Themanwithaplan Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Hi, I've only been with one girl that I ever felt I had an un replaceable connection and relationship with. That's why it's hard for me to accept leaving her in my past. I'll try to keep this as short as possible: I met this woman the year I graduated high school, she was already a sophomore at a prestigious university. We met at a party and she ended up getting my number through a friend, called, and asked me out! I was so in to her and she was so in to me. We had an amazing time just hanging out doing nothing and also went out and did cool things all the time. Everything was so effortless and natural. Polar opposites, but shared all the right interests. It was amazing. Fast forward two years: We basically live together at this point, I still have an apartment but I'm at her place 6/7 days a week and sometimes 7/7. Things are as good as ever and I go away with friends to a music festival for the weekend. I ask if she wants to come and she does, but has a final Friday and can't. That little test altered the course of the rest of our lives... I get back to town Monday morning and turn on my phone(no service at the music venue) to a distressed sounding voicemail from her telling me something had happened and asking me to call her immediately. I call her and my worst fear is realized: on her way home from school Friday evening, somebody followed her into the lobby of her apartment building. Without saying anything, he pins her against the wall, and chokes/strangles her until she became unconscious. You can figure the rest out. My life as I know it changed that day. My whole perception of reality shifted. It shattered her and it shattered me. We both ended up wanting to deal with our depression in different ways which drove us apart. We ended it almost a year later. I haven't spoken to her since the day I picked up my stuff from her place. She wanted to stay in contact and made that clear that day, but I was clear in saying I didn't want that and thought it would be better to cut all ties(she had moved on and was with somebody else at that point and I was upset and didn't handle the situation appropriately) I still think about her frequently despite us not speaking since 08 although the wounds have long been healed. I've never had interest in contacting an ex, she's the only exception. Is it fair to HER for me to reach out and just let her know that I don't hate her? That I'll always care about her and have no regrets about the time we shared? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 I think, no, it would not be fair to her. Not fair at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Themanwithaplan Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 I think, no, it would not be fair to her. Not fair at all. Thanks. I want to so bad, but I won't if it means I'll cause her any more pain. Link to post Share on other sites
MisUnderstood1 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 (edited) You contacting her would have nothing to do with her, but everything to do with you. It seems you want to make yourself feel better about how you handled the situation. You should forgive yourself and let it go. You don't need to contact her to do that. Edited September 10, 2014 by MisUnderstood1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Themanwithaplan Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 You contacting her would have nothing to do with her, but everything to do with you. It seems you want to make yourself feel better about how you handled the situation. You should forgive yourself and let it go. You don't need to contact her to do that. I know I handled the situation badly, but I don't feel guilty for it especially after 5 years. We both cared deeply about each other when we parted and we both knew it. I mostly think she would be really happy to hear from me, but a small part of me is worried that she's completely moved on and accepted the fact that she would never talk to me again. I'm not looking to re kindle anything, or ask her to forgive me, or vice-versa. I've never been in love with anyone like I was in love with her. The kind of love that only comes from trusting someone 100%. We were both broken hearted when we broke up, and both had our own part in it not working out. It wasn't like I wronged her or she wronged me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Themanwithaplan Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 Should add that I didn't date for a while after and until about a year ago, had no desire to. Now, I'm happily dating again. Link to post Share on other sites
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