Wishywashy

[rose11]

New here and have read alot of the posts on separation and divorce.

 

I am in the same boat of many of them. I guess I am writing here just to get another opinion.

 

I have been married for 4 years and have had a rocky road to say the least. But I think I am at the end of my rope. Married to what I think is a "Narcissist" among other things. He works an overnight job making a little more than minimum wage and is at home with our 3 year old son all day. Most of the day consists of him playing his online role playing game and ignoring our son. Otherwise he is falling asleep on him because he didn't get any sleep (comes home at 7 am and I leave for work) This produces a never ending cycle of problems. When I come home from work he goes to bed. We just bought a house 1 year ago in which we agreed that he was going to get another (better paying) job and that never happened - he doesn't have much motivation as it is in seeking employment and now that is causing financial problems - all of which he blames that I am spending all of the money (what money?). Now our personal relationship is failing, the talking, the intimacy and the sex. He is not the type to believe in counceling. I have made several attempts to talk to him about our problems. Like sitting down and having conversation about my feelings and try to get him to discuss anything, he just sits there doesn't say anything and has a blank look on his face. I think what really did it was we were having an argument in front of the children (the 6yr old is mine from another relationship which the problems with my H and her is another thread) and he got so angry that he broke our bedroom door and smashed a glass candle on the wall, which landed on the kids who were on the bed, and had to have the police come and make him leave because I told him to get out and he wouldn't.

 

Bottom line is he is not making an effort to further our lives, his career or work thru any problems. His main priority is his computer (alot of porn too). Everything is my fault and our relationship is becoming void of any connection that a marrige should have.

 

Any comments would greatly help!

 

Rose11

[laRubiaBonita]

maybe write up an expense sheet, or budget so the both of you can see exactly where the money goes....hmmmm how much is spent on the internet?

[d'Arthez]

I am sorry for the situation you find yourself in.

 

Although I am not a psychologist, these are the DSM-IV criteria for a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If you do recognize your husband in more than 5 of these criteria, it could be that he is possibly Narcissistic.

 

(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

 

(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

 

(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

 

(4) requires excessive admiration

 

(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

 

(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

 

(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

 

(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

 

(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

 

Sadly if he does qualify, he won't improve on his own. He would need serious counselling. But does he qualify in your view?

[Lil Honey]

Or does he show signs of depression? ? ? ?