Introverts subjected to stalking/bullying?

[mercuryshadow]

In general, why is it that introverts appear to be targets for bullying/stalking/harassment than other types of personalities?

 

I'm an introvert. I have a few close friends. I get along with everyone I meet but don't really do "small talk" well. I connect best with people on a deeper level, but the reality is that few friendships make it there. I have social media but don't go on and on about my life or how "great" it is. I'm relatively secure with myself but find no reason to exaggerate my positive attributes.

 

Since early adolescence people have really gone out of their way to target me. In my mid twenties things calmed down, finally. However, every once in a while, something unnerving still happens. Today, for instance, my H received a friend request from someone he didn't know. He showed it to me and I recognized it as a fake account that was created by a girl i was once friends with. She had used it years ago to try and link with me after our friendship had ended and she began a three year long harassment and stalking tirade. Sad. I really had hopes she had moved on with her life and was finally happy.

 

Any other introverts find this to be common in their lives? If so, why do you think it may be?

[mammasita]

I'm sorry this happens/has happened to you.

 

I'm not convinced that "introvert" is a commonality in being bullied/stalked. I've never had an issue with being picked on or stalked and I'm the epitome of introvert.

 

I'm inclined to say that it's more personality driven. For example, I'm a very "Hell **** no, are you kidding me - you are NOT doing that" type of person. That's independent of being an introvert.

 

Being assertive is independent of being an introvert. More assertive people are less likely to be bullied and picked on IMO.

[carhill]

In general, why is it that introverts appear to be targets for bullying/stalking/harassment than other types of personalities?

 

To the extent they are, IMO it's due to two main factors:

 

1. Popularity. Introverts are, or are perceived as, unknowns, hard to read, often difficult to interact with on a routine basis, so are perceived to be outside the group. Especially during peer integration, there is safety in groups.

 

2. What isn't familiar is 'unknown' and 'different' and certain personalities react negatively to such perceptions, seeking to control those situations and exert their power, whether it be physical, emotional or social, over them.

 

Being an introvert, in an of itself, IMO isn't a magnet for bullies. It's rather being an introvert and interacting in a manner with bullies which feeds their intrinsic personality which causes the bullies to focus on that particular person. IOW, you could have two introverts in the same situation and one may be bullied and the other not, or each bullied, but to varying degrees. No two individuals are the same. One thing I did notice, primarily from interacting with a young man who helped me immensely during that time, was that posture and body language went a long way; no slouching, look them in the eyes, shoulders back, feet in balance. If they get the sense that one can handle themselves, they are less likely to escalate.

 

For example, back in the day when I was an introvert and got smacked around a bit, I still remained an introvert but, eventually, gave the bullies a taste of their own medicine and they left me alone. My personality didn't change, rather it was my interaction style with the bullies which changed. In fact, it wasn't with a large group, rather a few, and the word got around and that was that.

 

What I've noticed with adult bullies, and IME they are quite few and far between, is that they're fishing for a reaction to feed their power base, rather than actually assault and batter, so a modified version of the prior solution exists; I give them the opportunity for the incident to end peaceably by not engaging and walking away. If they choose to pursue and threaten, then CCW training kicks in and they get the full force of such consequences. To date, no use of deadly force required. Life goes on. Everyone stays alive and hopefully moves on to other, more healthy and beneficial, things.

[OwMyEyeball]

Sorry you have to deal with that level of abuse

 

Your experience likely has less to do with introversion and more to do with passiveness or some other perception of weakness that bullies seek.

 

Bullies back down when confronted. If they persist, then you're dealing with an enemy. Their motives are usually different.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

i'm introverted... in all my years never been subjected to harassment. Though my shyness makes me joke and fit in. just nobody that is not my friend really knows me.

 

 

 

I guess my jokey behavior allows some interaction that peeps can accept. but for the most part, i prefer to be on the outside looking in. seems too many friends makes too many complications for me, as i take meaning a wee directly. so jesting when being derect allows me to voice without seeming serious all the time. misdirected direction, thats me! lol

[mercuryshadow]

Thanks for all of the insightful replies and personal stories!

 

I do agree that it may have more to do with a lack of assertiveness than to do with being introverted. I was never good with confrontation...I would literally freeze. Looking back, the times things got really bad was likely because I didn't put a stop to it when it was less direct but still very obvious (I.e. I'm not stupid). . And when things escalated, I'd respond. I had to learn to stop responding, and ultimately, that was the only thing that worked, even if not immediately.

 

I'm getting better at asserting myself, though. And also at not responding to negative situations or actions in an uncontrolled or emotional manner. Life lessons.