I am a failure

[Ryan R.]

I have unfortunately come to this conclusion after a couple of days. In pretty much all of my social interactions, I have been an abject failure. Failure to forge extremely deep connections, failure to speak up when need be, failure to get a girlfriend/lose virginity most of all. I truly have to ask myself: what's the point? I'm still in the same place I graduated even though I am "richer". None of this means anything. The happy hours mean nothing, the promotions mean nothing, living here means nothing, this apartment means nothing. None of them can fill the void.

 

I sometimes have to ask myself how long can this continue, or how long can I bear? If my life was a sheet of paper, I'd ball it up and throw it in the trash. I'd get a new sheet. New cards. New circumstances. I can't do that at this point, so this is all I have. My biggest worry is about time slipping away from me and never having been on a date or even kissed a girl. I am very financially secure but I'll be 23 soon with ZERO experience. There is no way in hell a girl will be fine with that. Especially as they went through college gaining a lot of sexual experience. That ship has long sailed for me and I feel like I really messed up big time. That was my one shot and I blew it. I know people like Wholigan said they ended up being fine but I'm not him. A lot of my friends are in relationships and have done all of their messing around and they're probably going to be engaged in a couple years while I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs. It's just so depressing.

 

It just all seems so monotonous and dragging and hopeless. I know these are first world problems, but it doesn't make them any less hurtful.

 

 

I really messed it all up.

[Mangina]

I was on the same boat as you. I had no experience until age 28. I started online dating and got a couple of dates. They're bigger girls, but they like me so I've been dating them.

[Emma1234]

Hey, you sound so sad. From at outside point of view your life sounds like a platform for something wonderful if only you could see it for what it really is. You have a successful job, a place to live (at 22 that's impressive). Maybe these things aren't filling a void because you need more of a purpose than just living. What are you truly passionate about? And I mean truly, personally if I was to answer that question it would be travel, but it can also be other things. Some people would choose photography, some the sea, some cars. Maybe you need to explore (not necessarily travel but just general exploration of what you like), the world has so many things and so many places to explore! And you are in the perfect position at the perfect age to do this. You're so lucky but it's ok to feel sad, early 20's is terrifying. We feel like we should have it sorted, life, partner etc. But naaaah, this is the fun bit of finding all of that. Promise

 

 

Twenty-three is young. And from a female perspective, a guy who hasn't fooled around can actually been a brilliant thing, wouldn't put most girls off at all and those that it does, well they're not exactly life partners anyway if they can't acknowledge that people have to start somewhere. Honestly, the fact that you haven't had sex yet will not affect anything unless you let it. It'll happen when it's meant to happen and you'll look back at this post in 10-15 years with your kids and your family and you'll smile because you'll know that this was just a learning stage leading you to the next point.

 

 

First world problems, i like that you acknowledge that. Sort your life out now if you want to. Grab a pen and a notebook, write down goals, even if they're tiny like joining a gym, or trying paintballing or cooking an amazing meal every Monday night, just find some aims in life and slowly everything will fall into place.

 

Good Luck, don't stop smiling

[Mr Scorpio]

None of this means anything. The happy hours mean nothing, the promotions mean nothing, living here means nothing, this apartment means nothing. None of them can fill the void.

 

 

Happy hours means you get to go out and socialize. Promotions mean you make more money to build your nest, have experiences like vacations, and pursue hobbies that pique your interest. Living on your own means you've accomplished enough that you are able to, and you have somewhere you can enjoy the company of a lady in private.

 

 

There are people on here with over 10 years on you who don't have any of those things. So if you're a failure, I don't know what to call them.

 

I am very financially secure but I'll be 23 soon with ZERO experience. There is no way in hell a girl will be fine with that. Especially as they went through college gaining a lot of sexual experience. That ship has long sailed for me and I feel like I really messed up big time. That was my one shot and I blew it.

 

 

Experience is overrated because every woman is different. You know in general what to do. The rest is just details you pick up by listening to her reaction.

 

 

Besides, who exactly are you planning on dating? You realize there are women who come out of college without "gaining a lot of sexual experience".

 

 

I suspect you don't want to hear this part, but you're 23 FFS! The only way you'll fail is if you keep up your current attitude. Your young and "very" financially secure? The world is your oyster! You've got a good ten years before "society" even expects you to get married.

