Asking someone out.

[Xiang]

I didn't know where to post this.

The point is i don't go clubbing/partying almost at all.

If i am ever to meet a woman it's in a park/library or something...gym even.

But those are not places ment for picking up, clubs are ment for that !

The other spots i mentioned are to relax...so aproaching someone could end up weird i think.

 

1-How would you proceed for instance to ask someone out you just saw in the park, and is pretty to you?

2-Most of the time they are NEVEr alone, with other friends, how then?

 

^^ myeah, i'd like to hear your pickup lines or methods. Because i'm clueless, and these situations would likely make me appear as totally creepy..

Edited September 9, 2014 by Xiang

[doeblin]

If i am ever to meet a woman it's in a park/library or something...gym even.

But those are not places ment for picking up, clubs are ment for that !

The other spots i mentioned are to relax...so aproaching someone could end up weird i think.

 

1-How would you proceed for instance to ask someone out you just saw in the park, and is pretty to you?

 

If you never approach, you'll never know.

 

You can even say frankly: "Hey I think you are cute, and would have regretted not talking to you" then proceed with some witty banter, and invite her out for a coffee/tea whatever. If you show her you have the balls to approach a girl in the daytime like this, she will be impressed.

 

You will get better the more you did this.

[Xiang]

These methods work if you are perceived at least average or good looking to be given a chance.

I have tried .

The reaction is a angry confused face as in "what does this creep want?".

Followed by a noticable fearfull tone in their voice asking me "what? what is it?" after 0.1 seconds of me saying "hey/hi"...i can't even finish my sentence.

 

The reaction puts me off from continuing anything, if she is like that from the get go.

I probably have no ideea how to aproach, my lack of confidence/nervousness is clear, idk.

Teach me masters !

Oh i have been told i don't talk loud enough, wich is why some people give me that "what?" look.

But to me i think i am talking loud enough, it's unconfortable for me to raise my pitch since that's how i have been talking all my life.

[doeblin]

Yes, well that's it. I guess you don't talk loud enough, your tone is unsure, your body-language is diffident. But don't worry! You will get better at this with practice.

 

Wanting to improve is the first step, so good job!

 

Now you have to get rid of your social anxiety. Part of it will involve exposure, in other words approaching strange women regularly. So approach strange women regularly.

 

The other part is changing your mindset. You actively have to change your false beliefs and pessimistic assumptions into positive ones.

Say, you automatically think "She will reject me." You have to consciously change this into "I have no reason to think she will reject me. She doesn't know me, and I don't know her. There's a good chance she'll like me, since I have many attractive qualities, but even if she doesn't, so what? There are many other ladies out there."

 

This will take work, but keep at it, you will get better!

 

There is no magic formula.

Keep grinding!

[StanMusial]

These methods work if you are perceived at least average or good looking to be given a chance.

I have tried .

The reaction is a angry confused face as in "what does this creep want?".

Followed by a noticable fearfull tone in their voice asking me "what? what is it?" after 0.1 seconds of me saying "hey/hi"...i can't even finish my sentence.

 

The reaction puts me off from continuing anything, if she is like that from the get go.

I probably have no ideea how to aproach, my lack of confidence/nervousness is clear, idk.

Teach me masters !

Oh i have been told i don't talk loud enough, wich is why some people give me that "what?" look.

But to me i think i am talking loud enough, it's unconfortable for me to raise my pitch since that's how i have been talking all my life.

 

 

You need to speak up boy. You need to feel the rattle in your sack when you talk.

 

Seriously though some of us have hearing loss.

[d0nnivain]

Start with something innocuous, like "nice day, isn't it?" or "do you think it will rain?" Do keep your voice up so she doesn't have to strain to hear you. Smile. Make eye contact but don't stand too close, at lease 2-3 feet away.

 

Have you tried joining activities or going to meetup.com events where people are expecting strangers to talk to them?

[Xiang]

Got my hopes up for that meetup.com thingy, but there's nothing for where i live. I'm not from the US or anything, balkan/europe.

 

I can't even do online dating in my country it's so unpopular, i only found 30 people from age 18-28 from my small town ^^.

Thank you for the tips, however like i mentioned, most of the time and i MEAN IT, i don't find anyone walking alone, they are with friends/other girls.

Wich makes it harder to aproach, doesn't it?

[d0nnivain]

A smile & a friendly greeting are still your best bets.

[Xiang]

Ahaha...

I don't want to sound like a downer, but.

I can't smile. xD

The positions of my lips/muscles idk how to call it are downward, so i seem like i am sad/down most of the time.

So i look like this most of the time . And am like this :| when i smile.

Am never like this , literally. Smile with teeth? hoping for this?. I get this . round mouth/muscles.

 

Felt like sharing that, u know, random talk.

But okay, nevermind, goinf off-topic ^^.

[Xiang]

lool...i might not do this for a while...

I tried something the other day and wanted to talk to a gal i kinda liked.

But the moment i tried to do anything to indicate to her that i am interested, jokes/touching/blabla.

My hands started to shake so it was awful because she noticed, almost having a speech inpediment. *slap self*

 

I'm fine being around gals i know, but if i like YOu i get way too emotional/nervous.

Edited September 11, 2014 by Xiang

[doeblin]

But the moment i tried to do anything to indicate to her that i am interested, jokes/touching/blabla.

My hands started to shake so it was awful because she noticed, almost having a speech inpediment. *slap self*

 

You had a panic attack. The symptoms are real, the cause is in your mind.

You can get rid of your anxiety if you change your mindset.

 

Read my previous post.

And this:

 

Three Steps to Combat Anxiety | Psychology Today

 

 

And don't give up! Keep pushing your boundaries! You might not see this yet, but just by approaching you're progressing.

Edited September 12, 2014 by doeblin

[Mister Zen]

If a woman is not alone I won't approach her.. unless I'm also in a group of friends.

 

You can approach a woman in any situation. Just talk about the situation. Example:

 

Outside: Is it supposed to rain?

Store: Is that good? I never tried it.

Train Station: How many stops away is (insert place)?

Coffee shop: Have you tried the (insert item) its amazing.

 

Break the ice with something casual then give her a compliment.

 

Its not hard. Its almost too easy.