PinkInTheLimo Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Not picky at all, but the problem is what you have descibed would be men that are still married because what woman would want to give that up? You have a point. I do indeed often see that such guys are married. And those that are available are often very bad quality. And if there is one of these rare gems on a dating site, he gets so many emails that it is impossible to even meet him for a coffee. My impression: - married women are often worse quality than single women (can't count how many overweight and unpleasant married women I have already met) - married men are most of the time better quality than single men 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 It is not too much to ask for - if you possess the same traits. I would not date a woman who didn't have her life in order, too. Simply being attractive is not a sufficient substitute, since appearance is a wasting asset, and success tends to increase with time. Of course I am not asking for qualities that I don't possess. I do possess the same qualities and I am attractive as well, especially for my age. To be frank, I see many guys who hook up with women who don't have their life in order. Sometimes I start thinking they see it as a positive thing, since they can then save the woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 You don't have to be perfect to meet someone truly compatible, but you will tend to attract people who are similar in appearance and life experience. There are exceptions, of course, but being realistic about who you can attract will make for better results, I think. I am realistic about my value and that is why I find most men on dating sites not good enough for me. I look around me and see to what type of man women with my profile (end of forties but still slim and attractive, higher education, comfortable financial situation, cultivated, sporty) are married and I will be honest, I want the same kind of guy. The worst thing that can happen is settling for a guy and then all of sudden feel the pain when you notice that another woman is with the kind of guy you would have wanted to be with. Happened a couple of times to me when I was younger and thought I should not be too picky. And this is what I saw happening to my mother: she settled and she was very unhappy. She was so much better than my father. How are the men on dating sites? Look at my list about being/not being picky and imagine the opposite of what I write there. On top of that a lot of older guys contact me and I'd rather die than be together with a guy who is more than 7 maximum 8 years than me, plus a lot of guys on dating site are not really available. It's frustrating, very frustrating sometimes but I'd rather be on my own than unhappy in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Any single 40 year old females? is it true that men same age prefer mostly younger women(in their 30s)? how hard is it to meet someone once you get to that age I did meet a couple 40-ish divorced ladies after my exW and I split up but that was pretty rare. They were probably single for about five seconds longer than the 30-ish ladies. Currently, I don't know of any 40-ish ladies in my extended social circle who are single, but do know one 30-ish who's freshly divorced and wouldn't be surprised if she starts talking about a BF soon; the only thing slowing her down is having three young children and working her butt off to support them and herself. One thing I did note about the 40-ish ladies I did date is that their war stories indicated their battle-hardened perspective, which made casual and fun dating a little tedious. I tend to prefer people who accept the past and move forward and it was difficult to find that in my social circle, at least when I was dating. That's probably why I quit. I didn't date any 30-ish ladies because I felt the age difference to be to great (50 at that time). In my demographic, women don't stay single for long, provided they don't choose to be single. Surplus of men. YMMV! Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 You have a point. I do indeed often see that such guys are married. And those that are available are often very bad quality. And if there is one of these rare gems on a dating site, he gets so many emails that it is impossible to even meet him for a coffee. My impression: - married women are often worse quality than single women (can't count how many overweight and unpleasant married women I have already met) - married men are most of the time better quality than single men I would totally disagree with that based on my experience and it seems quite logical that the opposite holds true. Women are never short of offers as traditionally its left to men to approach and men will happily do so, so if a woman can't find a man then it suggests that they don't stand out as being worth pursuing. Everytime I meet a woman that I like she is always taken, the single ones are invariably looking for hook ups, have an attitude/entitlement complex or have just let themselves go. In other words its not hard to see why they are single. I think for single people of both sexes there is a fair amount of "all the best ones are taken" -- however, purely on the basis of my experiences and that men go out and get what they want by being the pursuer, i believe there are far less eligible women than there are men. Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Thought I would wade in here and add to the thread. I am 56 and female and have had some good relationships from OLD despite my advanced age! I think it is important to view OLD as a way of meeting new people, not just a store to go and order a new life-time partner. My only gripe is the way some men send such inane messages.. "Wot u doing?" will never light my fire! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Men like that do exist but it's blown out of proportion. There are plenty of people above 40 who date and marry each other. Most marriages are within the same age range. