hunter42345 Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 [font=arial][/font][color=darkred][/color] My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years and before we got married, it seemed like he was always hugging me and kissing me. He used to do romantic things, and even when we would go out it really seemed like we were out on a date. But over the past two and a half years things have changed. He doesn't kiss me very much any more and the only time that he tries to be romantic is when he wants to have sex. He hardly ever tells me that he loves me, and when I tell him his normal response is either, "OK", or "You better." I am really worried that if things between us have changed this much in the past 2 1/2 years, what will it be like in 5 or 10 years. I don't think that my husband would cheat on me, I just don't think that he could bring himself to do that. However, all of his friends that he hangs around with are either divorced or single and that worries me too. I hope that being around them doesn't make him wonder what he is missing by being married. I wory when he goes out with certain of his friends because they are single and constantly talk about how cute girls are and are always flirting with them. I just hope that my husband does not do the same thing. Should I be worried, or am I just overreacting? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 He's not understanding that this is important to you. Maybe you should invest in a book or two about the marital relationship and read them together. There are lots of good books on the market. His Needs / Her Needs by Harley, The Five Love Languages by Chapman, or really anything that appeals to you. The important thing is to get yourselves involved in discussion. A book can help you to direct your focus on the relationship....before your problems get bigger. If he's not a reader, read it aloud together in bed. Don't overwhelm him though. A few pages each night is plenty. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 Welcome to married life Seriously though...I don't get why he wouldn't say he loves you back. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 He's gotten to the point where he is comfortable with you. Unfortunetly alot of time this comfortability turns into taking the other person for granted. Have you tried romantic things? I'm not putting the blame on you, but try to lead him in that direction a little. Perhaps he's feeling the same way about things. IT'S ABOUT COMMUNICATION!! Link to post Share on other sites
Rosewilt Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 It will only get WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, all the real couples I know have gone threw it, I am going through it and it hurts. There are NO BOOKS or MOVIES that can help. It all has to happen within you....he is probably alittle tooo comfy at the point where he is bored. I am in the same boat. I am a sexy woman, men always look at me, except my husband. Try talking to him, hopefully you have a talker and demand it. let me know how it goes. I tried telling mine but nothing changed....he is not romantic anymore and I think we got to the point where we dont care about sex....WHICH IS NOT GOOD! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 Originally posted by Monday Welcome to married life that's about right MONDAY. in marriage you trade excitement for security. my ma always used to say: "a marriage is like a job, you have to go to work every day and produce otherwise you get fired!" Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 The most difficult part for me to figure out when reading people's posts is whether their husbands are being such jerks due to mentality or lack of love! In any case, if he doesn't say he loves you back, that would mean he doesn't or he doesn't want you to think so. Stop telling him that you love him and stop depending emotionally on him. The romance is gone. It can only come back if your husband starts worrying about whether you love him. If he feels that he's losing you, he will be more interested in you. You should have your own life and not much time for him. Be cheerful and let him see that you're doing well without him. Flirt a bit with other guys so that he sees that he's the only one who has forgotten what it's like to be romantic with you. Bring some excitement into the sex life if possible. I understand you're not thrilled that he's hanging out with single friends. Try to make him associate with couples more. You should have your own friends as well (preferably men). Don't bring home too many girlfriends of yours; he might actually enjoy their company. How will you feel after 5 or 10 years? Much better. You''ll get used to it and won't care as much as you do now. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 It will only get WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, all the real couples I know have gone threw it, I am going through it and it hurts. There are NO BOOKS or MOVIES that can help. It all has to happen within you....he is probably alittle tooo comfy at the point where he is bored. I am in the same boat. I am a sexy woman, men always look at me, except my husband. Try talking to him, hopefully you have a talker and demand it. let me know how it goes. I tried telling mine but nothing changed....he is not romantic anymore and I think we got to the point where we dont care about sex....WHICH IS NOT GOOD! I think that if you said to your husband..."Look, you don't pay attention to me, I love you and I don't want to cheat, but I am lonely as hell! If you don't start paying attention to me and making me feel good and happy, well, I WILL go look for somebody else." COULDN'T that be a kick in the ass wake up call? FOR either spouse in a marriage??? I bet it would be. Would be for me. Link to post Share on other sites
paradox Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 How about the beginning of relationship? In my situation im going out with a bloke for 5 months now and he never been romantic. Is that something to worry about? It's certainly unpleasant. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 Ladies, you can say to your husbands that you want more romance, but that will change nothing except make them feel bad. They can't choose how they feel. It's different when you're explaining them why you should or shouldn't buy a new car or why you don't like his friends over after midnight. But this is very delicate. Do you really think that it will help if you say "Look, you don't pay attention to me, I love you and I don't want to cheat, but I am lonely as hell! If you don't start paying attention to me and making me feel good and happy, well, I WILL go look for somebody else"? Moreover, his answer might be as well "If I make you so unhappy then be my guest!" Furthermore, this is a "superstition" based on statistics: very often when people threaten with a divorce they get it at the end. Especially knowing that men most of the time don't even understand what women are saying to them. He might even hear it as 'you don't satisfy me anymore in any aspect, I want a new man in my bed' and go find a new woman for himself. It's always better to explain things in a nice way. You probably see my advice as a head game, but in fact it's what you should do instinctively without planning it. He is not hurting you on purpose, it's just that the sparkle is gone, the excitement has faded away, no butterflies, no spice. So the solution is to bring back all that! Is your goal to bring the romance back or convince your husband that he doesn't love you anymore? He doesn't even say he loves you. Shoot him for NOT lying to you! You CAN have your own life within the marriage and your husband will appreciate you more once you prove you're not emotionally dependent on his love. Link to post Share on other sites
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