told him my concerns, I'm hurt, that's not nice. And what would he do??? Turn it around on ME, blame my asking him, questioning him. He didn't like that. I was supposed to accept his feelings for ex wife. Because as he said, "once you love someone, you don't stop". That was his view. Oh great - that makes me feel SO F ing special and a priority. He did NOT make me feel, or treat me as a priority.

 

Even after break up when he rude to me, I still wanted to try be friends, was trying to be understanding he hurting, too. Not easy for either of us. Was trying to be fair.

 

Then he pulls this "happy" crap with me, bragging about a date, bragging about playing golf with his dad. When I had JUST told him the day before, crying, in probably the worse emotional state I've been in, IN YEARS, that my dad really sick, cancer, not sure how much time he has, etc.

 

So sorry - The anger in me began that day...and grew and grew and grew. As well as the resentment from all the disrespect during our relationship. And I said, NOTHING. Was a doormat. Did not speak up, put him in his place. Be firm with my boundaries. I guess I was afraid then, didn't want to fail, or have to start dating all over again. Not easy at my age, divorced, kids, job, that difficult juggling act. I admit I kept my mouth shut also for my own selfish reasons.

 

But I grew a set, and not afraid anymore. And not pleased at all with him and this supposed "friendship" he offering and thinks he's doing a great job at. He SO insensitive!!! I got very very angry!

 

So yes, I said everything I truly felt. My opinions, how he hurt me. I don't care. If he agrees, disagrees, hates me, is disgusted, etc. I know who I am. I know I'm a good person. A good person who was mistreated for too long, and allowed him to get away with it. Just like he did with his ex wife.

 

I knew 100% I didn't want a friendship with him or anything from him. I knew I was cutting him out of my life for good. So I don't care what he thinks or says about me. He's GONE from my life. So I was happy to express myself ONE LAST TIME. He had never heard that from me, so I wanted to be clear why no friendship, so he knew exactly why, no questions or wondering on his end... I was VERY clear.

 

So I can see both sides. Yes, good if you can calmly tell someone the issues, your feelings. I tried that for 10 months and was ignored, manipulated, things turned around on me. I wasn't going to take that anymore. So I ended on MY terms for once. Took the control back from a NPD, addict, troubled person who used me as a rebound. Like I said, he had a date THREE weeks after break up. Probably others before that, or at end of our relationship. Because he is a love/sex addict. Moves on to the next victim. A sick individual. I found out he still the same person. Says he's in "recovery" but when he bragging about his date, that told me all I needed to know... And how he truly felt about me, our time together, etc. Me personally, taking LONG break to heal, process, move THRU the pain, not around it, like some people do, to avoid the pain. That is what addicts do. They avoid the pain, and then turn to addictions to numb the pain, avoid, deny. Because they can't emotionally deal with the pain, the process of healing. Yeah, it sucks. I've been thru it many times. But I do it in HEALTHY WAY.

 

And this time for me, telling him everything I thought, was part of MY process. Nothing to do with him. For once. I gave him TOO much. I gave something to ME for once. And it's a weight off my shoulders.

 

I'm not out there angry, telling people off every day, angry, etc. I've told two other people off in my life time. My exhusband, and my sociopath sister who is no longer a part of my life, or my who family's life. Sad, but you need to say your peace to some people, so they can REALLY hear you, and then you move on, no contact. For YOUR healing. Or you will never get off the ride... as we all have seen from SO many posts on this site!

 

It takes time. I could not have done this a month ago! Or even a week ago! I finally made the decision to cut him out of my life for good. And did what I needed to do. I don't care what he thinks, or anyone else. Or if I didn't "take the high road". I ALWAYS take the high road, always compromise, always give more than I take. But every now and then in life...we have to STOP being a doormat and speak up. Nothing wrong with it! If it's necessary, in a specific situation, warrants it. Nothing you should do all the time, or treat people in mean, rude way, of course!!! But if someone disrespects you, and you are 100% sure they are... Fine - but these A holes in their spot. So maybe they'll think about it, truly see what they've done. Feel a little pain perhaps. Maybe not do it again, hurt another person... Who knows. Like I said, a gift to me!

