am i wanting the right things? do i sound like someone who knows what he wants?

[mysteryguy]

these our just two letters i have sent to my girlfriend who i have two kids with and want to marry, we've lived togeather for 5 years, and probably will forever ect..

we have had some probs, but i feel like i have changed, woke up and grown sooooo much, i was actually really dumb before, didnt know what i wanted in our realtionship ect..

By reading these two letters that i've written my girlfriend can you give me your opinion if i am on the right track to happynesss, if im doing what im supposed to be doing, or get a sence of it at least.

thanks.

 

 

letter1-

 

 

 

 

It sucks knowing you have to go to work even when

you'de rather commit suicide because you are so depressed.

But, i have to look at why I am depressed, am i depressed because

I am in a bad relationship? no, I am depressed because me and my

girl were doing so good and the few hours i had with her tonight

had to be un-enjoyable. I feel like i am in a good relationship,

most people arent capable of loving the way we love eachother,

sharing the feelings that we share, or thinking the way we think.

I have felt sooo close to you these last 2-3 days, I have made

a pact to myself to not argue or fight EVER again, i wish I could

explain how i feel about it but it is complicated, I feel like you

think "oh if you have to -try- to get along than we arent compatible"

when the truth is, i feel like inside that it is nateral for me to

want to make you happy everyway that i can, to do whatever you want me

to do, that kind of stuff makes me happy, part of me feels like it

might be a turnoff to you if im just a huge ol softy, but im sorry

if thats the way you feel, i am soft, i am humble, and i dont ever

want to argue or fight again, i want love 24/7 forever.

I've grown alot, before i had too much pride to let things go before

i got my point across out, but i see now that fighting and arguing

changes nothing, it makes you depressed and miserable, but getting

along makes you smile, it makes you feel good, and it brings us

closer togeather, so i have found that the payoff for not having

pride, the payoff for seriously choosing my battles is definatly a

reward because ultimatley that is all i want is to get along, therfor

it is my choice wether or not to start an argument, or take anger

out on you, there is notihng better than being happy and in love, so

why not spoil ourselves and not be the type of people to get angry.

I know you dont like me snooping through your stuff, and i am sorry for

doing that, but the worst part about most things is the unknowing,

just liek you wanted to know why you lost your job, like parents of missing

children just want to know if there kid is dead or alive, and most

people would do anyhting to know the unknowing. I because of what

has been going on, and have seen a pattern recently with you

saying its over with jenn and me finding out it's not, It's hard to sit back

and not know if once again something is going on, or if it's really not over

ect... It's like im trying to get to the truth, that is how i feel

when im snooping, i feel like im trying to get to the truth,

im not just "curiouse" and feel like invading your privacy, please

know that.

For the future, I can promise to not snoop "and yes i have no urge to snoop"

if you can just look me in the eye and tell me all the unfaithfull stuff

is over.

When i give you my word you can be rest assured that i will keep my word,

therfor I dont need to here "oh i feel like your going to read this email

im typing, this sucks yada yada"

I will not give you my word if i dont mean it, so please give me the respect of

knowing that I will stick by my word.

And as you want the respect of me keeping my word, you can only imagine

how i want you to keep your word about being faitfull.

We are compatible, more so than you can see, we are family, and

you are the person that i want to be able to call my life long partner.

It's time we make each day of the rest of ourlives as happy as

we truly want to be, and i truly want to be happy and know that

giving it 110% effort is almost like no effort at all because

getting along with you can be so easy, I just hope you will strive

for happyness like me so we can live the rest of our lives togeather

in happyness, so lets change the way we've lived our lives in the past

and give ourselves the happy future we deserve. I know depression is a seriouse problem

for anyone to have to deal with, maybe depression in one or both of us

might cause a problem here and there, but i am very very excited

to get on some kind of anti-depressant,that way we arent getting into

any artificial fights that normally both of us without depression wouldnt get it.

Anyhow im all for happyness, make it work with me, saying i dont ever want

to fight or argue again isnt even a high expectation for me, there is no reason that

cant be done. if you love me and feel the same way i do and want it to work like i do

let me know, if you dont love me and dont even know if you want to be with me let me

know, i'de like to know if we are on the same page or not.

Thank you.

Love you.

-Danny

 

 

 

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Celebrate Yahoo!'s 10th Birthday!

