Life sucks, i suck. so?

[Xiang]

Long, if interested to help with insight/chat, thanks...

 

My social life is almost 0, sex/relationship 0, career wise almost 0, i have nothing going for me and idk what to do, and the depression i have is not helping.

 

This all started 6 years ago, i mean my life was bad up until then, but it got worse in the last 6.

Start by pointing them all out?

 

Friends: I don't really have any, the ones i do are online friends and 1-2 real life. Rest are aquiantances. They either moved on and went to other cities or just dumped me because i am such a introvert and hated partying, so they had to stop including me in their circles.

I am socially retarded i think, anxiety and i can't talk much, i bore people, noone seems to listen to me.

As such i barely have any socializing, i can't bother the few friends i have all day, so i am glad when i get to actually talk to a person...i often use sites likes this to compensate.

 

Emotional/Sex: I'm a wreck . I only had one gf and that was a "mistake" on her side, because i conforted her in a time of need, otherwise that wouldn't of happened either. I'm mid twentyz btw...and this happened like one year ago, and that's about the only interaction i ever had with a woman.

Noone has ever shown interest in me, not romantically anyway, or if they did, my social problems made them change their mind.

I do crave for a partner, it's killing me terribly, part of my depression is this.

As far i ever got with a gal was a kiss .

 

The only girl i liked and loved, moved on so fast from me, got some other bloke and moved away in other country to get married...Years and i am not over her, i would try someone else.

But noone else would give me a chance, not even my "x", like i said it was a mistake she even got involved with me in the first place.

 

Career:

Finishied high-school got all my diploma's and w/e test we had at the end.

Went to colledge and had to drop out because of some debt problems and almost losing my apartment, i couldn't afford going to colledge.

I got a 6 month break to get over the slight depression i had and started working.

Idk what i want to do in life or where to work...then again not many options without a degree, and the country i live in, with it's **** paychecks isn't helping me. I literally live paycheck to paycheck, idk when i can put some $ away for studies or whatnot.

 

And my parents are very ill, mom cancer, dad some heart disease that needs operating, they are squezing money from me for the last 3 years to help them pay for meds. I can't just leave them....but i can't continue like this either.

 

Often i feel i should just run away, dump them, hopefully find better and come back...cuz if i stay i will stay like this. But i am afraid. :|

 

Right now i'm sad because i got nothing going for me, and most ppl my age are...taking it rather well. I often think about suicide almost on a daily basis...

 

I really do suffer for a partner, but ik i'm in no position to have one...but i want one.

Everyone tells me to have pacience, but really? :| Is pacience the key?

[doeblin]

...

 

 

You should find a good therapist, ASAP.

 

You can treat mild depression with regular exercise, eating healthy, and meditation. But your depression might be more severe.

 

There is a way out of this misery.

 

 

When you have suicidal thoughts, you should call the local crisis line.

 

You might also want to check out good books on mindfulness and cognitive-behavioral therapy. (Like Feeling good by David Burns or Awakening Joy etc.)

 

And talking about your feelings is a good first step. Now you have to WANT to get better, and actively pursue happiness.

 

Keep us updated!

Edited September 7, 2014 by doeblin

[Xiang]

I doin't have the $$ for a therapist, or the time for it. But it's mostly a $ issue.

And i have a 3 day 16 hour shift each day schedule, 1 day free, wich doesn't leave me much time for anything really . (2 jobs)

 

THat free day instead of resting i kinda use it for work around the house, w/e needs to be done, shopping, washing, bills. Or frankly when i'm too ****ing tired, i almost sleep it off completely.

 

I would like to try and fix it myself if possible and am looking for tips outside of therapy.

Ty for the reply.

[doeblin]

I would like to try and fix it myself if possible and am looking for tips outside of therapy.

Ty for the reply.

 

Either way, this will take some considerable EFFORT.

 

Again, regular exercise, eating healthy is one good strategy, and you can do it by yourself.

 

Being depressed can also become a kind of habit. You have to eliminate every negative thought in your mind. Negative thoughts breed negative emotions. You have to train your brain to see your life in a more positive way. This again will take effort. But it's doable.

 

Feeling good by David Burns is just a couple of bucks. Check it out. It is based on actual psychological research, it's not just some self-help mumbo-jumbo.

