Divorce UK questions

[GarrusVakarian]

Wonder if anyone in the UK can help with some divorce questions?. I am going to be filing myself. But I already know the costs of this. I don't want to go down the solicitors route as the only people who will make money is them and the courts. Plus I cant afford it. But she has been bought out of the house moved out last year to her mums. House is all signed over to me and in my name, she has nothing to do with it anymore and stopped paying her half of mortgage. We also luckily have no kids.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Basically, long story short. Last year I found out wife had been having affair with a married man twenty years older than her. Apparently they are now together. Good luck to them.

 

 

Questions are:

1. How long does it take from filing the petition to the wife respondent to receive the petition?.

2. I am going to put adultery, I have briefly outlined facts of her adultery. They have to admit this apparently. If they wont admit it, will it have to be changed to Unreasonable behaviour?.

3. Is it really worth naming the OM Co-Respondent?. Seems a bit pointless, but will it strengthen the above question.

4. I think its only reasonable that wife pays the costs that I will have to incur as a result of her behaviour. Do the respondents typically refuse to pay costs if you claim against them?. If they agree, how long does it take for me to get money back?.

5. How long on average if the wife doesn't contest divorce to be finalised?.

6. Has there been instances of the wife who committed adultery to try and drag it all out?.

 

 

Its been a cr#ppy last year, but I have come out the other side better/happier for it and just want to be free of her so I can get on with rest of my life. It all feels like a concrete block around my neck now and I want rid. She basically run away from it all and doesn't want to deal with it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Any thoughts?.

[PegNosePete]

1. Usually about a week, just the time it takes the court to read it, do the paperwork and for Royal Mail to deliver it. But if the court is busy it may take longer.

 

2. DO NOT use adultery unless you can 100% guarantee that your wife will sign the divorce petition based on this fact. If there is even the slightest doubt (and it sounds like there is), then you should NOT use adultery. Changing from adultery to UB is not an easy or cheap process and will almost certainly require a solicitor's assistance. Basically going for UB right from the start is just better in almost every single case, there's really nothing to be gained by using adultery but there's a big risk of it going wrong. So why do it?

 

3. If you do use adultery (which you probably shouldn't as above) then no you should definitely not name the co-respondent. It achieves nothing, and introduces a whole load of extra risk and hassle.

 

4. Right, so you want to ask your wife to confess to adultery and then say that if she does, she'll have to pay for the divorce... not a good plan, she will simply refuse to confess (or just not respond, same difference really). If you use UB then you have a much better case for costs since UB is almost impossible to contest. If she refuses to pay costs then a court hearing will be needed to decide who pays costs, and the petitioner will usually win. However to avoid the hassle of this, and to keep the divorce amicable, it is normal to agree to a 50/50 split, or for the petition to not claim costs as long as the defendant does not contest the divorce. If you do claim costs then it becomes due on the granting of the absolute (you get the petition fee and the absolute fee paid back to you).

 

5. "On average" is quite subjective and won't help you out much. If you both complete the paperwork promptly and efficiently then it can be done in a little over 3 months. A lot of it also depends on your court, how busy they are, etc. But the biggest delays obviously come from people not completing paperwork promptly - either through laziness, apathy, or because it is to their advantage to delay. If your wife causes delays for any of these reasons then you will be very glad you used UB rather than adultery because UB does not rely on her even returning any forms!

 

6. Of course, lots. If you use adultery and it is to your wife's advantage to stay married (for whatever reason, financial or otherwise) then you're handing her a silver platter. Use UB!

 

7. The question that you didn't ask but I'm going to tell you anyway. Make sure to get a financial resolution in place. You say you've done the house but even if all finances are sorted out, you still need a consent order to ensure all future claims are dismissed. Otherwise it could end up costing you dearly in the long run. This should be drawn up by a solicitor and stamped by the courts. If it's a simple case then it's very cheap.

Edited September 8, 2014 by PegNosePete

[sadoldgeezer]

Hi..first off it is sometimes cheaper to go via Solicitors especially if you are seeking costs as they take responsibility for collecting these...you only pay Court fee's upfront and usually a retainer type fee for the Solicitor themselves...but it's not cheap!

