Why is my family more sympathetic towards my sister

[Georgia2014]

When my sister's marriages ends she is always a drama queen. Everyone feels so sorry for her. She is always crying and says she is depressed. She has no mental problems. They treat her like she is special.

 

Yet when my marriage & other relationships ended it was no big deal to my family. Why?

 

I have mental issues and she doesn't. I take anti depressant. It just annoys me what a drama queen she is. It's always poor her she doesn't care about anyone else.

Edited September 6, 2014 by Georgia2014

[CC12]

Maybe your family thinks you're more capable of handling hardships than your sister is?

 

If you portray the strong, silent type while your sister cries a lot and reaches out to people for help, then it's only natural that she gets more attention, since she makes it obvious that she needs it.

[Georgia2014]

Maybe your family thinks you're more capable of handling hardships than your sister is?

 

If you portray the strong, silent type while your sister cries a lot and reaches out to people for help, then it's only natural that she gets more attention, since she makes it obvious that she needs it.

 

That is a good point. In a lot of ways I am more mature than her even though she's older. Its just when my ex and I broke up my mom only listened to me talk about it a few times and said to me it's over it's done with why talk about it?

 

I don't need people to hold my hand and go oh you poor baby like my childish sister does. She has issues with being alone. She can't handle it like I can. She jumps from one man to the next. Where as I don't do that. She likes to dramatize everything.

[Tayla]

Sounds like you each have different coping mechanisms. Its a pity that neither of you can compliment each other. You can listen since you proclaim to be the "strong" one, and she can teach you how to be direct and get your needs met thru verbal inquiry. Bottom line is you can remain in the teen sibling rivalry stage or each grow as mature adults and be supportive. In what ways can you improve given this tid bid of advisal?

[OwMyEyeball]

How expressive are you with your emotions?

 

Even though you may be struggling deeply with mental illness and they know that, no one is going to be able to pick up on your suffering unless you express it emotionally.

[Georgia2014]

How expressive are you with your emotions?

 

Even though you may be struggling deeply with mental illness and they know that, no one is going to be able to pick up on your suffering unless you express it emotionally.

 

I've tried telling my mom but she doesn't want to hear it. She also knows I've had a history of self cutting. I've recently returned to that. I finally broke down & told my step mom about my self cutting which worried her but my Dad doesn't know.

[Georgia2014]

Sounds like you each have different coping mechanisms. Its a pity that neither of you can compliment each other. You can listen since you proclaim to be the "strong" one, and she can teach you how to be direct and get your needs met thru verbal inquiry. Bottom line is you can remain in the teen sibling rivalry stage or each grow as mature adults and be supportive. In what ways can you improve given this tid bid of advisal?

 

I've tried making my sister like me I've done everything I can think of. She just doesn't like me. We are to different.

[Radu]

Could also be a difference in how both of you were brought up.

 

If she got coddled for the slightest problem while you were told differently, it could cause this.

 

How did you both grew up ?

[Georgia2014]

Could also be a difference in how both of you were brought up.

 

If she got coddled for the slightest problem while you were told differently, it could cause this.

 

How did you both grew up ?

 

We grew up the same. With one slight difference I was around our grandparents more and she even said I was around them to much I guess because I have higher moral values than she does.

[Tayla]

Either you want to put a new foundation down with rebuilding a relationship with your sister, or you will need to separate yourself for the time being from this family. Its that simple.

 

Been down your path.....Lay down your inner sword...and embrace the sisterhood that can be. You admit you are high moral and she is sensitive. Learn to meet in the middle and create better adult memories. You both need to directly come to terms with a new plan. the one path you are on isn't working.

Is she the younger sister? Sometimes they secretly look up to you and have a hard time living up to the elder sisters expectations...which you seem to have.

[Radu]

I think she mentioned the sister is older.

 

OP, it's very hard to judge from this stuff, keep writing about childhood and other stuff.

[Georgia2014]

My entire life my mom has favored my older sister. She gets away with everything and is always treated special. My sister made it clear she wants nothing to do with me. So my mom gets mad at me for ignoring my sister and she gets mad if I call her names. But it's 100% acceptable for my sister to ignore me and treat me like crap. My sister has always hated me and treats me like crap.

 

Today it FINALLY dawned on me like a light bulb went off when I realized why my mother hates me so much. I look so much like my father. I have his hair color, my sense of humor is like his. I have more of his physical features than hers. The only physical feature of her's I have his her eye color.

 

I know it's because of my looks she hates me because of comments she would make about my resemblance to my Dad when I was growing up. It's nice knowing I finally realized why she hates me. I did research and experts say if parents are divorced the mother may favor one child over another if the non favored child resembles the father. Which is how it is in my case. I feel better knowing its not my fault she hates me.

[Georgia2014]

Either you want to put a new foundation down with rebuilding a relationship with your sister, or you will need to separate yourself for the time being from this family. Its that simple.

 

Been down your path.....Lay down your inner sword...and embrace the sisterhood that can be. You admit you are high moral and she is sensitive. Learn to meet in the middle and create better adult memories. You both need to directly come to terms with a new plan. the one path you are on isn't working.

Is she the younger sister? Sometimes they secretly look up to you and have a hard time living up to the elder sisters expectations...which you seem to have.

 

I am moving one hour round trip away from my sister. My sister hates me and I know it. I have finally accepted it.

[anika99]

My entire life my mom has favored my older sister. She gets away with everything and is always treated special. My sister made it clear she wants nothing to do with me. So my mom gets mad at me for ignoring my sister and she gets mad if I call her names. But it's 100% acceptable for my sister to ignore me and treat me like crap. My sister has always hated me and treats me like crap.

 

Today it FINALLY dawned on me like a light bulb went off when I realized why my mother hates me so much. I look so much like my father. I have his hair color, my sense of humor is like his. I have more of his physical features than hers. The only physical feature of her's I have his her eye color.

 

I know it's because of my looks she hates me because of comments she would make about my resemblance to my Dad when I was growing up. It's nice knowing I finally realized why she hates me. I did research and experts say if parents are divorced the mother may favor one child over another if the non favored child resembles the father. Which is how it is in my case. I feel better knowing its not my fault she hates me.

 

 

It is this kind of thought process that makes it impossible for people to heal their relationships. You started off this thread by saying your family favors your sister. That's perfectly possible and not an outrageous accusation. Many families do have 1 child that gets favored. But now you have gone to the extreme of saying that your mother hates you. She hates you? She hates her daughter? That's a pretty strong and dramatic statement for you to make. Has she said she hates you? Has she told others that she hates you? Unless she is mentally ill or seriously personality disordered I find it very difficult to believe that your mother hates you and you might want to tone down the harsh words you are assigning to your mothers emotions because if you are going to come at this problem with the false believe that your mother hates you then you will not get very far.

 

 

As for you and your sister, it sounds like you two are stuck in a loop of blaming and finger pointing. You want it to be different and perhaps deep down your sister wishes it was different too but mostly I think the two of you want to hold on to your righteous anger and blame game. Perhaps it is good that you are moving away because until one or both of you can get off the merry go round and come at your relationship from a different perspective and use new tactics for relating to each other nothing is going to change.