 

 

Brain plasticity ? you can actually rewire your brain with CBT! | Veronica Walsh's CBT Blog Dublin, Ireland

 

 

 

After you got out of this hole, you will see your life more clearly, and you can make some important decisions about your future.

[Teknoe]

Xiang,

First of all, I think you're pretty honest and insightful about your situation. At least you're not blind... because some people live in denial. And the first rule to making change is first acknowledging that certain things must be changed.

 

Reading your post, it seems like you and I aren't terribly far apart, but a few fundamental differences have made me enjoy life. First, the similarities:

 

-I've only had one GF ever before too, and that was 10 years ago in 2004 when I was 21. Other than my ex, I've never been with anyone else. Had a lot of crushes over the last decade; not one has panned out. All of them gave me the "just a friend" speech... and then eventually, the friendship died

 

-I don't have any real friends that I communicate with consistently. I don't call them to go hang out or vice versa... it rarely happens these days. When I'm not working, I'm perfectly content chilling at home all by myself. I have my various forms of entertainment to keep me busy (sports, video games, etc.)

 

To be honest, I don't mind this. As long as I can see one of my friends or acquaintances every once in a while, I'm good. I just haven't lived a life where I constantly call up friends, or friends call me up, and we hang out weekly. I just don't know how to live that lifestyle, as I haven't done it in forever now. And I'm fine. I like being to myself.

 

But this is where we're different:

 

-I have a career that I enjoy. It keeps me busy during the week, and it gives me the money I need

 

-I run a website for fun that gives me something to do, and that I'm very passionate about

 

I've never had a suicidal thought. You and I are both introverts, but the difference is the matter of a career job, and some meaningful hobbies.

 

I don't know what to say except, what kind of job are you currently working? Are you passionate about it? Having meaning through your career can make up for a lack in other areas such as no friends or GF.

 

Quite frankly, while I'm still open to marrying the right girl, I've made peace with the fact that should I never marry, I'm going to be A-OK.

 

Guess you either have to change some habits of yours, lifestyle change, or make peace with your situation.

 

I know I don't lead the most exciting life. I know I don't have exciting photo updates to post on Facebook. I'm OK with that. I have what I have, and I do what I do. And I enjoy both what I have and what I do.

 

It's all about perspective and what kind of mentality you have. Good luck.

[lino]

Long, if interested to help with insight/chat, thanks...

 

My social life is almost 0, sex/relationship 0, career wise almost 0, i have nothing going for me and idk what to do, and the depression i have is not helping.

 

This all started 6 years ago, i mean my life was bad up until then, but it got worse in the last 6.

Start by pointing them all out?

 

Friends: I don't really have any, the ones i do are online friends and 1-2 real life. Rest are aquiantances. They either moved on and went to other cities or just dumped me because i am such a introvert and hated partying, so they had to stop including me in their circles.

I am socially retarded i think, anxiety and i can't talk much, i bore people, noone seems to listen to me.

As such i barely have any socializing, i can't bother the few friends i have all day, so i am glad when i get to actually talk to a person...i often use sites likes this to compensate.

 

Emotional/Sex: I'm a wreck . I only had one gf and that was a "mistake" on her side, because i conforted her in a time of need, otherwise that wouldn't of happened either. I'm mid twentyz btw...and this happened like one year ago, and that's about the only interaction i ever had with a woman.

Noone has ever shown interest in me, not romantically anyway, or if they did, my social problems made them change their mind.

I do crave for a partner, it's killing me terribly, part of my depression is this.

As far i ever got with a gal was a kiss .

 

The only girl i liked and loved, moved on so fast from me, got some other bloke and moved away in other country to get married...Years and i am not over her, i would try someone else.

But noone else would give me a chance, not even my "x", like i said it was a mistake she even got involved with me in the first place.

 

Career:

Finishied high-school got all my diploma's and w/e test we had at the end.

Went to colledge and had to drop out because of some debt problems and almost losing my apartment, i couldn't afford going to colledge.

I got a 6 month break to get over the slight depression i had and started working.

Idk what i want to do in life or where to work...then again not many options without a degree, and the country i live in, with it's **** paychecks isn't helping me. I literally live paycheck to paycheck, idk when i can put some $ away for studies or whatnot.

 

And my parents are very ill, mom cancer, dad some heart disease that needs operating, they are squezing money from me for the last 3 years to help them pay for meds. I can't just leave them....but i can't continue like this either.

