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Opening car doors for women.

NGC1300

By NGC1300
in General Relationship Discussion

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NGC1300 Established Member

NGC1300

Posted
Posted

This feels so cheesy; I hope women don't actually expect it.

 

You can't open a car door?

 

I see men walk to the passenger side to open and close the door for the woman and then walk to the drivers side, and I just can't help but laugh.

 

This is something you do for a toddler; not a fully grown adult.

  • Like 1
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

For myself, driving mostly older vehicles that don't have all the modern conveniences like remotes and electric door locks, I unlock the passenger door and open it for the lady. Heck, I do the same for my male friends.

 

I can't recall any complaints, not even from my exW, who was kind of 'independent' in such matters.

 

If it feels 'cheesy', don't do it. Stay true to your style. IMO, there's really no right or wrong here.

  • Like 3
Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
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I do it when I can, being a Dad if my Son gets in on my side I have to open his car door but if he gets in the other side I open my Wife's door and his.

 

When we were dating and all the other women I dated I always opened the car door for them, it's just respectful and shows how much I care about them.

 

I cannot remember a time that my Mom opened her own car door if I was around..

 

My gosh man.....what is wrong with showing kindness and a gester of respect to the women in our lives ?

  • Like 11
Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted

If it feels 'cheesy', don't do it.

 

There are times when it doesn't make sense.. like if they get to the door wayyy before you and you are on the other side of the car, it is just easier to hit the button on your key fob, making them wait too long would make it a bit cheesy..

  • Like 1
Anela Established Member

Anela

Posted
Posted

My dad always does it for my mother.

 

I think it's lovely. :)

  • Like 9
Tayken Established Member

Tayken

Posted
Posted
This feels so cheesy; I hope women don't actually expect it.

 

You can't open a car door?

 

I see men walk to the passenger side to open and close the door for the woman and then walk to the drivers side, and I just can't help but laugh.

 

This is something you do for a toddler; not a fully grown adult.

 

 

1. Not it does not...ever heard of chivalry? I inadvertently do it just because it's what I saw growing up

 

2. What's funny about that? It's no funnier than you acting like a puppet around your girlfriend/wife

 

3. Actually you are wrong because most toddler are able to undo their seat belt, and get out of the car these days

  • Like 2
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NGC1300 Established Member

NGC1300

Posted
  • Author
Posted

 

My gosh man.....what is wrong with showing kindness and a gester of respect to the women in our lives ?

 

It just feels cheesy; like I'm going way out of my way to impress.

 

Also, if we're going to a restaurant I will walk through the door FIRST and hold it open behind me. Opening the door so she can walk through first; again, it feels cheesy I can't explain it.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

Another method, which I just remembered reflecting back on the 'old days' of dating, is when letting a lady into my truck, which had a bench seat and the ubiquitous floor shifter, she'd get in on the driver's side and 'slide over'. So, yeah, I technically opened the door for her there too. IMO, and this is where my 'old fashioned' side emerges, these are all opportunities for male/female contact, meaning physical contact, and that's an important part of my individual romantic style. I mean, otherwise, my best friend and I would throw our fishing poles in the back and head out. Being with a woman is supposed to be a special and intimate experience so why waste time and contact? That's my thought process anyway.

  • Like 1
Anela Established Member

Anela

Posted
Posted
It just feels cheesy; like I'm going way out of my way to impress.

 

That tends to be what people do, when they feel attracted to each other. Like a woman dressing up nicely, and wearing make-up and perfume.

 

Also, if we're going to a restaurant I will walk through the door FIRST and hold it open behind me. Opening the door so she can walk through first; again, it feels cheesy I can't explain it.

 

I've opened doors for people. I don't see the problem. Aren't you aiming to be romantic, when you go on a date??

  • Like 1
Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted
It just feels cheesy; like I'm going way out of my way to impress.

 

Also, if we're going to a restaurant I will walk through the door FIRST and hold it open behind me. Opening the door so she can walk through first; again, it feels cheesy I can't explain it.

 

Nothing wrong with going out of your way to impress... it makes a good impression.

 

If the door swings in, and some do I would do the same thing but that is holding the door open for them.

If the door swings out I open the door and hold the door for them and go in behind them..

 

I will say that I even hold the door open for men too..

 

Have you never walked into a restaurant and held the door open for the family either coming out or for the family behind you ?, men included ?

  • Like 3
acrosstheuniverse Established Member

acrosstheuniverse

Posted
Posted

I don't really care either way. If a guy does it I admit I like it, it's such a tiny gesture that makes the date feel so much more romantic and increases my attraction to the guy I think. But I don't even notice if it doesn't happen, and it certainly doesn't happen day to day, maybe just during a date night or something.

  • Like 1
acrosstheuniverse Established Member

acrosstheuniverse

Posted
Posted

As for holding doors... I'm a woman and I do it for everybody! But usually I find a man will insist I go through first. I dunno, it's just old-fashioned chivalry, it doesn't really mean all that much in the grand scheme and I wouldn't think somebody was rude if they didn't do it, but it's still really nice.

