Coping ... Venting

[Shocked Suzie]

I'm doing well, I know I am... Things have really settled and for the first time in a long time I have started to have some real quality time for myself, I'm focusing on getting fit, saving, looking into short holiday and planning a trip that ive wanted to do for some time in 2016. I'm happy with the way things are.

 

 

There are a couple of things that are bothering me...

 

Granted I've not gone down the dating path yet... Sorta waiting until I've had some me time and really for someone to turn my head in some way.

 

After my Ex H affair it obviously has had an impacted on trust and my out look. This also has been reinforced by the fact that I've had 3 married men come onto me in underhanded way... 2 of them I've known for years (one being my ex, my 1st real love) both live abroad and are married with kids... I'm not going there so no worries...The 3rd is a friends partner who really tried it on on a round about inappropriate way when I was at my lowest point... Sorta been left thinking that what is the hope, I really am starting to think that what I thought was meant to exist with couples really doesn't.

 

 

The other one is (and I totally know how lucky I am that it's taken this long) but my kids will possibly in the near future meet the ex's GF.... It's a double edge sword for me, one part of me wants this... I think the kids could then have some (hopefully) quality time with their dad and in a way adopt an extended family here as all our family is in the uk... I look at it at the benefit that it will have my kids

 

The other part of me feels that he doesn't pay child support, has only spent 5hrs per week for the last 18 months with them. He has done everything the wrong way on so many levels they are too many to list... Why can he swing in n out if their lives like this

 

I don't love my ex, I don't even hate him... I look at him and feel nothing, like I haven't spent 16yrs with this person.

 

I've tried with every ounce of energy I have to do the right thing... Why is it that he and others think it's ok to do the wrong thing, how can a person do so many wrong things and still get it right and be doing ok?? How can people build things on such crappy foundations and do so well?

 

Everyday I am positive, ever day I get up and do the right thing. I'm actually sick of being told how good I am, what a nice person I am. I'm no saint but since this awful experience I promised myself I'd take the higher ground...When these people swan about doing the wrong thing and come up smelling of roses!?

 

 

Just feel like at times im just treading water.... For what!?

 

SS x

 

X

Edited September 6, 2014 by Shocked Suzie

[jakrbbt]

I feel for you! I'm sorry that dad is so un-deserving and yet you recognize that the kids will do well with a relationship with him, warts and all. Frustrating, yes, but ultimately it looks like you're doing right by your children and you will have a better future with them because of it.

 

On the dating: Oh man, I remember when two friends of mine broke up from each other after rebounding together from long relationships. Then they both went out and dated more. They got together and compared notes. The woman had been immediately hit on by one of her married female professors who decided to have a wild affair and who spent most the time whining about her weird husband-- then HE fell in love with the woman too, and after he pursued her, she fled the whole scene. The man (my friend, not the professor's husband) went out with a woman who was at first nice, then invited another man over and insisted on a threesome, then started fighting with the stranger she'd invited over-- who, it turns out, was her ex-- in front of my friend. Well, my two friends compared notes together and I remember they said: "It's pretty lame out there in the dating world."

 

The reason I tell you this is that the guy friend, he went on years later and fell completely head over heels in love with someone who is perfect for him. Both in their 40's. Most romantic thing I've seen. The woman friend tried online dating, had another painful relationship, and then met some guy while at a boring seminar for some random reason, they are total soul mates and in bliss and married now.

 

So yes, it's lame out there, but for some reason, people so often meet someone great anyway. Just never, never when they thought that they would. I know that doesn't help because like, how long will it take? Not that you have to be coupled up to be happy, but it can start to feel depressing when lame-o's are hitting on you. Well, the chances of you going through life without another major romantic relationship are very low. And there are good men out there-- you won't end up in a depressing relationship with douchebag infidel with tacky mustache and pleather pants hitting on you at the cocktail party while his wife's back is turned.

