Regret not taking that step with MM

[sophadventures]

I'm in an emotional mess. Long story short, I was heavily flirting with a married man who used to work in the office next door to mine (he initiated it). We went out for lunches a few times, he would stop by to chat and flirt everyday but we never had sex or anything. The flirting and tension was quite intense between us. In any case, I only wanted to have a physical fling with him (did not want to get emotionally involved, nor am I interested in ruining his marriage) and at some point I really wanted to ask him for a drink but never actually did it. He then changed job and the week before he left, the feelings got so heavy, I felt so sad that he's going to leave, that I can't handle asking him to meet up. In some ways, I suspect it's the same for him as he would always appear nervous and not knowing what to say when he came talk to me in his last days. Anyway, after he left that job, we were in NC for a few weeks until recently, he came back to the old office to pick up something and stopped by mine to say hi. When he left, we hugged for a few seconds- a romantic one with him hugging my waist, we looked into each other's eyes and almost kissed but did not as his ex-colleagues were next door (not likely going to see us but they might at the right angle). He said he would email me to have a coffee or drink but it has been a few weeks again and nothing from him.

 

I find myself missing him and thinking about him every waking second. I dont know why I felt so strongly even though I thought I am only in lust with him (I still think I'm as I don't really see myself connecting with him emotionally). I've not had such a strong physical attraction with anyone in the past and certainly not with any men I've seen lately. I tried to hate him as I thought he was flirting for fun as a MM (which is really inappropriate) and had no genuine interest in taking it to a further (physical) level, but still I can't get him out of my head.

 

Sigh I don't even know what I'm looking for with this post. I now blame myself for not taking the extra step (I think he had given "dirty" hints that he wanted me) - why didn't I ask him for a drink when I could have or just kiss him when we hugged? I'd probably feel so much better if we at least had a kiss just to get my lust over with... I guess I sort of felt like a failure also for not being able to seduce him.. (not sure about his relationship with W, he never once mentioned his wife but he said has a toddler)

[Toodaloo]

Be glad and relieved that you didn't.

 

Read any of the posts on here and you will see how the vast majority of people who are in affairs or have romantic feelings with people who are married are utterly miserable. Most take time and effort but eventually they feel better as soon as it is all over.

 

Even those who are involved (in my case not even that) with people who are separated and "technically" available are miserable.

 

Give yourself time. Be glad it went no further. Concentrate on no contact and go out and find something to do so you don't have time to think about him so much.

 

I for one am glad I haven't slept with the chap I am worrying myself over. Would have made things a whole heap harder to deal with and its hard enough as it is.

 

This guy is married to another woman. If you need a "cold shower" ask yourself how you would feel if you saw your husband hugging another woman like that?

[A.Moscote]

...I now blame myself for not taking the extra step...

Perhaps you are thinking too much of that instant gratification, on the 'possible' good ending out of that extra step...

 

Maybe, on the other hand, if you think of how that extra steps could've tripped you into a dark pit, you'd now be patting that wise girl on the back instead of blaming her.

 

Even if there is no worst case scenario out of it, think again of how wrong it is to do something that you don't want others to do to you.

 

Safeguard yourself and be careful now that he knows what is behind the veil. Choose the right adventures soph, be wise.

[herself]

Physical contact such as kissing releases chemicals in the brain that are similiar to cocaine...a feel good euphoria.

Lets be honest its SO flattering having that attention. The forbidden adds an extra element of excitement.

Chalk it up to a crush...definately do not meet up...danger zone.

It will feel great but have extremely bad consequences.

I understand why you went there and how you feel the way you do..but that fun is SO short lived...the next doorway is confusion and sadness, trust me I KNOW.

[whichwayisup]

I'd probably feel so much better if we at least had a kiss just to get my lust over with...

 

You're fooling yourself if you really believe this.

 

I guess I sort of felt like a failure also for not being able to seduce him..

 

I mean this respectfully, but would you be proud of yourself, something to boast about to friends and family that you fooled around, or had sex with a married man and woo'ed him away from his wife to have an affair with you? That isn't something to be proud of.