Yahoo! Netrospective: 100 Moments of the Web

 

 

letter2-

 

 

Look, I know i said I didnt care if you called jen, even though i didnt

really mean it, how many times did we go over that evden though i said i didnt

care if you called matt, that wasnt a free pass to do it without even telling me,

on top of that i told you that yea ofcoarse i'de want to know, ESPECIALLY jenn

for goodness sakes, so you do it without even telling me, that hurts my feelings,

you could have called and told me first what you were doing and what you planned

to say, that is just respect. before you left i came in and expressed that I do respect

you, I told you I respect you because of your feelings and that I love you so naturally

i respect your wants and needs more than someone like my dad.

So after our first call I expressed to you that I didnt want you talking to her,

You've told me lately how i can trust you yada yada and when I got off the phone

I could have bet someone a million dollars that you wouldnt have called her back.

It hurts me deeply that you have to be the type to go ahead and do it anyways,

man I love you more than anything in the world, there isnt a soul that could

come close to completing me like you do, but im ready in life for an honest, loyal

trust worthy relationship, I cant bear the thought that my own women called this

girl back more than once against my wishes, not to mention not even running it past me first.

This just hurts so bad, this kind of disrespect needs to stop, and it's going to,

I have expressed to you every feeling that I could pssibly had, I dont get to hear much about yours,

but i wrote you that letter, so if you've read it, you know how I feel, you know

where im coming from and the bottom of the letter says let me know if you want happyness like me

or just let me know if you dont love me.

Lets just settle this today, im perfectly ready and have the love to have a life long commitment to you,

let me know if you feel the same, or if you dont want to. If you do, I demand loyalty and honesty

and what you did today is totally not acceptable, i'de almost rather be with someone that i knew i could

never love and someone who i wasnt even attracted to as long as that person was loyal and honest and respectfull.

You're going to have to fix that wiring in your head that allows you to do tings like that beyond my wishes.

You know in your heart what you want, if you dont want to be with me or respect me let me know while

my head is stronger than my heart right now and I can cut my losses and move on, i know we will never

get anywhere as long as you can do stuff behind my back or against my wishes, so i just have to tell my heart

that staying with this person im just going to be hurt over and over and never be able to rest easy not

knowing if my women is being faithfull, make a choice what you want to do, dont waste anymore of our times,

you can be the family girl that is with me till death do we part and love and respect me unconditionally,

or your not, if your not, than lets have a talk about what we are going to do.

 

what you did today is not acceptable and it will be the last mistake you ever make

in our relationship if you do it again. I dont want to live another day not being able to trust you.

 

I have to be able to know that you are commited and faithfull and honest.

As of right now I dont know if you are commited, or if you have thoughts deep down like "I cant wait to be on my own"

If you asked david "do you think your girlfriend is madly in love with another guy" he'd probably say hell no,

or if he told cassy "im not really sure if you are" and what if she said "you can trust me or not, we dont even need to be

togeather if you dont trust me" she can easily say that, but still in the back of her head know she loves someone else.

my point is, you act like it's my problem for not trusting you, but i know fir one people can be sneaky and

you never really know, and the only way you do know is when your with your soulmate and in a exremenly tight

relationship with the person you love and you just KNOW, see, I want to be able to just KNOW, as of right now

you have done several things to make me not trust you, and it really ****ing sucks, it's not like

"oh lets take a break than" a 20 year break wouldnt change anything, showing me how faithfull, honest, loyal,

commited, and how strong your love is is what shows someone that youc an trust that person.

I need to be able to trust you, my love for you is as strong and healthy as the love between anyone in a really

good relationship, but without trust how can a relationship be anything, and please dont make the mistake

of thinking that oh just cause you called her a couple times shouldnt mean that i cant trust you, cause

it does mean that, in my heart i felt that i knew you werent going to call her again and if she called you

you wouldnt answer because of our talk, and you did it anyways, that gives me such and empty hurt type feeling in my

heart, i cant belive it. it makes me want to cry that you can do that, it is reckless to our relationship.

and if you have anyting to say to me like oh well you do this and that, i know in my heart that i've given

our relationship more effort in the last 3 weeks than i have since we've been togeather, while you havent

changed at all.

two wrongs dont make a right, i aint going to go get some secret lover and say "oh well you did it to"

just let me know, your either in or your out, what is it? im ready to be happy and live the rest of

my life in peace, you can join me or you can let me know that you arent capable of respecting me

and being faithfull to me and not thinking it's ok to call your ex love for ANY reason, even if i say it's ok,

even if i beg you to do it, you should know right from wrong, if you say you dont care if i go get a

prostitue, am i going to go do it? no, i know what is right and what is wrong, all i want to do is

be in a happy, life long commited relationship, your either onboard or your not, let me know.

