Facebook Relationship Status

[chucksagent]

I would like EVERYONE to chime in on this. There is no right or wrong answer. But I am sure you all have noticed this as I have.

 

Why do people who are in a COMMITTED relationship...be it boyfriend/girlfriend....be it engaged....or be it MARRIAGE...choose to NOT include that on Facebook?

 

And you can't say "privacy." Because these are the same idiots putting pictures of their young children, where they work, where they go to school, their family, pictures of their homes, etc. So "privacy" isn't a valid/logical excuse.

 

So why then, do 2 people you KNOW are married, either have no relationship status or have Married but NOT linked to one another. Or two people dating, still keep single or not change to "in a relationship."

 

I am generally a cynical person with stuff like this, and always assume the worst in people. But let's none of us be MEAN or NICE people...let's try and be like aliens from outter space looking at this with ZERO bias....

 

Why would people in these situations not ADMIT to being in a relationships and/or not say WHO they are with? Thoughts?

[lolablue17]

Because the are in a committed relationship at present. Why would they reject future opportunities? :D:D:D

[OwMyEyeball]

I'll take a stab:

 

1) Preservation of identity - FB page as a way of projecting ego (sense of who a person believes they are). SO is viewed as an accessory to life more than a partner.

 

2) Preservation of ego - Leaving the door open for positive attention from the desired sex. There may or may not be an intention to keep options available in case the primary relationships fails.

 

I'm trying to think of some more "positive" reasons since from the emotional bias standpoint, these two suck big time.

[OwMyEyeball]

Because the are in a committed relationship at present. Why would they reject future opportunities? :D:D:D

That's what I thought, but you're not really losing opportunities if you assume interested parties or potentially interested ones aren't going to suddenly defriend you once you get into a serious rship.

 

All it takes is a relationship status change and bingo! you're on the market again.

[veggirl]

Don't know. I can't think of any legit reason to hide that info. If you are so worried about privacy, you wouldn't be on FB to begin with so that's a bs excuse. Plus don't your friends already know you are in a relationship? I can only think of shady reasons to hide that info tbh.

[PegNosePete]

Because they don't want to.

 

Why do you feel you have a right to choose or control what any other person chooses to put on a social network website? You seem to be actually upset/angry over this issue. That is not rational behaviour.

[chucksagent]

Pete, we are trying to have an educated discussion. "Because they want to." Doesn't fly in the scientific, legal, medical, psychological or any other field of consequence.

 

You seem to be the one effected by this. My guess is you are either a HUGE liberal or you, yourself, are guilty of this act and are taking offense to my COMMON SENSE question of "why?" I merely asked "why?"

 

Why would anyone with a clean slate or no agenda be upset with a "why?"

 

"Because they want to" does not exist. It simply doesn't. There is ALWAYS a reason behind ANY action or inaction. Even if someone says "I just felt like it" the question THEN becomes "Why did they feel that way?" You don't JUST FEEL like doing something that makes no sense at all. THAT is odd my friend.

[chucksagent]

Lolablue - ding ding ding I think this is a VERY big reason why.

 

Owmyeeyeball - "Attention" is the key word I was thinking of too. Have you ever seen how much attention a hot girl who is SINGLE gets vs. a hot girl who is MARRIED or ENGAGED. The amount of attention DIVES off a cliff. There will always be a handful of creeps who won't care, but the VAST majority of guys paying attention will turn to another channel.

 

Veggirl - "Legit reason" is more buzz words I also was thinking of.

[Avulare]

Because it's none of the business of 90% of most people's hundreds of Facebook friends, with which they likely have little to no daily personal contact. Facebook is not a dating website, and people are under no obligation to inform you of their relationship status on a silly internet page. If you're someone who maintains close, real-world contact with the person, chances are you already know if they're in a relationship or not.

[chucksagent]

Avulare - Then why are these SAME people posting photos of their children holding a sign for "first day of school?" Or posting where they work? Or posting the connections for their brothers and sisters? Or tagging themselves when out to eat at a restaurant?

 

They are essentially giving out a "stalkers playbook" but heaven forbid they just include who their boyfriend, fiancee, or spouse is. Lol. That would be WAY too much information hahahah Insane.