 

Often i feel i should just run away, dump them, hopefully find better and come back...cuz if i stay i will stay like this. But i am afraid. :|

 

Right now i'm sad because i got nothing going for me, and most ppl my age are...taking it rather well. I often think about suicide almost on a daily basis...

 

I really do suffer for a partner, but ik i'm in no position to have one...but i want one.

Everyone tells me to have pacience, but really? :| Is pacience the key?

 

IMO getting your career on track and earning some money should be priority #1 for you.

 

It isn't the cure for everything but when you have money, you have more possibilities.

[Xiang]

Ofc if u have $ you can get the rest...but like i said, i need to leave country and my family if i want $ . Because 3rd world problems ! I don't earn enough for me even with 2 jobs.

I said before how much i work and i roughly get 400$ a month out of it.

And it's not that easy to find work abroad either without any specialty since i had to abandon colledge, but w/e maybe i can fix this by next year i got something planned.

 

However UNTIL then, i am a miserable emotional wreck with hormone problems that is in need of a gf, then again that's why i am posting on loveshack. XD Damn that sounded funny and pathetic at the same time.

Every movie i watch, show, people, reminds me of my X and how much i want someone, then i get all sulky and why i got into this depressed mood.

 

The reason i started this topic was because of this, yesterday i was at my niece's b-day. We a big loving familly and all, and we come toghether at such events, everyone, cousins, aunts from all cross the country.(almost all)

Ofc everyone is happy and married, ppl my age or younger, my brother, everybody, they are being all lovey dovey.

Me being the only single guy there oh and my niece but she is just 4.

And i couldn't help myself, as much as i would of liked, i was jealous, and got sad and moody for the whole event thinking on how the f do i get somebody....and my X.

 

Ok rant over, i try, i have been trying, i'm expressing myself here but in the end it's all up to me, you can't really help me except maybe some self motivational chats.

Ty anyhoo.

[d0nnivain]

You do have a lot on your plate. I am so very sorry about your parents' health issues.

 

Talk to their doctors or look for signs around the hospital. There are often free group meetings for people whose loved ones are ill. Those groups may offer you a way to make friends with people who understand your issues because they are in the same boat.

 

The hospital professionals may be able to steer you to low or no cost therapists. You won't know until you ask.

 

Hang in there regarding your career. Keep plugging away at finding a better job. Make it a practice to sent out 5 applications every day.

 

I don't know where you are but the NYC Department of Sanitation is opening registration for it's exam on October 1, 2014 for the test in February 2015. A number of other departments currently have registration open. Check your local government website to see their requirements. They may not be the most glamours jobs but it's steady pay, benefits & a pension.

[Teknoe]

The reason i started this topic was because of this, yesterday i was at my niece's b-day. We a big loving familly and all, and we come toghether at such events, everyone, cousins, aunts from all cross the country.(almost all)

 

Ofc everyone is happy and married, ppl my age or younger, my brother, everybody, they are being all lovey dovey.

Me being the only single guy there oh and my niece but she is just 4.

And i couldn't help myself, as much as i would of liked, i was jealous, and got sad and moody for the whole event thinking on how the f do i get somebody....and my X.

 

 

Haha, have I been there, man. Check out some of the threads I have started. Most recently back in April I wrote something like "Just got back from my cousin's wedding." I'm 31, and the oldest single person in my family. My brother, 33, marries next month, so now the pressure switches to me.

 

Key is... be confident in yourself. You are single. That doesn't make you a monster. You're just... single. It's not a disease. Sooner you can live your life like that, the sooner you can have some peace to your soul. And trust me, a little peace goes a long way.

[Teknoe]

heck, here it is:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/474195-so-i-am-cousin-s-wedding-weekend

[Xiang]

Read your thread.

There's a difference, i don't feel pressured, noone asks me "gf yet?" or stuff like that.

I actually want one, i don't like this alone business and i get envious when i see others happy like that. But without any sort of exageration, i never managed to have someone reciprocrate interest/love toward me. My X and only gal, was a mistake on her side, because i conforted her in a time of need, was like a rebound to her anyway.

To admit after months that she had never had any feelings for me, except for the first two weeks when she needed someone and thought i might be, since i helped her.

 

I've had some gals show interest when i'm drunk and have a "personality", or online. But in person my social anxiety is killing my life.