 

 

Go white-water rafting. Go hiking. Go to Vegas. Go to a foreign country. Go try all the new fancy restaurants in your town. Go buy a tailor made suit. Go join a meetup group.

 

 

You haven't failed yet. You're winning. You just don't realize it.

[ThaWholigan]

Dude, you are not a failure. You're only a failure if you give up and "accept fate". Then you'll truly fail.

 

I'm not going to emphasize your age - we all reach different phases of enlightenment at different stages. You just haven't reached a significant one yet. What I will emphasize is that you have a far more stable foundation than I ever have. I had to start from scratch again when I was your age. I didn't do too well at school and I dropped out of Uni. I don't have a significant qualification outside of music, which is pretty much useless in anything substantial.

 

I have failed many times. I dislike failing too, trust me. But it's a necessary evil that I have to appreciate just as much as success. I might have gotten laid, but in the end, it didn't really come to much. If I'm being totally honest with myself, it only served to be a distraction away from what should have been a time of rebuilding my life. Sure, I'm "fine", but that's because I always look up. Times get sh*tty for me too, but I can't afford to dwell on them for longer than I need to, or allow them to jade me to the point of constant cynicism.

 

I talked a lot about me there, but the point I'm trying to make is that you just have a different set of challenges you have to face. You've eliminated some of the bigger problems - you have your own place, a job, good qualifications etc. It's not everything, but it's a f*cking start . If I were you, I'd relax and take some of the pressure off of yourself with regards to the whole girls thing. If I were you, perhaps focusing on "speaking up" might be of more use to you. Building up that assertiveness and ability to engage will serve you well in the future.

 

As for girls and forging deep connections, you have time for that. It might not seem like it now, but I'm 26 and I still struggle with those things more than normal people - but I'm getting there and it hasn't harmed me. I have failed many times, but I'm not a failure - and neither are you. You have to look at it from a different angle. Stop comparing yourself to your friends. Take some risks and learn on the job while you're still young enough to augment yourself going forward.

 

Don't let it f*ck your head.

[mea_M]

You are not a failure! You are only a failure if you think you are! So don't think that. Life is full oh so much bs but, we need to practice mindfulness and stay present. Even if the present is not exactly what we desire at the current moment. Give yourself some credit and rock on! :-)

 

 

 

Mea :-)

[thekid36]

I have unfortunately come to this conclusion after a couple of days. In pretty much all of my social interactions, I have been an abject failure. Failure to forge extremely deep connections, failure to speak up when need be, failure to get a girlfriend/lose virginity most of all. I truly have to ask myself: what's the point? I'm still in the same place I graduated even though I am "richer". None of this means anything. The happy hours mean nothing, the promotions mean nothing, living here means nothing, this apartment means nothing. None of them can fill the void.

 

I sometimes have to ask myself how long can this continue, or how long can I bear? If my life was a sheet of paper, I'd ball it up and throw it in the trash. I'd get a new sheet. New cards. New circumstances. I can't do that at this point, so this is all I have. My biggest worry is about time slipping away from me and never having been on a date or even kissed a girl. I am very financially secure but I'll be 23 soon with ZERO experience. There is no way in hell a girl will be fine with that. Especially as they went through college gaining a lot of sexual experience. That ship has long sailed for me and I feel like I really messed up big time. That was my one shot and I blew it. I know people like Wholigan said they ended up being fine but I'm not him. A lot of my friends are in relationships and have done all of their messing around and they're probably going to be engaged in a couple years while I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs. It's just so depressing.

 

It just all seems so monotonous and dragging and hopeless. I know these are first world problems, but it doesn't make them any less hurtful.

 

 

I really messed it all up.

 

 

Aren't you the one who wanted to have a whole bunch of sex with prostitutes? So called ladder theory is what may have been the term. It sounds as if the issue may be your own self. Cannot have positive happen in your life with such a down attitude. You cannot compare yourself to others either. Those who sleep around with multiple women without remorse are not any less alone than you. They also are doing nothing positive nor productive at all. You may need to take your financial success as a starting point. Be grateful for all you actually have. Not what you have yet to find. You are still very young and have lots of time to meet the right one. Just all has to start with your actual attitude.

[pie2]

Sorry you're feeling this way, OP. Please let me know if you would like me to pray for you...that God would fill your life with more peace and joy.