[OwMyEyeball]

Because they don't want to.

 

Why do you feel you have a right to choose or control what any other person chooses to put on a social network website? You seem to be actually upset/angry over this issue. That is not rational behaviour.

How is that irrational?

 

If the social network is for specific purpose - say for business, ] hobbies or expressions of aspects other than their personal life - then it's understandable that whoever your life partner is wouldn't seem as relevant.

 

If a person is using a social website to express themselves and share their life experiences with their network it would be reasonable to expect that they would at least make reference to their one committed relationship. I would openly question the omission. It's not a matter of control, but respect. I wouldn't want to make them do something they don't want to do. I'd want to understand why they're not doing something I expect they should. There's a difference.

 

My ex never made mention of me on her fb page. At the same time, she never updated it save for maybe a profile photo change every 6 months to a year. To me that was reasonable enough to understand why I wouldn't get any mention on there.

 

Had she been a much more active user - the type who uses the site daily and uses it almost as a diary - and after all our time together she didn't once make mention of our relationship, change her status or even included photos of us (while putting up photos of just about all of her other friends, events, and so on) I'd be upset and I'd be asking why.

[mammasita]

I only know of ONE person who had a LEGIT reason to keep his relationship status off of FB, he worked for some super secret FBI thing....and has since closed his account. Other than that......it's all BS.

[mammasita]

Avulare - Then why are these SAME people posting photos of their children holding a sign for "first day of school?" Or posting where they work? Or posting the connections for their brothers and sisters? Or tagging themselves when out to eat at a restaurant?

 

They are essentially giving out a "stalkers playbook" but heaven forbid they just include who their boyfriend, fiancee, or spouse is. Lol. That would be WAY too much information hahahah Insane.

--or taking pictures of their calories burned at the gym

--or a super close selfie saying "Its soooo hot today"

 

etc etc and so forth.......

 

attention whores.

 

:rolleyes:

[GemmaUK]

I have FB friends - acquaintances to be more honest who assume I am married and that I have been for years.

I have no idea why they think that..

Acquaintances offline who I know where I live also think the same - heck, even strangers think I am married!

 

I don't have any relationship status up.

I dated two guys over the past 5 years since I have been on FB and each of them had issues with me not changing my status. I only dated one guy for 5 weeks and the other for 7 months.

 

I have one or two FB friends who change their status like the wind.

 

For those folk I tend to think 'unstable' might be the best option.

[chucksagent]

owmyeyeball - YES! THANK YOU! Ok everyone, PLEASE refocus our efforts on the point owmyeyeball just made.

 

WHY as people do we REFUSE to just take situations as they come and be reasonable? Is it BECAUSE people WANT to do what they WANT to do...and ultimately WON'T have a good/legit answer???

 

Think about it. Like you said, person who never updates...or as another said, FBI secret job, etc. There are LEGIT reasons. So why, why oh why, is it SO UNREASONABLE for us as people, friends, family, lovers, employees, employers to ask WHY?

 

Have you all noticed this new phenomenon? People get upset or defensive when you merely ask WHY. If they have a good reason for doing it, why not just say "here is why." Seriously. How hard is that? In my opinion, if something so reasonable and so easy to do is "hard" or you "cant do it" then I suspect there is probably shady reasons for not explaining yourself.

[CrystalCastles]

First off, why do you care who posts what on their facebook page?

 

Secondly, it does not matter what the reason is for those people not posting. There doesn't need to be a reason. Maybe people have different ideas of what is private and what is not.

 

I didn't put my status on facebook because frankly, its nobody's business. It is also partially because my bf is a grad student at my school and I, an undergrad, work in a grad lab, and know many of the grad students at my school and I don't want people talking about us or our relationship because I don't want workplace drama.

 

Some of my friends have just "in a relationship" on there because they consider that part of their lives private. They've told me and some other close friends, and they know about my relationship as do a few other people. However I don't feel that facebook is the place to broadcast my relationship and I don't care if that bothers people or not.

 

Idk. Facebook seems to be a good place for unwanted drama so I rarely ever go on it.