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Women are never short of offers as traditionally its left to men to approach and men will happily do so, so if a woman can't find a man then it suggests that they don't stand out as being worth pursuing Well I have been single for more than 4 years and I consider myself a catch. OK I am almost 50 but I am not looking for a young cub but a guy somewhere within 5-7 years older or younger than me. I am slim (European size 36), sporty, intelligent, educated, I am financially independent. And I am easy to get along with, that is if you respect me and don't behave like some bossy alpha male. I am not bossy but I don't want to be bossed around. Yet I am single. The main reason is that I simply don't meet any decent available men. I hardly have a social life, my life is my job and my evening course. So the only men I meet are work colleagues, and they are all coupled. So what is left is online dating and I have given up on that because I was fed up of meeting losers all the time (losers = men lying about their relationship status, overweight men, men who behave like kids, men who drink too much, etcetera, etcetera). In my case the problem is not me, the problem is the lack of the opportunity to meet decent men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Well I have been single for more than 4 years and I consider myself a catch. OK I am almost 50 but I am not looking for a young cub but a guy somewhere within 5-7 years older or younger than me. I am slim (European size 36), sporty, intelligent, educated, I am financially independent. And I am easy to get along with, that is if you respect me and don't behave like some bossy alpha male. I am not bossy but I don't want to be bossed around. Yet I am single. The main reason is that I simply don't meet any decent available men. I hardly have a social life, my life is my job and my evening course. So the only men I meet are work colleagues, and they are all coupled. So what is left is online dating and I have given up on that because I was fed up of meeting losers all the time (losers = men lying about their relationship status, overweight men, men who behave like kids, men who drink too much, etcetera, etcetera). In my case the problem is not me, the problem is the lack of the opportunity to meet decent men. It really is a lot about just getting out there and wanting it. At my breakfast place there's this guy that comes in with his wife most days I'm there. I'm not sure if he's borderline retarded or what but he always speaks 2x louder than everyone else and sounds like he's majorly sloshed on something. Like he's talking while chewing even when there's nothing in there. Seems to talk to just about everyone though which is probably his key to success. I think it gets a little harder for women once they get past 40 just because men start to die off earlier and the supply starts thinning. But if you're open to new experiences, especially guys that might be a little younger than you there shouldn't be an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Well I have been single for more than 4 years and I consider myself a catch. OK I am almost 50 but I am not looking for a young cub but a guy somewhere within 5-7 years older or younger than me. I am slim (European size 36), sporty, intelligent, educated, I am financially independent. None of these things make you a good catch. You could be all these things and also be unfaithful, lack empathy and compassion, unable to compromise, terrible communication skills etc. For some reason many women equate being attractive with being a good catch for a long term relationship. Those qualities you listed indeed would make you attractive, but you still might be a terrible catch. And I am easy to get along with, that is if you respect me and don't behave like some bossy alpha male. Admittedly this might make you a better catch. Though, let's face facts, this is the only non-superficial thing that you mentioned when defining yourself as a good catch. This would tend to make me think that you're superficial - which would be the opposite of a good catch. Yet I am single. The main reason is that I simply don't meet any decent available men. I hardly have a social life, my life is my job and my evening course. If a woman doesn't prioritize finding a relationship, how much effort would she put into a relationship if she is in one? I'm guessing not much; especially with you seeing as your life is your job and your evening course. Another indicator that perhaps you're not quite the catch you think you are. So what is left is online dating and I have given up on that because I was fed up of meeting losers all the time (losers = men lying about their relationship status, overweight men, men who behave like kids, men who drink too much, etcetera, etcetera). So, just to be clear, you're a catch, but the only men you can attract from OLD are the losers? Hmmmm...doesn't really compute.... In my case the problem is not me, the problem is the lack of the opportunity to meet decent men. The problem is not you? You've already said that your life is your work and your course. You create your own opportunities in life. The fact that you're playing the victim, instead of proactively going after what you want, indicates again, that perhaps you're not the catch you think you are. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 It really is a lot about just getting out there and wanting it. At my breakfast place there's this guy that comes in with his wife most days I'm there. I'm not sure if he's borderline retarded or what but he always speaks 2x louder than everyone else and sounds like he's majorly sloshed on something. Like he's talking while chewing even when there's nothing in there. Seems to talk to just about everyone though which is probably his key to success. . His success at what? Showing up with his wife at the establishment you eat breakfast at relates to this story how? Ummm?? It doesn't. And please be mindful of chastising the menatally impaired, Karma is a bytch. Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Pinklimo and I are in somewhat the same boat. I have a job (I do not love what I do so I don't use term career although I am on year 21) make a good wage, have my own home and vehicles. Physically I am petite, average looks. Independent etc. As far as the other qualities I am loyal, kind, good sense of humor, laid back, will try and do most anything at least 3 times. And dating has not worked out. Biggest issue is current life situation affords no opportunities to meet anyone. I work long hours, drive 80-100 miles a day, take care of horses (on another property) and have an older 1880 sqf house and 12 acres to maintain. And I live in an area where you have to drive a distance to do things. I ended up in relationships with guys I never thought would be my type but were good guys (despite breaking my heart) that I could have seriously considered for marriage. I have no issue with moving but I do need a job and there are some logistics and such to consider (not losing my shirt selling house, critters). Have been looking for over two years...not an easy thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 His success at what? Showing up with his wife at the establishment you eat breakfast at relates to this story how? Ummm?? It doesn't. And please be mindful of chastising the menatally impaired, Karma is a bytch. I'm very nice to the mentally impaired. You should have seen how much time I spent explaining things to a guy that seemed to have an issue the other day. Unfortunately they're not always kind to me in return. Pink and Allumere, maybe part of the problem is you two are just way too self sufficient. Guys like women they can sense need them for something. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Women are never short of offers as traditionally its left to men to approach and men will happily do so, so if a woman can't find a man then it suggests that they don't stand out as being worth pursuing. Everytime I meet a woman that I like she is always taken This is often true in MY case. I either seem to meet "Taken" women, usually a boyfriend, as in smaller towns most women are spoken for and if they are married and if a divorce is imminent in that marriage, the "buzzards" of men are circling her. LOL A woman in my town can't go long without hooking up with a new beau before I can even get a shot at her. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 None of these things make you a good catch. You could be all these things and also be unfaithful, lack empathy and compassion, unable to compromise, terrible communication skills etc. For some reason many women equate being attractive with being a good catch for a long term relationship. Those qualities you listed indeed would make you attractive, but you still might be a terrible catch. I am a sensitive, honest person who is faithful. When I love a man I have only eyes for him. It's just the way I am. This would tend to make me think that you're superficial - which would be the opposite of a good catch. Superficial is the last thing I am. If a woman doesn't prioritize finding a relationship, how much effort would she put into a relationship if she is in one? I'm guessing not much; especially with you seeing as your life is your job and your evening course. Another indicator that perhaps you're not quite the catch you think you are. It is true that right now I am not prioritising finding a relationship. There are only 24 hours a day and I have a demanding job. The extra degree that I am working on is a temporary thing. But it is very important for me. This said, having a relationship is not impossible with my schedule. I don't have kids and I don't have a lot of friends. I am more one of less but high quality contacts. If I would meet a nice man, most of my free time would go to him. So, just to be clear, you're a catch, but the only men you can attract from OLD are the losers? Hmmmm...doesn't really compute.... I have no control over what kind of men are on dating sites. If most of them are unavailable, overweight, problematic, want a younger woman, there is little I can do about that. I can also not force myself to get together with such men because they will only make my life miserable. The problem is not you? You've already said that your life is your work and your course. You create your own opportunities in life. The fact that you're playing the victim, instead of proactively going after what you want, indicates again, that perhaps you're not the catch you think you are. I am not playing the victim, I am just stating the facts. And really, you don't have control over everything in your life so there are limits to how many opportunities you can create in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 None of these things make you a good catch. You could be all these things and also be unfaithful, lack empathy and compassion, unable to compromise, terrible communication skills etc. For some reason many women equate being attractive with being a good catch for a long term relationship. Those qualities you listed indeed would make you attractive, but you still might be a terrible catch. Admittedly this might make you a better catch. Though, let's face facts, this is the only non-superficial thing that you mentioned when defining yourself as a good catch. This would tend to make me think that you're superficial - which would be the opposite of a good catch. If a woman doesn't prioritize finding a relationship, how much effort would she put into a relationship if she is in one? I'm guessing not much; especially with you seeing as your life is your job and your evening course. Another indicator that perhaps you're not quite the catch you think you are. So, just to be clear, you're a catch, but the only men you can attract from OLD are the losers? Hmmmm...doesn't really compute.... The problem is not you? You've already said that your life is your work and your course. You create your own opportunities in life. The fact that you're playing the victim, instead of proactively going after what you want, indicates again, that perhaps you're not the catch you think you are. Yeah, I remember seeing this one woman stating IN her profile, "I go to school full time and work full time, plus I have kids....and if you a problem with that...move to the next profile!" Already this woman is doomed for failure. I've seen many profiles that tout how "busy" they are with college courses (even though they are over 40 and I've received my Bachelor's degree in my 20s) or busy with working or whatever. I'm like "Why bother having a profile if you are so'busy'"? