SamSam68 Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I ended it pretty quickly after I figured out it was a false reconciliation. I've filed for divorce. Dday was earlier this summer, so yes, some betrayed wives do decide to end the marriage. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I ended it pretty quickly after I figured out it was a false reconciliation. I've filed for divorce. Dday was earlier this summer, so yes, some betrayed wives do decide to end the marriage. I have two female friends who did just that and one male friend who forgave his wife but is now divorcing her 15 years later. All this black and white male/female stereotypes are amusing me though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OffRail Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 (edited) My cousin was cheated on the whole time they were married and she found out about it after she had just given birth to their youngest son. He had the same woman for years. He filed for divorce as soon as their youngest turned 18 and is still with the same woman now. She was the worst divorced bitter woman ever because I guess years and years of being so angry at him was hard to let go of. She was always belittling him too when they were married in front of the family right to his face. I can't even imagine what it was like for him behind closed doors. I don't feel sorry for her. She chose to stay. She could have divorced him at any time. And as for him, I hope he is happy. The last time I saw him he looked like he was. Ummm... Well, he chose to stay until it was convenient for him to leave, too, yeah ? If she was soooooo awful to him, why didn't he up and leave at any time ? But that sure doesn't stop you from feeling sorry for him, does it ? Never mind that he probably instigated the belittling by running around on her ? And maybe she was belittling him because she couldn't end the marriage for her own reasons (like he had his) and took her frustrations out on him by putting him down, just like he took his frustrations out by cheating on her ? He doesn't sound exactly like a saint, although you sure do try to portray him as such !! But somehow you feel sorry for him and not for her ? Wow, are you REALLY the cousin of the BS but supporting her cheating husband ? Edited September 6, 2014 by OffRail 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 does a woman ever leave her husband after he tells her he's had affairs? I'm starting to think not. So are you hoping the wife leaves and the MM will then end up with you, by default? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Ummm... Well, he chose to stay until it was convenient for him to leave, too, yeah ? If she was soooooo awful to him, why didn't he up and leave at any time ? But that sure doesn't stop you from feeling sorry for him, does it ? Never mind that he probably instigated the belittling by running around on her ? And maybe she was belittling him because she couldn't end the marriage for her own reasons (like he had his) and took her frustrations out on him by putting him down, just like he took his frustrations out by cheating on her ? He doesn't sound exactly like a saint, although you sure do try to portray him as such !! But somehow you feel sorry for him and not for her ? Wow, are you REALLY the cousin of the BS but supporting her cheating husband ? I'm not supporting either of them. Just because I wish him well doesn't mean that I don't wish her well too. It's just not going to happen for her anytime soon because she still is so bitter and very abrasive. Link to post Share on other sites
OffRail Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 (edited) I'm not supporting either of them. Just because I wish him well doesn't mean that I don't wish her well too. It's just not going to happen for her anytime soon because she still is so bitter and very abrasive. Why wouldn't you support a wife who was being cheated on FROM THE BEGINNING, including when she was pregnant, and who was dumped when it was finally convenient for him to leave her ? You openly said that you don't feel sorry for her because she chose to stay, while ignoring the fact that *he* too could have left at any time, but chose to stay and take her put downs ! YES, he chose to take her belittling, so why would you feel sorry for him, but not for her ? What gives ? Classic case of victim blaming here. I don't even know this woman, but I would be bitter, too, if I was cheated on from the time I said "I do" to the time that he finally decided it was a good time to end the marriage. What she needs is support and maybe counseling, not people condemning how she treated her scumbag and wishing HIM well ! You made it sound like he was totally blameless and very deserving of happiness with his OW, just because his wife was a nagging harpy ! And, you mention how badly she probably treated him behind closed doors ? However badly she was treating him, AT LEAST she wasn't sleeping around with another man, without giving a damn for his feelings and emotions, yeah ? Nothing that she could have done would have been even remotely at bad as what he was doing to her. I hate it when people like him just end things when they want and go on to their AP when it is convenient to end their marriages and people wish HIM well !!! Thank God that Karma is an f-ing b1tch who knows just how and when to take care of folks like him ! My cousin was cheated on, too, and I know the hell she went through. AND, even if she wasn't perfect, I had, and have, and will always have, her back. No one deserves to be cheated on, NO ONE. SHE needs help and counseling and emotional support to move on from her current place to find a man truly deserving of her. Someone very different from the scumbag she was previously married to. Edited September 6, 2014 by OffRail 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 I know of one female relative who divorce immediately upon discovering an affair, remarried, and never looked back. Link to post Share on other sites