[Shocked Suzie]

infidel with tacky mustache and pleather pants hitting on you at the cocktail party while his wife's back

 

 

 

Lol oooo bad picture

 

I am atm very happy single, I love looking out for me for a change... It's also very healthy too.

 

It's a mixed bag of thoughts really and hard cause I'm away from everyone who I've grown up with... Who knew me before I got married, they know me! So I just feel a bit out of limb

 

I suppose thats how my mind had thought how things were 'meant' to be when they actually aren't ...there seem to be a lot of sharks out there.

 

I also am blown away how my ex can be so dysfunctional and do so well, meet someone and be so happy.

 

SS x

[Yasuandio]

Honey,

 

His "happiness" is an invention of your imagination. You don't know this. A 16 year marriage easily trumps a new relationship, that is obvious. It is not peaches and cream over there. He is totally a kept man - how emasulating is that? You don't think she rubs his nose in it? That is why he doesn't dare step out of line - she will kick his fanny out of there.

 

Wait till she has to handle your youngests. Haha. She gonna be ticked. He wont look so inticing with his baggage with him, believe me. Encourage the visits, that won't kill your kids, it is good for them to meet another potential family if that's what it's gonna be. Make it a regular visitation time. I can't wait to hear about the fireworks. I bet he will be at your door, but you don't answer, send the kids out. NC, period. He does not come in your house.

 

Yep, time to set up regular visitation. Haha. Yas

 

PS. You are doing great. I've been worried about some things. I'll email the art pix when my mood is better, honey. Kisses.

Edited September 6, 2014 by Yasuandio

[Shocked Suzie]

Thx Yaz xxx hope your ok

 

I had a dream last nite that my son decided to move in with his dad.

 

I supposed what has triggered this is that when they do finally meet his GF I know it will stir up emotions again. He made us homeless without a second thought and will be flaunting their beautiful new home to my kids... When he doesn't even financially support us!! That is it in a nut shell!

 

My love for my kids will be able to deal with the fact that they may really like her, cause I can see the bigger picture.

 

I also think the contact from my ex boyfriend has rattled me too, I loved him deeply... I don't understand why he felt the need to tell me the stuff he did when he is no position to act and if he did act would then be no different from my ex H!!!

 

In a way I wish I could climb back into my bubble of how I thought my world functioned.... But then I would know it's all BS

 

I'm fine, just having a moment.... Still dragging myself doing "positive" things...

 

Look forward to email.. Hope your ok luv

 

NC as always x

[Shocked Suzie]

Yep, time to set up regular visitation. Haha. Yas

 

Granted it has all been very convenient for him the kids not wanting to meet her...also very manipulating on me too, he knows I won't ditch the kids! He knows while I have the kids all the time It will be difficult to start something new with someone else

 

SS x

[Shocked Suzie]

Father's Day here... He spends 2hr 45mins with his kids, in that time speaks to his GF four separate times on the phone. Then suggests they meet her for the first time by picking her up from shops n sitting in a car for 30mins drive home

 

He took the kids out for Father's Day lunch and didn't want to eat cause he'd had a blow out breakfast with the gf... He knew he was seeing his kids for Father's Day lunch

 

 

Serious idiot... He doesn't deserve their love

 

SS x

[jakrbbt]

Sounds like she is so important to him, he is kindof desperate about it.

 

He probably has to be. Not attractive in the long run.

 

She'll ditch him, unless she is a dweeb, in which case they are both dweebs and you are rid of Tweedle Dweeb and his Ditzo Dweeb preferences. Kids are still better off loving Dweeb Dad than no dad. Think of his new woman as a sports craze that some dads have. I can think of plenty of fathers who would have their kids sitting in a car or skipping father's day lunch because a stupid game is on. They still love their dads and don't feel rejected. Oh I'm sorry, the anger must be pretty sharp, I'd be angry too. Crap. It's like the other woman is actually interfering with your children, and he's letting it happen-- while they get neglected for other woman. But if the kids are old enough to voice their needs and they're not with him all that much anyway, I think they will be absolutely fine. You're understandably miffed and annoyed though at his douchebag behavior.