[I am Bud]

Dear Ryan R.

 

The only person who can get you out of your negative mindset is you, so the first thing that you have to do is to stop double teaming yourself mentally and learn how to take a punch and roll with it. Life as you know can be very hard mentally and physically. You can either let it beat you down and keep you down or you can say bring it on, I'm going to pick myself up keep pushing forward.

 

You have a lot going for you and the sooner that you realise that the better. So what if you don't have experience with the opposite sex. When have you ever read a relationship poll that puts that quality as the number 1 thing that women desire the most? I'm pretty sure it would go along something like 1. Being a fun guy 2. Having a sense of Humor, 3. Intelligence and 4. Being financially secure etc etc..

 

Being that you already have 2 out of those 4 you are off to a pretty good start I would say. Don't worry about how many of your friends are in relationships, just focus on what you can do to find the right girl for you. Happiness is not a competition that you have with other people, it's a personal journey that you accomplish on your own. True happiness comes from within and is not reliant on anything or anybody.

 

If you feel incomplete before you have found someone then you are going to be incomplete when you do find them. They are not going to be with you 24/7 and whatever romantic feelings are developed early on in a relationship takes a helluva lot of work to maintain for the remainder. Begin by learning how to be kind to yourself and appreciating the things that you do have, like your health, youth and career. Stop bashing yourself over the head and wallowing in this mud pool called negativity and depression. The sooner that you do that the sooner that you can redirect your energies onto something more constructive, like finding a girl.

 

Good luck with it - Bud.

[JDPT]

I think your desperation and frustration comes from hypothetical scenarios that you generate, where you compare yourself to others and their "ideal" lives.

You stand in this point in your life for a reason. We are all very quick to look at all the negative that orbits around us. You focus on what certain woman may look for in a man, for all you know, you can meet another virgin and that's perfectly fine.

It's probably time for you to step back, do some self analysis and ask yourself what is it that you really want in life? what are you looking for? what are some of your underlying issues which we clearly all have.

Pace yourself and don't allow society to dictate or mold who you should be, remain true to yourself and all else will false into place.

[d0nnivain]

Ryan

 

You aren't a failure. You went to a great school. You landed a great job in NYC. You had money to go on a European vacation & you had people to go with. So clearly you have some skills.

 

Take some of your hard earned money & hire a life coach. There are tons in the city. Also look into a dating service called It's Just Lunch. They set you up on quick mini lunch -- no pressure -- dates. Use all of the skills that got you through school to address the personal problems you have in your social life.

 

Stop taking drugs. Your choice to get high ruined your grand Amsterdam plan.

 

Also don't think you have to date Super Models. NYC is very competitive but there are more women then men. Cross the river to Hoboken if you feel like you are striking out in Manhattan. I don't understand why you didn't take my advice to head down to Belmar over the summer. The Jersey shore is like college when it comes to the ease & fluidity with which people hook up.

 

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, make a decision to improve your situation.

[Ryan R.]

Hey, you sound so sad. From at outside point of view your life sounds like a platform for something wonderful if only you could see it for what it really is. You have a successful job, a place to live (at 22 that's impressive). Maybe these things aren't filling a void because you need more of a purpose than just living. What are you truly passionate about? And I mean truly, personally if I was to answer that question it would be travel, but it can also be other things. Some people would choose photography, some the sea, some cars. Maybe you need to explore (not necessarily travel but just general exploration of what you like), the world has so many things and so many places to explore! And you are in the perfect position at the perfect age to do this. You're so lucky but it's ok to feel sad, early 20's is terrifying. We feel like we should have it sorted, life, partner etc. But naaaah, this is the fun bit of finding all of that. Promise

 

 

Twenty-three is young. And from a female perspective, a guy who hasn't fooled around can actually been a brilliant thing, wouldn't put most girls off at all and those that it does, well they're not exactly life partners anyway if they can't acknowledge that people have to start somewhere. Honestly, the fact that you haven't had sex yet will not affect anything unless you let it. It'll happen when it's meant to happen and you'll look back at this post in 10-15 years with your kids and your family and you'll smile because you'll know that this was just a learning stage leading you to the next point.