 

I was in the town centre a few years ago and walking through the door of a shopping centre, when I noticed a guy behind me was about to come through too. I probably misjudged the timing quite significantly because in the end I was stood holding the door for about ten seconds lol when there was really no need at all. But I did it and he thanked me, then I was in the queue at the coffee shop about twenty minutes later and noticed he was in front of me, I can't remember if we made eye contact or not. Either way, when I got to the front and tried to pay she said the gentleman in front had already paid for my drink. It wasn't a 'hitting on' thing, I was about 20 and he was in his fifties I think, and neither of us made an attempt to start a conversation, but it was just the most utterly delightful moment, something so small just made me feel I had connected with somebody else's humanity for a tiny little moment and made me go all fuzzy inside, I've remembered it ever since, that one act of kindness. More than anything it was nice to know that somebody had appreciated something as small as holding a door open.

  • Like 5
cerridwen Established Member

cerridwen

Posted
Posted (edited)

OP,

Whatever.

Put me in the camp of being appreciative of men like Art.

And their caliber of manners is exactly that; not expected but appreciated.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 2
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

It's a sweet gesture. Although as the person sitting there you can feel really awkward watching the other person walk around the car to open the door.

 

As a woman, in most situations I don't expect it but think it's nice if it happens. If I am in a formal gown to the floor I absolutely insist that it happen. Many times with that much material to contend with, I may need help getting out of the car. My husband knows this & always gets the door when we are all dressed up. He also gets it if it's raining & we only have one umbrella. :) There are some practical considerations.

  • Like 2
Tayken Established Member

Tayken

Posted
Posted
It's a sweet gesture. Although as the person sitting there you can feel really awkward watching the other person walk around the car to open the door.

 

As a woman, in most situations I don't expect it but think it's nice if it happens. If I am in a formal gown to the floor I absolutely insist that it happen. Many times with that much material to contend with, I may need help getting out of the car. My husband knows this & always gets the door when we are all dressed up. He also gets it if it's raining & we only have one umbrella. :) There are some practical considerations.

 

Now would there ever be a time where you get the door for the other person, if you happen to be the driver?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
Now would there ever be a time where you get the door for the other person, if you happen to be the driver?

 

I have. Some of this is about who is more able. I used to get the doors for my elderly father all the time.

 

Unless it was agreed upon before hand I would never rush to open a car door for an abled bodied man for fear of making him feel emasculated. Although I have poured my husband into a car that opened after he had too many drinks with the boys. :cool:

 

I would never do this in formal wear because again the practicalities of the big dress make it difficult.

Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
Posted
This feels so cheesy; I hope women don't actually expect it.

 

You can't open a car door?

 

I see men walk to the passenger side to open and close the door for the woman and then walk to the drivers side, and I just can't help but laugh.

 

This is something you do for a toddler; not a fully grown adult.

 

I certainly don't expect it. I can also open a car door. However, if a man went and opened the car door, I would certainly appreciate it and think it's cute.

 

Keep laughing but as we get older, we start looking for this kind of behaviour in men. As far as I am concerned, a man telling me what you just said here would land him an automatic trip to the 'this-guy-is-a-douchebag' part of my brain.

  • Like 10
MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted (edited)
This feels so cheesy; I hope women don't actually expect it.

 

You can't open a car door?

 

I see men walk to the passenger side to open and close the door for the woman and then walk to the drivers side, and I just can't help but laugh.

 

This is something you do for a toddler; not a fully grown adult.

 

I'm certainly capable of opening my own car door and every other door, but my bf still does it most of the time. I don't expect it in the sense that it's not like I walk up to car doors or other doors and just stand there helpless until he comes along and gets it, but when he does it, it's sweet and for me a man automatically seems more caring when he does that.

 

I do remember after our first date, in telling my friends about it that's one thing I did mention was that he was a gentleman and opened my doors and helped me with my coat and stuff. So clearly that stood out to me as something that made him stand out in my mind.

Edited by MissBee
Tayla Established Member

Tayla

Posted
Posted

Went into Southern states where its the norm. Its geographical I suppose.

 

A lady is treated kindly and with regard. One way to show that regard is pulling out her chair at the dinner table, Standing up when she excuses herself to freshen up and get this, Even walking her to her door at the end of an evening. Its all part of the human gesture of respectability and Genteel behavior.

 

Some guys carry the "me first "or "I'll be in charge ", and that is fine. Do it on the ball field or business arena, Its not resourceful or welcomed when out in a social environment. Most folks don't give a second thought to saying "bless you" when someone sneezes , Yet to me its almost funny to hear an array of people shouting it in the office when one sneezes. They certainly don't say it when someone has gas. Yet both are bodily functions. So again, its how we choose to address it and what value we attribute.

isisisweeping Established Member

isisisweeping

Posted
Posted
This feels so cheesy; I hope women don't actually expect it.

 

You can't open a car door?

 

I see men walk to the passenger side to open and close the door for the woman and then walk to the drivers side, and I just can't help but laugh.

 

This is something you do for a toddler; not a fully grown adult.

 

 

 

I don't expect it but it sure gives bonus points. Once I get in I lean over and open his door from the inside.

