Rosewilt Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 Hi, I am totally new to this. But I REALLY NEED someone to talk to. I been w/my husband for 7 years almost (married 3) and he does NOT talk to me..... the sex in NOT there. I am soooo unhappy. He beat me a few years ago-once and never again. But I always remember it. We dont go out anywhere....we have a baby. I dont know what to do.....I am soooooooo embarressed. Is there anyone out there who could relate?????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 Have you had any marriage counseling? Did the two of you ever receive any counseling after the abuse? If that incident was never resolved, and you're still thinking about it....chances are you're still afraid of him. You can't communicate effectively with someone you're afraid of. Communication is the key to a good marriage. Your's has been hampered. It may seem like the incident was singular and in the past, but without resolution it's probably lurking there in your household and poisoning the present. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 What made him beat you? What does he blame for the anger? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosewilt Posted March 5, 2005 Author Share Posted March 5, 2005 Thanx for the replies: I really dont know who to turn to now and you strangers are the ears that will listen He beat me while he was drunk, he doesnt drink anymore. 2 months after that, I got pregnant. W e never went to any sort of counseling. We cant even go to have a slice of pizza without having a miserable time. I try but he looks like he doesnt want to be there. I'm thinking maybe he doesnt want to be w/me...but he LOVES our daughter. I am so confused...so depressed.... any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 Of course you feel depressed. Who would not in this situation. But the thing is, if you take steps to improve your situation, the depression will hopefully slowly disappear. Even though it happened a long time ago, you should still should go for counselling concerning the physical violence. This is no way for a human being to be part of a marriage. It's not a marriage in the spiritual sense now. And when your daughter grows up, she will sense that something is not right. Also I would advice you to enter marriage counselling. Things need to improve, for you, and for your husband and daughter. So that going out for a pizza, without that possibly causing a scene, or to feel that he has some resentment because he is there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosewilt Posted March 5, 2005 Author Share Posted March 5, 2005 All these things I tell you I tel him and he says I overreact.....he tells me to forget about what happend. What's worse is that when I was pregnant I found his X girls birthday in his date book and that day he took her out and said it was " a friend from work" we have so many issues that was in the past but doesnt allow me to go foward...I do not trust him can this marriage survive? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 Yes, it can survive, but only if the BOTH of you want to work on the marriage. And from your words, I get the impression that your husband is not very commited to make the marriage work. If he does not want to go as a couple, you could go into individual counselling. To work on your issues, and to gain an insight in the dynamics of this marriage. Without an insight in the dynamics, you can't improve the situation of your marriage. Ans as there a lot of issues to be dealt with. You don't want to be miserable in the marriage for as long as your daughter is at home. She would learn that this terrible state would somehow be "normal." You are not over-reacting. And it is a good sign that he has stopped drinking, so at least he acknowledged that drinking caused some problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosewilt Posted March 5, 2005 Author Share Posted March 5, 2005 He is so quiet that at times i thinkmaybe he has someone else...but there really is NO TIME. Or maybe he is just BORED out his mind. Before we were married he cheated on me. Once that I know for sure, but I always found girls #'s I think I am in this marriage for all the wrong reasons. Mainly my daugher and we just bought a place together..... come on...you guys are my therapy session... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosewilt Posted March 5, 2005 Author Share Posted March 5, 2005 hI, I HAVE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND FOR 7 YEARS(THE ITCH) HE WAS PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE ONE TIME TO ME WHERE HE BEAT ME, HE WAS DRUNK HE DOESNT TALK MUCH............WE HARDLY MAKE LOVE OR GO OUT..............I AM VERY UNHAPPY WE HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD HE LOOKS BORED ALL THE TIME, WHEN I ASK HIM WHAT IS WRONG HE TELLS ME I ALWAYS THINK THE WORST AND I AM ASSUMING THINGS. BUT HE SHOWS NO SIGN OF HAPPINESS....EVERYTHING IS SO TENSE IN OUR HOUSE.......I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.....I AM SO MUCH IN PAIN AND CONFUSION................. CAN ANYONE HELP? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 Originally posted by Rosewilt All these things I tell you I tel him and he says I overreact.....he tells me to forget about what happend. Hey, if you have a problem, then he has a problem. There's only ONE MARRIAGE between the two of you. It's unfortunate that some people will not address the issues, until there is a crisis. Even worse, is that often they don't see the crisis coming until drastic action is taken. So, many people won't recognize a problem until their spouse is walking out the door....in spite of the fact that they were told repeatedly. If possible, start MC on your own. That'll let him know that you mean business. In the interim, get down to the library or bookstore and educate yourself on 'the marital relationship'. Knowledge is power. He may not be interested at first, but if it all goes to pot later.... at least he won't be scratching his head wondering why. You'll have made a bold statement of your desire to do EVERYTHING you can to save your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 I agree...try and get him to go to counselling with you. If not, see a counsellor on your own, to help yourself heal, regain strength, and sort out your feelings, an what to do next. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosewilt Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 i appreciate your responses so much. he wont go to counseling, so I guess I have to on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 I was married for only 3 years and knew my ex-husband for 6.5 years prior to that (but we were just friends). I was so very unhappy in that relationship. But I couldn't leave him because I was in love with him; plus I had two little babies with him. Anyway, he left ME. I suffered a lot and tried hard to bring him back, but didn't manage... When we split, it was a nightmare. However, slowly but surely I managed to get over him. I had a few short relationships that made me feel even more miserable and one relationship that was not so great, but really helped me get over my ex. Four years after we split, I met the love of my life. I am so happy with him. He loves my children and they love him too very much. (They are still very close to their father and see him very often). The divorce was the second best thing that ever happened to me! Link to post Share on other sites
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