 

 

First world problems, i like that you acknowledge that. Sort your life out now if you want to. Grab a pen and a notebook, write down goals, even if they're tiny like joining a gym, or trying paintballing or cooking an amazing meal every Monday night, just find some aims in life and slowly everything will fall into place.

 

Good Luck, don't stop smiling

 

Thanks everyone for answering.

 

I have hobbies such as playing pick up games, playing guitar and playing with friends, I like taking photos. You say 23 is young but I feel incredibly old. Everyday on my way to work, I see kids going to school and I think to myself that they have so much potential and so much to experience. When I think on those days, it makes me sad and makes me wish things could have gone better. But I'll take your advice.

 

Happy hours means you get to go out and socialize. Promotions mean you make more money to build your nest, have experiences like vacations, and pursue hobbies that pique your interest. Living on your own means you've accomplished enough that you are able to, and you have somewhere you can enjoy the company of a lady in private.

 

 

There are people on here with over 10 years on you who don't have any of those things. So if you're a failure, I don't know what to call them.

 

I'm saying that all of those things mean nothing to me in the long run. What's the point of all of this if I'll die decrepit and alone? I can't even attract a girl, so living by myself is a nonfactor. I'm only animated when I'm on something and I can attract girls as much as a dead mouse. I didn't even get this job. My dad had connections. If it wasn't for him, I'd probably be drinking my life away working as a stock clerk or something.

 

 

 

 

Experience is overrated because every woman is different. You know in general what to do. The rest is just details you pick up by listening to her reaction.

 

 

Besides, who exactly are you planning on dating? You realize there are women who come out of college without "gaining a lot of sexual experience".

 

 

I suspect you don't want to hear this part, but you're 23 FFS! The only way you'll fail is if you keep up your current attitude. Your young and "very" financially secure? The world is your oyster! You've got a good ten years before "society" even expects you to get married.

 

Then why do women place a premium on experienced men? Girls don't want a manwhore but they don't want a spring chicken, either. I want to date a girl I am attracted to not only physically, but mentally, emotionally. It seems that everyone had some type of opposite sex experience in college, even if it wasn't sex.

 

I am 23 but soon I will be 33. I was 13 the other day.

 

 

Ryan

 

You aren't a failure. You went to a great school. You landed a great job in NYC. You had money to go on a European vacation & you had people to go with. So clearly you have some skills.

 

Take some of your hard earned money & hire a life coach. There are tons in the city. Also look into a dating service called It's Just Lunch. They set you up on quick mini lunch -- no pressure -- dates. Use all of the skills that got you through school to address the personal problems you have in your social life.

 

Stop taking drugs. Your choice to get high ruined your grand Amsterdam plan.

 

Also don't think you have to date Super Models. NYC is very competitive but there are more women then men. Cross the river to Hoboken if you feel like you are striking out in Manhattan. I don't understand why you didn't take my advice to head down to Belmar over the summer. The Jersey shore is like college when it comes to the ease & fluidity with which people hook up.

 

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, make a decision to improve your situation.

 

 

I don't take drugs, I only did it because we were on vacation. Yes, I was a ****ing idiot to do so and I ****ed up another chance I had to lose my virginity. Who knows when I'll go back there. I also don't want to date super models. I like normal girls. I don't even always hang out in Manhattan, I often go to Brooklyn or see my friends in Queens, West Islip, or even Rockaway Park. I shouldn't have to go out of my way to get laid. I'm not going to Belmar when I don't even have the skills to do it anyway.

 

But thanks for the recommendations.

[Mr Scorpio]

I'm saying that all of those things mean nothing to me in the long run. What's the point of all of this if I'll die decrepit and alone? I can't even attract a girl, so living by myself is a nonfactor.

 

Who says you are going to die decrepit and alone? You absolutely can attract a girl. Perhaps you can't attract your "dream girl" right at this second, but you certainly can attract "a" girl.

 

How much effort have you put into this? Have you identified your "flaws" (as women perceive them), addressed and fixed them?

 

Or like some, did you encounter initial difficulty, throw your hands in the air, and give up? Do you believe there is a certain self-preservation in not playing, rather than playing and losing?

 

I didn't even get this job. My dad had connections. If it wasn't for him, I'd probably be drinking my life away working as a stock clerk or something.

 

Ok. So don't be an arrogant dick about your current position. Do you think a woman is really going to look down on you for taking a helping hand from your father?