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 My impression: - married women are often worse quality than single women (can't count how many overweight and unpleasant married women I have already met) - married men are most of the time better quality than single men I don't know about the first part but I definitely agree on the second about married men. There is a very good reason why they are not single. Whenever I meet a man around my age/a little older or younger and he is single, I try to work out why he hasn't been snapped up yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I don't know about the first part but I definitely agree on the second about married men. There is a very good reason why they are not single. Whenever I meet a man around my age/a little older or younger and he is single, I try to work out why he hasn't been snapped up yet. It does indeed seem like every man who is more or less decent is in a relationship. Even those who are really not great catches are coupled. In my line of work salaries are high and there are simply no guys who are available, unless they have very big flaws, like being extremely selfish, not taking care of their personal hygiene, etc... But it's got to be really blatant, and in that case I would not want them anyway. The ones who look OK but are single often have commitment issues. I think that in order to snap an decent available man a woman over 40 really has to make sure to appear in that very small window of opportunity somewhere between the break-up of his last relationship and him being caught by another woman. And that's probably where my problem comes in: I like to take my time, and I don't like to chase. And boy, have I seen women chase men in my lifetime. But I find this pathetic. I prefer things to evolve slowly and in a subtle way... I am not out to "get" a man, I just want to meet a man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Pink and Allumere, maybe part of the problem is you two are just way too self sufficient. Guys like women they can sense need them for something. I don't disagree...to a point. So what do I do in the meantime? The grass needs to be cut, gutters cleaned, tractors repaired, hay stacked, etc., etc. I was raised to be independent and thank goodness I do know how to do so many things because there is no one else and financially it isn't possible to hire someone to do all these things. And let me tell you, none of the men I have dated, including my ex-husband could do much of anything in terms of home repair. They didn't even know how to change the oil in their cars!!! They all were willing to help when asked but never initiated....and it was communicated that it would be awesome if they could do xyz. Alas I didn't have a problem with it if they pulled their weight in other areas. Last guy loved to cook and grocery shop, did laundry,etc...and was very much a dude. He was a Dad so those things were his norm. Hell, having someone else do the driving when going somewhere is huge to me...I hate driving. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I don't disagree...to a point. So what do I do in the meantime? Exactly. If I am not self-sufficient then who is going to pay the bills and make things happen in my life? Seen how not successful my relationship life has been, I could have waited a long time for things to happen. I don't get these men who don't like a self-sufficient woman. Why on earth would anyone want a partner who is not self-sufficient. Why on earth would you want to be with a woman who cannot make her own decisions, earn her own money, who always needs to be helped or saved? I mean, for me it is a must that a man is self-sufficient. Gives me the feeling that I will have a partner in the relationship, not a child. In any case, I also happen to be better at organising my life than a lot of men... Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Guys like women they can sense need them for something. What about needing a man for company and intimacy? Seems more important to me than needing a man to pay my bills or do some handy work in my house... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I think it gets a little harder for women once they get past 40 just because men start to die off earlier and the supply starts thinning. But if you're open to new experiences, especially guys that might be a little younger than you there shouldn't be an issue. Lol man. I very much do not plan to die off by 40 (unless maybe I have the funds to get the new KTM SM990 I have been eying for a while in which case there will be a distinct possibility) Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 What about needing a man for company and intimacy? Seems more important to me than needing a man to pay my bills or do some handy work in my house... :love: Hubba, hubba PITL Where have woman like you been for the past 2 years of my single-hood I am with you, I am looking more for a companion than someone to share the expenses etc. It's been a tall order these days. The last woman I dated had the whole "I don't need a man" shpeal, but in the end,. she was looking for a provider. I am in my late forties and frankly, the way I feel, if I meet a woman in the same age bracket she needs to stand on her own two feet.....this goes for men as well IMO. I just want someone who wants and loves me for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted September 16, 2014 Author Share Posted September 16, 2014 (edited) Lol man. I very much do not plan to die off by 40 (unless maybe I have the funds to get the new KTM SM990 I have been eying for a while in which case there will be a distinct possibility) Well 40 is still too early to notice the "lack of men ",but by 55 there are twice as many single women as men....so at 50s its starting Edited September 16, 2014 by adna89 Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Well 40 is still too early to notice the "lack of men ",but by 55 there are twice as many single women as men....so at 50s its starting That sucks. But also good to know. I am not getting that bike anymore and die by 40. My new goal in life is to live long and relatively healthy so I can become a total grandpa player because I am liking those odds 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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