Am I wrong about thinking my wife shouldn't have guy friends.

[CPLMarine2000]

My wife and I have been married for 3 months. She would like to hang out with her guy friends. They call her often. I have never met any of them. Her best friend is a male that plays in a rock band and she's been to once since we've been together but would like to go with her best female friend to another, they are all mutual friends.I know some have confessed there love for her. I don't trust men in general being in the Marines. It's hard to believe a single man would want to hang with my wife and have no feelings other then friendship for her. Am I in the wrong for not trust men hanging around my wife? I do trust her 100% but I don't trust other men hanging around her. Please give your opinion.

[moimeme]

Are you someplace where you can't accompany them to these events?

 

It drives me NUTS that men keep saying stuff like

It's hard to believe a single man would want to hang with my wife and have no feelings other then friendship for her. Am I in the wrong for not trust men hanging around my wife

 

So what? If your wife is to be trusted, what's your problem?

[Rosewilt]

Just out of respect she should take you with her, you guys are def. not New Yorkers??

[Devildog]

Okay Hardcharger, what were you thinking get married while you are in the Corps? If the Corps wanted you to be married, they would have issued you a wife.

 

I can understand your concerns. But I wonder. You are unfamiliar with any of her friends, how long have you known her? You didn't hook up with and marry some Oceanslime skank did you? Those types are notoriously unfaithful. Please tell me this isn't some chick you found at a bar just outside base.

[ttjames]

I'd make an effort to meet her friends...

[RowanRavyn]

Your title implies one thing, your story another.

 

Are you right in thinking your wife shouldn't have male friends, or those specific male friends?

 

IF you really trust her, then trust her. Make an effort to meet these people. I find it strange that you haven't. I think the first thing most of us do when we become involved is to think "Wow, I can't wait for you to meet....(fill in the blank)".

[bluechocolate]

I have never met any of them.

 

Her best friend is a male .....

 

The strangest thing to me is that you haven't met your wife's best friend!

 

How long did you two know each other before getting married? I guess it was a small quick wedding, otherwise why weren't any of her friends there?

[_Saffy_]

i think it is always a bad move to start making demands/accusations in any relationship.........especially due to your own insecurities.

[Breathe]

Being a CPL I assume you are fairly young - and also you see a lot of infidelity that goes on with fellow commands. Am I right? May this be one of the issues why you are insecure? If this bothers you now, how will you feel when you are deployed away from your wife? Will you trust her then?

 

So you have never met her friends and you are married - okay, a little late start but, make an effort to meet them. If these are innocent relationships with OM, then she shouldn't have a problem bringing you along. Why does she not invite you along? Is she ashamed of you, or ashamed of them? If not, you've got to wonder why.

 

Maybe after meeting the guy friends you will feel better. Your concerned with the unknown right now. In your mind you may picture these guys as a "Brad Pitt" but in reality they could be more of a "Clay Akin". Your imagination could be your worst enemy. Communicate with your wife about how you feel. No one is a mind reader and she can't fix what she doesn't know is wrong. Start here and then together, work out a solution that will make you both feel more comfortable.

[Merin]

It isn't okay IMO for you to think your wife shouldn't have male friends.

 

From what you've said SHE hasn't given you any reason to mistrust her.. so yeah.. you're allowing YOUR insecurities to drive you.

 

My EXBF is a Ssgt in the USMC.. wierd.. he was like this too. He had zero reason to not trust me and not only did he not want me to have any male friends, pretty soon he didn't want me to have any friends period.

 

Last thing here.. you said that you don't trust guys in general being that you're in the Marines.. hmm.. I'm sure you've heard "What happens on deployment stays on deployment" I'm pretty sure that statement isn't just for the Married/Attached FEMALE Marines.. would imply for the Married/Attached Male Marines as well... my point being.. you need to trust your wife, as she needs to trust you.. military marraiges and relationships can be very difficult.

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by Breathe

Maybe after meeting the guy friends you will feel better. Your concerned with the unknown right now. In your mind you may picture these guys as a "Brad Pitt" but in reality they could be more of a "Clay Akin". Your imagination could be your worst enemy.

 

This is good advice. Get to know who's who.

 

The good news is that if she's a smart girl, she'll figure out which friends are true, and which were just hoping to get into her pants.

 

I had lots of guy friends when I got married. But most of them just kind of drifted away after they figured out that I was seriously committed to my husband. The ones who stayed, were the ones who were only interested in friendship.

 

After all these years, I can only think of one that I see occasionally, and due to distance, contact with him is only incidental when I visit my family in my home state.

 

It's sad, but alot of 'friendly' guys aren't really interested in a girl's BRAIN.

 

Have some faith in the intelligence of the girl you married. You can't control her anyway, and some bridges are better crossed when you get to them. So, don't worry about things that haven't happened yet.

[Devildog]

Sorry to burst everyone's bubble here, but I really don't think this is your standard dated for 3 years before getting married situation. I would hope as a Corporal, this Marine would have enough sense not to fall for the whirlwind off base girl looking for any Marine to get her hooks into. But I really don't think he knew this girl for more than a few months at best.