 

Put another way, your father gave you a wonderful gift because he loves you. Don't waste it on pity and self-loathing.

 

Then why do women place a premium on experienced men? Girls don't want a manwhore but they don't want a spring chicken, either.

 

Women place a premium on men who are attentive to their sexual desires and who are confident in meeting them.

 

Sure, if you wilt into a dead flower in the bedroom, lower your head, and mumble "I don't know what I'm doing", that is going to be a turn-off. But if you lustfully look her in the eye and ask what she likes? Odds are she'll be glad to show you.

 

And again, this isn't calculus. Despite popular notions to the contrary, the clitoris is not a rubix cube.

 

I want to date a girl I am attracted to not only physically, but mentally, emotionally.

 

I should hope so.

 

It seems that everyone had some type of opposite sex experience in college, even if it wasn't sex.

 

All the more reason for you to get cracking on meeting your goals while you still have plenty of time to do so.

 

Hell, hiring a dating coach if you have to. Go buy some stylish clothes, polish up your guitar skills, and hit an open mic night. Women like confidence. Performing in-front of a crowd takes confidence.

 

I am 23 but soon I will be 33. I was 13 the other day.

 

See above.

 

Break your pattern of thinking now while you're young. Otherwise you will be 33, watching 23 year olds hitting the bar and thinking "damn, wasn't I just that age? What? Why did I put forth more of an effort? Why did I hold myself back with negative self-talk? Damn. If only I could go back and realize what I had going for me. If only I hadn't taken the comfortable road, labeling myself a failure. No one ever expects anything of a failure. I never expected anything of myself. Turns out I got exactly what I expected. Nothing.

."

[camillalev]

23?? Jesus you're practically a baby! No offense.

 

Go traveling. If you're financially stable and can afford it, see more of the world. Seems like youre stuck, seeing the bigger picture will help you. And not just a week trip, backpack or something. Other than experiencing new things, it will open your eyes to what is really important and what is not.

 

Unless you already travel and you're still feeling this way.

[Toodaloo]

The only thing that is making you sound "unattractive" or off putting is your own attitude.

 

Would you want to go on a date with someone going on about how useless they are?

 

So you got your job through connections. Isn't that what most people do these days? I am sure if you were rubbish at it they would have fired you by now and instead you are working hard and being promoted?

 

Instead of gauging how successful you are by the number of women you have slept with (very unattractive thing to do) how about recognizing that you are secure financially through your hard work, that if you lightened up and gave yourself a break that you will find many other qualities that are attractive.

 

Shagging is not the end of the world.

 

Go and get some exercise. If you are that desperate try dance lessons as they are always screaming for men to partner all the single women.

 

And when the time comes just let nature take its course. You have nothing to be ashamed of or worried about. You will know what to do when its the right time. Just make sure you remember to pay lots of attention to your lady during!

[d0nnivain]

. I shouldn't have to go out of my way to get laid. I'm not going to Belmar when I don't even have the skills to do it anyway.

 

You were willing to travel to Amsterdam, which is what 8 hours across the Atlantic by plane & pay a hooker but 3 hours on a NJ transit train is going out of your way? All the skill you need down the Jersey shore in the summer at your age is a pulse.

 

While I still don't think you are a failure, you do lose every game you don't play.

[OwMyEyeball]

Just out curiosity ...

 

Who do you talk to about these feelings and problems?

 

In person - online doesn't really count.

[Ryan R.]

You were willing to travel to Amsterdam, which is what 8 hours across the Atlantic by plane & pay a hooker but 3 hours on a NJ transit train is going out of your way? All the skill you need down the Jersey shore in the summer at your age is a pulse.

 

While I still don't think you are a failure, you do lose every game you don't play.

 

That was a consequence of going, not the direct purpose. Also at Belmar, I doubt that. You still need some game.

 

Just out curiosity ...

 

Who do you talk to about these feelings and problems?

 

In person - online doesn't really count.

 

 

I had a therapist that I was seeing for a couple months until the middle of this year and we talked about this quite a bit. It helped in some areas, others are unresolved.