summerdowling87 Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 does a woman ever leave her husband after he tells her he's had affairs? I'm starting to think not. My 1st SIL of my oldest brother left when she found out my brother was having an affair with my current SIL. However the SIL my brother married and cheated with on my 1st SIL didn't leave when my brother cheated on her. My mother left my father after finding out her was having an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Anecdotes do not data make. My "anecdotes" are no less reliable than DKT3's, yours, or anyone else's estimates in this thread. If you want to see some "data" go count up the threads on the front page of the infidelity section. Just as many or more are made bu male BS's or female WS's. They all stay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 The op mm probably confessed because at heart he didn't want to stray but the temptation was too great. He recruited his wife as the bad guy by telling her. Now he can say it's all because his wife is making him do everything. That's how cheaters are, weak. That's what makes them cheaters and not divorced people. Or he never even told his wife and this is his way to get rid of her and still be the good guy. How did you get all that from the OP? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Why wouldn't you support a wife who was being cheated on FROM THE BEGINNING, including when she was pregnant, and who was dumped when it was finally convenient for him to leave her ? You openly said that you don't feel sorry for her because she chose to stay, while ignoring the fact that *he* too could have left at any time, but chose to stay and take her put downs ! YES, he chose to take her belittling, so why would you feel sorry for him, but not for her ? What gives ? Classic case of victim blaming here. Two wrongs don't make a right. He was wrong to cheat and she was wrong to tolerate it for years and years and years. Going down to the courthouse and filing some papers would have changed her from being a "victim" into being a "survivor" just like that. Instead she chooses to act like a victim. A bitter one at that. Sorry but I can't sympathize with her. She stopped talking to her youngest son because he maintained a relationship with his dad. The silent treatment is abuse and making her son take sides is wrong. If she had thrown him out and divorced him when she first found out many years ago she may have her act together by now and be over it but instead she chose to stay in the contemptuous relationship that was her marriage. You don't choose your family but you do get to choose your friends. Two of my girlfriends filed for divorce as soon as they found out their husbands had cheated on them. They both chose single parenting over living in hostility. They both own their own homes and are fine standing on their own two feet. They're so over wallowing in their own self-pity. They aren't victims...they're survivors. They're my kind of girls. <3 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyRock Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 How did you get all that from the OP? Do you have a more logical explanation? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HermioneG Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 (edited) My "anecdotes" are no less reliable than DKT3's, yours, or anyone else's estimates in this thread. If you want to see some "data" go count up the threads on the front page of the infidelity section. Just as many or more are made bu male BS's or female WS's. They all stay. A forum like this is self selecting report. I assume you understand the dynamics. I also am sure that you understand that anecdotes do not constitute data. Yours. Mine. Or anyone else's. But you are the one speaking in absolutes about what always happens. And how people always are. If you truly understand the power of data over anecdotes, you'd couch your words differently, instead of announcing things as you do. You said this: "Generally, no, and neither do men leave when they find out their wife stepped out. They stay and b*tch at the WS and/or act passive aggressive for the rest of their lives. They all end up miserable." That's my problem. They "all" end up miserable. Your words. Not DK's where he used a well known stat culled from psych surveys. Your opinion, based on your anecdotal experience. You don't know "all" and you have no reasonable grounds to make that claim. Your offer of verification in the infidelity forum does not even make any sense. There are plenty of betrayed spouses there with detailed stories of leaving. Sigh. Edited September 6, 2014 by HermioneG 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 