Why don't men approach women anymore?

[MidwestUSA]

I meant that in a sense that women like to take care and pamper pets as if they were children. My mother has a shih tsu, she babies her, baths her, blow dries her hair, puts hair ribbons on her head ect. She loves that dog.

 

Oh. Those are exactly the type of dogs I dislike. I want one I can thump around on. No high pitched barking, I want a deep 'wooooof'. My two run about 50 pounds each, athletic, energetic and prey driven. The most pampering they get is table scraps.

 

 

We're all starting to look like each other.

[lino]

Men still do approach women. Nothing has changed in that regard.

 

99.99999% of every relationship you see was started by a man approaching a woman.

 

In several cases, I've had women show signs of interest in me (usually through a friend/relative) but at the end of the day, it was me that kick started things by asking said girl out.

 

If blokes really were approaching women less, you'd see a huge decline in couples. I haven't seen this anywhere in the world.

 

However I've never been to the USA so possibly there are less couples there?

[Eggplant]

If a guy is really smooth in the approach, I assume it's because he has a lot of practice, and that I'm not particularly special.

[Supernatural]

If a guy is really smooth in the approach, I assume it's because he has a lot of practice, and that I'm not particularly special.

 

So you turn away men who can speak clearly and be charming?

 

Then grab the guy who is a studderingfvvktard who lacks confidence?

 

What a typical thing for an eggplant to say...

[thefooloftheyear]

Fear of rejection is very real. It's probably one of the most painful things for a guy when a he is rejected by a woman. It affects his confidence and self-esteem with women. And let's face it ladies, women these days tend to be extremely closed off and even hostile when men approach us. We're so used to some men cat-calling us and saying inappropriate things when trying to flirt, that we've all got massive walls up.

 

Unfortunately this means that the good men out there also have to deal with our skepticism and even hostility when they do decide to approach.

 

Because of this, it's lead to many men just waiting for the woman to make a move. Honestly, most of the really good guys do tend to wait, while it's the "bad boys" that will approach no questions asked.

 

Bottom line: Women can no longer be afraid to make a move or make it extremely clear that we are interested in a guy.

 

Would it be nice for the guy to make the first move? Of course! We as women love to be desired and sought out. But sometimes we have to give some encouragement, or just flat out make the first move. Some guys dig it, too. - Cris

 

Very insightful....agree..

 

I dunno....The problem for me, other than the fact that I dont feel at all comfortable getting in someone's space, I am not one for "making small talk" with complete strangers, men or women..Fortunately I have pretty much always had some attention from women...So I never really had to figure out how to make it work for me..

 

It also seems like you have to almost have a "playful" type of personality to be successful and not seem intimidating..While those that know me would say that I have a sharp wit at times, I am generally a pretty serious guy and dont think I could ever be playful or whatever in order to schmooze a strange woman...

 

Im not sure I agree that if you seem threatening you are doing something wrong. As a big, muscled up guy with a fair amount of visible tattoos, some people that dont know me,. probably immediately think I am a thug type...Nothing further from the truth, I run a very successful business, I am a devoted dad and a law abiding citizen.,,But I have seen that type of itimidated look from some people, even though I never opened my mouth..So how might I "be doing something" wrong? Maybe I have the wrong type of appearance or demeanor?

 

Either way. Its kinda refreshing that women are now aggressive...In fact as I have gotten a bit older, I have found them to be VERY aggressive!....If I said to a woman some of the things that women(relative strangers)have said to me, Id get a trip to the local PD..Makes the garden variety cat call look like childs play...

 

TFY

Edited September 5, 2014 by thefooloftheyear

[irc333]

Another reason...fear of being referred to ask a stalker...even in jest. So we're getting close to injunction/restraining order type of paperwork that some women are so easily used to doing.

 

So there is THAT situation to deal with as a man. The fear of getting a record even. Not saying it'll happen, but I've known women to falsely accuse men of stalking. Friend of mine had this happen to him, but it was really the mother of the woman he was dating that send him a registered letter in the mail...it was more of a "stay away" letter than a restraining order.