 

1) Depends on what type of service you settle for...personal, postal or via a process server/court baliff

 

2) Use both...irreconcilable due to unreasonable behaviour and details of your personal knowledge of the affair(s)

 

3) Yes

 

4) Using a Solicitor they recover the costs...if you do it the Court settle the amount recoverable...probably limited to the Court fee, agents fee etc

 

5) Once a Nisi is pronounced, which depends on when the Respondent acknowledges the Petition and responds to it, 6 weeks before you can apply for the Decree Absolute... if the Court are happy about arrangements for the Children (not relevant here) and financial positions...which are disclosed via a Financial Statement within the proceedings

 

6) Yes...but again depends on whether the Petition is defended

 

As i said before Solicitors are the best way to go and they do not charge the earth, despite what people think, but you have to have the money to pay up front..going it alone is not particularly difficult as the Court send information sheets with the blank Petition and there is plenty of advice on line how to proceed

 

Which ever way you go good luck and what ever you do keep your cool...it may seem as though it is taking an age BUT it does not take a lot of effort to wind former spouses up...as long as she plays ball it can be quite painless

[BeingMe]

1. How long does it take from filing the petition to the wife respondent to receive the petition?.

 

A- Anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks,depending on the backlog. You can phone your local court to ask.

 

 

 

2. I am going to put adultery, I have briefly outlined facts of her adultery. They have to admit this apparently. If they wont admit it, will it have to be changed to Unreasonable behaviour?.

 

A - You don't need admission if you have proof. Do you have proof of penis in vagina sex (video, picture or written admission)? If not, you need to go down the unreasonable behaviour route from the start. You can still use this as part of your unreasonable behaviour grounds "The Respondent has been unfaithful to the Petitioner. By way of example, the Respondent had sex with an unnamed man on...".

 

 

3. Is it really worth naming the OM Co-Respondent?. Seems a bit pointless, but will it strengthen the above question.

 

A - It's considered bad form to name the other person & not liked by judges. However, if you do have the proof for adultery, then both your wife and the OM will have to contribute towards the court costs.

 

 

 

4. I think its only reasonable that wife pays the costs that I will have to incur as a result of her behaviour. Do the respondents typically refuse to pay costs if you claim against them?. If they agree, how long does it take for me to get money back?.

 

A - I got my SBXH to agree to a named amount & put that o the petition, rather than just asking for all costs to be paid. At the very least, she should pay the court fee cost. I'm getting it paid at decree nisi pronouncement

 

 

 

5. How long on average if the wife doesn't contest divorce to be finalised?.

 

A- How long is a piece of string? It depends on how quickly the court processes things, how quickly your wife returns the papers. How quickly you both put the Form E financial declarations together, how long mediation for children and finances takes. Mine is uncontested, but it has already taken 6 months just to get to nisi. Then we negotiate the financials BEFORE applying for the absolute (protects you in case she were to die before the finances are agreed). I'd like to be done by Christmas, but that may not happen.

 

 

6. Has there been instances of the wife who committed adultery to try and drag it all out?.

 

A - Oh, yes, many cheaters just don't want to face the consequences and so avoid the paperwork etc where possible.

[aMguilts]

hi

pegnosepete said it all

just file. wouldnt u rather get it over with sooner than later?

only dogs dig up sh** !

 

aM

[PegNosePete]

You can still use this as part of your unreasonable behaviour grounds "The Respondent has been unfaithful to the Petitioner. By way of example, the Respondent had sex with an unnamed man on...",

I'd very much advise against this wording. I've heard of many cases where the judge has rejected an UB petition because it is too similar to an adultery one. Much better to phrase it "the respondent had an inappropriate relationship with another man between X and Y". That is all you should say about it.

[BeingMe]

I'd very much advise against this wording. I've heard of many cases where the judge has rejected an UB petition because it is too similar to an adultery one. Much better to phrase it "the respondent had an inappropriate relationship with another man between X and Y". That is all you should say about it.

 

Actually that's a good point, mine mentioned inappropriate relationship which included sexual touching, but didn't mention outright sex.

[Mascara]

Pete has basically summed it up. I'd also advise going straight to UB, honestly you don't have to come up with very in-depth reasons.

 

Timing wise, allow 3 months for nisi, then 6 weeks for absolute. Plus another few weeks for contingency, you're looking at 5/6 months. More if you decide to go down the adultery route and she digs her heels in.

 

Re the costs. Is it worth going after her for the sake of £250 or so?