Ex passed by when I was on a date

[AtraXion]

Time will pass and will heal those hurts. You won't break up if you're meant to be right? But that is life, there are times that you really wanted that person but in the end, you can not have him/her. Surely, you guys will eventually move on and you'll surely meet someone that is right for the both of you.

[Bella2]

At least, tell the guys that they're rebounds. Chances are some of them have been lonely enough to actually put up with it.

 

This is gonna be my new way to go. Be honest. And not try to act different than I am or give false hope to anyone.

[Trimmer]

At least, tell the guys that they're rebounds.

Ha ha... won't they get all excited about NSA rebound sex right away?

[No Limit]

Ha ha... won't they get all excited about NSA rebound sex right away?

 

There will be those who won't mind being a rebound. And there will be those who are understanding of her situation and will be fine with it. Being the rebound is only bad for those people who have drooled after the person for a long time and waited for him/her to be single and wanting to go at the "forever after" love story thing.

[evanescentworld]

I'm going to go with something I wrote, in this thread, about a month ago....

 

 

A lot of people who have been dumped decide to date earlier than perhaps they should.

This is for 2 reasons:

 

One to validate themselves and to confirm they are still attractive to potential partners,

 

and

 

Two, in order to fill the gap, plug the void and block the sadness....

 

1: If they dated before, particularly if the dumper was not the one and only, then they'll date again. It's a huge world out there, and you've not met everybody yet, so give yourself the credit for being single, selective and a worthwhile and constant partner - to the right guy (he obviously wasn't 'it'....)

 

2: Nothing fills the gap but your own healing.

Don't look for comparisons, replacements or fillers.

 

That's unfair on both you and the poor guy who doesn't know what your "baggage" is. It's not up to others to come up to scratch, or meet a previous standard, and while you're hurting and smarting form the final push, even unconsciously, that's what you'll be doing.

So give yourself time to get over the pain. Relax, be free, single, your own boss and answerable to yourself, only.

You'll know when you're ready.

 

But do what you truly feel comfortable, happy, relaxed and guilt-free, doing.

[Boomshine]

You won't break up if you're meant to be right?

 

If that were the case, then we wouldn't have quotes like "If you love them, let them go. If they return, they were always yours." I can't give a statistic obviously, but I'd venture to guess that at least half of all relationships that wind up being "happily ever after" had a break at SOME point during their knowing each other. There are countless reconciliation stories out there.

 

BUT, Bella's not looking for reconciliation. She's just looking for coping and for the grieving process to be over with.

[Bella2]

BUT, Bella's not looking for reconciliation. She's just looking for coping and for the grieving process to be over with.

 

Hey Boomshine!

 

Since two days something strange has happened. I feel like my old self. I'm not depressed, anxious, have no dark thoughts, I laugh and joke around, I'm eating... I almost forgot how it was

 

How this suddenly happened, I don't know. Really hope this means I'm done grieving and the roller coaster has stopped. I see that there is a future, that I'm going to be fine, that I will meet new people and hopefully one day a new SO.

 

I also realise very well that - at the end - I wasn't happy in that relationship either. I just wanted it to work. Didn't want to let go. Because that's scary. We were serious about each other, we had a lot in common, we visualised a "real future" together, but well, it didn't work out that way. He broke up with me, which I fully understand. He was right. In a next relationship, and I get to the point that I feel that something really isn't working that well anymore, I will adress it earlier.

 

So, once again, I hope this will last

 

(if not, I'll let you guys know )

[Bella2]

Although I'm still gonna watch out. For example, there's a concert in a couple of weeks, friends wanna go there. But I'm sure if I go I will bump into the ex with the "new one". And that I do not want. I don't know how that would affect me and I don't want to risk a set back.

[evanescentworld]

You'll only get set back, if you fear a set-back and go with the mindset that you may suffer a set-back.

 

If you go with a phukket mindset, you'll just think 'Phukket' and get on with the intended task of enjoying yourself and having a good time, and suddenly realise, half way through that actually, yeah - phukket, fits!

[Bella2]

You'll only get set back, if you fear a set-back and go with the mindset that you may suffer a set-back.

 

If you go with a phukket mindset, you'll just think 'Phukket' and get on with the intended task of enjoying yourself and having a good time, and suddenly realise, half way through that actually, yeah - phukket, fits!

 

You're right. The self fulfilling prophecy. But well, still think I'll avoid for a bit ;-)

[Bella2]

So, I'm doing okay. No longer feeling depressed or anxious, I'm eating (lost too much weight) and that's great. Still a bit bluesy (yesterday), but that's allright.

