JeannieB Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Hi there.. Just looking for some advice on how to move on from a dilemma Im facing. Ive been married for 3 years to my bf of 10 years. We do not have kids yet and if we do get pregnant, yay. Otherwise, life goes on. So anyway, there have been a couple of times that Ive caught my husband watching porn. Sometimes, I stay up with him just to make sure he doesnt get the chance masturbate to porn during his off days. It really drives me mad and I get sleepless and we eventually end up fighting about it the next morning. A little background info to gel this together.. a. Im overweight and Im rather insecure about myself. I have always been overweight since young and he married me knowing how I look and tells me that he loves me for who I am. This gives me abit of confidence but recently, I doubt if he is telling me the truth. On the other hand, if he wasnt fine with the way I look, i dont think he would have married me. I know he loves me and I would like to believe so. I am working on my weight but its not easy. B. He has been diagnosed with a medical condition which causes an erectile problem. He cant get an erection easily, cant sustain an erection during sex and therefore, i think to a certain extent, tires him out. Sex is always in doggy style and during the motion, Im always lying, waiting for him to go at it again. Sometimes I help him get erected. We hardly have sex as frequent as I want to..its usually about once a month or once in a few months. We used to have a rather fantastic sex life before we got married and it just started dwindling when we got married. And Im hungry for sex and intimacy now that we have our own place together. What broke the straw was...we had sex a few days ago..one of those quickie sessions and a few hours later, he was getting off while watching porn. So..im having trouble wrapping my head around the porn habit he has. I can understand that men sometimes need to fantasize and it surely beats having to deal with an infidel. However, its not as if we have a fantastic sex life but i surely dont put him down for his ED. But I cant help but feel that he has proven time and again, that i am not good enough for him. And Im beginning to distrust him and I feel that this is gonna cause more intimacy issues, more now than ever. Help shed some light, please.
bastus Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 (edited) there are so many study spoke the major cause of Ed of Most men nowadays is because porn-overconsuming, no matter how pretty is his SO, it deals damages straight to their brain, not to their little brother, so it can be cured. yeah, Business world is getting more cruel each days. Porn is like legalized dangerous disease that easily spreading ,the potential harm level is equal to drugs or even nuclear bombs..i have read many marriage problem caused by porn so i think porn-overconsuming can be assumed as cheating.. Edited September 8, 2014 by bastus 1
loveboid Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 ED is often in the mind. What is this medical problem? Porn to this extent where it intrudes on your sex life is ridiculous. I would look up sex addiction and therapy. You cannot help him. He's gonna have to help himself. Have you tried P90? The before and after videos on youtube are inspirational. Sweetheart, focus on yourself. It's much more fulfilling than what your husband is able to give you now.
Mr. Lucky Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 What broke the straw was...we had sex a few days ago..one of those quickie sessions and a few hours later, he was getting off while watching porn. Twice in one night certainly doesn't meet conventional definition of "erectile problems". Much like your weight, his porn abuse and substitution for intimacy is his problem to address. No advice we can give you here can fix him or solve your very real issues. All you can do is make your feelings known and, based on his reaction, plan accordingly. Hope he realizes what's at stake... Mr. Lucky
Hattie Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 25 years of experience here. Don't be hard on yourself or blame yourself for your husband's porn use. Men cheat or view porn regardless of how unattractive or attractive their SO is. It's a tough spot to be in. I too have been at the beckon call...never saying 'No' just to stumble onto porn-time after a highly unsatisfying sexual experience. I have tanned, killed myself at the gym, dieted nearly to death, tried unsafe diet pills, wore stupid lingerie, joined in highly uncomfortable humiliating sexual acts, watched porn with him...thinking i wasn't good enough, doing enough, pretty, or sexy enough. Nothing matters! If I can save you a bunch of agony and wasted stress...it's not you! It's him....it's them! There is a lot, and I mean a lot of research, medical studies, tests on the effects of porn. Just work on you...keep yourself healthy for you! It's truly the dumbing down of America. They would rather sit there doing that risking no more physical exertion than possible carpal tunnel all the while they are re-wiring their brains so they actually cannot even function with a real female. There are better websites dedicated to helping you regain strength and offering support. When you post here, you open yourself to more criticism.... 1
Keenly Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 The fact that you admit you have insecurities, and more shockingly, you actually stay awake longer to mother him to make sure he doesn't masturbate is incredibly disturbing to me. First, you need to work on the one thing you CAN control, and that's you and not him. You need to first get over your own insecurity before you can even begin to tackle the issue of his ED. I mean really? You babysit him? That's just creepy. 3
Hattie Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 It's actually quite normal in these situations. I know of a woman that postponed a surgery because she was afraid her husband would be porning-out while she was in the hospital....
