Ex passed by when I was on a date

[Bella2]

Actually, the ex and i MET at this place...

[Boomshine]

Hope that will happen for you. (will you invite all of us here on LoveShack? )

 

Oh absolutely! You guys are all on the VIP list already!

 

Yesterday was the birthday of my best friend. And as always, we ended up in The Favorite Bar (I was ok with that, knowing the ex would probably not be there on a week night).

 

It's fun going there, because it's a small blues bar, most of the time you know half of the people there, we all know the owner, the barmen.. A bit like "Cheers", you probably all know

 

Anyway, we were there having a birthday drink (a couple too much, dead tired at work right now). The thing that bugs me now is that everybody there knows the ex too. Everybody knows we were a coiuple. Everybody now knows he's with someone else. And that I'm the one "to pity". That's what it feels like. I can just hear them think "Oh poor thing, this must be so hard for her, pity pity pity".

 

So I go out of my way to show that I'm FINE, having FUN, laughing, talking, smiling all the time. And not even because the ex is there, just so that the people who are there that know him too, will see I'm SO FINE without him. And if they might happen to talk with him once, they can say something like: Bella looks likes she's doing okay!

 

Is this stupid? Is this pathetic? Why do I care what others think? Yep, I do care what others think.....

 

I definitely think the best thing to do is show them they have no reason to pity you. Illud est, keep doing what you're doing.

 

And if anyone actually APPROACHES you with direct pity, I'd say something like, "Oh sure, it hurts a little bit, but nothing more than a bee sting at most. I'm fine, honest. Let's just have fun." Give them a big smile, and keep on keepin on!

[Bella2]

It's happens. That someone comes up to me with a serious/sad face, and asks: "How are you doing? It must be very difficult for you..."

 

God, how I hate that.

 

I put up my brave front and tell them I'm doing fine.

 

Tonight I went out for dinner with 5 female friends, I really had a great time, forget about the ex completely, laughed, and for the first time in weeks I felt FREE!

Edited September 25, 2014 by Bella2

[Boomshine]

It's happens. That someone comes up to me with a serious/sad face, and asks: "How are you doing? It must be very difficult for you..."

 

God, how I hate that.

 

I put up my brave front and tell them I'm doing fine.

 

Tonight I went out for dinner with 5 female friends, I really had a great time, forget about the ex completely, laughed, and for the first time in weeks I felt FREE!

 

If it's just a single time for everyone, then yeah, keep doing as you've been doing. If someone in particularly is doing it multiple times though, you should straight-out tell them: "I would really appreciate it if you would stop mentioning him or how I might be feeling because of him." Or something of the ilk.

 

Glad you had a good time tonight though! Keep doing that and you'll be better than ever in no time!

[Bella2]

If it's just a single time for everyone, then yeah, keep doing as you've been doing. If someone in particularly is doing it multiple times though, you should straight-out tell them: "I would really appreciate it if you would stop mentioning him or how I might be feeling because of him." Or something of the ilk.

 

Glad you had a good time tonight though! Keep doing that and you'll be better than ever in no time!

 

Thanks Boomshine, appreciate your replies a lot

 

Just another sign that I'm not yet over "the ex" (it's been a month, not that long, so I will give myself some slack).... So, yesterday I had dinner with 5 friends. One of them works as a photographer and she was taking lots of pictures. Just now I saw she posted them on FB, and I look happy, enjoying life (which was true in the moment).

 

And the thought that goes through my head is that "the ex" will see these pictures, because he hasn't unfriended my friends that are tagged in these pictures. And I like that idea, that he will see me moving on and happy and enjoying life (and maybe even regretting his choice, but now I'm exagerating).

 

Childish?

 

Not yet at the "indifference stage", but hope to be there in a while...

[Bella2]

Using LS as a journal. It helps in a way. (should turn it into a self-help-book one day. O no, there are already a million of those out there)

 

Last night feeling so great and free for a couple of hours. That was such an amazing feeling. Felt like my happy old self.

 

Today, it's ok, but not "the happy old self". Very tired. I just tried to have a nap, but my heart was racing and lying in bed like that, my thoughts were going all over the place. "How could he have forgotten me so easily?" "He's not in a rebound, they're gonna last for years!" "He's happy with somebody else, and I'm miserable, boooohoooohooooo"

 

Didn't have a nap, made the conclusion that lying around like that thinking all kind of BS was not constructive at all. So now I'm posting on LS again.

 

I don't want him back, but still find it hard to deal with the fact that he's already with someone else. Ego? Yes.

 

I'm gonna finally sign up at a fitness club and my goal is to start looking GREAT. Have been feeling uneasy about my body for a while, time to start working on it.

