Gave longtime ex-friend silent treatment; now he's contacting me like crazy

[jake4]

I was friends with this guy for about 12 years. We had some good times together, and at times I considered him a close friend. Back in April, I met up with him for dinner after not seeing him for months. During dinner, I saw a totally different side of him. He didn't act or talk the way he usually does. He made some critical comments, and even made a racially insensitive joke directed at me. He is very religious, so he tries to get me to go to church, even though I'm not religious. He has these random anger outbursts when things don't go his way (he had one during dinner). A few years back, he had one and even threatened to kill me (he wasn't serious, but was just angry). Also, at times I feel he can get envious of my accomplishments.

 

So at this point, I was not interested in preserving the friendship or talking things out. I decided to silently fade him out of my life - I removed him from Facebook and other social networking sites. I blocked him from my phone.

 

Recently, I found out he has been contacting me like crazy. Here is what he has done:

 

-He called my previous place of work, asking them for my work email address. He sent me an email to that address to call him.

-He emailed my mother, and in that email he wrote that over the past few months he has tried to text, call, email, and message me on FB/LinkedIn but to no avail. He also wrote her that I should contact him ASAP.

-He sent yet ANOTHER email to my mother, telling her that he is surprised that he hasn't heard from her. He says he has contacted me several times. He also writes that if my family is in need of any help, he is there.

 

I feel very uncomfortable by these various means he has tried to contact me. At this point I feel like emailing him to indicate that I have moved on with my life and tell him to stop contacting me. Suggestions? I would love to hear your insight. Again, I don't feel the need to save this friendship, even though it had its good moments.

[amaysngrace]

Tell him to leave you alone. You don't owe him an explanation as to why although if you truly want to help him understand himself better you could let him know that you don't enjoy the company of a radically-religious racist.

 

Tell him to leave your boss and your mom alone too. Say it in writing.

 

If he bothers you or anybody else that you've specifically told him not to then notify the police.

[Standard-Fare]

During your dinner in April, did you show him that you were bothered by his comments and behavior? Or did you just play it cool and friendly?

 

Unless you two had some kind of direct confrontation, I doubt he has any idea why he's been dumped. That type of rejection can be very confusing. He wants answers, and he might keep trying until he gets them.

 

You might want to try very briefly expressing that he offended you at your last meetup, you don't think you two are as compatible as friends, and you'd prefer no further contact.