How Do I Get A Second Chance?

[RealPrinceCharming]

Hi there! I'm new and basically joined because I'd like some input on what to do. My girlfriend of a year broke up with me almost three months ago. I was her first boyfriend, love, kiss, first time, EVERYTHING. The relationship was truly magical. There was so much passion, so much attraction, and it was almost too good to be true. We were the envy of everyone, especially her friends, who I think may have had help push her to decide to end it. The fact that SHE ended it was shocking, especially after all the great things that had happened during the relationship. We used to talk about the future, and even both of our families would say they could see us getting married. Who knows, maybe things being too "serious" is what drove her away. Maybe it was her friends, maybe I was too physically demanding or came off as cold sometimes without intending to (because I would never want to hurt her). Either way, I don't believe it was because she got bored. We would always do adventurous/different things, and we always were all over each other. I know you aren't supposed to contact during the aftermath of the breakup, but this is nearly impossible due to the fact that I am the security guard in the neighborhood she lives in. Yes, that's how we met in the first place. I NEVER feel this strongly about someone, so I know she's the one. When she broke up with me, she said she needs to experience dating other people in order to know if I really AM the one, otherwise she'd go through life wondering. She also said she wish she was older like me and had already experienced these things, so that we could just be together. We had a real tearful, hugging, kissing goddbye, and that right there tells me it aint over. What should I do in order to get her back. Accept for the first few weeks of post-breakup desperation, I've been giving her space. Only shooting her a simple text, and leaving it at that (that way she'd start thinking of me) I guess I just need to be patient and wait for her to initiate contact, but I always worry she's gonna jump into a relationship with someone else just to have somebody. Any tips from you seasoned relationship vets? (Other than get over her because that aint gonna happen).

[GorillaTheater]

She also said she wish she was older like me and had already experienced these things, so that we could just be together.

 

May or may not be relevant, but how old are the two of you?

[Elias33]

Many people can be the one. I know it's hard to believe, but consider this thought at least. And then look what is asked of you. She wants to be with other guys, and you need to wait just "in case" you're the "one"? Find another one. And you WILL get over her.

[RealPrinceCharming]

Many people can be the one. I know it's hard to believe, but consider this thought at least. And then look what is asked of you. She wants to be with other guys, and you need to wait just "in case" you're the "one"? Find another one. And you WILL get over her.

 

Thing is, I've been trying to go on dates with other girls, but I know for a fact that she hasn't been with anybody because I'm good friends wit her brother who's like my inside contact and tells me these things haha Besides, she aint going to find anyone better than me, and she'll eventually regret it when she realizes all the other guys just want her for one thing. Girls also have a hard time letting go of their first time, especially if it was a good relationship. And to answer the earlier question, yes we are young. 21 and 17 to be exact, but age does not matter. How many of our parents, grandparents, etc. do we know that have gotten MARRIED even at that age or younger. When you fall in love, you know it, and love doesn't care about age or anything else.

[RealPrinceCharming]

Also, while what you said about many people can be "the one" is somewhat true, I disagree to an extent. While we can love more than one person in our lifetime, there's only ever going to be one that is your dream come true. The one that takes your breath away and makes you wonder if you're dreaming when you're holding them. I know plenty of people (family included) who just settled with someone and are now miserable. One thing they have in common, they all regret letting that "one" get away, and I don't want her to be that one.

[Ronni_W]

RPC,

If you truly are the one for her, then she will eventually find her way back to you. After 1 or 10 or 100 other "failed" relationships, she will find a way to let you know that you are her one.

One thing they have in common, they all regret letting that "one" get away, and I don't want her to be that one.

It isn't only up to you, though. SHE also has to feel that you are her one, and to not want to let you "get away".

 

All you really can do, that would be appropriate and respectful, is to step back, have patience and give her the space and time she wants/needs to make her own assessments, come to her own conclusions, and make her own free will choices and decisions...however long her process takes for her, is how long it takes.

[Dontfindme]

When my ex broke up with me he hugged me, kissed me, and even cried with me. It doesn't mean anything! It's all temporary and not worth analyzing.

 

You should let her go.

[RealPrinceCharming]

I appreciate everyone's input thank you! I knew from the beginning I just needed to give her space and time, but it's really hard because I'm not that patient and have anxiety problems. I do believe though that she's going to come back. I think she just got scared cause of how serious things got so fast. Understandable, but I think she'll come back. Everyone including her own parents swear it haha. I know I need to branch out as well with other girls, so I'll keep trying to get over it. It won't be easy and will probably never happen, but oh well!

[CarrieT]

we are young. 21 and 17 to be exact, but age does not matter.

Of course it does. But, being 21 and 17, you don't believe that. You came here to ask the opinions of "veterans" and those of us that survived those years (and experienced EXACTLY what you have), can attest to the fact that age DOES MATTER.

 

How many of our parents, grandparents, etc. do we know that have gotten MARRIED even at that age or younger. When you fall in love, you know it, and love doesn't care about age or anything else.

I dare you to print this thread out and refer to it in ten, twenty, and thirty years and say the same thing. You won't.

 

Of course our parents and grandparents got married at "our age and younger." It was an entirely different era and everyone had shorter life-spans. Heck, there was a point where people got married at the age of 13, but were dead by 40.

 

The only thing I CAN assure you of is that you *will* love again; just as fervently, passionately, and seriously. But I would recommend you withhold words of "marriage" until you are closer to 30, at least.

Edited September 8, 2014 by CarrieT

[evanescentworld]

As has been said, your ages DO matter - chiefly because you believe you are incredibly mature, but unfortunately, you aren't....

 

Sadly, neither of you are completely mentally fully-formed yet, and that's not being patronising - that's an actual anatomical fact. Everything looks extreme, desperate and urgent at this age, because you believe the intensity of your emotions can sustain and support the relationship, eternally.

 

But that's not being realistic, and it's not accepting the obvious: She's checked out.

And absolutely no amount of effort on YOUR part, can affect HER opinion.

 

You can want to fight for a second chance, until you're blue in the face. To her you'll just become an annoying, persistent irritation, because she is in no way going to even think about giving it to you....

I'm sorry, but you really do have to take a deep breath, put it down to experience, and accept that tastes, characters, dreams, ambitions and desires, inevitably change.

Particularly when you're 17.