 

 

I honestly don't think you guys understand my plight. I feel as if I've been trapped in limbo, as if I've been stalled. All around me, people are getting experience with the opposite sex. Kids who are years younger than me are more experienced. For a lot of people, sex was just something you matured into or "walked" into. It feels natural and for many, they don't see how it can be unnatural. Girls (well women now) don't want a spring chicken. They want a man who can make them feel like a woman in and outside the bedroom. I can't do that. Time is ticking away and I can feel it. The sand is slipping through the hourglass. My skin starts to become withered. My vision starts to blur. All I'm left with is how I'm a major **** up and how my life went wrong somewhere down the line. What seperates me from all the rest. Why I have had to shoulder this burden of anxiety, lack of confidence, and being diminished. Why I've had the black dog follow me around. Another night, another day wasted.

Edited September 20, 2014 by Ryan R.

[Candreas]

I understand where you are coming from. Hell, you could say that I'm in an even worse position because I'm almost 30 and have very little relationship experience. That being said, I don't feel like a failure. Certainly a late bloomer, but definitely not a failure.

 

I know it's difficult but you really have to stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone's path is different. You get brainwashed these days by society telling you have to go out and start having relationships and sex with girls(women) as soon possible otherwise, you're considered some kind of freak. It's a load of bull**** if you ask me. If you happen to meet someone that you connect with at a younger age, then that's absolutely wonderful! You shouldn't feel the need to force something as special as love and sex just because everyone else around you is.

 

For me personally, it's just taken me more time then most to get comfortable with myself. Feel confident about who I am and where I am in my life. I'm still not all the way there but I'm leaps and bounds further then I was and my confidence is growing every day.

 

If a woman rejects me because I don't have experience and haven't been banging other girls since I was teenager then that's her problem. I know I'm a good person with a lot to offer. Just have to find the right lady!

 

Good Luck!

[OwMyEyeball]

That was a consequence of going, not the direct purpose. Also at Belmar, I doubt that. You still need some game.

 

 

 

 

I had a therapist that I was seeing for a couple months until the middle of this year and we talked about this quite a bit. It helped in some areas, others are unresolved.

 

 

I honestly don't think you guys understand my plight. I feel as if I've been trapped in limbo, as if I've been stalled. All around me, people are getting experience with the opposite sex. Kids who are years younger than me are more experienced. For a lot of people, sex was just something you matured into or "walked" into. It feels natural and for many, they don't see how it can be unnatural. Girls (well women now) don't want a spring chicken. They want a man who can make them feel like a woman in and outside the bedroom. I can't do that. Time is ticking away and I can feel it. The sand is slipping through the hourglass. My skin starts to become withered. My vision starts to blur. All I'm left with is how I'm a major **** up and how my life went wrong somewhere down the line. What seperates me from all the rest. Why I have had to shoulder this burden of anxiety, lack of confidence, and being diminished. Why I've had the black dog follow me around. Another night, another day wasted.

Your plight resembles more a floating anxiety looking for a cause to anchor itself to. In this case, sex.

 

I recommend reconnecting with your therapist and exploring this issue further. Trying to resolve it in your head or through online forums is going to worsen your mood, which in turn will make your situation feel more dire. The situation itself is not an issue; it's the feedback loop of interpretation and agitated mood that are causing you grief.

[thekid36]

That was a consequence of going, not the direct purpose. Also at Belmar, I doubt that. You still need some game.

 

 

 

 

I had a therapist that I was seeing for a couple months until the middle of this year and we talked about this quite a bit. It helped in some areas, others are unresolved.

 

 

I honestly don't think you guys understand my plight. I feel as if I've been trapped in limbo, as if I've been stalled. All around me, people are getting experience with the opposite sex. Kids who are years younger than me are more experienced. For a lot of people, sex was just something you matured into or "walked" into. It feels natural and for many, they don't see how it can be unnatural. Girls (well women now) don't want a spring chicken. They want a man who can make them feel like a woman in and outside the bedroom. I can't do that. Time is ticking away and I can feel it. The sand is slipping through the hourglass. My skin starts to become withered. My vision starts to blur. All I'm left with is how I'm a major **** up and how my life went wrong somewhere down the line. What seperates me from all the rest. Why I have had to shoulder this burden of anxiety, lack of confidence, and being diminished. Why I've had the black dog follow me around. Another night, another day wasted.

