Broncos38 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 This has been the worst summer I have been with anybody because my fiancee is epileptic. And my family thinks we should be friends or BFF just because she doesn't drive yet and doesn't have a job. It all started when I had to get her out of a situation and she thought she was emotionally abused by her mother. And my family seems she was panicking because she felt trapped and she didn't feel comfortable at home. But dad didn't trust her with her finances thinking she was taking advantage of my emotionally. To me it seems my dad doesn't except her for who she is. My brother tells me I really should look for a new girl because she caused so many problems because she finally realized what she was doing is wrong like helping me getting a new car like we're married without my dads help. I'm 34 and have a learning disability but don't mean I can't learn. Nobody really taught me to be independent because of it. And my fiancee wants to continue the relationship but it has not been easy and fun because we're trying to make things easier for ourselves just because she wanted an apartment with everything in it and my dad was my payee for a while because other women were taking advantage of me because I'm too nice. I kept losing production jobs and my dad suggested me to do it. Welding has become so competitive. And my life hasn't panned out like I wanted it. But my fiancee thinks everything has to be her way just be with me because we can't afford everything because we have no jobs. And my dad tells me I really should reconsider if the woman that I am with is the one for me because she hasn't shown can hold a job and drive because nobody gives her the chance. I really don't know if I can find someone who loves me for me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Your dad is doing these things because he loves you & wants to protect you. You & your FI both have the government hanging over your head. Based on the benefits she gets, if you two get married, one or both of you risks losing benefits if the other one's income gets attributed to you. There is more too this than just love but your frustration is understandable. Keep the lines of communication open on all sides: with your FI, with your dad, with her mom & with your respective social workers. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Bronco, I've been seeing multiple posts about the same issue. You cannot change your family, so keep clear boundaries. Assure them that you all have everything handled and that your girl is someone with whom you are happy and sharing a life with and that they need to be respectful in both your presence. Link to post Share on other sites
teedaalee Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Broncos38, It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now as far as decision making goes. Hang in there! Teedaalee Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broncos38 Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 (edited) What kind of decisions do I really have to make here? But she is willing to work with me and my family doesn't seem to see it yet. My dad and brother tells me I should really think finding a new woman because she doesn't work and drive because nobody does not give her a chance. And this why she is credit card debt. Because my dad put her on a payee program which she was fine paying her credit cards on time. And my fiancée. And my fiancée is under all this stress now and she has to pay the whole bill. Because my dad didn't trust her with her own money cause my dad was too concerned about me if she did not pay rent. Edited September 12, 2014 by Broncos38 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Marriage is tough. To begin a marriage in a financial hole is even tougher. If nobody taught your FI how to be financially responsible, it's good that you both learn that before you get married. What do you think will happen if she doesn't pay her half of the rent? Telling you to break up with her because she doesn't drive is a bit judge-y. Telling you to wait until you are both on the same page about financial responsibility is a good plan. Although you can't see it right now, your dad is actually trying to head off worse stress for you & your lady in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Yes to that ^^^ right there. The fact that your father is even willing to help her by getting her on a payment plan says a lot of good things about his intentions. You might want to think about this for a little while. This is no picnic for him either. I'm sure he'd rather be worrying about other things, or not worrying at all. At 34, you seem to rely on him a lot, and I'm sure that he is looking a lot farther down your road than you are. You should go have a talk with him, and write down everything he says and go think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broncos38 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Share Posted September 14, 2014 My dad and my fiancee got into an argument about the stigma of her epilepsy about the whole government low income apartment issue. Because of they were nasty to us. Alainna was asking for my half of the money mistake but maybe dad is not willing admit his mistake. And it seems he never stops with any kind money issue and he wants me to take my car back. And my us to be best friends forever comments. Alainna tries so hard and my dad says that it's in Alainna's head. 2.7 million people have epilepsy that have it. My dad is stubborn and not willing to listen and we said to get a priest involved and Alainna aunt which is her god mother. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I think sitting down with your dad, Alianna & your priest to talk is a good thing. It's hard for parents to accept that their kids are growing up. Link to post Share on other sites
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