[Keepsake]

Keepsake - I truly, truly understand where you are coming from. And I agree, it is good to keep the high road, and be an adult. I was. For 10 months. I stood by him, was understanding, supportive, a best friend to him. And he continued to disrespect me, have his "cake and eat it". With me, intimate with me, but still emotionally involved with his ex wife, consumed by her, his past with her, wondering if he could reconcile with her, angry at her. I tried to accept it, as he was recently divorced. I'd been thru a divorce. I was loving him the best I could! Gave him SO much!

 

Then it comes to an end - he breaks up with me. For months before he distant, making excuses, lying to me here and there, to cut back time with me. Maybe he was already online looking for another, connected with another. Have no idea...All I know he was pulling away...I asked him, what's wrong, let's figure it out, talk to me... He lied, kept sleeping with me, acting as if all OK, had me go away for weekend with him and his kids! Met his mother! Holding my hand in front of his kids...Then days later, tells me some hurtful things again, more talking about ex, etc.

 

He was SO rude to me, during the relationship and after. And the WHOLE time I kept my composure, acted mature, understanding, calmly told him my concerns, I'm hurt, that's not nice. And what would he do??? Turn it around on ME, blame my asking him, questioning him. He didn't like that. I was supposed to accept his feelings for ex wife. Because as he said, "once you love someone, you don't stop". That was his view. Oh great - that makes me feel SO F ing special and a priority. He did NOT make me feel, or treat me as a priority.

 

Even after break up when he rude to me, I still wanted to try be friends, was trying to be understanding he hurting, too. Not easy for either of us. Was trying to be fair.

 

Then he pulls this "happy" crap with me, bragging about a date, bragging about playing golf with his dad. When I had JUST told him the day before, crying, in probably the worse emotional state I've been in, IN YEARS, that my dad really sick, cancer, not sure how much time he has, etc.

 

So sorry - The anger in me began that day...and grew and grew and grew. As well as the resentment from all the disrespect during our relationship. And I said, NOTHING. Was a doormat. Did not speak up, put him in his place. Be firm with my boundaries. I guess I was afraid then, didn't want to fail, or have to start dating all over again. Not easy at my age, divorced, kids, job, that difficult juggling act. I admit I kept my mouth shut also for my own selfish reasons.

 

But I grew a set, and not afraid anymore. And not pleased at all with him and this supposed "friendship" he offering and thinks he's doing a great job at. He SO insensitive!!! I got very very angry!

 

So yes, I said everything I truly felt. My opinions, how he hurt me. I don't care. If he agrees, disagrees, hates me, is disgusted, etc. I know who I am. I know I'm a good person. A good person who was mistreated for too long, and allowed him to get away with it. Just like he did with his ex wife.

 

I knew 100% I didn't want a friendship with him or anything from him. I knew I was cutting him out of my life for good. So I don't care what he thinks or says about me. He's GONE from my life. So I was happy to express myself ONE LAST TIME. He had never heard that from me, so I wanted to be clear why no friendship, so he knew exactly why, no questions or wondering on his end... I was VERY clear.

 

So I can see both sides. Yes, good if you can calmly tell someone the issues, your feelings. I tried that for 10 months and was ignored, manipulated, things turned around on me. I wasn't going to take that anymore. So I ended on MY terms for once. Took the control back from a NPD, addict, troubled person who used me as a rebound. Like I said, he had a date THREE weeks after break up. Probably others before that, or at end of our relationship. Because he is a love/sex addict. Moves on to the next victim. A sick individual. I found out he still the same person. Says he's in "recovery" but when he bragging about his date, that told me all I needed to know... And how he truly felt about me, our time together, etc. Me personally, taking LONG break to heal, process, move THRU the pain, not around it, like some people do, to avoid the pain. That is what addicts do. They avoid the pain, and then turn to addictions to numb the pain, avoid, deny. Because they can't emotionally deal with the pain, the process of healing. Yeah, it sucks. I've been thru it many times. But I do it in HEALTHY WAY.