stuff like what you did today can never happen, and dont think it has anything to do with if our relationship

is good or bad, we can have the best relationship, but it's in your heart and being commited to truely being

honest.

you were in a "good" relationship with robby, he probably trusted you, but we flirted online, talked on the

phone ect.. that was unfaithfull, you've been unfaithfull with me, and technically to jenn you were unfaithfull

to her if she knew everything that happened, so basiclly it's been shown that it doesnt matter what the relationship

is, it's you, and your heart that is going to have to make a desicion weather or not to be the kind of person

that is going to be hinest FOREVER, not just mosst the time, but no matter what.

if you had a trillion dollars and someone asked to bet you for it with the question "would your bf ever cheat on you"

you could confidently bet it, should i be able to do the same for you? could i make that bet if the question was

"would your gf ever call jenn behind your back" ofcoarse i couldnt bet it, cause i know thats the stuff

your perfectly cabable of, you got to regain my trust for you jess, if you want us to work it's time for me to

hear that YOU are going to change as well. we've been togeather almost 5 years, we havent really got anyewhere in

our relationship since the 3rd month on since we've been togeather, it's time to make a change for the better,

a life changing type of change, a relationship change, a change to make our relationship everything that a life long

relationship should be, respect, honesty, loyalty, kindness, love, caring, passionate, spiritual and fun.

this is what i am into now, i am ready to offer all of this, and i dont even have to try, i am the type of person who wants this

very badly, i want to give it very badly, but i have to get the same in return. so really jess you have to tell me that you

are going to change, if your not let me know im wasting my time, for some reason i feel like maybe im wasting ym time,

you call jenn today after i strongly told you how i felt, plus you hang up on me, none of that shows love, so obviously

you do have changes to make and i need to hear that you will change, and that you want to change and that you can love

to be happy like me, the want to be happy so bad that choosing your battles is just a peice of cake, last night if

you arent capable of choosing a battle like that than that scares me, i want to know that you can choose your battles

as if it's not even a hard choice, i know it can be done, that doesnt mean you cant express feelings, but there is never

a reason for having to yell, i know i can and have learned how to control myself, and trust me, i feel so at peace.

You need to get where im at cause it feels really good and things can be so much better.

 

so yea, let me know

a) your ready for change, your ready for happyness and life long loyal commitment

b) you need to think about it a.k.a you have no clue what you want a.k.a very far away from where im mentally at

a.k.a very sad.

 

lemme know, im ready to get on with my life, i want these issues out of my life.

[whichwayisup]

Have you sent this to her or are these just 2 letters and you're not sure which to send her? I need to know then I will say what I am going to say...

[mysteryman]

yea i've given both to her, in that order. I just want to know I have the right attitude. plus any feedback.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

I didn't read the whole letters through, but I would have taken out ALL the negative and accusing remarks. Anything that says what she is feeling because only she knows exactly what she is feeling. To say that something makes her miserable is only going to get her defences up.

 

So be prepared....she might lash out at you but if she can overlook the negativity and look at all your positive and uplifting comments, then best of luck to you both.

[LucreziaBorgia]

You're going to have to fix that wiring in your head that allows you to do tings like that beyond my wishes.

 

It sounds like your happiness and well being hinges on how successfully you can change this person or force her to change herself to suit your wishes, and the extent of control you have over her through manipulative emotional behavior. Just from reading these two letters and reading them between the lines, I'd say your relationship is already pretty much over, and you are using emotional blackmail and passive aggressive threats to make sure she can't and won't leave you. I don't mean to dimish your pain, and I have no doubt its real - but until you stop using it as a weapon to get what you want, then your relationship has no chance. Take these letters to your therapist and discuss them fully.

 

If you really want a definitive answer, and a real shot at a mutually strong relationship - then give yourselves a chance to really think about it objectively without influencing the decision for each other. You will have to go to 'no contact' for a period of time so that both of you can have objective, unbiased time to think about what it is you want from the relationship and whether or not there is anything that can be fixed through compromise (and not by "fixing" one person's "wiring"). Hopefully after a period of a few weeks, you'll both come to the conclusions which will help you move forward into healthier situations for you both: whether or not it leads to reconciliation.

 

If you get back together under the current circumstances then your relationship will be based on obligation, guilt, nostalgia... wouldn't you rather know that if she comes back its because she chooses to and not just to appease your emotional threats?