thekid36 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Hi there.. Just looking for some advice on how to move on from a dilemma Im facing. Ive been married for 3 years to my bf of 10 years. We do not have kids yet and if we do get pregnant, yay. Otherwise, life goes on. So anyway, there have been a couple of times that Ive caught my husband watching porn. Sometimes, I stay up with him just to make sure he doesnt get the chance masturbate to porn during his off days. It really drives me mad and I get sleepless and we eventually end up fighting about it the next morning. A little background info to gel this together.. a. Im overweight and Im rather insecure about myself. I have always been overweight since young and he married me knowing how I look and tells me that he loves me for who I am. This gives me abit of confidence but recently, I doubt if he is telling me the truth. On the other hand, if he wasnt fine with the way I look, i dont think he would have married me. I know he loves me and I would like to believe so. I am working on my weight but its not easy. B. He has been diagnosed with a medical condition which causes an erectile problem. He cant get an erection easily, cant sustain an erection during sex and therefore, i think to a certain extent, tires him out. Sex is always in doggy style and during the motion, Im always lying, waiting for him to go at it again. Sometimes I help him get erected. We hardly have sex as frequent as I want to..its usually about once a month or once in a few months. We used to have a rather fantastic sex life before we got married and it just started dwindling when we got married. And Im hungry for sex and intimacy now that we have our own place together. What broke the straw was...we had sex a few days ago..one of those quickie sessions and a few hours later, he was getting off while watching porn. So..im having trouble wrapping my head around the porn habit he has. I can understand that men sometimes need to fantasize and it surely beats having to deal with an infidel. However, its not as if we have a fantastic sex life but i surely dont put him down for his ED. But I cant help but feel that he has proven time and again, that i am not good enough for him. And Im beginning to distrust him and I feel that this is gonna cause more intimacy issues, more now than ever. Help shed some light, please. Cannot wait to address this because not many continue to agree with me. Having an absolute horrible day too and this won't help me not be blatant either. The problem in this specific situation is not you. I do think you should not have to wait up just so he does not watch it. He already should not watch it from his own individual volition. You have a total right to be insecure. Sorry to hear that you are. This should make him even more aware and sensitive. Says he loves you but does not seem to show it much. Not his fault that he has a medical condition. It is his responsibility that he chooses to basically use the porn as a substitute. He obviously has enough arousal within him for this. You are trying to understand about his situation. He does not seem to care about yours at all. Not only about sex but also wanting that intimacy with someone. I can totally see how this is messing with your head. Either you communicate your issues, try to put up with it, or contemplate changing your living arrangements. You totally deserve to feel wanted.
thekid36 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 The fact that you admit you have insecurities, and more shockingly, you actually stay awake longer to mother him to make sure he doesn't masturbate is incredibly disturbing to me. First, you need to work on the one thing you CAN control, and that's you and not him. You need to first get over your own insecurity before you can even begin to tackle the issue of his ED. I mean really? You babysit him? That's just creepy. You just continue to put the problems back on that person who comes here for advice about an incredibly sensitive issue. No wonder why there are so many insecure individuals in this world. I really think that you should try looking at it from the other person's point of view once in awhile. Insecurity is not something to be ashamed of. It comes from the way that others treat us in so many ways.
Keenly Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 You just continue to put the problems back on that person who comes here for advice about an incredibly sensitive issue. No wonder why there are so many insecure individuals in this world. I really think that you should try looking at it from the other person's point of view once in awhile. Insecurity is not something to be ashamed of. It comes from the way that others treat us in so many ways. Being insecure is the sole problem of the beholder. Its not okay to be insecure. Sorry that I would prefer take responsibility for their feelings. If the idea of a digital naked woman concerns a woman so much that she stays awake at night to spy on her husband to make sure he NEVER puts his eyes on another woman, that's a problem. Just because some one is insecure does not give them the right to tell another person what they can and can't do. This is like a person with one leg telling their significant other not to go out and buy new shoes because they are self conscious about not having two feet. If a person is insecure, the insecurity is on THEM. It is not the responsibility of other people, in this case person, to change their behavior to accommodate some one roses insecurity. That's called being controlling. 1
thekid36 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Being insecure is the sole problem of the beholder. Its not okay to be insecure. Sorry that I would prefer take responsibility for their feelings. If the idea of a digital naked woman concerns a woman so much that she stays awake at night to spy on her husband to make sure he NEVER puts his eyes on another woman, that's a problem. Just because some one is insecure does not give them the right to tell another person what they can and can't do. This is like a person with one leg telling their significant other not to go out and buy new shoes because they are self conscious about not having two feet. If a person is insecure, the insecurity is on THEM. It is not the responsibility of other people, in this case person, to change their behavior to accommodate some one roses insecurity. That's called being controlling. Does not matter what you think is acceptable at all. It is an issue which is pretty prevalent within our culture. Not fair to isolate it on one person in a relationship. Both partners choose to be together out of their own volition. Within that should come mutual responsibility and respect. That cannot happen when one partner chooses to be dishonest and deceitful. Cannot be possible when one basically ignores the other. When this happens, it is no wonder why one would feel insecure. Saying someone is controlling for wanting intimacy is not fair in any shape or form.
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