 

 

Same for holding regular doors - I don't expect it and if I get the door first I will hold it for him unless he grabs it and insists.. though with this one I do get annoyed if he gets to the door first and just lets it fall back in my face. I wouldn't do that.

  • Like 1
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted

Yes, while I hear the OP's opinion...at the same time I am quite saddened that this is the state of "chivalry" that no longer exists today.

 

And after reading some of the replies here and what I've heard (on a recent podcast), it seems that it boils down to what we are teaching our kids and what our kids observe...and, women taking themselves off of a pedestal - because they are being taught that they are "equal" to men. I mean, some women don't know what to do or don't even want a guy to give them flowers!!!

 

Thinks like opening doors, ordering the food for the woman, pulling and pushing open her chair - are all gestures of chivalry. If men aren't doing these things now a days, then what "are" they doing?

 

I mean, like less than a year a go I went out on ONE date with a guy who ate with a fork. I mean, he was 30's and I'm sure that his generation should have been where you are taught to eat with a fork and a knife. I mean, while in the privacy of my home I can eat so messy where I might need a bib, when you are in the presence of others you have to have "manners" - in other words EAT WITH A FORK AND KNIFE!!!

 

I was thinking about my crush recently and how dating is a "dance" between two people - where usually the man is trying to impress/attract his object of affection. I mean, in the animal kingdom male birds build nests, male peacocks show off their feathers....If men aren't showing gestures of chivalry, then how are they impressing women?

 

I was watching Aziz Ansari on Netflix and he was joking how women just want a guy who 'is clean' (I guess he bathes?). So, is that what we women are reduced to - just be appreciative that a guy has a penis and a pulse? And men, is that all you aspire to when it comes to wooing a woman?

Tayken Established Member

Tayken

Posted
Posted (edited)
Went into Southern states where its the norm. Its geographical I suppose.

 

A lady is treated kindly and with regard. One way to show that regard is pulling out her chair at the dinner table, Standing up when she excuses herself to freshen up and get this, Even walking her to her door at the end of an evening. Its all part of the human gesture of respectability and Genteel behavior.

 

Some guys carry the "me first "or "I'll be in charge ", and that is fine. Do it on the ball field or business arena, Its not resourceful or welcomed when out in a social environment. Most folks don't give a second thought to saying "bless you" when someone sneezes , Yet to me its almost funny to hear an array of people shouting it in the office when one sneezes. They certainly don't say it when someone has gas. Yet both are bodily functions. So again, its how we choose to address it and what value we attribute.

 

 

I wouldn't expect anyone to say bless you when someone farts...instead the onus is on the culprit to say "pardon me" if they let it rip in the presence of others

 

However, people are very childish these days (men and women) and just try and laugh it off. I once came across a woman that will try and subtly drop one, and it became a turn off for me

 

If men aren't showing gestures of chivalry, then how are they impressing women?

 

We can't pigeon hole women...and here is why

 

1. some prefer the gym junkies

2. some prefer tall, blue eyes who might not be smart

3. some like bad boys

4. Some are attracted to intelligence

5. Others don't know what they want

Edited by Tayken
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

I do it for my wife and I understand why women like it but I also understand why some men want nothing to do with chivalry anymore. I have seen men get told off and one time even spit at for holding open a door and who wants to deal with that crap?

acrosstheuniverse Established Member

acrosstheuniverse

Posted
Posted
I mean, like less than a year a go I went out on ONE date with a guy who ate with a fork. I mean, he was 30's and I'm sure that his generation should have been where you are taught to eat with a fork and a knife. I mean, while in the privacy of my home I can eat so messy where I might need a bib, when you are in the presence of others you have to have "manners" - in other words EAT WITH A FORK AND KNIFE!!!

 

Thing is, not everybody is actually taught these things. As a kid we never ate around the table other than Christmas Day so I didn't know until I was 10 that you're supposed to use a knife and fork, in different hands to what I'd been used to, and I had no idea how to hold them. My grandparents taught me when I stayed at their house but if it hadn't have been for them I would never have had a clue! Yet I'm educated, well mannered in general (holding doors open for people, never passing gas from either end in public or around anybody else in private, please and thankyou, bringing gifts to dinner at someone else's house, writing thank-you cards etc.) so I wouldn't write somebody off for one thing like that.

 

One of the things my boyfriend does that absolutely disgusts me is sucking his fingers when we eat, if there's something on them. I get that some people kinda discretely lick their fingertips if they've eaten crisps or something but he'll actually put the fingertip into his mouth and I can hear the sucking sound when he takes it out and everything. Once I noticed that I started noticing how loads of people do it. It absolutely grosses me out, it's such a turn off. I've started giving us napkins/wet wipes if eating finger food to remind him not to do it lol. So I guess each to their own! It makes me cringe so bad.

triniechu Established Member

triniechu

Posted
Posted (edited)

My boyfriend always opens and closes the car door for me every time. I actually think it's a really cute and sweet gesture. I don't expect it either, I've told him he doesn't have to do that. But he told me he insists and he loves to do little things for me, even if its just opening the door for me :)

Edited by triniechu
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