LbeanSee Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 My husband has been showing interest in a girl he works with and I've been able to get one of my friends, who works with them, to keep an eye on them. My husband promised to cook for this woman for a dept lunch and this week spent two whole evenings cooking. The night before the lunch, he had worked for 10 hours straight but cooked until 10:00 pm! He also cooked a special dish just for her. My friend said that during the lunch, my husband sat next to her but was reluctant to when he first walked into the room. She had cooked something and my husband told her "Sorry I'm not going to try your rolls with shrimp salad, I'm allergic to shrimp".* Then he asked her to make him a plate of her tiramisu! She asked if he would take it home and he said no, that it would be his snack...* Is all of this inappropriate? Am I right to think that their interactions during lunch show he's interested? Or am i being too jealous? He's also been giving her special treatment professionally. (Background:*asked about the lunch she had scheduled for the department, where he said he would cook for her. She wrote she didn't believe him bc he works 70 hours a week. They email at all hours, there's been flirting, gushing emails, compliments left and right, etc. So yesterday he emailed to thank her for something and mentioned he had made two sauces for lunch. She wrote: "And I still can't believe that you're actually cooking! I'm sorry that I've been so skeptical - you said that you were going to do it and you followed through; I'm not used to getting that from anyone! An entirely new experience. I'm just about to shape my rolls and start the tiramisu... Can't wait for the eggplant tomorrow!! :)" (He's making the eggplant just for her and a meat dish - shes a vegetarian) Them he sends an email titled "Because some will doubt..." with two pictures of his stovetop, and the eggplant dish being made!! He did not show the meat dish... He copied their bosses on it and a few other people.) * There have been so many examples of special treatment, giving her assignments that should have gone to others and upset emails from another staff member... Too much to mention all at once!) Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 The cooking thing could be harmless socializing but you said there'd been flirting, gushing emails and compliments left and right. Can you give details of these? They seem much more severe to me, than a bit of cooking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LbeanSee Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 Some things: apparently she wrote him a thank you card and this is the email he sent: "I wanted to express my thanks for the card. Since being a little kid thank you’s (and cards) have been very awkward for me. I am the person that just likes to complete a project and move on. *Again, thank you for the kind words of encouragement. As I get older they help make each day better. Good news – made the sauces last night. Half way there for Thursday." She emailed him and his direct report only. He emails them both back and adds my boss, thanking her only for the great support Shes been giving them. He added her boss to make her look good. Then he writes "I need to grab you and your boss for a meeting..." *she says she can't find her boss and asks him if its anything she can help with, and as it turns out it's something that only her boss could have done! There was no need for her to be there at all according to what I read. He also gave her an important assignment that should have gone to one of his direct reports... Something she should have done, but he asked this; and the other one wrote an email saying she was upset. There are also quick ones, like she emails asking if he has some time to se her and he goes "I'll make time"... I don't know if I'm reading too much into it, it sounds like flirting to me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Having lunch with a work colleague is just fine. All the rest of it is too much. Letting someone taste something you made is one thing, specially cooking for them is again too much. To spend two days doing it I'd be atomic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LbeanSee Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 That's what I think!! And this girl is the only vegetarian there, my friend said that the CEO, my husbands boss, sat with them, smirked and asked my husband "So, you two worked on this menu together?" And my husband shrugged and said "Yes, I made something vegetarian, everyone hass to eat" and the girl was silent but looked embarrassed. This tells me that everyone is talking already, because my husband works almost 80 hours a week and still found time to do it... And when she said she didn't believe he would cook, he emailed pictures of himself actually doing it! I'm so angry but keep telling myself it could be innocent. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Yes it could be innocent. I mean you haven't found any metaphorical bloody knives or smoking guns. There's nothing to suggest he's having an affair here. It could all be innocent and I wouldn't even call any of this "flirting". But it's pretty disrespectful to you. He is neglecting you by spending so much time at work, and even his spare time cooking for work. I would be quite annoyed by that, too. He seems to be spending too much energy on work and pleasing work colleagues (in particular her) and not spending enough time with you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Alone it doesn't merit a divorce but it does warrant a long talk with your husband. You need to calmly express to him how awful his fawning over this woman makes you feel. If it is innocent & you don't come at him from a screaming attack position, he should be repentant. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Gosh, i should have read this earlier. women don't see such things at first. There is an MGM movie called Eat Drink Man Woman. Food and Cooking together can be sensual environment for two peeps to fall in love. i cook, and find it fun and rewarding to share with so inclinded relationships with my mates. i would have put a stop to this right away, 10 hours was way too much for work... he did it to impress the girl. there is very few dishes that take 10 hours start to finish. Turkey can be one of them, and i don't see turkey that sensual or exicting unless you deep fry the bastard. oh i was talking about the husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LbeanSee Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 No, he had worked for 10 hours, took kids to soccer practice, came home and cooked for hours, all the time updating her on how his cooking was going. That was after spending another night cooking and prepping stuff two days earlier! So it was 2 nights of cooking on top of a 70 hour work week. This is what gets me. Then he didn't want to bring her dish home for me to see, and apologized for not being able to try one of the things she cooked! Something else worries me - his boss's, the CEO's, perception. Am I right to think that his smiling/smirking meant he was suspicious? I worry about not only my husband with this girl, but how he's perceived at work! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LbeanSee Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 It also worries me that he took the time to thank her for the thank you card evn though in subsequent emails she says that he thanked her in person! So why an email? Why gush a little more? And did he mean that even though it made him feel awkward, he was thanking her anyway because she's special? I want to ask him all these questions but keep telling myself he will laugh in my face because these are petty things. But I have a gut feeling its not all in my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LbeanSee Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 Why? What do you see as inappropriate right now, if anything? (Just trying to get other's views and see if I'm off base) Link to post Share on other sites
Thicke2013 Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 This seems awfully close to some of the stories I read on http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/487491-i-m-tracking-my-husband-s-work-email-am-i-right-suspicious-one-girl this post. Is this you Bonnie? Did you get tired of the responses you were getting there and create a new account? Posting in a different section? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Thruster Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 well good news is if you ask he will lie anyway (man thing and all) but at least ask if anything is going on? that way he knows you are watching Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 It could all be innocent but that is how most affairs start. That said I did not see a whole lot in this that I find inappropriate. But I do find the cooking as a red flag. If my SO was cooking special meals for a coworker I'd want to know what is going. I would be understanding of providing a meal to a coworker in need (going through illness, death of family member or the like, special occasion). But constantly? It could just be they have got into a cooking competition of some sort. He might not even realize he is neglecting you and making you jealous. It could be more.. He could be attempting to impress her. I'm leaning towards impressing her, if it was a cooking competition type of thing; he would not be cooking meals so frequently for her. The question is how do you feel about it? Do you feel neglected? Do you feel jealous? If so talk to him about it. Don't pick a fight, don't accuse him of anything. Just ask him straight up what's with all this cooking?! See what his response is. Then tell him it seems like it's for a coworker and this is making me feel neglected and jealous because... See how he responds to it. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 It's awfully funny that you know exactly every word they say to one another. Does Kay tell you this? It almost sounds like you are that girl and are trying to find out what we think he thinks of you. Very bizarre. Are you too jealous of your husband?: Naw, I don't think so. A jealous wife would not put up with all that you have written. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angelcake Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 This seems awfully close to some of the stories I read on http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/487491-i-m-tracking-my-husband-s-work-email-am-i-right-suspicious-one-girl this post. Is this you Bonnie? Did you get tired of the responses you were getting there and create a new account? Posting in a different section? And this one, too: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/481260-co-worker-bought-me-drink-am-i-being-too-hopeful-i-m-into-him OP this is your 3rd thread, its probably time to stop with the multiple personalities. Just be honest about your situation and ask your questions. You will get a lot more answers that way. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 This seems awfully close to some of the stories I read on http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/487491-i-m-tracking-my-husband-s-work-email-am-i-right-suspicious-one-girl this post. Is this you Bonnie? Did you get tired of the responses you were getting there and create a new account? Posting in a different section? I'd say so!! She slipped above ^ saying "my boss" instead of her husbands boss. OP- Stop flirting with your married boss, he's probably not going to dump his wife for you and the rest of the office probably think you're a cheap tramp. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angelcake Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 I'd say so!! She slipped above ^ saying "my boss" instead of her husbands boss. I caught that too! Careful, OP, make sure you proofread Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 I'd say so!! She slipped above ^ saying "my boss" instead of her husbands boss. OP- Stop flirting with your married boss, he's probably not going to dump his wife for you and the rest of the office probably think you're a cheap tramp. LOL...I saw that too but I couldn't make sense of it. I thought maybe the wife also worked at the same place but now that I've read all 3 threads I can see that they are clearly all by the same person and that person is the girl chasing her married superior at work. Link to post Share on other sites
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