Did i mention i blush easaly? Or hands shake if to nervous. Uncool man, uncool xD.

[Teknoe]

Read your thread.

There's a difference, i don't feel pressured, noone asks me "gf yet?" or stuff like that.

I actually want one, i don't like this alone business and i get envious when i see others happy like that. But without any sort of exageration, i never managed to have someone reciprocrate interest/love toward me. My X and only gal, was a mistake on her side, because i conforted her in a time of need, was like a rebound to her anyway.

To admit after months that she had never had any feelings for me, except for the first two weeks when she needed someone and thought i might be, since i helped her.

 

I've had some gals show interest when i'm drunk and have a "personality", or online. But in person my social anxiety is killing my life.

Did i mention i blush easaly? Or hands shake if to nervous. Uncool man, uncool xD.

 

 

Look into a community college public speaking or beginning acting class. It would do you wonders. Maybe google toastmasters in your local area.

 

Social anxiety can be worked on by putting yourself out there in a safe environment. I took public speaking and acting classes, and they were some of the best classes I ever took.

[Xiang]

Disatvantages of a bad country . There is no toastmasters or anything/community classes about speaking or whatnot in my town or most places near me.

There is a toastmasters group in the capital to my surprise, 400 km away. But that's not a option.

 

Seems i have no option but to practice it myself and learn it the hard way. I keep saying to myself i will DO it, i can do it, i'm a do it.

 

But when the day comes that i have to go out and talk to a lady, all my insecurities kick/fear, i got rejected a lot.

Nowadays i don't even have the guts to even try, i just drop it. My low self esteem won't allow me to take anymore hits.

 

I wonder if i could practice with someone and tell me how i do ^^.

Any available ppl?

Or such sites available to do online chats like this?

[MoreCoffee]

Get angry/passionate and get moving.

 

Is there anything in this world you are passionate about?

 

You have the internet. What are you teaching yourself? Another language? Complex math? There are a ton of free classes available online from computers, science, math, languages etc. Can you be self-taught?

 

What there is none of is someone to tell you, "You, do x, y and z."

 

First things first. Can you go to a family doctor and if he believes you to be fighting depression maybe he can prescribed zoloft? (sertraline is the generic) I wouldn't be surprised if you were with everything on your plate. Your doctor and possibly the right meds would be a great start.

[Xiang]

I uhm...i.

No.

I am not passionate about anything, at least i can't think of anything...

I am not content with what i have going, but i don't know what i want either...i'm at the point in life wich should of happened sooner.

Trying to find my purpose and what i wanna do...

 

I have often considered to leave home with some $$ i put away and travel.

Do whatever and see where that takes me, maybe find a job in a foreign country but without any plans, just go in there blindly .

 

If i make it, good. If i run out of money while i am crossing the sahara desert(or whatnot xD) and end up a failing my "discovery trip".

I will just accept that i am not good enough to live and can't handle myself, accept whatever faith has for me, even death.

I don't want to be a burden for anyone.

 

I have honestly thought about this countless times.

I think i need more "hardships" in my life to cross, i believe difficult situations shape a man...believer of the "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". ^^

 

You folk think i should do it?

[doeblin]

I uhm...i.

I have often considered to leave home with some $$ i put away and travel.

Do whatever and see where that takes me, maybe find a job in a foreign country but without any plans, just go in there blindly .

 

You folk think i should do it?

 

 

A change of scenery could be good for you. So if you have enough saved money to move to another country and get a job there, then yeah, you should do it.

 

But you have to change your mindset too.

Your pessimism holds you back from moving to another country, your pessimism holds you back from approaching girls etc. It's a common theme in your threads. You have to work on your self-esteem. You have to find the fortitude to endure life's hardships.

 

 

I'm also truly worried about your suicidal tendencies. Please do find a social worker, a support group or a counselor.

 

Keep us updated!

[Xiang]

Update:

I felt like quiting my job for a few days now, it's as if they read my mind.

Not only did i get a raise 2 months ago, now they offer me a promotion, so i'm gonna stay a while longer.

So my career is not going bad, emotionally still a wreck ^^.

 

At least this whole career thing is pushing some of my negative thoughts away, i was about to throw it all down the trash and quit with everything.

Maybe there can be better...

[d0nnivain]

There can be better.

 

Congrats on the raise. At least your bosses objectively see your value.

 

Better things are ahead.