 

 

One thing a woman may want is someone who will be confident. One who is positive and proactive. Even then, what women want is not the same in every case. You simply have to make your own path. Cannot compare yourself to others. All that will do is make you feel even worse. It is still there for you to find what is wanted. Plenty of time left within your life. Just has to start with your own attitude is all. Think about all you do have to offer someone. Instead of the few things you may still be lacking in relation to experience. Someone out there will be bound not to even care that you don't have much. It is not even necessarily the most important thing in relation to relationships. You cannot plan when things will happen though. Nor, can you continue trying to force it. Nothing positive really can come out of that.

[Mr Scorpio]

All around me, people are getting experience with the opposite sex. Kids who are years younger than me are more experienced. For a lot of people, sex was just something you matured into or "walked" into. It feels natural and for many, they don't see how it can be unnatural.

 

I can understand that perfectly well. I have friends who prod me for not going out and getting laid every weekend. They say "just go to the bar!". As though a guy sitting alone at a bar is going to have women approaching him for NSA sex? Guffaw! At the same time...

 

Girls (well women now) don't want a spring chicken. They want a man who can make them feel like a woman in and outside the bedroom. I can't do that.

 

Says who? I think you are making this aspect of it out to be much bigger than it is. Once a woman is willing to step into the bedroom with you, just do what comes natural. Listen to her responses. It isn't hard to figure out.

 

But if you keep telling yourself "I can't do it", then you'll prove yourself right. That applies to most everything in life.

[MoreCoffee]

.......Welcome.

[Ryan R.]

I understand where you are coming from. Hell, you could say that I'm in an even worse position because I'm almost 30 and have very little relationship experience. That being said, I don't feel like a failure. Certainly a late bloomer, but definitely not a failure.

 

I know it's difficult but you really have to stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone's path is different. You get brainwashed these days by society telling you have to go out and start having relationships and sex with girls(women) as soon possible otherwise, you're considered some kind of freak. It's a load of bull**** if you ask me. If you happen to meet someone that you connect with at a younger age, then that's absolutely wonderful! You shouldn't feel the need to force something as special as love and sex just because everyone else around you is.

 

For me personally, it's just taken me more time then most to get comfortable with myself. Feel confident about who I am and where I am in my life. I'm still not all the way there but I'm leaps and bounds further then I was and my confidence is growing every day.

 

If a woman rejects me because I don't have experience and haven't been banging other girls since I was teenager then that's her problem. I know I'm a good person with a lot to offer. Just have to find the right lady!

 

Good Luck!

 

 

 

I know that everyone's path is different. However, I can't help but feel like I'm alien. Like I'm minus human. Love and sex are a fundamental cornerstone of human experience. Countless songs are about it. Commercials. Books. Movies. Television shows. It is everywhere and you are reminded of being excluded from this human experience. It's not just sex but just being with another person. Having another person exhibit love or lust towards you. People like Tesla, Einstein, Leonardo, had women madly pursuing them. Makes you start to wonder where did you go wrong in the path. What kind of defect are you that you can't even get a lucky break. Not even in college. Not even in New York. You have to ask yourself what planet you came from and when you get to go home because you don't want to live here anymore.

 

Being the only virgin out of all your friends. So much so that you have to start making up stories just not to stand out. You have to say "right right man, totally." "haha, yeah man. I remember I hooked up with this one girl..." "yeah man, I hooked up with eh....um.... about 12 girls so far. You know, it's no big deal." You start to feel your real self get worn away, replaced by a cheap cardboard copy. Every act you do is false, fake, contrived. Laughing because it's your queue to laugh. Saying you only want to drink water for now because you don't "feel like drinking tonight". Portraying false confidence. Saying you "need to go home and get to bed, it's been a long day" when in actuality it's just bull.

 

Then if by some cosmic stroke of luck a girl did show interest in you, is it because she likes you as a person? Or does she like your occupation? Your money? What she can get from you? What are her ulterior motives?

 

As I said before, if I could I would throw this in the trash and start all over again. Start by not going to an all-boy's high school. Start all over by being a more physically attractive. Start by not feeling like every time I get up, I get suckerpunched or kicked in the stomach. Start all over again by getting new cards.

 

When I say I'm a failure, I primarily mean a genetic one. I haven't even had a girl want me for whatever reason. You see girls going for "alpha males", saying they only want guys with experience. You see girls say one thing and do another.

[LoneIsland]

If you have the dough then a night with a couple of top class escorts should turn your world view around.