[irc333]

 

 

Either way. Its kinda refreshing that women are now aggressive...In fact as I have gotten a bit older, I have found them to be VERY aggressive!.

 

TFY

 

That's because as women age, they start to get less picky. I had a 57 year old woman pursue me before...it weirded me out because with my age (early 40s) it felt like I was being hit on by my Aunt.

[thefooloftheyear]

That's because as women age, they start to get less picky. I had a 57 year old woman pursue me before...it weirded me out because with my age (early 40s) it felt like I was being hit on by my Aunt.

 

I'd disagree that they are less picky...In fact, id even go as far to say that they are more picky...The difference, IMO, is that as they age, women are less flighty and generally more decisive..They have the experience of life and dont need to always act like timid little wallflowers, as they may have had to in the past..

 

TFY

[irc333]

I'd disagree that they are less picky...In fact, id even go as far to say that they are more picky...The difference, IMO, is that as they age, women are less flighty and generally more decisive..They have the experience of life and dont need to always act like timid little wallflowers, as they may have had to in the past..

 

TFY

 

Well, perhaps "picky" is not the right word. They tend to change around their priorities. They tend to focus less on the physical as they age and more on substance as they have come to terms with their own selves. For example, they start to see some grey hairs and they'll consider men with receding hairlines if said man's personality is attractive. They tend to have less shallow deal breakers as they did when they were younger.

[Priv]

I've been to the US many times and lived there for a time. I've never had issue there either. If anything I found women more approachable in the US than back home. That in part maybe because of there being an "accent" which I'll admit can be used to launch into a conversation.

 

Same, it was almost too easy. Though I have only been to Chicago for a few months. Women are suckers for foreigners. I recommend all single guys take a looooong vacation anywhere.

[Diezel]

A bunch of different reasons.

 

1: A lot of men have no backbone these days. No male role model, so they never learned how to be a man.

 

2: Too many women in public devote 110% of their time and attention to their cell phone. I used to like making eye contact with a woman before I would approach her. Eye contact will tell you a lot. Can't do that anymore.

 

3: I never know who to approach these days. How do you pick a woman to talk to when so many of them dress and act the same? Winter is coming, and around here, that means every single girl will be wearing the same outfit, black yoga pants, Ugg boots, and a The North Face jacket. Very few women stand out anymore.

 

4: People are less social than they used to be. Too much time spent on the internet or texting, and not face to face talking.

 

 

 

 

To add to these great thoughts...

 

If you really are wondering why men don't approach women... just go out to a bar one night and just OBSERVE. You know, that thing people don't do anymore.

 

When was the last time you saw people at the bar just sit there alone and enjoy a drink and watch whatever it was that was on TV or actively engage strangers with some chit chat? Don't believe me, go walk down a busy street. Anyone walking on their own will avoid eye contact by pulling up their phone even if they aren't going to really check anything. I've seen it so many times.

 

It doesn't happen anymore. People are so afraid of being alone and to not have something to do that now they just stick their face in front of their phone to see what their friends are eating on Instagram and what pointless status update their cousin posted on Facebook. It's almost to the point where it is considered rude to approach someone in the midst of such "important" activity.

 

Go look at women going out together, you'll see droves of them talking about what is on their phones. Just last weekend I saw five at a table and they ALL had their phones up over the table as they spoke to each other.

 

Why do men stop approaching women?

The correct question is... when did we all begin to lack basic social interaction skills? It's even to the point where I will open a door for a man and a woman, and the man is increasingly more likely to say "Thanks" than a woman. Do you know how many times I've gotten the "Rah rah I can open MAH OWN DOORZ" speech in the last 5 years?

 

It's almost to Pavlovian levels for me to not want to do it anymore.

 

And if that's just me with a door... imagine the boys coming up in this world and "approaching".

 

I feel for the kid who is 15 right now and has to actively deal with this from now on. Everything is internet and phone based now. Many are children of divorce. Now the odds are against "men" who are growing up into this world. The vast availability of online dating and other venues means that competition has increased exponentially. Why do something that risks rejection when its easier to try something else? Why compete with the guy who has a better online profile?

