Author LondonMM Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 No I can't imagine she ever felt guilty that she was cheating on me, or that she contemplated leaving her family to have a baby with me. We'd (she'd) previously agreed that we wouldn't leave our children whilst they were young. I think there are two types of people who enter situations like ours - the romantics and the pragmatists. The former believe love conquers all, are willing to get hurt repeatedly as they have faith in the "love" regardless of how the highs and lows - the good, however little, always outweighing the bad. The pragmatists will allow themselves to fall in love just as deeply but forever are glancing at metaphorical scales weighing up the good and bad to justify whether they stay or not. As they scales tip up and down they yo-yo back and forth. God that just reminded me of the the worst thing she said when we met: that there weren't any scales anymore...that there was no good. As for healing? I'd rather have her back in my life and learn to be stronger, than lose her and "heal". But then I'm a lost cause! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LondonMM Posted September 23, 2014 Author Share Posted September 23, 2014 Whether you're over-over, or on an agreed hiatus with NC / LC you're without your AP, who it seems in many cases is also your best friend. I'm finding this initial pain amplified because the one person I'd usually turn to when I was hurt is no longer available, and there's no one I can tell given my AP didn't officially exist. I suppose its why I'm on here with you good people. But its more than that - that cathartic release of our daily exchange has gone and I'm agitated. Exercise helps, TV / reading distracts, alcohol numbs but in between I'm just frustrated. And angry. And irritable. And distant. Even with other friends and family. Especially as they aren't her. And given every other aspect of my life is near perfect I have no reason (in everyone else's eyes) to be frustrated. Which means I'm just an a***hole. In the last few days I've argued with my wife, my children and work colleagues. Which they didn't deserve. So people...how do you stop yourself turning into an a***hole? Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Well, I really don't know... I never allowed myself to be one in my mannerisms, but if you stay quiet long enough, the EX will make you out to be one. Link to post Share on other sites
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