I am Angry and disappointed

[2sunny]

Is his stuff in the trash today?

 

I agree - it wasn't nice the way he's done this.

 

It says a lot about HIM. He's not nice.

 

But why would you want him now knowing he's just not nice?

 

He showed you who he is by doing what he's done - be grateful you know now. He could have wasted a few more years if he hadn't shown you now who he really is = a jerk.

[stillafool]

 

 

I truly did love him, I need to grieve that loss.

 

You certainly do and are.

 

You need to give back his stuff or donate it. It obviously isn't that important to him or he would have gathered it by now. When are you going to get rid of his stuff so you can get to the healing stage?

[Missy0724]

I have an interesting perspective, and it is by no means to let these douchebags and their behavior, off the hook.

 

But maybe for some of them, even though they might have broken up with us, the relationship is over, unless they are an unfeeling sociopath, maybe they are really hurt, confused, in pain, too? So they act weird, say weird things, selfish things, for their own self preservation? They are just not acting in character, because their own minds are a mess?

 

Maybe he in a rebound relationship that he has realized is crap? and just reacting in a douchebag way?

 

I don't think most people are evil. Yes, selfish, ACT like jerks. Just hard to tell if they are truly narcissists with no empathy - or just "acting" that way because of their own pain, their own internal pain, baggage, they are dealing with?

 

I think we have to learn NOT to take things SO personally. People act in a certain way most of the time, because of THEMSELVES, not because of US.

 

I think we would save ourselves a lot of pain, if we can learn to accept they are reacting the best they can, with their tools, personality, their baggage, pasts, etc. All we can do is the best we can do. And how others react is their choice and responsibility. It's really none of our business, esp if we are not in a relationship with them anymore. Gotta let it go... and concentrate on ourselves, our own self respect.

 

Just trying to have an open mind today. Trying to let go of my own anger and blame on others. And have a little understanding... That's all. I don't want to be an angry person or hate anyone. Trying really hard!

:-)

 

Does NOT let him off the hook at all. If he made an honest, genuine apology, maybe. But if he hasn't - it's HIS problem. Not yours. He can do, say whatever he wants.

[Keepsake]

Is his stuff in the trash today?

 

I agree - it wasn't nice the way he's done this.

 

It says a lot about HIM. He's not nice.

 

But why would you want him now knowing he's just not nice?

 

He showed you who he is by doing what he's done - be grateful you know now. He could have wasted a few more years if he hadn't shown you now who he really is = a jerk.

 

 

JERK is correct.

 

His stuff is still out on the porch.

 

It's not that I still want him knowing what I now know about him but I have to realize the man that I was in love with doesn't exist.

 

I don't find that I am getting less angry, if nothing I am growing more angry by the day.

 

I don't honestly know what to do to resolve the feelings that I having and am finding it really hard to cope.

 

Crying on and off and just miserable, I know he doesn't derserve my tears but I can't seem to help it right now.

 

I suppose part of it is that I can't understand and maybe I never will, how he could treat me like that, this whole time and then to be so UNKIND.

 

UGH

[Keepsake]

I have an interesting perspective, and it is by no means to let these douchebags and their behavior, off the hook.

 

But maybe for some of them, even though they might have broken up with us, the relationship is over, unless they are an unfeeling sociopath, maybe they are really hurt, confused, in pain, too? So they act weird, say weird things, selfish things, for their own self preservation? They are just not acting in character, because their own minds are a mess?

 

Maybe he in a rebound relationship that he has realized is crap? and just reacting in a douchebag way?

 

I don't think most people are evil. Yes, selfish, ACT like jerks. Just hard to tell if they are truly narcissists with no empathy - or just "acting" that way because of their own pain, their own internal pain, baggage, they are dealing with?

 

I think we have to learn NOT to take things SO personally. People act in a certain way most of the time, because of THEMSELVES, not because of US.

 

I think we would save ourselves a lot of pain, if we can learn to accept they are reacting the best they can, with their tools, personality, their baggage, pasts, etc. All we can do is the best we can do. And how others react is their choice and responsibility. It's really none of our business, esp if we are not in a relationship with them anymore. Gotta let it go... and concentrate on ourselves, our own self respect.

 

Just trying to have an open mind today. Trying to let go of my own anger and blame on others. And have a little understanding... That's all. I don't want to be an angry person or hate anyone. Trying really hard!

