Just got another text. Been ignoring her for 4 days, now I want to reply.

[Sevenscars]

There's a lot of crazy details but i'll just make this as short as possible. I dated this girl for a year, throughout the year she was lying to me about other guys. Some evidence came out, we started fighting, and then one night she got drunk and I think she slept with someone. The next day, I confronted her about her lies and possible cheating. She freaked out and acted horrible. It was pretty clear that she had cheated in the past, but it wasn't clear about the night before or the other times in the past few weeks/months. She said the night she got super drunk, she was just with her friends and passed out. She does that. I don't know if that was true but she was lying about other stuff. In the middle of her lies, over text, I just stopped talking to her. Just stopped.

 

She blew up my phone. I blocked her number. She'd create new phone numbers using an app to text me. She'd been texting me she loved me and needed me and was sorry and wanting to work things out. But I saw on social media that she had been flirting with her ex boyfriend, at first to get me jealous but then it got a lot worse.

 

She just sent me a new message today. Says she misses me, she's sorry, and she knows she screwed up "but so did you." She says "Please text me and I promise to tell you nothing but the truth about anything. I need you. I love you more than anything. Honestly I've tried talking to other guys already and it doesn't feel right at all and I feel guilty about it. I want you and only you, forever. Please text me I'm so depressed."

 

Since we haven't been talking more stuff has come out, and I think she'd been cheating on me more than I thought. I don't know why she would even tell me she's "tried to talk to other guys," that's so messed up, I think it's because she really did sleep with someone a few days ago and feels guilty about it. I want to confront her about it. I want to tell her off, and to tell her she screwed up.

 

She thinks I stopped talking to her because of her mean, nasty attitude. She only thinks I suspect the cheating when I know about it, I want to show her the evidence. I feel really terrible about it.

 

It's driving me crazy and I don't know what to do.

[evanescentworld]

Yes you do. Well done for resisting temptation. Now, carry on.

[Sevenscars]

Thanks. It's just difficult knowing that she thinks she got away with lying and cheating. I don't want her to think I walked away because she was too mean. I want her to know it's because I know she was sending other guys naked pictures while she was on the phone with me, things she wouldn't even send me. I want her to know it's because she slept with someone else, and not for the first time. I don't feel like she should get away with it. I just want her to understand that what she did was really messed up.

[CaliGypsy]

She didn't get away with it though, did she?

 

She lost you.

 

The only reason you should tell her you know, is if it's helpful to you in some way.

[Zahara]

Thanks. It's just difficult knowing that she thinks she got away with lying and cheating. I don't want her to think I walked away because she was too mean. I want her to know it's because I know she was sending other guys naked pictures while she was on the phone with me, things she wouldn't even send me. I want her to know it's because she slept with someone else, and not for the first time. I don't feel like she should get away with it. I just want her to understand that what she did was really messed up.

 

She doesn't care if she got away with cheating. It's not going to make her feel one bit guilty about it because cheaters really don't care about how you feel, what you perceive -- they only care about what benefits they've lost, what benefits they can get. They don't care if you think they messed up. If they cared, they wouldn't be doing it right under your nose, over and over again. If she can't come to the conclusion that her actions are bad and she should not be doing what she does, then words coming from you won't mean a thing.

 

She already knows you've left because you suspect her lies and cheating. There is no need to make the point clear to her.

 

The only reason she is back because you're Mr. Nice Guy that's going to be her security blanket while she goes out there and does her thing. She'll always have you securely at her disposal -- the nice guy. People that love you don't treat you that way.

 

So stop being open to her contact. Block her and shut her out. It's over and done with.

Edited September 4, 2014 by Zahara

[Nathaniel Hawk]

I agree with CalyGipsy. She didn't get away with it all. That would had happened if you reconciled with her. And you didn't because you acted like a real badass.

 

Resis the urge of replying and let her go back to her ex.

Edited September 4, 2014 by Nathaniel Hawk

[love1336x]

She's sounds like a hot pile of mess!

Do you want to really deal with that?

Leave her alone, and let her suffer. It's the best thing you can do!

[Ronni_W]

It's just difficult knowing that she thinks she got away with lying and cheating.

CaliGypsy is right...so what if SHE thinks she got away with something? You can find equal comfort in knowing that she did not get away with anything.

 

At the same time, CaliGypsy is right...if you feel it is absolutely necessary for you to "get closure" and truly move on, then it would be a 'recovery step' for you to get it off your chest and let her know everything that will help you feel better to tell her.

[ThorntonMelon]

Give yourself a 30 day target. Then another one.

 

90 days from now the urge will be far, far, far less.

[todreaminblue]

I am going to give a different view....i think you should tell her why you are not talking to her......i think you should close it off with compassion but firmness......so she can move on as well as you...in a way ....you are keeping her hanging on......if it is driving you crazy to not let her know why do you continue to let it drive you crazy and her as well obvious by her increase and more desperate contact......be kind.....but be firm...she did the wrong so end it......dont make her suffer ....make it quick but compassionate consdier every oen makes mistakes....she made one you cant live with ...so end it if that is what you desire to do..........deb

[W101]

Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing, give yourself the satisfaction of knowing that she doesn't know will drive her crazy, either way, nothing you say to a narcissistic person like this girl appears to be will sink in either way, keep your pride and your head held high, move on, nothing she has to say will help you, it probably wouldn't even be genuine, throughout your life you'll meet a flake or 2 here and there, she's definitely a flake, take comfort in knowing somewhere out there, there is a girl who'll only have eyes for you.

[Raena]

That crazy kind of desperate pleas to get your attention only after you've pulled back reminds me so much of my cheating lying ex. From experience, I can tell you that talking to her at ALL at this point would be a bad move for you. She'll use that opportunity to play on your feelings for her and try to convince you she did nothing wrong and that she loves you and will never do it again. I'd say don't fall for it. Don't even try to tell her that you know what she did. Just RUN... stay as far away as possible... for as long as possible... only after you've stopped caring about being with her and her pleas mean nothing to you should you THEN tell her that the reason you stopped communicating is because you are well aware that she lied and cheated.

 

At this point I'd be more concerned about getting sucked back into her whirlwind than letting her know the truth about why you stopped. It's in your own best interest to just stay away.