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by Devildog

Sorry to burst everyone's bubble here, but I really don't think this is your standard dated for 3 years before getting married situation.

 

Well, if he didn't know her for very long, that would explain why he doesn't know her friends.

 

It might be wise for him to practice 'safe sex' until he knows her better if that is indeed the case. The side benefit to that is that there would be less chance of unwanted pregnancy until the marriage is more secure.

[_Saffy_]

you guys are speculating here, you dont know any of that information, the poster has not hinted at being the stereotyped marine and im sure he wouldnt appreciate the way you are describing his wife.

[Devildog]

Saffy, I am the only one speculating here. But I have seen far too many of my fellow Marines in this situation. And this has alot of the tell tale signs. I don't lightly give counsel like this. I have a strong suspicion that my speculation is correct though.

[_Saffy_]

yeah and im not saying that you are wrong DD, because we dont know any details.

 

but, if we are accusing her of being the stereotyped "marine tart" then we have to accuse him of being the stereotyped "marine" and if that is the case, then whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

 

but as i said.......its all speculation.

[Mustique]

You say you trust her 100 %. Where's the problem then? if you still have an issue with it, you should talk to your wife and tell her how you feel. Don't you have any female friends?

[rble618740]

I am a young, but fairly traditional woman. I think this poster needs to HONESTLY look at this feelings. He need to pick out which concerns are truly attributable to his own insecurity or lack of trust in his wife. I know he thinks he trusts her, but he may want to double check himself.

 

Here comes the unpopular part...on the flip side, I think a wife has a responsibility, out of respect for her husband, to be extremely sensitive to his feelings when it comes to friendships with the opposite sex. We don't want to be treated like children and have our every move monitored, but why not volunteer information and chances to meet your male friends so that your husband can be more comfortable.

 

I have a close male friend who is also married. If I call his home to ask him to lunch and his wife answers, I ask her if it's o.k. that I go to lunch with her husband on such-and-such date and I always ask if she can make it too. If I make plans with my friend, I invite my husband. If my husband can't make it or doesn't want to go, I tell him where we're going and what we're planning to do. Honestly, I don't think my husband would care if I didn't do these things, but I CARE about his feelings. I also want to head off any questions that he might unnecessarily worry over (like our poster) and I don't want him to be taken off guard if someone in our town tells him they saw me out to lunch with another guy.

 

Just my two cents, and I'm not even sure it's worth that much.

[CPLMarine2000]

I knew my wife for 6 months but seen her 3. I don't want other guys always wanting to come hang with my wife. Like they do now. I don't want to hang with her male friends because the close friends I do have, it's hard to make time for them anyways, do to everyday life. She is a civilian in indiana. My new question is should I trust my wife to go hang out with other guys when I don't want to hang with them because they aren't the type of people I hang with? and what do you think about her friends that have been around with women and still can't find the right girl but they want to hang with my wife? How can I really trust guys I know from online that are her friends she's know for awhile and knows they aren't thinking about how they can get on my wife?

[_Saffy_]

lol Devildog, before you say it......i didnt say you were wrong.....just that we didnt know.....now we do, and you still werent wrong

 

 

 

what you have to ask yourself is do you trust your wife, if you can say yes, 100% and mean it then you have nothing to be concerned about.

 

i suspect you dont, because otherwise you wouldnt be posting.

 

so the real issue is your insecurity.

[Merin]

Originally posted by CPLMarine2000

I knew my wife for 6 months but seen her 3. I don't want other guys always wanting to come hang with my wife. Like they do now. I don't want to hang with her male friends because the close friends I do have, it's hard to make time for them anyways, do to everyday life. She is a civilian in indiana. My new question is should I trust my wife to go hang out with other guys when I don't want to hang with them because they aren't the type of people I hang with? and what do you think about her friends that have been around with women and still can't find the right girl but they want to hang with my wife? How can I really trust guys I know from online that are her friends she's know for awhile and knows they aren't thinking about how they can get on my wife?

 

Why is this a matter of trusting OTHER GUYS?

 

Your not MARRIED to other guys, you're married to YOUR WIFE.

 

It's all fine if you don't trust other guys to not hit on your wife.. but guess what it's going to happen regardless if you like it or not.. it's a matter of TRUSTING HER to put them in thier place.

 

It doesn't matter why these other guys can't or don't want to find the right girl.. obviously you did find the right one right? she obviously felt the same way about you, she married YOU not one of her dude friends...

 

Just because they (her friends) are your bag doesn't mean they aren't cool people or whatever no more than if your wife doesn't like one of your female friends that it makes that person bad.