:-)

 

Does NOT let him off the hook at all. If he made an honest, genuine apology, maybe. But if he hasn't - it's HIS problem. Not yours. He can do, say whatever he wants.

 

 

I really liked what you said here!!

 

In the end we are all people, make mistakes, have baggage. I do believe though that people should treat others how they would like to be treated.

 

I kinda do wish he would give me honest, genuine apology but that text, I don't believe it was. So, no he is not off the hook. He plain just doesn't care what he did or about me. It's clear he is with her now and wants nothing to do with me.

 

[Keepsake]

I am so tempted to call him... I know, what would be the point but I want to let him have it. I can't shake it. I won't him to know exactly how I feel and how much he hurt and disappointed me. I'm gonna keep counting to 10 but I feel like I might have too!!!!

 

[2sunny]

Contacting him at this point is just handing him more power by allowing him to see that he's made you hurt and angry.

 

Tossing out his stuff would be evidence that you need to get him (and his "stuff") out of your life so you can heal and move forward.

 

First things first - drop his stuff at a donation center today!

 

You can be free of that jerk and his crap!

[stillafool]

If you call him you will be sorry and feel worse than you do right now. Yes he is with her and apparently that is where he wants to be. You need to keep telling yourself this to maintain NC. If he were at all sorry or interested he would have at least called you the next day and apologized. He hasn't even cared enough to make arrangements to pick up his stuff and that's why you should throw it in the trash. I hope you are not holding on to it as an excuse to see him. Why is it sitting on your porch?

[Keepsake]

If you call him you will be sorry and feel worse than you do right now. Yes he is with her and apparently that is where he wants to be. You need to keep telling yourself this to maintain NC. If he were at all sorry or interested he would have at least called you the next day and apologized. He hasn't even cared enough to make arrangements to pick up his stuff and that's why you should throw it in the trash. I hope you are not holding on to it as an excuse to see him. Why is it sitting on your porch?

 

 

You are absolutely correct, I need it to sink into my brain. I don't know why I would even want to talk to him but I do, I guess that's my heart talking, clearly not my head.

 

His stuff, yeah he hasn't even bothered nor do I think he will. It's sitting on the porch because it's not trash day - okay maybe it's still sitting there because I feel like a bad person for getting rid of it.

 

Damn heart. I am also feeling bad because it was his b-day and I didn't say a word.

 

I am sure he thinks I will contact him at somepoint. COWARD!!

[stillafool]

 

I am sure he thinks I will contact him at somepoint. COWARD!!

 

Maybe he doesn't think you will contact him at all. Afterall you do know now that he has a gf and you can bet he is spending his BD with her. Stop expecting him to contact you. As a matter of fact you should delete his info and block him so you won't be on edge expecting and hoping he calls. You have to accept that it's over and I don't think you have reached that point yet.

[stillafool]

I am so tempted to call him... I know, what would be the point but I want to let him have it. I can't shake it. I won't him to know exactly how I feel and how much he hurt and disappointed me. I'm gonna keep counting to 10 but I feel like I might have too!!!!

 

 

Hun, I read some of your history and he broke up with you back in December. It has been 8 months since you broke up so I am not surprised that he has moved on with someone else by now. It seems like he already had her lined up and was texting her before you two broke. I think if you don't show improvement in a couple more weeks you need to seek professinal counseling to get you through this.

[Keepsake]

Hun, I read some of your history and he broke up with you back in December. It has been 8 months since you broke up so I am not surprised that he has moved on with someone else by now. It seems like he already had her lined up and was texting her before you two broke. I think if you don't show improvement in a couple more weeks you need to seek professinal counseling to get you through this.

 

 

Actually, in April he told me that he loved me and wanted to just take things slow, he told me that it was more about work and getting to where he wanted. I took him at his word and then he just kinda disappeared and I figure that's when she showed up.

 

That's not the same person he was talking to back then, completely different.

 

I do appreciate you advice, but I do feel like he just strung me along there and me being stupid, thought he was being serious, after all the long talks we had.

 

Oh and I am not opposed to therapy. I did that when my father died 15 years ago.

 

Perhaps I am a bit jaded and just feel hurt all over again.

[stillafool]

So when he told you he loved you in April how long did you two see each other after that before he disappeared?