 

It's nuts. Digital is overtaking everything.

 

There will come a day where a couple meeting at a bar will be considered the "weird" thing and almost taboo... you know, kind of like how we all had that one friend we made fun of back in 2002 because they were nuts enough to try online dating.

[Snowman219]

There was the girl of my dreams once... She got two dogs. I realized she wasn't the girl of my dreams.

 

-------

 

Dogs always seem like a good idea, then you think about trips/nights out/camping, picking up poop, walking them at 3am, walking them at 7am, walking them at 4pm, walking them at 10pm, vet trips, additional money to feed them, potential barking problem... And for most people... they are like "what a terrible idea".

 

Then there are the women... Who break up with a guy... Who are like: "I want a dog to put in a cute raincoat! So I can put it on my facebook/instagram" and don't think about all the above stated.

 

I have women on my floor - 2/3 have dogs. Of those 2 dogs both bark intensely whenever I walk out in to the hallway.. 1 dog is treated like a baby. Chills in a purse and probably sucks the chicks tit behind closed doors; And I want to knock the little C|_|NT out every time I see him.

The other one doesn't shut the hell up. And I would literally like to BBQ his ass for dinner tonight.

 

Both women look like they have had their hearts broken. And of the many other women I once knew and so few which I still do know... They all got dogs after a break-up.

 

I had a rodent problem in the house and thought, "Hey, why don't I get an owl..."

 

Didn't really work out like I planned.

[Snowman219]

Strongly agree with #1 and #4.

 

I'll also add that some men overthink things way too much (they struggle to get outside their own head), instead of just getting out there with no expectations and interacting with people. They've "lost" before they even tried.

 

Talking to women, asking them out and dating them is actually quite simple...if the guy just lets it. An inability to get out of his own way makes his experiences with women unnecessarily complicated.

 

WHO ARE YOU? Most of us have a small dating pool to begin with and the fact is you have to have friends to get a date first. If you just cold approach a girl with no social circle to back you up then you are straight up ignorant. And it's kind of hard to get friends when you don't want to go get drunk or do stupid **** that most guys/girls do.

 

"getting out there with no expectations" <----HAHAH You have expectations my friend because if you didn't then guess what? YOU WOULD BE TAKEN ALREADY! *facepalm*

[Imported]

To add to these great thoughts...

 

.

 

 

When was the last time you went to a bar?

 

Are we going to see things that support what you say? Sure, we will. If we narrow our field of reasoning down to see only that and ignore everything else.

 

Gonna guess what you wrote is what you wanted to see and so you looked around for "proof" that supports it and ignored anything that proves it wrong. Or you live in Bazaaro World.

 

Are people on the phone a lot more than ever before? Sure. I think smart phones came out less than 10 years ago or around that. I remember before cell phones. Granted I was in grade school, but yeah. When was the last time you saw someone pull up to a bar on a horse?

 

Hey you know, time changes. We advanced. People are stll social. Unsociable people have a place to whine and make believe everything else is the problem. And then have other unsociable people agree.

[truth_seeker]

I say it comes down to attraction in a cold approach situation. If you like a woman in a bar, and she finds you attractive, approaching her will work.

[Toodaloo]

Look, if you don't like pets you don't like pets. That's fair.

 

I'm a dude, so I know don't count, but I have a dog. I didn't get him because anyone dumped me or because I broke up with someone (I've never gotten far enough for those things). If someone told me I had to get rid of him I don't think I'd take too kindly to it. I regard him as a family member. Understandably he's not a kid, but he's not a table lamp either.

 

It's just incompatibility.

 

Thank you for saying this.

 

If someone wanted my pets gone they would be OUT the door a LOT quicker than they would be.

 

I love my dogs, horses and chooks. Yes there are lots of them but lets face it they have been around a lot longer than any new bloke. My dogs are with me most of the time every day of the year and quite frankly I would rather lose an arm than one of my girls.

 

Oh they are small, will never ever have cute out fits put on them (my ex tried and regretted it), they are not just pets but also working dogs... So anti pet people who think pet owners are psycho - run fast while your going out the door... they work as a pack... I just hope they hear my instruction in time.