 

But, what I don't get, is that I'm starting to think MORE about the ex. I don't know why. I think the No Contact is making me curious. How is he doing? Does he think about me sometimes? Is he still with his new girlfriend?

 

My best friend bumped into him on Saturday night. He was just leaving a party, organised by an organisation of jazz-lovers, and he's part of that committee. It was a big thing, an anniversary or something. It was 1 in the morning and he was just leaving (early for him). He was alone. And he was so drunk he could hardly speak normally. (i know he likes to party and drink when he's out, but I never saw him drunk like that)

 

Anyway, these pieces of information get the "thought-machine" going. Annoying!!! Why was he alone? Is it finished with "the new one"? Or did she have other obligations? Why was he so drunk? Does he miss me?

 

It's absolutely pointless to have these thoughts, I know. What the hell do I know about his life now? Not a thing. And what would it change knowing stuff? Not a thing. Just a reminder: no, I do NOT want him back, but why am I so curious all of a sudden???

[Bella2]

I had already told my friends that I didn't want any updates about the ex, but I got this information anyway.... My best friend is rather talkative

[evanescentworld]

Many years ago I had a fall-out with a close buddy of mine. It's easy for me to say it, but she was far bitchier and vindictive than I and really made herself look a complete idiot in the end... whenever a mutual friend 'tried' to update me on her latest shenanigans, I'd stick my fingers in my ears and respond with "La la la! Can't hear you! Not interested! I have my own life! Change the subject!" in a light-hearted, sing-song, grinning way. They soon got the message...

 

As for your current curiosity, it's natural, but it's Ego-based.

Think about that for a moment, and see if you understand where I'm coming from....

[Bella2]

Many years ago I had a fall-out with a close buddy of mine. It's easy for me to say it, but she was far bitchier and vindictive than I and really made herself look a complete idiot in the end... whenever a mutual friend 'tried' to update me on her latest shenanigans, I'd stick my fingers in my ears and respond with "La la la! Can't hear you! Not interested! I have my own life! Change the subject!" in a light-hearted, sing-song, grinning way. They soon got the message...

Will give it a try haha

 

As for your current curiosity, it's natural, but it's Ego-based.

Think about that for a moment, and see if you understand where I'm coming from....

I understand exactly where you're coming from. Bloody ego

I'm making up all these stories in my head with the little bit of information I have.

 

"It's over with his rebound and now he's missing me like crazy, I'm sure!"

 

Ridiculous. For all I know they will be getting married next week and he doesn't think about me ever.

 

Ego, yes.

[Bella2]

So for the first time in a while I am thinking more of him. A lot. Why? Is this something that happens after a while when you were doing okay?

 

I even unblocked his girlfriend on FB to have a look at her pictures. There was actually nothing to see. I did not unblock the ex.

 

I don't really get it. I don't want him back, but for some reason (I guess since my friend told me she bumped into him and they had a talk) he's on my mind constantly! And I don't even want him back or anything! I keep having all these scenarios in my head of how/what he is doing and what he is thinking and it's all so pointless

 

EGO

[evanescentworld]

Y'know, I wish I had better answers. or any at all.

I really don't know why our head messes with us this way.

It's almost as if our Subconscious doesn't WANT us to 'move on'... like it's saying, "No, stay stuck in a rut for a bit longer. Wallow, why doncha? You know you want to!"

 

A lot of folks seem to think that our Subconscious is a protective part of our psyche - the bit that locks things away, and hides the pain, or shields us from the hurt.

 

I say that's crappoola.

 

I say our subconscious is more like a cat.

And if you're NOT a cat-lover (or even, perhaps, if you are!) you'll know precisely what I mean.

I'm talking Garfield with a mean-streak...

 

Like this.

Edited October 21, 2014 by evanescentworld
Replaced non-functioning link

[Bella2]

"Ex passed by when I was on a date" is the title of my thread.

 

I happened again! Well, it wasn't so much a date, but I was having a drink with a guy, sitting on a terrasse. And guess who walks buy? The ex! He saw me for sure, ignored me and him, turned bright red and continued walking.

 

I like the fact that he sees I'm not sitting at home, moping over him

[No Limit]

Either your ex is stalking you, or he's just really, really unlucky.

[hurts2death]

stalking you/. he must be super ego. just lay low from dates. "clean your soul". ask him politely to not go where you are.

"Ex passed by when I was on a date" is the title of my thread.