Edited September 4, 2014 by CrystalCastles

[PegNosePete]

You seem to be the one effected by this. My guess is you are either a HUGE liberal or you, yourself, are guilty of this act and are taking offense to my COMMON SENSE question of "why?" I merely asked "why?"

Yes I am "guilty" of this act. I am also "guilty" of keeping my profession, birthday, personal email address, telephone number, home address, national insurance number, salary, mother's maiden name and banking details off of facebook. Why should I put any of those on there? What is the benefit for me? All of my "facebook friends" know me in real life. They all know I am in a relationship, and who I am in a relationship with. What difference does it make whether I have a public statement of this on my facebook page or not?

 

Why would anyone with a clean slate or no agenda be upset with a "why?"

Dude, you're the only angry one here. You're the one whose posts are filled with capital letters.

 

Idk. Facebook seems to be a good place for unwanted drama

Exactly - and this thread is the perfect example of that.

 

Woop woop it's the faceobok police!

Edited September 5, 2014 by PegNosePete

[sillyanswer]

I would like EVERYONE to chime in on this. There is no right or wrong answer. But I am sure you all have noticed this as I have.

 

Why do people who are in a COMMITTED relationship...be it boyfriend/girlfriend....be it engaged....or be it MARRIAGE...choose to NOT include that on Facebook?

 

Perhaps because the people they care about are aware of their relationship status already and they don't feel the need to broadcast it to everyone else on their "friends" list.

[WhiskeyJack]

I personally don't put it up because everyone on my Facebook is either family or really close friends. They will know when I'm in a relationship and when I'm not. Theres just no need for it to be included. Plus I hardly ever use Facebook in the first place.

[Sunfire73]

When i know my bf and i were serious, i asked him if we can be fb official. Coz his is still single. He didn't mind and didn't care about status, but I did and so he changed it to 'in a relationship with me'. I was thinking the just 'in a relationship ' is fine, but he said he doesn't have a problem telling who he's in a relationship is. For me, fb for close friends shouldn't be the original source of information. Our friends and family already know that we're in a relationship. It's just making it fb official and its for people outside our close friends circle.

[ExpatInItaly]

Did you have the hots for someone who turned out to be in a relationship or something?

[MissBee]

I don't use FB for the purposes of announcing my relationship.

 

When you put up such a status it becomes this huge thing on your timeline that others then feel free to like or comment, and worse if you're not married, just dating, and eventually break up, it is so awkward to have to change that, as it also comes up as well.

 

I don't see the purpose of putting up a relationship status. People who know me in real life know if I have a boyfriend or not and I know that about them too. People are also free to choose what they want to be private. For some their kids are off limits, for some it's their relationship, for some they choose not to put their occupation or where they work, for some it's other things. That is up to their discretion. I am not one for broadcasting my relationship on social media. I find it mostly tacky, esp for folks who are just dating and where a bf/gf is subject to change every few months. When I get married, if FB is still a thing, chances are I'll put married and to whom (if he even has FB that is, as the assumption is that every person has it, which isn't true. Should you ask your spouse to get FB just so you can tag them as your spouse or if they don't have it should you delete yours too?) but if I'm just dating, I'm not going to do that.

 

I've had bfs come and go and I'm not gonna sit around tagging bfs in my profile every so often then untagging and changing my status. No thanks. When I say "I do", sure or when I'm engaged sure. I see that as perhaps more of a legitimate reason to do that and a husband is more of a permanent fixture than a bf. My bf and I are FB friends but neither of us have statuses up or are tagged as the other's relationship partner. My bf barely uses FB and I mostly use it in relation to school. I do see merit to the idea that no sign of your relationship on FB is probably the best sign that it's a good one. My ex would get a new gf every 3 months and each time it would be a big FB to-do where on my timeline he was in a picture with this woman, his status changed, the person is tagged, people liked and commented and so on....then 3 months later he is single, then 2 weeks later, new gf, new status, rinse repeat. I see so many people do that and I'm embarrassed for them.