 

And this time for me, telling him everything I thought, was part of MY process. Nothing to do with him. For once. I gave him TOO much. I gave something to ME for once. And it's a weight off my shoulders.

 

I'm not out there angry, telling people off every day, angry, etc. I've told two other people off in my life time. My exhusband, and my sociopath sister who is no longer a part of my life, or my who family's life. Sad, but you need to say your peace to some people, so they can REALLY hear you, and then you move on, no contact. For YOUR healing. Or you will never get off the ride... as we all have seen from SO many posts on this site!

 

It takes time. I could not have done this a month ago! Or even a week ago! I finally made the decision to cut him out of my life for good. And did what I needed to do. I don't care what he thinks, or anyone else. Or if I didn't "take the high road". I ALWAYS take the high road, always compromise, always give more than I take. But every now and then in life...we have to STOP being a doormat and speak up. Nothing wrong with it! If it's necessary, in a specific situation, warrants it. Nothing you should do all the time, or treat people in mean, rude way, of course!!! But if someone disrespects you, and you are 100% sure they are... Fine - but these A holes in their spot. So maybe they'll think about it, truly see what they've done. Feel a little pain perhaps. Maybe not do it again, hurt another person... Who knows. Like I said, a gift to me!

 

 

I feel like I just read my own story!!! You have quite the way with words. I am so happy that you found you strength and your back bone.

 

Very good advice as well. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do FOR YOU!!!

 

I really need to do this. Thank you so much for sharing your story and being so supportive, it is exactly what I need and I so appreciate that all of us on here can help and support each other even if it is just to vent.

 

Here's to you LADY!!!!!

[Missy0724]

You go, girl !!! I, we are all here for each other! It takes a village! :-)

 

Our stories are probably so so similar! I'm glad I could help, at least make you feel you are not alone, and share my experience... But please do what is right for you. Every situation is different. I'm certainly not advocating being mean or destructive to someone, to intentionally hurt someone. I didn't want to hurt him, I just needed him to hear me one last time, and be completely honest. So he knows how much pain he put me thru, and how this friendship offer is complete BS to me, and so fake to me. Just my feelings, my opinions, my interpretations. He can feel completely different...and again, that are his issues now, now mine, not ours. There really was never an "us" anyway, I have realized. He too preoccupied with his ex and all his other drama in his life. I was just this addition, to distract him from his healing from her, from his pain, guilt, shame, feeling unloveable because of what he did to her. He needed validation from another woman, to make himself feel OK. And I was used. And played. And he made me fall in love with him. For HIM. I see all that now... So so sad. I pity him actually. Shaking my head...Oh, how we learn. And always the hard way. But that is how we do learn. We fall down, and we pick ourselves back up.

 

And we don't NEED any man to make us happy, make us feel loved. That is OUR job. A man is an addition to an already good life. Or should be that way...And we make that life good! For us, and for our true friends. Who don't leave us, turn away when times get tough or issues need to be solved. I have friends I've had for 30 years. They would never treat me, or do that to me. I have many healthy relationships to compare this to, and this WAS NOT healthy. Glad I'm out. Took me a while...but I got here. With hard work, focus on me, friends, keeping busy, exercising, venting, reading positive, self help stuff, helping friends, reading and giving advice on here! This site has been a GOD SEND!!! Really has been part of my healing process! So happy I found it, just at the right time! So wonderful, and all the people, great advice, understanding, and yes, some tough love at times. Much needed! Help kick me into gear to git er dun !!! haha.