[Bella2]

So when can I finally start sending private messages? Does anybody know when that is possible? (don't wanna pay for the privilige)

[Boomshine]

Using LS as a journal. It helps in a way. (should turn it into a self-help-book one day. O no, there are already a million of those out there)

 

Last night feeling so great and free for a couple of hours. That was such an amazing feeling. Felt like my happy old self.

 

Today, it's ok, but not "the happy old self". Very tired. I just tried to have a nap, but my heart was racing and lying in bed like that, my thoughts were going all over the place. "How could he have forgotten me so easily?" "He's not in a rebound, they're gonna last for years!" "He's happy with somebody else, and I'm miserable, boooohoooohooooo"

 

Didn't have a nap, made the conclusion that lying around like that thinking all kind of BS was not constructive at all. So now I'm posting on LS again.

 

I don't want him back, but still find it hard to deal with the fact that he's already with someone else. Ego? Yes.

 

Just remember, she's a rebound. They won't last. Also, don't forget to use that "dreaming of positive goals for yourself" idea I posted earlier. Seriously, a good 2 minutes in a thought or two like that, accompanied with some deep breathing will REALLY change your outlook in a flash. Helps in those unbearable-yet-inevitable moments. And at least you're going through all this NOW. He's going to have to do it eventually as well. He's just delaying his pain. And when HE'S finally feeling all the things you're feeling currently, you'll be feeling a HELLUVA load better than he will.

 

 

I'm gonna finally sign up at a fitness club and my goal is to start looking GREAT. Have been feeling uneasy about my body for a while, time to start working on it.

 

Do it! Those endorphins, baby! They can't be beat! Maybe also try to find a class at a local rec center as well? They've got a rec center out near here in the city that literally has classes for any activity you can think of, from physical exercise, to photography, painting, acting, etc. Hope you don't mind the unsolicited advice! ^.^

 

Keep us updated!

[Bella2]

Just remember, she's a rebound.

 

Ran into them yesterday night. I was with 15 people, it was the official birthday party of my friend. We went somewhere - not my/his favorite place, and would you believe it, there they are, sitting outside on the terrace. The group that I was with chose the table right next to them. I ignored them, my friends that know him said hello.

 

About two months ago we were on vacation together, with my friend and a couple of other friends, who were also there yesterday. I'm sure he felt quite uncomfortable (maybe more than me). Only two months ago we were all on a holiday together, now he was sitting next to us with someone else.

 

Of course I looked at them, they were luckily not kissing or anything.

 

Later on I talked to somebody, who knows her. And of course, I asked what kind of a woman she is (shouldn't have, perhaps, but curiosity got to me).

 

Apparentely she's a "man eater", very "rock & roll" and a bit crazy. She has two kids with two different men. I told him "He sort of left me for her". And he said: "Oh, he will regret that!"

 

This made me feel good for a moment

[No Limit]

She has two kids with two different men.

 

 

At that point all negative feelings you might have had for him should have vanished and turned into pity. Boy will be a father soon and pay aliments.

... and might get a STD.

[Bella2]

At that point all negative feelings you might have had for him should have vanished and turned into pity. Boy will be a father soon and pay aliments.

... and might get a STD.

 

He has two kids too. She is older than he is, she has one kid that's already grown up, the other one is still quite young.

[Bella2]

At that point all negative feelings you might have had for him should have vanished and turned into pity.

 

Pity? Never.

[DiTat]

I know the feeling! We have to ride this rollercoaster out. I feel like im progressing well most days! I think because I'm older now that I 'm taking this break-up maturely.

 

 

Hmmm...I'm older too but this is the first time my heart has been broken and I don't necessarily feel that I am progressing well at all.

 

I certainly don't feel mature. Feel like I'm a 16yo.

 

Any clues to help?

[DiTat]

Not at all. They were - it seems - very much in love, she lived with him for two years... Not at all FWB...

 

So, the 'we-are-now-best-friends-right-after-the-break-up", I don't get it.

 

I soooo don't get that either!

 

My ex was my best friend (before we became physical). I am grieving the friendship as much as the relationship.

 

I would love to be best friends with him again but certainly at this stage can't see how that could happen because my "love" feelings would make it way too hard.

 

I would be sad for what I couldn't have and not happy for what I would have.

 

I would be devastated watching him move on.

[DiTat]

I hate this so much.

 

The last 2 days I was doing okay, and today I feel nervous and like crap and can't concentrate (even missed the exit for work!!! never happened before)

 

I know that I'm the one who has to handle my emotions, I did sessions of mindfullness, I keep thinking "a thought is just a thought", but today I had visions of the eyes of my ex, looking at me like he looked at me at the beginning, full of love (and at the end I remember he didn't look at me like that anymore and I knew things had changed). I don't want those visions!!!!!!

