Feeling a little hurt, I know it's my fault

[Country_Girl]

You saw it as an opportunity. It could have been interpreted as you heading off any declarations by him that he liked you because he interpreted what you said as a way to making sure he didn't say anything you didn't want to hear.

 

I'm glad you are going to talk to him in person.

 

Interesting, you know, I thought this exact thing today. He called me tonight and we talked for 2 hours. The text was not brought up. I think it was avoided on both parts...and I think you might be right. Maybe I just need to let things be and unfold? I was so strong in my conviction, but now not so much.

 

He was expressing how everything he had planned the last 4 years didn't come to pass (career wise) because it all went into relationships. He'd start something then stop it for the sake of the relationship.

 

So weird, when we are apart there seems to be some type of underlining conflict. On both ends. When we are together in person, everything seems right with the world. We both have a fear of abandonment that we've expressed to each other, and I'm thinking that plays a large role in our conflict.

 

I cried all day yesterday, at the thought of giving him up. I was resolved to ending it. But I don't know if I can...I don't know if that makes me weak or what. But I don't want to lose him. I just wish I knew the future, because if he meets someone and dumps this friendship 5 months down the line, the pain would be greatly increased. If I thought yesterday was bad, I might as well increase the pain threshold by 50% or more. :-/

[d0nnivain]

You still might lose him after you talk to him. Yes that will suck but that pain will be so much easier to live with then carrying around the uncertainty if you just sneak away.

[LuckyLady13]

Country Girl, I'm confused as anything about your situation because you presented it as a FWB situation. Is this something that was laid out from day one? Clearly? Or are you just making assumptions?

 

I had a great FWB situation with someone I was friends with like 20 years first. We were always attracted to each other (so much it was insane) but when we both were finally single at the same time (first time in the entire 20 years), we got together but made it clear from day one it was a FWB situation, nothing more, nothing less. It was a great way to transition for me from a horrible long-term abusive relationship with a nut, drop and forget all that baggage, get in great shape, have a great time and great sex life and get my head together for a real relationship later. It was one of the best things I ever did for myself in my entire life.

 

I had no emotional attachment and neither did he so it's over and done, no hard feelings.

 

If you two said in the beginning clearly that you were getting into a FWB situation but you had other ideas about this guy? You were being dishonest in an attempt to get what you really want and that's not just unfair to this guy but whatever he decides to do from here is up to him and you really can't complain. You started this entire thing based on a lie.

 

On the other hand, if this was never clarified by anybody ever and you're making assumptions that he's not or barely is interested but you're not sure and you're ready to run away...well, don't!

 

Just the same as it's 2014 and not the 1700's and you're free to have a FWB, you also have to step up as a woman, open up your mouth and say what you want, what your boundaries are. It's not up to him to clarify things for you. Do you understand what I'm saying? You don't put your decisions about your life in his hands. You put it where it belongs - in your own hands.

 

You're interested in a relationship with this guy so call him up, stop by his house, go for coffee, whatever and lay it all out. You want a relationship with him and need to know right now if he's interested. If not, you have to walk away and put your time and energy into finding a relationship with someone who wants the same thing you want. And tell him right off the bat that a non-answer will be taken as a no and you will be moving on.

 

This is your life. Live it!

[Country_Girl]

Country Girl, I'm confused as anything about your situation because you presented it as a FWB situation. Is this something that was laid out from day one? Clearly? Or are you just making assumptions?

 

I had a great FWB situation with someone I was friends with like 20 years first. We were always attracted to each other (so much it was insane) but when we both were finally single at the same time (first time in the entire 20 years), we got together but made it clear from day one it was a FWB situation, nothing more, nothing less. It was a great way to transition for me from a horrible long-term abusive relationship with a nut, drop and forget all that baggage, get in great shape, have a great time and great sex life and get my head together for a real relationship later. It was one of the best things I ever did for myself in my entire life.

 

I had no emotional attachment and neither did he so it's over and done, no hard feelings.

 

If you two said in the beginning clearly that you were getting into a FWB situation but you had other ideas about this guy? You were being dishonest in an attempt to get what you really want and that's not just unfair to this guy but whatever he decides to do from here is up to him and you really can't complain. You started this entire thing based on a lie.

 

On the other hand, if this was never clarified by anybody ever and you're making assumptions that he's not or barely is interested but you're not sure and you're ready to run away...well, don't!

 

Just the same as it's 2014 and not the 1700's and you're free to have a FWB, you also have to step up as a woman, open up your mouth and say what you want, what your boundaries are. It's not up to him to clarify things for you. Do you understand what I'm saying? You don't put your decisions about your life in his hands. You put it where it belongs - in your own hands.

 

You're interested in a relationship with this guy so call him up, stop by his house, go for coffee, whatever and lay it all out. You want a relationship with him and need to know right now if he's interested. If not, you have to walk away and put your time and energy into finding a relationship with someone who wants the same thing you want. And tell him right off the bat that a non-answer will be taken as a no and you will be moving on.

 

This is your life. Live it!

 

Hi Ladyluck13-

 

Well nothing was really established, the only discussion was the first night we slept together, we were facing each other on the couch laying down after watching a movie and rubbing each others backs. He said "Do you think we would mess things up if we were intimate, cuz we have a good thing going here".

 

I didn't really have time to answer as he just started kissing me. The whole thing confused me, as he'd tell his parents about me, we went on vacation together, told his cousins about me (apparently I live down the street from them now) and mentioned that the cousins want to come by and see me (he said this on 4 separate occasions). I found that last part a little weird as I had never met these cousins.

 

But something was missing, I could feel it. Seemed like I was always there for him, yet if I asked a favor he was nowhere to be found. I found it strange when we went on vacation that he had separate rooms for us, but would do date like things like cuddling and watching movies, walking around town getting ice cream and sitting on the bench, watching the stars on the deck till 2am while drinking coffee.

 

It was a mind bender to say the least. After 2 weeks he asked to go on vacation again...I ended up declining. I knew if I went I would be more confused and I just wanted to focus on healing and distancing myself.

 

2 weeks ago I started dating someone new, and it's been great, no mixed messages and he tells me how he feels. I told the FWB that I am seeing someone, that way he doesn't try to ask me out or to cuddle and watch movies.

 

I was seeing what I wanted to see with the FWB...now I have a clear picture of what really happens in a relationship and normal dynamic. It is clear the FWB was stringing me along as a backup plan, he has been trying to detour me from dating the new guy, even though he knows nothing about him. The FWB had backed off for about a week, now he's texting me more and sending songs he thinks I would like. But it's too late for FWB, I can tell he never really cared about me...the only reason he's different now is his ego is presenting that I'm a challenge.