 

So good luck! If you decide to email him, and want to put it up here first, so we can read it, give you advice, go for it! I said some unnecessary things to my ex, but that isn't for everyone... There is a way to be clear, firm, strong boundaries, honesty, tell him he hurt you and exactly how...without being mean or attacking someone. And still leave feeling good and have closure!

 

Have a good night!

[2sunny]

I so wish I had your fire in me right now... I would blast him a letter that he would never ever expect of me. Everyone saying take the high road, well I always take the high road. I am tired of it and getting walked on and treated like **** because I am always the nice one, the understanding one. BULL****....

 

As a good friend of mine always says: You teach someone how to treat you.

 

Step up or Step the f out.

 

 

It's true. And now you have said how you feel about him.

 

But handing him your power was stated because you're angry.

 

And now you continue to "store" his things?

 

See - this is where I think YOUR action can make a difference. By DOING something to get rid of his "stuff".

 

Actions are more useful than words. And just getting rid of his crap that he can't be bothered to pick up is VERY useful FOR YOU!

 

If he needed it - he would have picked it up long ago.

 

Donate it all - and get a receipt to write it off for taxes. And IF he needs it THAT badly - he can buy it back at the nearest Salvation Army.

 

Or simply burn it all!

 

Or charge him a storage fee. I hear they charge about $100 per month for a 5X5 space rental.

[Keepsake]

You go, girl !!! I, we are all here for each other! It takes a village! :-)

 

Our stories are probably so so similar! I'm glad I could help, at least make you feel you are not alone, and share my experience... But please do what is right for you. Every situation is different. I'm certainly not advocating being mean or destructive to someone, to intentionally hurt someone. I didn't want to hurt him, I just needed him to hear me one last time, and be completely honest. So he knows how much pain he put me thru, and how this friendship offer is complete BS to me, and so fake to me. Just my feelings, my opinions, my interpretations. He can feel completely different...and again, that are his issues now, now mine, not ours. There really was never an "us" anyway, I have realized. He too preoccupied with his ex and all his other drama in his life. I was just this addition, to distract him from his healing from her, from his pain, guilt, shame, feeling unloveable because of what he did to her. He needed validation from another woman, to make himself feel OK. And I was used. And played. And he made me fall in love with him. For HIM. I see all that now... So so sad. I pity him actually. Shaking my head...Oh, how we learn. And always the hard way. But that is how we do learn. We fall down, and we pick ourselves back up.

 

And we don't NEED any man to make us happy, make us feel loved. That is OUR job. A man is an addition to an already good life. Or should be that way...And we make that life good! For us, and for our true friends. Who don't leave us, turn away when times get tough or issues need to be solved. I have friends I've had for 30 years. They would never treat me, or do that to me. I have many healthy relationships to compare this to, and this WAS NOT healthy. Glad I'm out. Took me a while...but I got here. With hard work, focus on me, friends, keeping busy, exercising, venting, reading positive, self help stuff, helping friends, reading and giving advice on here! This site has been a GOD SEND!!! Really has been part of my healing process! So happy I found it, just at the right time! So wonderful, and all the people, great advice, understanding, and yes, some tough love at times. Much needed! Help kick me into gear to git er dun !!! haha.

 

So good luck! If you decide to email him, and want to put it up here first, so we can read it, give you advice, go for it! I said some unnecessary things to my ex, but that isn't for everyone... There is a way to be clear, firm, strong boundaries, honesty, tell him he hurt you and exactly how...without being mean or attacking someone. And still leave feeling good and have closure!

 

Have a good night!

 

GOD BLESS YOU!!!!

 

I would like to write him and email or even have a frank discussion with him.

 

I might be a little to angry still.. I found the anger is getting progressively worse each day I get up.

 

I am hurting much more than I thought I would.

 

I feel like crying all the time now. In can't wrap my head around what possessed him to let her do that ( if that was really the truth). I can't stop thinking about that and why he would want to hurt me like that. Such a coward he can't even pick up the phone to apologize to me.