 

(not sure about his relationship with W, he never once mentioned his wife but he said has a toddler)

 

Don't assume anything. His wife and marriage isn't your business to know about which is why he didn't talk about her. Maybe he is a private person and doesn't share details of his home life with women in general or people he works with.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm in an emotional mess. Long story short, I was heavily flirting with a married man who used to work in the office next door to mine (he initiated it). We went out for lunches a few times, he would stop by to chat and flirt everyday but we never had sex or anything. The flirting and tension was quite intense between us. In any case, I only wanted to have a physical fling with him (did not want to get emotionally involved, nor am I interested in ruining his marriage) and at some point I really wanted to ask him for a drink but never actually did it. He then changed job and the week before he left, the feelings got so heavy, I felt so sad that he's going to leave, that I can't handle asking him to meet up. In some ways, I suspect it's the same for him as he would always appear nervous and not knowing what to say when he came talk to me in his last days. Anyway, after he left that job, we were in NC for a few weeks until recently, he came back to the old office to pick up something and stopped by mine to say hi. When he left, we hugged for a few seconds- a romantic one with him hugging my waist, we looked into each other's eyes and almost kissed but did not as his ex-colleagues were next door (not likely going to see us but they might at the right angle). He said he would email me to have a coffee or drink but it has been a few weeks again and nothing from him.

 

You're contradicting yourself wildly. It's abundantly clear that you're a hot mess who is already in the throws of an emotional affair with a married man. So much for just a physical fling.

 

And what part of engaging with him sexually would NOT ruin his marriage? That is not only selfish but some serious naive thinking going on.

 

Consider yourself lucky that you dodged a bullet. Get some much needed perspective and seek out men who are available for flirting and dating and having sex with.

[Poppy47]

YOu would regret it a lot more if you had taken that step.

 

What's so wonderful about seducing a married man? I think you need to grow up and realise that he has a wife and child.

Poppy

[jellybean89]

I tried to hate him as I thought he was flirting for fun as a MM (which is really inappropriate) and had no genuine interest in taking it to a further (physical) level, but still I can't get him out of my head.

 

Huh? So you know it's inappropriate to have an affair, but you are kicking yourself for not sleeping with him?

[Pinklotus]

I can relate to much of what you said, but trust me, you don't want to go there. The joyful moments will be eclipsed by a lot of sadness, guilt, anxiety, and misery. Just don't! Run away while you still can, don't even entertain it.

 

 

 

 

I'm in an emotional mess. Long story short, I was heavily flirting with a married man who used to work in the office next door to mine (he initiated it). We went out for lunches a few times, he would stop by to chat and flirt everyday but we never had sex or anything. The flirting and tension was quite intense between us. In any case, I only wanted to have a physical fling with him (did not want to get emotionally involved, nor am I interested in ruining his marriage) and at some point I really wanted to ask him for a drink but never actually did it. He then changed job and the week before he left, the feelings got so heavy, I felt so sad that he's going to leave, that I can't handle asking him to meet up. In some ways, I suspect it's the same for him as he would always appear nervous and not knowing what to say when he came talk to me in his last days. Anyway, after he left that job, we were in NC for a few weeks until recently, he came back to the old office to pick up something and stopped by mine to say hi. When he left, we hugged for a few seconds- a romantic one with him hugging my waist, we looked into each other's eyes and almost kissed but did not as his ex-colleagues were next door (not likely going to see us but they might at the right angle). He said he would email me to have a coffee or drink but it has been a few weeks again and nothing from him.

 

I find myself missing him and thinking about him every waking second. I dont know why I felt so strongly even though I thought I am only in lust with him (I still think I'm as I don't really see myself connecting with him emotionally). I've not had such a strong physical attraction with anyone in the past and certainly not with any men I've seen lately. I tried to hate him as I thought he was flirting for fun as a MM (which is really inappropriate) and had no genuine interest in taking it to a further (physical) level, but still I can't get him out of my head.

 

Sigh I don't even know what I'm looking for with this post. I now blame myself for not taking the extra step (I think he had given "dirty" hints that he wanted me) - why didn't I ask him for a drink when I could have or just kiss him when we hugged? I'd probably feel so much better if we at least had a kiss just to get my lust over with... I guess I sort of felt like a failure also for not being able to seduce him.. (not sure about his relationship with W, he never once mentioned his wife but he said has a toddler)

[still_an_Angel]

There are some things in life that you are better off without. Not everything that comes your way is a good "opportunity". You know this is not right yet you feel regret for not taking it further, but why would you regret something that you know is not right? You only need to read the threads on here and somehow "feel" the pain of the OWs, relationships like these don't usually end in happy ever after. And I speak as an OW who is so in deep that its like finding your way out of a dark cave, its not an easy path and its littered with frustration and pain.

 

But then again, the best teacher is experience, its really your choice if you want to take a bite of the forbidden apple. Best of luck.