A forum like this is self selecting report. I assume you understand the dynamics. I also am sure that you understand that anecdotes do not constitute data. Yours. Mine. Or anyone else's. But you are the one speaking in absolutes about what always happens. And how people always are. If you truly understand the power of data over anecdotes, you'd couch your words differently, instead of announcing things as you do. You said this: "Generally, no, and neither do men leave when they find out their wife stepped out. They stay and b*tch at the WS and/or act passive aggressive for the rest of their lives. They all end up miserable." That's my problem. They "all" end up miserable. Your words. Not DK's where he used a well known stat culled from psych surveys. Your opinion, based on your anecdotal experience. You don't know "all" and you have no reasonable grounds to make that claim. Your offer of verification in the infidelity forum does not even make any sense. There are plenty of betrayed spouses there with detailed stories of leaving. Sigh. LOL! You write all this and then you click "like" on the post above yours???? Yeah, right, you believe what you wrote. I'm sticking to my beliefs, you can stick to yours. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 How did you get all that from the OP? Probably from OP's previous thread where she lays out her story. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HermioneG Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 LOL! You write all this and then you click "like" on the post above yours???? Yeah, right, you believe what you wrote. I'm sticking to my beliefs, you can stick to yours. My liking the post ( and agreeing with the interpretation of that particular situation) has nothing to do with *your* blanket statements, which is my objection. The post I liked did not say all scenarios are like that. That post is related to this situation, and informed by previous postings of the OP ( which it is always good to read the backstory). Very different. Link to post Share on other sites
peaksandvalleys Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 does a woman ever leave her husband after he tells her he's had affairs? I'm starting to think not. Yes. Some of us do leave. Some of us make sure our WS and AP know without a doubt they messed with the life of the wrong person. We can't get back the time we wasted, the tears we wasted or the trust we once had. But we take something else. We take their job, their reputation, their arrogance, their disrespectful nature and in some cases the collateral damage includes their mental and physical freedom. So maybe you just haven't met the right woman yet. Just a possible answer to your question. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 There are no hard and fast rules to any of this. I have seen many women who stay because they are afraid that they cannot make it on their own. My husband is one that stayed - I think for awhile it was because he was pissed he would lose half of everything. So he stayed. I do believe he loves me but he had an affair too (after mine). Yes - people stay together because of shared history, kids, family, possessions - they do - believe me they do. Link to post Share on other sites
OffRail Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 (edited) Message removed. Never mind. Edited September 7, 2014 by OffRail Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 My liking the post ( and agreeing with the interpretation of that particular situation) has nothing to do with *your* blanket statements, which is my objection. The post I liked did not say all scenarios are like that. That post is related to this situation, and informed by previous postings of the OP ( which it is always good to read the backstory). Very different. Blanket statements? Go back into the infidelity section an read what is said about OW. Then we will talk blanket statements. I guess this rankles me because I get told often that I am the exception. Not sure that is true. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Somewhere I was reading an autobiography of someone talking about the olden days where men would brazenly cheat, and the guy's response was, why not...where's she going to go? This is before women could get jobs or get support from family. Family would urge women to stay no matter what...through domestic violence and what not. So maybe that is still a holdover. My own, traditional mother teases her younger husband, saying if he wants to cheat go ahead, she isn't going to stop him. They have a strange relationship where he acts like an annoyed child, she acts like an annoyed mother, and yet they are both devoted. Link to post Share on other sites
HermioneG Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Blanket statements? Go back into the infidelity section an read what is said about OW. Then we will talk blanket statements. I guess this rankles me because I get told often that I am the exception. Not sure that is true. I am staying on topic, and decline to follow this segue about your issues, and following Loveshack's rules. Thanks. Have a lovely day! Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Lol. Good on Ya. I may not agree with your views but i respect your right to have them. Xx Link to post Share on other sites
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