 

I am sure he off today to his b-day weekend he takes every year with his girlfriend having a blast not caring at all what he did to me because clearly I DO NOT MATTER AND HIS DOES NOT CARE ABOUT ME!!!!

 

Sorry, I know I am venting but I am trying to keep from crying.

[Missy0724]

Vent away! This is the place to do it! I think it can really help! It's helped me! I vented to my friends for a while, but didn't want to overload them, and felt badly going on and on about my break up. Here is better... :-) Or both...

 

I'm so sorry you are in pain. I know how you feel. We all do. Hang in there. But keep crying. It's OK. It's good, healthy. Better than holding it in. You will go between sadness and anger...back and forth, back and forth. It's ok...It's the process, and you HAVE TO go thru it.

 

All I can do is tell you to feel the pain. And in time, it will get better. But you have to do something to move forwards, towards closure. Only you can figure that out.

 

Yes, getting rid of his crap is good idea. F him! Pitch it. Who cares? Does he care about you? Trash it, burn it, whatever you need to do, to get it out of your sight. You don't owe him anything, to store his crap!!!

 

I threw out stuff my ex gave me: flowers I had dried that were so pretty, but I just couldn't take seeing them. An "I'm in love with you, I miss you" card. Torn in half and throw out. I have pics on my computer, but never look at them. Whatever... It made me feel better. Do whatever you need to do, to make YOU feel better. Who cares about him. You owe him nothing. You shouldn't care what he thinks, or anyone else. Just YOU and what will help you move forward...

 

Keep venting here! We are here for you! Try really hard to keep busy. Baby steps. And do positive talk to yourself. What a great person you are, and what a douche bag he is. Remember the negative stuff. Yes, it will make you angry, but we have to go thru that angry stage... Just have to! And that's ok. Just ride the wave. It sucks and is SO painful. I remember mornings I just couldn't get out of bed. Thank god I had to... And each day it got less and less. But with set backs of course. I'm still not there...

 

But now that I decided to cut him out of my life, end all contact, act as if he's "dead" - it seems to be working. Sucks, sad, I really wanted to be friends, but just cannot. That is reality. Too much hurt and the realization he is NOT a friend, did not treat me as a friend. I ignored it, gave him benefit of doubt for TOO long, was in denial. Because I didn't want to let go, I was remembering only the GOOD stuff, when it was good. I needed to switch my thinking to the point in the relationship when he began pulling away, and lying to me, making excuses. But still with me, sleeping with me, met his kids, his mother, acted as if things were good. Then two weeks later, broke up with me.

 

Fine, his choice. He has a lot of issues. Good luck to him. It's not my problem anymore. The drama in my life is GONE. A huge weight off my shoulders. I have to remember how I became more unhappy, uncomfortable, confused when he began pulling away, sending mixed signals. Tried to get answers from him, get him to talk to me, try to work on issues, in mature way, as a team. Nope. He turned things around on ME. Doesn't know how to deal with conflict, commitment issues. Fine - Good to find out now, vs months, years down the road... So trying to think like that...

 

Maybe you can try to. We really have that power to turn our thinking around! Our brains are just still filled with those "love chemicals", so it's very very difficult. You are still emotionally and chemically attached to him. It's not your fault, OK??? Be kind and loving to yourself. Do something simple for YOU. Go shopping, buy yourself something new. Think about now you not with him, more $ for YOU! Take a nice, warm bath. A bike ride. Go somewhere new you've always wanted to go. Be with friends, get some exercise. Just keep busy... It is when we are still, those thoughts flood our minds. Not good! Morning and night. I know - SUCKS! It will get better with TIME. Time is our best friend!!!

[Keepsake]

NOT COPING WELL THIS WEEKEND.

 

Finding it hard to even motivate myself!!!

 

It's his b-day today and I know he is with her celebrating his b-day weekend just like we did last year on vacation with his family.

 

I know I shouldn't even think about it but I can't help it - my heart hurts.