 

My bf and I are perfectly happy not putting up a status and most of my friends, except a few of the married ones, don't have a status either but they do have pictures together with their SO sometimes. Some people's entire FB becomes about their SO and that is so bizarre to me, where they seem to have no identity besides being the gf of this person or wife of this person. That's not how I choose to have my FB and in general while I have a bf my whole life isn't about him thus I don't need a banner announcing we're together. But the style of my FB in general is less about my personal life and more casual and related to my school, career, and pics of my travels. I don't make it so that people can use it to pry into my relationship.

 

It's like wedding bands, some people wear them and some don't wear them, and some cheat while wearing them. It's a personal preference for a couple. Likewise you could be tagged with your bf/gf or wife/husband...doesn't stop cheating and means nothing. Read the OW/OM forum, OW come on and discuss how they saw MM make a status about his beautiful wife and so on and so forth and pics of them on FB and meanwhile he has an OW who sometimes is also his FB friend or the wife's friend...so yea...FB statuses are but the least of what anyone should use to determine legitimacy or commitment to one's relationship.

Edited September 5, 2014 by MissBee

[acrosstheuniverse]

I had a couple of serious relationships that ended, against my will. From then onward, I was always wary of putting my status on facebook. Not because I was ashamed of my partner or wanted people to think I was single, but because I was so afraid that a new relationship might end one day without warning too that I'd feel even more stupid and publicly humiliated, and worried that people would judge me for being fickle and shallow, when in fact neither of those relationships ending were my decision.

 

I got over it and changed it, because the excitement and novelty carried me through in the end and I figured I should just take a risk because you can't live life expecting the worst.

 

Now, I have a very dangerous/risky job working with some extremely nasty and violent people. I have a pseudonym online now, and my social media accounts are locked down as tight as humanly possible. But I can conceivably think of a scenario where I might not want anyone linked to me as a partner on there, in case certain people I work with did find my account and could then get in touch with a partner of mine for nefarious purposes (threats, hostage taking, demands etc.)

[Coe]

Strange question. I don't change my relationship status as I'm not 14, my status doesn't show at all even though I'm technically single. I don't use Facebook to pick up girls and any girl I date and have on Facebook is mature enough that they don't need me to change it to link to them.

 

Also I'm happy for them to get attention from as many guys as they want, having 30 guys like their picture is meaningless when I'm the one taking them out straight after they took a picture of themselves looking hot. I like that the girls I see feel like they are confident enough before our dates to put pictures on for the world to see. Maybe I'm just not insecure.

 

As for putting pictures of their kids going to school etc, if I had children I'm sure some of my family would be interested in seeing their first day at school(personally these picture bore me) but I do know that my mum couldn't be less interested in who I'm currently having sex with...

[chucksagent]

If you are consistently private and don't post ANY private info, then so be it, that makes perfect sense. But you people can "lie" or "kid yourselves" but if you are a wide open book about all things but then conceal relationship status, that is very shady.

 

 

NOW...I am not talking about someone who has been dating for 6 months, but my god, if you are married with kids, why would you post pics of your kids but NOT post your marital status!? FB is a way for creeps to message attractive women and feast on that opportunity and by leaving it single or blank, you are ASKING for those creeps to message.

 

 

And most people who have seen me post on here know I don't lie...It's pointless lemmings; this is a message board where nobody knows eachother in real life. What benefit do I gain by lying to strangers?!? Lol. If I wanted HONEST opinions I too would be HONEST. This has never effected me, but I recently noticed it in a few people I went to HS with who are married. It wouldn't happen to me because I AVOID red flags like a smart person. If I married someone and she was like "naw, I wanna keep single up" that is a showing that I am an idiot and picked a bad wife. That is the kind of thing that if you ARE NOT private, you would share like you share all the other stupid unnecessary bullcrap.

 

 

You guy act like posting pics of your kids or checking in at restaurants are NEEDED but relationship status is dumb LMFAO "Yeah, people want to know when you go to McDonalds, but could care less WHO YOU ARE MARRIED TO!!!!!!!" Makes a lot of sense people, good job, as always. Lol. You all wanna bury your head in the sand, enjoy, but I refuse to be stupid.