pink_sugar Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 So my dad called and texted me and my brother multiple times yesterday inquiring about holiday plans. He's going out of state during the time of Thanksgiving to be with his girlfriend's family and was wondering if my brother and I were planning to come over to his place. Well...not if he's going to be out of town. My brother and I both have partners too and it's just too far away to tell what's going on. We're out of town and we're not sure if we have to work the day before or after or who's planning what. He also wanted me to ask my brother what he wants to do as far as gift giving...since my brother was the only one who didn't give gifts to anyone last year. (He does this all the time). He suggested picking names. (Picking names for a group of 5 people?) I just told my dad I'm not going to worry about gift exchanging with my brother and that his lack of present exchange shouldn't affect the rest of the group. Anyways, my dad decides to call my grandmother (mom's mom) and says that since she's having Thanksgiving, he's going to do Christmas eve without really even knowing what our availability is like. He just thinks if he tells us far enough in advance, we should all be there regardless. My husband and I aren't sure if we have to work that day and since we're out of town, we don't want to rush down for Christmas eve dinner. I told my dad that I would put it on my calendar, but I am not going to promise him anything as it's too far in advance to know for sure how things are going to play out. If my husband's family decides to do something, I'd rather that take priority as we don't see his family nearly as often as we see mine. My dad just doesn't get it. Since it's just going to be me and my husband, my brother and his girlfriend over, my dad should be happy to accommodate our schedules as we are now adults with our own lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 Thoughts on how to handle this? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 For now just tell dad thanks for the heads up but you will get back to him once you know your work schedeule. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Since it's just going to be me and my husband, my brother and his girlfriend over, my dad should be happy to accommodate our schedules as we are now adults with our own lives. WOW, thats is all I can say...WOW. Yes your Dad should fall upon his knees that you are even giving consideration to be able to breath the same air Just mind boggling.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 (edited) Since it's just going to be me and my husband, my brother and his girlfriend over, my dad should be happy to accommodate our schedules as we are now adults with our own lives. WOW, thats is all I can say...WOW. Yes your Dad should fall upon his knees that you are even giving consideration to be able to breath the same air Just mind boggling.... Yes, considering how he treats my brother and I, he should be glad we even visit him, period. He always makes plans without knowing whether or not we are able to make said times and then expects that we be there no matter what. Just like one time he demanded that I come to his city council BBQ on short notice and said that he should come before my other plans and obligations. Edited September 9, 2014 by pink_sugar Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 pink sugar, I am sincerely sorry that you carry such angst and bitterness. Its disturbing to an extent. Yet its your choice how you manage the relationship. Someday maybe you'll be able to come to terms with it and be at peace with yourself. It just seems a dern shame that you use his poor attributes as a way to maintain this animosity. the constant remarks though sheds lite that there is much work to be done to either continue in building this wall or work to build a bridge of decency, on both sides. I can only surmise that in your mind and thru your life you have had to do it to protect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 pink sugar, I am sincerely sorry that you carry such angst and bitterness. Its disturbing to an extent. Yet its your choice how you manage the relationship. Someday maybe you'll be able to come to terms with it and be at peace with yourself. It just seems a dern shame that you use his poor attributes as a way to maintain this animosity. the constant remarks though sheds lite that there is much work to be done to either continue in building this wall or work to build a bridge of decency, on both sides. I can only surmise that in your mind and thru your life you have had to do it to protect yourself. I think the op has a right to feel how they want. Who are you to judge them? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted September 14, 2014 Share Posted September 14, 2014 pink sugar, I am sincerely sorry that you carry such angst and bitterness. Its disturbing to an extent. Yet its your choice how you manage the relationship. Someday maybe you'll be able to come to terms with it and be at peace with yourself. It just seems a dern shame that you use his poor attributes as a way to maintain this animosity. the constant remarks though sheds lite that there is much work to be done to either continue in building this wall or work to build a bridge of decency, on both sides. I can only surmise that in your mind and thru your life you have had to do it to protect yourself. My father in law is EXTREMELY narcissistic. I, nor my brother in law, his friends, pink's friends can stand to be around him. He really is quite irritating and annoying to be around. Don't jump to conclusions when you do not know the whole story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted September 14, 2014 Author Share Posted September 14, 2014 I think the op has a right to feel how they want. Who are you to judge them? Thanks for your support. Tayla, it's not about carrying anger or bitterness. It's about having reasonable expectations and boundaries. I think anyone would be annoyed and fed up with someone who is inconsiderate of the fact that you are an adult with your own life and calling incessantly to nag or criticize you. The only way I've been able to move forward is to keep him limited in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
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