[CPLMarine2000]

My husband's problem is he has other marines when he's gone sitting there telling him i'm probably out cheating on him when he's gone. They think all women are that way when their marine is gone. First of all i'm not one of those seaside. I come from a background of military, swore i would never marry one. My husband came along after i had been out of a bad relationship for months, swearing i'd just be a lesbian. He sweaped me off my feet. I made sure before we got married he knew everything about me, about my past... I dont believe in hiding any in the past and i asked him the same, questions about his past that is. I have never cheated on a man in my life and would never. My ex had cheated on me over 50 times and i could still never cheat on that loser. That is why my husband knows i would never cheat on him. Yet he doesn't give me the trust to proove to him i would never because he says he dont trust men. He knew i was a tomboy before marring me. I dont have that many close females because most women annoy me. no offense girls. I have tried to get him to meet my friends, to hang out with them. He doesn't want to. He labels them all as pierced shut, tattooed up and druggies. And they aren't. He just stereotypes them. My best friend ryan whom i met years ago from my best female friend from highschool is in a alt band. he has 2 piercings and no tattoo's. is against weed for his own reasons. yet brandon labels him. ryan isn't even a man whore, he's still searching for mrs right in the spare time he has between working and touring around preforming. Yet ryan still wants to take time out to come over and play xbox with my husband but my husband doesn't want to meet him, to even give him a chance to show who he is. while he was gone on base for a few months I had a few guy friends stop in, which i always told my husband about, half the time was on the phone the big part of the time while they were there with my husband. At the time of all of them stopping by, they all had girlfriends.

My husband blows everything out of poportion. Most of my friends couldn't make it to my wedding. The ones of my male friends that did come, a few did tell brandon they had feelings for me and since i have not communitcated with those men now. Every friend i had at the wedding cept my best female friend from highschool my husband made fun of. He makes fun of some of my male friends because they are gay.

Yet when he was at base and he went to the stripjoint to "make sure his men got home safe" I didnt yell at him and accuse him of things when his men paid for numerous lap dances. Because I trust my husband completely. I dont even care if he wanted to ahng out with female friends, but he doesn't talk to any of his again. I wish my husband would just come back to reality and realize he has nothing to worry about.

I'm a house wife now, at home with the child. I dont have anyway to meet new friends or other mom's or marine wives. it's like he expects me to stay at home and never have any friends other than my own best female friend from highschool.

[_Saffy_]

thanks for posting, its good to see two sides to the story.

 

 

he needs to learn to trust you, that much is clear. maybe you both could try marriage counselling?

[Merin]

Originally posted by CPLMarine2000

My husband's problem is he has other marines when he's gone sitting there telling him i'm probably out cheating on him when he's gone. They think all women are that way when their marine is gone. First of all i'm not one of those seaside. I come from a background of military, swore i would never marry one. My husband came along after i had been out of a bad relationship for months, swearing i'd just be a lesbian. He sweaped me off my feet. I made sure before we got married he knew everything about me, about my past... I dont believe in hiding any in the past and i asked him the same, questions about his past that is. I have never cheated on a man in my life and would never. My ex had cheated on me over 50 times and i could still never cheat on that loser. That is why my husband knows i would never cheat on him. Yet he doesn't give me the trust to proove to him i would never because he says he dont trust men. He knew i was a tomboy before marring me. I dont have that many close females because most women annoy me. no offense girls. I have tried to get him to meet my friends, to hang out with them. He doesn't want to. He labels them all as pierced shut, tattooed up and druggies. And they aren't. He just stereotypes them. My best friend ryan whom i met years ago from my best female friend from highschool is in a alt band. he has 2 piercings and no tattoo's. is against weed for his own reasons. yet brandon labels him. ryan isn't even a man whore, he's still searching for mrs right in the spare time he has between working and touring around preforming. Yet ryan still wants to take time out to come over and play xbox with my husband but my husband doesn't want to meet him, to even give him a chance to show who he is. while he was gone on base for a few months I had a few guy friends stop in, which i always told my husband about, half the time was on the phone the big part of the time while they were there with my husband. At the time of all of them stopping by, they all had girlfriends.

My husband blows everything out of poportion. Most of my friends couldn't make it to my wedding. The ones of my male friends that did come, a few did tell brandon they had feelings for me and since i have not communitcated with those men now. Every friend i had at the wedding cept my best female friend from highschool my husband made fun of. He makes fun of some of my male friends because they are gay.

Yet when he was at base and he went to the stripjoint to "make sure his men got home safe" I didnt yell at him and accuse him of things when his men paid for numerous lap dances. Because I trust my husband completely. I dont even care if he wanted to ahng out with female friends, but he doesn't talk to any of his again. I wish my husband would just come back to reality and realize he has nothing to worry about.

I'm a house wife now, at home with the child. I dont have anyway to meet new friends or other mom's or marine wives. it's like he expects me to stay at home and never have any friends other than my own best female friend from highschool.

 

Me thinks that people often judge others based upon what they themselves are doing or are very capable of doing...

[Breathe]

What is more important to you, your friends or your husband? If you say your friends then I suggest you get an annulment soon. If you say your husband - then you need to make some changes to make him feel more comfortable. At the same time, he needs to meet you half way with those changes. It's not your way and it's not his way. Compromise.