[Shocked Suzie]

 

 

Who knows what going on there... Sadly my kids won't say a word, just vent on me (well my eldest does) my youngest says little and is happy to see his dad in any way that is offered... The only thing he sticks his heels in on is meeting her.

 

I dunno I just feel for them... And yes lucky for them he's not really in their lives that much due to the way he behaves. Although deep down I feel it's all very convenient for him the kids not meeting her.

 

SS x

[Yasuandio]

Kids know she's sending out the "I Hate You Little Monsters" vibe. Can you imagine, after she bought the house, and all the essensials, now she has to factor in some little brats (her perspective). How effing inconvenient and inconsiderate after all she's done for your husband. Didn't she even get him some Hot Wheels? I guess I would be PISST off too.

 

All the more reason the kids need to take advantage of that nice swimming pool while the season is still about. Be sure you send the kids with some of those hidious juice packs and drinks that create impossible dayglow pink and orange stains. Sometimes the juice packs are missing their straws and it's fun to shoot them down thatch for kicks. Haha. Yas

[TheBladeRunner]

Kids know she's sending out the "I Hate You Little Monsters" vibe. Can you imagine, after she bought the house, and all the essensials, now she has to factor in some little brats (her perspective). How effing inconvenient and inconsiderate after all she's done for your husband. Didn't she even get him some Hot Wheels? I guess I would be PISST off too.

 

All the more reason the kids need to take advantage of that nice swimming pool while the season is still about. Be sure you send the kids with some of those hidious juice packs and drinks that create impossible dayglow pink and orange stains. Sometimes the juice packs are missing their straws and it's fun to shoot them down thatch for kicks. Haha. Yas

 

LMFAO .......and while you're at it Suz', if you have any annoying toys, send those too. That's what my XW does to me and I do it to her.

 

On a serious note: Your XH is pathetic! Any father who does what he is doing to his own kids is a sniveling wimp IMO.

[No Limit]

Offer your neighbour to take care of their non-housebroken dog and let it go to their house. Your kids have a fully-attentive companion and the ex can clean up after.

[Yasuandio]

http://www.livestrong.com/article/215192-how-to-detox-children/#page=1

 

WebMD doesn't really seem to endorse colon-cleansing, but this "Natural Drink" sounds pretty healthy, and a lot tastier than a dose of castor oil:

 

Natural Colon Cleanse for Children

 

"Hey Mom!" "What's for breakfast?" "Dad is picking us up for the weekend!" [Why not make two batches - send some over to the young lady - share your baking talents!].

 

http://www.californiadriedplums.org/recipes/collections/kid-friendly

 

Now you wouldn't want to neuter these pets and rob your kids the opportunity to experience the miracle of birth(s).

 

http://www.pets4homes.co.uk/pet-advice/fun-interesting-facts-about-mice.html

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Disclaimer: "Dr. Yas" did not go to Medical School. These ideas are for entertainment purposes only, and to cheer SS up!

Edited September 8, 2014 by Yasuandio

[Shocked Suzie]

Ha ha you guys crack me up!!!

 

Yaz I don't mind mice ) ... I have an annoying cat they can take! He'll fight with her cat lol

 

My kids are teens so they would take teen attitude and loud music!

 

They are still sticking to not wanting to go... I can't blame them.

 

SS x

[Shocked Suzie]

LMFAO .......and while you're at it Suz', if you have any annoying toys, send those too. That's what my XW does to me and I do it to her.

 

On a serious note: Your XH is pathetic! Any father who does what he is doing to his own kids is a sniveling wimp IMO.

 

He is pathetic! I often wonder how he contained himself for so long while we was together!?! I honestly don't think he was this bad.

 

SS x ... Strange