 

I guess I am kind of glad she did what she did this past week with the text. I now know what kind of person they both are.

 

So, why do I want to tell him happy birthday? I'm a idiot!!! That's why.

 

I will try NOT to do that, as it will only set me back more, he doesn't deserve my kindness.

 

I'm very sad !!!

[2sunny]

First get rid of his "stuff". Then go do something nice for yourself.

[Missy0724]

YEAH! If you've offered for him to come get it off your porch, or curb, etc. and he has not, dump his crap somewhere, who cares where! Put in black trash bags and just find a dumpster.

 

I burned some of my wedding photos after my divorce and it was SO cathartic. But everyone is different...

 

Agree! Go do something for you! Treat yourself! Or exercise. Go shopping, buy something nice for YOU. Doesn't have to be anything big or $$. Take care of you. Just think of all the $ you now have to spend on your, or other, true friends...when you are not in a relationship.

 

Just try to change your perspective today! It's just a birthday. He's an adult, not a child. It's just another day, no big deal. And so what he's with someone else. We have NO IDEA what is going on within that relationship. Maybe they are not happy! Maybe it's a bunch of BS! A rebound, using each other...whatever. Who cares...

 

YOU matter. YOU rock. YOU go take care of YOU. With loving actions. You deserve it !!!

 

Hugs!

[Justaguy30]

I too was in a relationship with someone who has kids whom I love dearly. She has denied being with someone else which I suppose is nice but I know she is. I have been trying to get my stuff back and have been unable to. So you are a good kind person and it sounds like he is kind of a jerk. I feel for you though, its very tough not being able to see kids that you care so much about. The right thing to do in a situation like that is to tell your ex you are seeing someone because then its out in the open. I found out a few weeks after we broke up because I went over to try and talk to her as I had spoken to her earlier in the evening and she said she wasn't seeing someone and went to try and talk to her and get some of my things and I could hear them screwing from outside the door. There are worse ways to find out......

[Keepsake]

I too was in a relationship with someone who has kids whom I love dearly. She has denied being with someone else which I suppose is nice but I know she is. I have been trying to get my stuff back and have been unable to. So you are a good kind person and it sounds like he is kind of a jerk. I feel for you though, its very tough not being able to see kids that you care so much about. The right thing to do in a situation like that is to tell your ex you are seeing someone because then its out in the open. I found out a few weeks after we broke up because I went over to try and talk to her as I had spoken to her earlier in the evening and she said she wasn't seeing someone and went to try and talk to her and get some of my things and I could hear them screwing from outside the door. There are worse ways to find out......

 

I'm sorry to hear that.. The one thing I would never do is go to his house. He chose to lie to me all this time, I have now found out that he has been dating her for quite some time. If he wanted me to know he would have. Bull**** excuse saying oh I tried calling you, well dumbass, I called you back and you didn't answer and texted me I am so busy with work as always.

 

Now like you ex, they are cowards and don't want to tell the truth!!! They know exactly what they are doing. They do not deserve us.

 

Is it stuff that you need back or is it "just stuff" that you can do without?

 

I am a kind person which makes this all that much harder for me. I have tried my hardest to be kind, be there, return his things, etc. This has been going on way to long though. If anyone reads my back story, you will see that this has been going on since last December, when I originally found some stuff out..

 

He strung me along, played me, got me to help him with all kinds of things. All along to find out dating others.

 

Ugh... Going to sign off for now, I must go DO SOMETHING for ME!!!!!

 

Chin up and HUGS!!

[2sunny]

First things first - did you rid yourself of his crap?

 

If not, get rid of it...

 

Not your problem anymore...

 

Besides, he must not need any of it.

 

Give it away if needed.

[stillafool]

I agree with 2Sunny, why are you still holding on to his stuff??? That should be the first step in getting rid of him. Why should you store it and have to look at it. If it was at all important to him he would have picked it up by now.