 

Bloody hell, this sucks.

 

Anyone else feel nervous/anxious like that during the day?

 

Anybody some uplifting words to say?

 

Rollercoaster, You Suck So Much.

 

Hey Bella

 

No uplifting words...but I so understand where you are coming from.

 

My son keeps telling me of dreams he had with my ex.

 

My kids weren't even aware of our relationship just our friendship but he came in really sad one morning saying he had a dream and he wasn't allowed to see my ex's kids anymore because we didn't get married.

 

Then he had another dream saying my ex's computer was at the bottom of the pool (we have the computer here atm). We don't have a pool!

 

Then, I got home from yoga today and he asked me how old the ex was...I'm not sure why he has become so obsessed with it all. Like I said, the kids were unaware of anything but the friendship.

[DiTat]

Just think about ANYTHING you enjoy doing, then imagine your most perfect version of that. Doing this exercise is incredibly empowering, and shows you that no matter what happens in life, you always have things to be working towards which will give you immensely more satisfaction than whatever your situation may be in the current moment.

 

Guessing it doesn't work if the passionate thought is of your wedding with your ex, haha

[Boomshine]

Guessing it doesn't work if the passionate thought is of your wedding with your ex, haha

 

Definitely not. Your thoughts need to be of a certain activity that does NOT require the presence of a significant other. It can require other people, such as my example with a band would mean I would need bandmates, but you don't want your thought to be of anything that signifies whether or not you're in a relationship.

[DiTat]

Definitely not. Your thoughts need to be of a certain activity that does NOT require the presence of a significant other. It can require other people, such as my example with a band would mean I would need bandmates, but you don't want your thought to be of anything that signifies whether or not you're in a relationship.

 

Haha...it was kind of a joke...but you can probably tell where my thoughts are at the moment!

[Boomshine]

Haha...it was kind of a joke...but you can probably tell where my thoughts are at the moment!

 

I dig. I knew it was a joke, but for the sake of anyone else reading this thread (that's right, I see you reading our words RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND), I figured I'd go with a serious response nonetheless.

[DiTat]

I dig. I knew it was a joke, but for the sake of anyone else reading this thread (that's right, I see you reading our words RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND), I figured I'd go with a serious response nonetheless.

 

Hmmm...yeah. I wouldn't want to mess with anyone's recovery. This is hard enough!

 

I don't seem to have a "like" button. Any ideas?

[Bella2]

Hey Bella

 

No uplifting words...but I so understand where you are coming from.

 

I prefer some uplifting words

 

Feeling depressed these last days. Part of the deal? Hardly eat. When I go out and see friends etc, it's okay, but being by myself.... That's the hard part now, constructing a life ALONE. It scares me. Don't want to end up all by myself in life....

 

Then I have moments I sort of feel ok, thinking "this too shall pass" and why be scared of the future, we don't even know what will be there and only the moment counts.....

 

F*ck it.

[Boomshine]

Hmmm...yeah. I wouldn't want to mess with anyone's recovery. This is hard enough!

 

I don't seem to have a "like" button. Any ideas?

 

It should be directly above the Quote button on any post. If it's not there, I have no clue.

[Boomshine]

I prefer some uplifting words

 

Feeling depressed these last days. Part of the deal? Hardly eat. When I go out and see friends etc, it's okay, but being by myself.... That's the hard part now, constructing a life ALONE. It scares me. Don't want to end up all by myself in life....

 

Then I have moments I sort of feel ok, thinking "this too shall pass" and why be scared of the future, we don't even know what will be there and only the moment counts.....

 

F*ck it.

 

That's progress already making itself apparent to you! You're already starting to have better days. The process only becomes easier and easier as time passes, just as it's done thus far. Keep going with it, and see where you get as NC continues! It WILL be a rollercoaster for a while, but eventually things level out and reach normal once again!

[Bella2]

Thanks Boomshine. I feel like I have to constantly fight those dark feelings and it's exhausting. Last night in bed I felt okay, did take a while to fall to sleep. This morning (am at work), feel like crap again. Anxious.

 

I went to see a psychologist yesterday, didn't help a lot. All he kept talking about was taking medication. And that it was okay to lie in bed all day during the weekend, if it was to sleep. And yes, sport could help.

 

I ordered that book by Eddy Corbano (Love's A Game), a couple of interesting things in there, but nothing very new (after reading LS for weeks now).

[Trimmer]

I don't seem to have a "like" button. Any ideas?

 

It should be directly above the Quote button on any post. If it's not there, I have no clue.

 

I believe you have to be logged in, so one possibility is that if you are reading posts before you log in, you probably won't see "Like" and "Reply" buttons and links and stuff like that.