 

I find it a real shame that people have lost the ability and courage to simply say hello. I had someone say hello to me today and it was nice!

Edited September 5, 2014 by Toodaloo

[AD1980]

An unattractive man like me approaching is not something women are crazy about so why waste both our times?

[AD1980]

As far as the wait for signs the women will smile and let u know it's ok to approach method: for guys not all that attractive like myself women aren't exactly smiling at me hoping I approach so it's either go in and approach with no signs of interest or don't approach at all..I've gone the don't approach at all route..

[Toodaloo]

Guys you are talking utter tosh.

 

Yes looks play a part but if you are not going to bother smiling and saying hello that is far more unattractive than crooked teeth or a bit of blubber.

 

I know one chap who is as ugly as sin and his wife, whom he has been married to for many years very happily would make the most glamorous of models look ugly if they stood within 10 ft of her - that is on one her many a no make up days. She is utterly gorgeous from the inside out. He got the girl because he was comfortable in his skin proud of who he is and has the attitude of "this is me if you don't like it - it doesn't bother me".

 

You know what he smiled lots, made her laugh lots, treated her well with out going over the top and had the courage to ask her out.

 

Men can get away with far more than women when it comes to looks.

 

Look after yourselves, don't be jerks and they will say yes. Go up to them with greasy hair, dirty or smelly clothes while shuffling your feet along the floor and looking around the chest area (which is what it looks like you are trying to when you look at your feet) and no your not going to get a date.

[NYC-BigKat]

For at least two decades men have been lectured on street harassment and told to leave women alone in public. Many men have listened to these messages.

 

 

Yep I'm one of them to listen real real good 'cause I don't say anything to the girls anymore unless I already kinda know them. I might look at little bit but if she gets mad 'cause I looked I will turn away fast now .

[MidwestUSA]

I had a rodent problem in the house and thought, "Hey, why don't I get an owl..."

 

Didn't really work out like I planned.

 

 

 

You obviously needed a cat!

[Supernatural]

It's nuts. Digital is overtaking everything.

There will come a day where a couple meeting at a bar will be considered the "weird" thing and almost taboo... you know, kind of like how we all had that one friend we made fun of back in 2002 because they were nuts enough to try online dating.

I like what you wrote, your whole post. I can see the passion and angst in your words towards.. Well dating and the structure of how life sort of is. I can relate.

 

OLD is so sad. It's the most discouraging piece of crap out there. It's not even putting yourself out there! There is no risk, and no learning. It's for lazy people who are fearful of feeling rejection in the3-D world.

 

When two people say they met online... What a bore of a story. No one here can deny that. All romance is gone. You don't message someone, meet.. and then have this explosion of roses bubbling in your chest.. Nah.. It's like a fvvkin interview. Everything is so logical and not based off feeling. Because it started in a logical sense. “are we compatible?” match % based off of questions like an exam.

 

"Well one night, Dan messaged me on OkCupid and I responded, and then 2 weeks later we went on a date, after e-mailing back and forth - just so I knew we were compatible and I would be safe. "

 

...That's so romantic..... OLD doesn't feel special at all. It's a conveyor belt of people. And nothing is different about anyone. Every person loves to travel, and every person is driven with passion… And every person has a photo of them having fun to show they are fun? No seriously… Tell me I’m wrong. In real life everyone is so vastly different. And that’s how you see who you’re compatible with…

 

Everyone who signed up lost hope in real life and gave online a shot and now they are stuck there. If you're online dating.. part of you is already dead with no hope of meeting that ideal person. Now it's just about finding someone who will be satisfactory so you don't have to be a single loner living by yourself cooking mac n’ cheese on a Friday night.

 

No one pictures meeting their significant other online. That's not ideal for anyone. So why even do it? Everyone thinks you're online meeting that turned in to a relationship is fvvking lame - they just don't say it. And the people in the relationship secretly do to. I'd be pouring a shot of whiskey while the couple tells that story... What a depressing story when you break it down. I’m sure the man loves to brag to his buddies how he met his girlfriend off of tinder or Match.com………………………

 

No person new to dating starts off OLDing. No... They ask people out, get shot down, then have 1 bad date, lose confidence, and then assemble this perfectly worded profile... Realize this isn't the ideal way... But continue anyways, because they know that feeling of what it actually feels like to be rejected. They just don’t want to feel that again… because; gosh! That hurt.