[Keepsake]

So when he told you he loved you in April how long did you two see each other after that before he disappeared?

 

He was really busy in May and June as this is the start of his busy season, we did talk and text and then at the end of June, I felt l like something was off. He said I've just been so busy, no time for anything even the kids, stressed out and can't even go out for a drink.. He said we will figure something out as in getting to see each other etc. Then I didn't hear from him until what I posted.

 

So, it's pretty clear that he was lying to me, also I just found out today that he has been dating her end of May beginning of June that's what I was told.

 

He could have told me!!!!!! I feel like a complete idiot.

[2sunny]

You are absolutely correct, I need it to sink into my brain. I don't know why I would even want to talk to him but I do, I guess that's my heart talking, clearly not my head.

 

His stuff, yeah he hasn't even bothered nor do I think he will. It's sitting on the porch because it's not trash day - okay maybe it's still sitting there because I feel like a bad person for getting rid of it.

 

Damn heart. I am also feeling bad because it was his b-day and I didn't say a word.

 

I am sure he thinks I will contact him at somepoint. COWARD!!

 

You said a few days ago you would put it on the curb/trash.

 

Just put it out with a sign that says "FREE"!

 

It will be gone in no time.

[2sunny]

He was really busy in May and June as this is the start of his busy season, we did talk and text and then at the end of June, I felt l like something was off. He said I've just been so busy, no time for anything even the kids, stressed out and can't even go out for a drink.. He said we will figure something out as in getting to see each other etc. Then I didn't hear from him until what I posted.

 

So, it's pretty clear that he was lying to me, also I just found out today that he has been dating her end of May beginning of June that's what I was told.

 

He could have told me!!!!!! I feel like a complete idiot.

 

He didn't tell you because he's a jerk!

 

Next time - know completely that even the busiest men make time for a gal when they want to - it's your sign that it's over for them.

[Keepsake]

He didn't tell you because he's a jerk!

 

Next time - know completely that even the busiest men make time for a gal when they want to - it's your sign that it's over for them.

 

 

You are correct. It's my own fault.. I made to many excuses for him and that's on me. I believed him even though I knew what was in my gut. I wanted to trust him because he was so much different before all of this.

[2sunny]

You are correct. It's my own fault.. I made to many excuses for him and that's on me. I believed him even though I knew what was in my gut. I wanted to trust him because he was so much different before all of this.

 

Always trust your gut.

 

You're realizing some good things - now it's time you take action on those feelings.

 

Toss out his crap without thinking about it. Even take it to a dumpster and tell him where he can dive for it if he wants it back!

 

You will feel empowered and lighter for doing that simple act FOR YOURSELF.

[Keepsake]

Always trust your gut.

 

You're realizing some good things - now it's time you take action on those feelings.

 

Toss out his crap without thinking about it. Even take it to a dumpster and tell him where he can dive for it if he wants it back!

 

You will feel empowered and lighter for doing that simple act FOR YOURSELF.

 

THANK YOU!!! I am just so sad right now... I am trying my best and I will continue to do so. Bear with me and I thank you for all your words of wisdom!!

[stillafool]

He was really busy in May and June as this is the start of his busy season, we did talk and text and then at the end of June, I felt l like something was off. He said I've just been so busy, no time for anything even the kids, stressed out and can't even go out for a drink.. He said we will figure something out as in getting to see each other etc. Then I didn't hear from him until what I posted.

 

So, it's pretty clear that he was lying to me, also I just found out today that he has been dating her end of May beginning of June that's what I was told.

 

He could have told me!!!!!! I feel like a complete idiot.

 

He is an arse, isn't he? I can now understand why you are so upset. Like 2Sunny said men do take time to see their woman; they need sex. This was a sign that there was someone else. Definitely throw his sh-t away! He didn't care about your feelings and obviously doesn't care about what was left behind enough to come get it. I agree, put a sign on it saying FREE and it will be gone in no time. Don't ever talk to him again.

[Keepsake]

Thanks!!

 

He is quite the a-hole. I haven't contacted him again, although yesterday I was tempted again and even wrote out what I was going to say, basically tell him that I feel hurt, disappointed and deceived.

 

Then, I came on the site and did some re-reading and said , WHY? HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU OR WHAT YOU FEEL OR THINK. He's gone, he is with her now, let it be. If he cared he would have said something.