 

I don't want to upset you but what do you consider the proper way for you to find out he has a new gf? Of course if she is his new girl she is going to protect her territory. It is best that you know absolutely nothing about what is going on in his life right now and that's why we suggest NC.

[Keepsake]

First things first - did you rid yourself of his crap?

 

If not, get rid of it...

 

Not your problem anymore...

 

Besides, he must not need any of it.

 

Give it away if needed.

 

Outside on the porch, will take to curb in the morning for trash pickup.

[Keepsake]

I agree with 2Sunny, why are you still holding on to his stuff??? That should be the first step in getting rid of him. Why should you store it and have to look at it. If it was at all important to him he would have picked it up by now.

 

I don't want to upset you but what do you consider the proper way for you to find out he has a new gf? Of course if she is his new girl she is going to protect her territory. It is best that you know absolutely nothing about what is going on in his life right now and that's why we suggest NC.

 

Well, I don't think the way it happened was right!! He should have told me, last time we spoke he said he didn't want to date anyone else, he just needed to concentrate on work and the kids and he was too stressed and didn't have a life.

 

PROTECT HER TERRITORY??? She could have told him to say something to me, tell me, not her place. I don't think her answering my messages was the right thing to do and acting like it was him. I would never have done that, not my place to answer his messages.

 

I have been NC since that transpired.

[Keepsake]

I agree with 2Sunny, why are you still holding on to his stuff??? That should be the first step in getting rid of him. Why should you store it and have to look at it. If it was at all important to him he would have picked it up by now.

 

I don't want to upset you but what do you consider the proper way for you to find out he has a new gf? Of course if she is his new girl she is going to protect her territory. It is best that you know absolutely nothing about what is going on in his life right now and that's why we suggest NC.

 

 

Also, I don't think her throwing the fact that they were spending quite a bit of time with the kids this summer was very tactful or nice. That was just mean.

[Missy0724]

It was awful that he texted that, or her. But he responded and said, Sorry. Doesn't make the sting or pain go away of course.

 

But what it does do, is show you how insensitive and rude this person is. And immature. Is that someone you want in your life anymore. Doesn't that one action, show his true colors?

 

Similar thing happened to me, and I was steaming. So I spoke my mind. It's done. Got off my chest. No friendship, no contact. All dead to me. Time to move on.

 

Doesn't mean I don't think about it, him. I'm still pissed, but I'm not sharing any of that with him anymore. It HAS to end, be over. NO CONTACT. Or the drama will continue, which will pain us over and over and over again. Where will it end? Who will end it? Someone has to. You have to find some closure in some way, your way, however that is, for YOU. That's good you have NC.

 

You are not together. He has every right to be with whomever he chooses. If she's a bitch, so be it. It is not our business anymore. Or who he brings around his kids. They are his kids, his choice. It sucks, I know. My ex had kids. Miss them, too. But he is out of my life, so they are, too.

 

We can care from a distance. That is all we can do...

[Keepsake]

It was awful that he texted that, or her. But he responded and said, Sorry. Doesn't make the sting or pain go away of course.

 

But what it does do, is show you how insensitive and rude this person is. And immature. Is that someone you want in your life anymore. Doesn't that one action, show his true colors?

 

Similar thing happened to me, and I was steaming. So I spoke my mind. It's done. Got off my chest. No friendship, no contact. All dead to me. Time to move on.

 

Doesn't mean I don't think about it, him. I'm still pissed, but I'm not sharing any of that with him anymore. It HAS to end, be over. NO CONTACT. Or the drama will continue, which will pain us over and over and over again. Where will it end? Who will end it? Someone has to. You have to find some closure in some way, your way, however that is, for YOU. That's good you have NC.

 

You are not together. He has every right to be with whomever he chooses. If she's a bitch, so be it. It is not our business anymore. Or who he brings around his kids. They are his kids, his choice. It sucks, I know. My ex had kids. Miss them, too. But he is out of my life, so they are, too.

 

We can care from a distance. That is all we can do...