Welcome to OLD... Where secretly.. No one wants to be there, but people entertain the idea, because this is the last resort and you don’t get totally killed inside based off how you react to real rejection....

 

*1,909,293 users looking for love online now!*

Only 39.99 a month.

 

One thing I learned from acting…

Everything is a business. Including you. Once a person sees that they are a business in every sense. Sculpting the ideal you doesn’t become that difficult. Find your target audience and market yourself towards that.

 

Holt Renfrew draws a certain crowd.

Abercrombie and Fitch draws a certain crowd.

Old Navy draws a certain crowd.

 

How are you any different than that business? Your look intrigues some, more than others. Women know what they want. Men know what they want.

 

Usually I dress like a hipster with plaid and combat boots, vintage tee’s, a cool necklace... That draws a certain type of young woman..

But the woman I want and would probably be a really good fit with -- a more professional type who wears dresses, etc and see a future with, is looking for a man who markets himself differently because that’s what she is. Interactions in real life always start based off of physicality.

Give me a shiny watch, a nice collared shirt, stylish shoes… I bet that woman who didn’t notice me in plaid will now notice what I’m wearing and assume something different of me.

 

So if you’re not getting the results you want… Change something. We live in cooperate America. You are a business.

 

A business which accepts they are unattractive and stays selling the same sh*t not making profit… Doesn’t change. And will always be unattractive.

 

Blaming the opposite sex, or another person or thing is so easy. And it might be true! But taking responsibility and being like “I should change something” is incredibly difficult, because your whole life you have been told you’re perfect the way you are. But in reality… You’re not.

 

So why do men not approach? Because they are scared of rejection.

Why are women so rude to men who approach? Because they are fearful and scared they are dangerous.

Why don’t you pursue your true life’s desire? Because you failed once and it sucked.

Why don’t you take a new class and try something new? Because you’re comfortable.

Why do we bitch online? Because we know we failed somewhere and it’s a vicious cycle but just won’t take responsibility that we were part of the reason.

Edited September 5, 2014 by Supernatural

[Trane]

Maybe more are thinking, "It's not worth it?"

 

Not to sound defeatist but sometimes avoiding the most likely and probable of rejections means to not even bother approaching the woman in the first place. My best reference gauge is the look in her eyes. They are the best source with her facial expression.

 

Besides, women are a lot quicker to use the creep stamp or pervert label on a guy they don't find attractive or a guy who doesn't fit with her image of the ideal man. It's unfair and very real at the same time.

 

It has nothing to do with time of day or when to approach either. If you're a man with good looks, presence, height, hair, fit body, you're less likely to be restricted by a woman. The more qualities you have, as defined by western culture, the easier it is to get her attention. Less qualities means you have to do a lot more to get noticed in her eyes.

[Diezel]

When was the last time you went to a bar?

 

Are we going to see things that support what you say? Sure, we will. If we narrow our field of reasoning down to see only that and ignore everything else.

 

Gonna guess what you wrote is what you wanted to see and so you looked around for "proof" that supports it and ignored anything that proves it wrong. Or you live in Bazaaro World.

 

Are people on the phone a lot more than ever before? Sure. I think smart phones came out less than 10 years ago or around that. I remember before cell phones. Granted I was in grade school, but yeah. When was the last time you saw someone pull up to a bar on a horse?

 

Hey you know, time changes. We advanced. People are stll social. Unsociable people have a place to whine and make believe everything else is the problem. And then have other unsociable people agree.

 

 

Between the Bazaaro World, the "on a horse" (which was typically left outside and tied up), and your experience pre-cell phone being that you were in grade school... you completely lost me.

[bastus]

I like what you wrote, your whole post. I can see the passion and angst in your words towards.. Well dating and the structure of how life sort of is. I can relate.