 

I happened again! Well, it wasn't so much a date, but I was having a drink with a guy, sitting on a terrasse. And guess who walks buy? The ex! He saw me for sure, ignored me and him, turned bright red and continued walking.

 

I like the fact that he sees I'm not sitting at home, moping over him

[Bella2]

Either your ex is stalking you, or he's just really, really unlucky.

 

No, he's not stalking me, that I know for sure. Just not lucky no haha

[Bella2]

I've been quite busy lately, but tonight I'm home alone and feeling a bit down-ish. Just saw on FB that a friend of the ex is now friends with the exes new girlfriend, so I guess that means they're still "a happy couple". I don't want them to be a happy couple, even though I should care less and be a bigger person about it.

 

Last night I went out, there were a lot of friends of the ex that I know, he wasn't there thank god, but of course they asked me "how are you doing, Bella? Are you okay?" Because they all know that I was replaced within 3 weeks, so that must mean I feel like ****. But I had a great night last night, laughed a lot, so I could honestly answer: "I'm doing really well!!"

 

Overall, I'm doing okay The rollercoaster has a lot more ups than downs these days!

[Bella2]

So, just finished internetstalking the exes new girlfriend. I don't even know why I do that, just curiosity and self-torture ;-) I now know that she is a quite popular jewelery designer, her sister is an artist, her father was an artist. And my ex is an artist, so they all go great together :-(

 

 

She has become friends with all my exes friends on FB, so I guess their relationship is not over (YET).

 

 

Can't wait to one day hear they're finished.

[evanescentworld]

Bella, stop it.

 

You can't keep wishing this kind of negativity on him - it will merely reflect badly back onto you.

 

Let's say you hear of their wedding plans - in your current frame of mind, that wouldn't go down too well with you - now, would it?

Time you started changing your mind-set and focusing on yourself, instead of deliberately making yourself miserable, by concentrating on him.

That's just unhealthy.

[Bella2]

Easier said than done.... But of course you are right.....

 

Yesterday and today I was feeling rather lonely. I was sure that the big birthday party of my ex was this weekend, so of course I was thinking about that, about all the people that I know that would be there, and the ex and his new girlfriend, and everybody having fun, fun, fun. And me being alone, alone, alone.....

 

Tonight I was walking in the street with my best friend, when she said: "Guess who just passed by in his car..." Yep, the ex. I hadn't noticed. I immediateley asked: "Was he alone?" "Eh, no...."

 

Just feeling lonely.

[Bella2]

Continuing my LS-"journal"

 

What do you guys think?

 

There's this guy I like. I don't even know him, but the last couple of years I've bumped into him on certain social occassions. I like his style, I like his way of looking into the world, he seems funny and creative. But, we've only said "hi" or "how are you" and had some (very) small talk. I was in a relationship, so was he.

 

Two weeks ago I ran into him at a concert. I said "hi", he said "hi", and I asked if he was there with his girlfriend. "No, I don't have a girlfriend anymore", was his reply. On the inside this made me smiling, but of course I said I was sorry for him, asked him how long they had been together (couple of years) etc. That was all.

 

After the concert we were all smoking and having a beer outside and there he was again. I was already a bit tipsy, so I went up to him, started chatting about nothing and finally said: "Hey, seeing we're both single now, maybe we can go for a drink once!" He seemed to like the idea, we got out our phones and exchanged phone numbers.

 

One week later, on a Friday, I sent him a text: "Hey, what are you up to? Maybe we could go for that drink tonight!"

 

No answer. Neither on Saturday, neither on Sunday... I thought: well, forget that, "he's not into you". Finally he sent me a message through FB on Wedsneday: "Hi, just a little message to explain why if I have not responded to you. I'm not doing very well for the moment. I need time to get my thoughts togeter, and also my life. I have to do this all alone in my corner... but I'm sure that our roads will cross in the future when my sky is blue and "sunshiny" again " (I translated this from another language)

 

I replied saying I understood a 100%, that I was where he is only a month ago, that I also had refused dates with guys because I really didn't feel like it, but that I did want to have a drink with him ;-) I wished him a lot of strength and hoped things would get better soon.

 

Anyway, he just got out of a relationship (like me), he's having a hard time, it's really not the moment for him to socialize with "other women" and I get that totally (why else would I be on LS?)

 

But do you guys think his message is positive enough to give it another try in like a couple of months? Or should I let him take the initiative? Or just wait till I bump into him again?

 

O dear lord, the dating scene