 

Thank you Missy0724!!!!

 

It's rough but you have to make your way through it. While I don't like what I feeling, I have to feel these emotions, to make my way through it.

 

He can do whatever he wants... It is clear to me what kind of person he is now and even her.

 

It doesn't make it all better!! I have to work through the love I still have for him and realize that he isn't the man I thought he was.

 

It's a process.. You can't just shut it out!!!

[Missy0724]

I like that, "I've realized he isn't the man I thought he was."

 

Yes, me, too. Thanks for those words. SO SO true. That is SO hard to accept. Because what it does is show my judgment, that I misjudged. That is hard. To look in mirror and now realize 100%, that this person did not treat me with respect, but I stayed anyway. Have to forgive myself. I don't care about what he thinks or does anymore...I'm thinking about myself now, and my part. And feeling all that pain of misjudgment, not walking away when I should have, earlier. Being strong and saying, NO. Standing up to him. I have ALWAYS stood up to people. In my marriage for 20 years, I did! Why couldn't I, with this person? Weird... Just bothering me. A LOT. That forgiveness... Working on it!

 

I hear ya! Hang in there. We will get there...Keep him off that pedestal!

:-)

[stillafool]

Well, I don't think the way it happened was right!! He

should have told me, last time we spoke he said he didn't want to date anyone

else, he just needed to concentrate on work and the kids and he was too stressed

and didn't have a life.

 

I know, they always say this and then move on to someone else. They don't want you to think they want to break up because there is someone else, yet that always seems to be the case.

 

PROTECT HER TERRITORY??? She could have told him to say something to me, tell

me, not her place. I don't think her answering my messages was the right thing

to do and acting like it was him. I would never have done that, not my place to

answer his messages.

 

I agree that it was hurtful to you, but you don't know for a fact that she was the one who wrote that text and not him.

 

I have been NC since that transpired.

 

Good, I know it's hard but continue on. Please give his stuff back ASAP or donate it so you can really move on with no ties or excuses to see him.

Edited September 7, 2014 by stillafool

[Keepsake]

 

I know, they always say this and then move on to someone else. They don't want you to think they want to break up because there is someone else, yet that always seems to be the case.

 

 

 

I agree that it was hurtful to you, but you don't know for a fact that she was the one who wrote that text and not him.

 

 

 

Good, I know it's hard but continue on. Please give his stuff back ASAP or donate it so you can really move on with no ties or excuses to see him.

 

 

It was very hurtful. Your are correct that I do not know if it was really her but I am going by what he said. The text conversation was odd and I remember thinking to myself, it just didn't seem like him. Just before what was send I was going to ask if something was wrong because the whole thing before that was well just not how he would normally respond.

 

It's just very difficult and my range of emotions is off the charts right now.

 

Angry - Sad - Hurt - Disappointed !!!

 

I truly did love him, I need to grieve that loss.

[Keepsake]

I like that, "I've realized he isn't the man I thought he was."

 

Yes, me, too. Thanks for those words. SO SO true. That is SO hard to accept. Because what it does is show my judgment, that I misjudged. That is hard. To look in mirror and now realize 100%, that this person did not treat me with respect, but I stayed anyway. Have to forgive myself. I don't care about what he thinks or does anymore...I'm thinking about myself now, and my part. And feeling all that pain of misjudgment, not walking away when I should have, earlier. Being strong and saying, NO. Standing up to him. I have ALWAYS stood up to people. In my marriage for 20 years, I did! Why couldn't I, with this person? Weird... Just bothering me. A LOT. That forgiveness... Working on it!

 

I hear ya! Hang in there. We will get there...Keep him off that pedestal!

:-)

 

FORGIVE YOURSELF!!! We all make mistakes, we are human. That's the thing with love, you have to give it your all and sometimes it doesn't work out the way we had hoped.

 

I know that in time I can hopefully forgive him in my own heart, that might take a little time but I will never forget what has transpired.