 

OLD is so sad. It's the most discouraging piece of crap out there. It's not even putting yourself out there! There is no risk, and no learning. It's for lazy people who are fearful of feeling rejection in the3-D world.

 

When two people say they met online... What a bore of a story. No one here can deny that. All romance is gone. You don't message someone, meet.. and then have this explosion of roses bubbling in your chest.. Nah.. It's like a fvvkin interview. Everything is so logical and not based off feeling. Because it started in a logical sense. “are we compatible?” match % based off of questions like an exam.

 

"Well one night, Dan messaged me on OkCupid and I responded, and then 2 weeks later we went on a date, after e-mailing back and forth - just so I knew we were compatible and I would be safe. "

 

...That's so romantic..... OLD doesn't feel special at all. It's a conveyor belt of people. And nothing is different about anyone. Every person loves to travel, and every person is driven with passion… And every person has a photo of them having fun to show they are fun? No seriously… Tell me I’m wrong. In real life everyone is so vastly different. And that’s how you see who you’re compatible with…

 

Everyone who signed up lost hope in real life and gave online a shot and now they are stuck there. If you're online dating.. part of you is already dead with no hope of meeting that ideal person. Now it's just about finding someone who will be satisfactory so you don't have to be a single loner living by yourself cooking mac n’ cheese on a Friday night.

 

No one pictures meeting their significant other online. That's not ideal for anyone. So why even do it? Everyone thinks you're online meeting that turned in to a relationship is fvvking lame - they just don't say it. And the people in the relationship secretly do to. I'd be pouring a shot of whiskey while the couple tells that story... What a depressing story when you break it down. I’m sure the man loves to brag to his buddies how he met his girlfriend off of tinder or Match.com………………………

 

No person new to dating starts off OLDing. No... They ask people out, get shot down, then have 1 bad date, lose confidence, and then assemble this perfectly worded profile... Realize this isn't the ideal way... But continue anyways, because they know that feeling of what it actually feels like to be rejected. They just don’t want to feel that again… because; gosh! That hurt.

Welcome to OLD... Where secretly.. No one wants to be there, but people entertain the idea, because this is the last resort and you don’t get totally killed inside based off how you react to real rejection....

 

*1,909,293 users looking for love online now!*

Only 39.99 a month.

 

One thing I learned from acting…

Everything is a business. Including you. Once a person sees that they are a business in every sense. Sculpting the ideal you doesn’t become that difficult. Find your target audience and market yourself towards that.

 

Holt Renfrew draws a certain crowd.

Abercrombie and Fitch draws a certain crowd.

Old Navy draws a certain crowd.

 

How are you any different than that business? Your look intrigues some, more than others. Women know what they want. Men know what they want.

 

Usually I dress like a hipster with plaid and combat boots, vintage tee’s, a cool necklace... That draws a certain type of young woman..

But the woman I want and would probably be a really good fit with -- a more professional type who wears dresses, etc and see a future with, is looking for a man who markets himself differently because that’s what she is. Interactions in real life always start based off of physicality.

Give me a shiny watch, a nice collared shirt, stylish shoes… I bet that woman who didn’t notice me in plaid will now notice what I’m wearing and assume something different of me.

 

So if you’re not getting the results you want… Change something. We live in cooperate America. You are a business.

 

A business which accepts they are unattractive and stays selling the same sh*t not making profit… Doesn’t change. And will always be unattractive.

 

Blaming the opposite sex, or another person or thing is so easy. And it might be true! But taking responsibility and being like “I should change something” is incredibly difficult, because your whole life you have been told you’re perfect the way you are. But in reality… You’re not.

 

So why do men not approach? Because they are scared of rejection.

Why are women so rude to men who approach? Because they are fearful and scared they are dangerous.

Why don’t you pursue your true life’s desire? Because you failed once and it sucked.

Why don’t you take a new class and try something new? Because you’re comfortable.

Why do we bitch online? Because we know we failed somewhere and it’s a vicious cycle but just won’t take responsibility that we were part of the reason.

couldnt be more agree with you..