 

So, guys, I am trying my best to keep myself in NC realizing that it will only further hurt me if I should have any contact with him at all.

 

I am so heartbroken! I am upset with myself too because I let him do this, I did not set clear boundries and let him walk all over me. I know that's something I have to work on is not letting him or anyone else do that.

 

It's going to be a tough road, this I know.

[Keepsake]

I AM NOT HAPPY!!! Who cares right?

[2sunny]

Honey, go easy in yourself.

 

Now that you know - you can set a healthy boundary from here moving forward.

 

How could you know when you didn't know? You can't.

 

And now that you know you have a chance to learn and grow and be a better woman now.

 

 

Do yourself a huge favor = get rid of his stuff! It's weighing you down. It's like a gift you give yourself when you lighten your load by dumping his stuff off anywhere.

 

Keeping it around is like inviting in negative energy.

[Missy0724]

Keepsake - It's good that you are realizing your part in it. Yes, he did you wrong, by not communicating and telling you he "was out" for months, stringing you along, the "I'm busy" excuse.

 

I got that too from the ex. :-(

 

I now realize three months post break up, that it was MY responsibility the moment things changed, he was not making effort to see me as he had before, began to make excuses, did not make me feel like me, the relationship was a priority to him, to TELL HIM it wasn't working for ME. I understand how you feel. We want to hold on, to wait, to give him a chance, have that faith. Because we LOVE THEM. We love what the relationship WAS when it was good. We in denial when it begins going south. That can be for SO many reasons...

 

But in the end the reasons do not matter. Another girl, something we did, they aren't ready, they changed their minds, blah blah blah.

 

Fact is, they emotionally left us and do not want to be with us, see a future with us.

 

The minute we sense that, know that in our gut, per their actions and words, we need to LISTEN to them. Trust out instincts. Once we are more unhappy, than happy - it's time to leave that relationship. For both people. It's just not fair or healthy...

 

It is good to hear you now see "your part". And seem to be learning something here. I did, too! :-)

 

We all should be with someone who wants to see us, makes us feel they want to see us. And that is something you just "know", there will be no doubt. I always think about my other healthy relationships...yes, we are all busy with life - but there is no doubt that my best girlfriends and also some good guy friends I have, want to see me, when we have time. It's just a given and that we will figure it out! Even if it's a week or so from now...

But I guess in a romantic relationship it may be different, because there is the sexual piece. And yes, part of a healthy romantic relationship is that physical closeness, touching, being together, intimacy. Yes, that wanes with time, but it shouldn't be something that you worry about or question if he still "wants" you in that way, either. Trust those instincts, yes!!!

 

I hope you continue to feel stronger and to see clearer and clearer every day! I hope that for you! I can tell you, with NC, it's really helping me understand things, especially myself and my lack of boundaries, or sacrifice of my boundaries! And why did I do that? He did what he did. And didn't do. Those are his issues. Nothing I can do about that. I can only work on myself, in order to go into the next relationship stronger and smarter. And having more respect and self love for myself. And walking away from anyone not showing me respect or communication! Never again...I am happy to be without that unhealthy relationship (although miss him of course, as we did love each other...) and on my own now... Not easy, but I know 100% it's the right thing that we are not together. It would have never worked... Love is never enough...

 

Good luck to you!!!! Keep up the GREAT progress! I can really relate to your situation and know how you feel! If he didn't talk to you, let you know things were changing for him, you have every right to be angry, disappointed. But it's out of your control - gotta let it go!!! And in TIME you will! I know it!!!

Edited September 14, 2014 by Missy0724

[Keepsake]

So, I have been trying to stay focused and I was doing alright. THEN-

 

He sent me a text that he was living with his girlfriend.. followed by :

 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I'm sorry that I hurt you. "

"I never tried to play you, we had something and then it was lost at no one's fault, I honestly tried to see if it was still there but it wasn't for me and I should have told you sooner which now makes it look like I played you"

 

Talk about a set back, this was yesterday, I turned into a total wreck. Why did he have to send that. I obivously knew it was over, what was the point.

 

What the hell??? Really? I didn't seek him out or ask for any explainations.

 

What the hell was the purpose in doing that. Completely unnecessary.

 

I AM SO COMPLETELY ANGRY!!! HURT!!! Can't stop crying...

 

Careful what you wish for. NO CONTACT is the best.