I'm 28 and never had a girlfriend or kissed a woman

[JasonOcks]

Here is my issue.I'm 28 years old.I'm still living with my parents.I haven't worked since 2010.I don't have a drivers license and never have had one.In 2006,I had a back injury.One day while I was working with the injury,I remember thinking to myself something like,"I don't have to go through this."Ill learn how to drive,so I can open up my work options."I was motivated to learn how to drive.

 

I went to the DMV and got a permit, I went to a couple driving lessons with my dad,and after some struggles,I cried.After that,I pretty much gave up driving.In February 2013,I decided I would improve my intelligence and become more well rounded by reading books.My goal was read 12 books in 2013. I read 30 pages a day for 3 straight days then stopped.It seems I am the type of person who sees a challenge and sort of runs.....

 

It doesn't seem like I've matured much in the last 8-13 years.I remember the summer after my freshmen year of high school,all I did was sit around the house and do things that entertained me,such as watching television and listening to music.And thats pretty much my problem now.I always want to do what is pleasurable.Delayed gratification is a problem with me..My question is how can you get that motivation if it doesn't come naturally to you?Also I've never kissed a woman or had a girlfriend.I know that I'll never get the respect of women in my current state.

 

The not knowing how to drive thing is huge...I feel I may never get high self-esteem,and the respect of my peers unless I get a drivers license.Also,I feel as though I may not be very sharp,quick-minded and intelligent.I want to improve that so I can hold intelligent conversations with others....

 

But again,it's hard for me to get that motivation...How can you get that motivation if it doesn't come naturally to you?What do you guys think my problem is?

Edited September 11, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added some much needed paragraphs

[OwMyEyeball]

At least you've identified the problem and can own up to it. That's a good start.

 

You've also got your priorities squared up well by putting self-improvement ahead of seeking a girlfriend.

 

Sometimes motivation can come through routine. Setting up a basic daily routine to get the basics of proper sleep, nutritious diet, plentiful exercise and good hygiene nailed down can put you into a rhythm that will give you a solid foundation from which to launch into other, more satisfying pursuits. It also gives you a good fall back for when things don't go 100%, which in life they never always do. That's just something we all have to come to accept. Success comes through learning from a long string of mistakes.

 

Do you have a routine? What does your typical day consist of?

[JasonOcks]

 

 

 

 

 

Do you have a routine? What does your typical day consist of?

My typical day consist of waking up around 10:00 in the morning,and watching some t.v.Then going downstairs and getting on the computer.Then at some point I eat some food. I Basically stay on the internet for much of the day,go to my room later in the evening and watch television,take a shower then watch more television until I go to sleep.

[OwMyEyeball]

I'm being very simplistic here, so bare with me.

 

Motivation is mental energy. Mental energy is dependent on your body's energy. Your body creates and demands as much energy as it feels it needs.

 

Right now you're telling your body that you don't need much energy. All your basic needs are being met.

 

I'd say you're in a mild depression. Your brain is operating a touch over life support. One way out is to incrementally increase your body's energy demands while simultaneously giving it a healthy diet.

 

Start small and work your way up. Going too big too soon might burn you out and cause further discouragement.

 

Are there any exercises that you're comfortable doing or enjoy? Light jogging? Hiking? Cycling? Any sports?

 

What about your culinary skills ... Do you know how to cook? Do you know how to incorporate a lot of fresh, whole foods into your diet? And what about active hobbies that don't involve a glowing screen ... model building, woodworking, knitting, crosswords, etc. ... are there any of those you enjoy doing or have enjoyed doing in the past?

 

For hygiene ... other than take a shower do you have any kind of ritual for your face, fingernails, hair, teeth, etc?

 

It's all really basic stuff, but so is motivation.

[JasonOcks]

I'm being very simplistic here, so bare with me.

 

 

 

 

 

Are there any exercises that you're comfortable doing or enjoy? Light jogging? Hiking? Cycling? Any sports?

 

What about your culinary skills ... Do you know how to cook? Do you know how to incorporate a lot of fresh, whole foods into your diet? And what about active hobbies that don't involve a glowing screen ... model building, woodworking, knitting, crosswords, etc. ... are there any of those you enjoy doing or have enjoyed doing in the past?

 

For hygiene ... other than take a shower do you have any kind of ritual for your face, fingernails, hair, teeth, etc?

 

It's all really basic stuff, but so is motivation.

Well right now,I'm in a situation while I need surgery due to a physical condition and I am unable to exercise.

 

No,I can't cook at all..........I eat a decent amount of vegetables though.....No I haven't enjoyed any of those hobbies in the past.I may be able to get into crossword puzzles though.

 

No,I don't have any kind of ritual other than daily showering.I don't even brush my teeth daily unfortunately.But I know that that is something I need to work on.

[hellon]

My typical day consist of waking up around 10:00 in the morning,and watching some t.v.Then going downstairs and getting on the computer.Then at some point I eat some food. I Basically stay on the internet for much of the day,go to my room later in the evening and watch television,take a shower then watch more television until I go to sleep.

 

Your days are being dominated by screens. Try to set yourself some limits on how much time you're spending watching TV and online, especially when you get up in the morning, and before you go to sleep. If you start your day with another activity (anything other than the TV or computer), you are on the right track. And since you know that you have a tendency to run from challenges, try setting yourself smaller, really manageable goals that you can actually complete, then move up to bigger things.

[mightycpa]

What do you guys think my problem is?

That you are allowed to live at your parents' house. If you were my kid, you'd have been shown the door a long time ago. You'd probably be thanking me for it by now.

 

I'll tell you a story. My brother in law hurt his back when he was 25. He saw a seat on the gravy train, and sat down. He stopped working, and took disability. He lost his house and his wife. He moved in with his parents, and he lived there until he was 53. His parents died, first the mother, then the father within 6 months. The mother's will left all the property to the father. The father's will left all the property to his three kids, divided equally. There was a little bit of money, some stuff, and the house.

 

Long story short, my BIL had 30 days to buy the house, or pay fair market rental. He could do neither. They sold the house, and gave him his share, minus the rent he couldn't pay while he lived there before it was sold. He's burning through that money now, and should be done within a couple of years.

 

That could be you if you keep sitting on your ass. Or maybe not. Maybe your parents can provide for you through the end of your life. If so, you might hate yourself at the end of it.

[Looking Outside In]

Here is my issue.I'm 28 years old.I'm still living with my parents.I haven't worked since 2010.I don't have a drivers license and never have had one.In 2006,I had a back injury.One day while I was working with the injury,I remember thinking to myself something like,"I don't have to go through this."Ill learn how to drive,so I can open up my work options."I was motivated to learn how to drive.

 

I went to the DMV and got a permit, I went to a couple driving lessons with my dad,and after some struggles,I cried.After that,I pretty much gave up driving.In February 2013,I decided I would improve my intelligence and become more well rounded by reading books.My goal was read 12 books in 2013. I read 30 pages a day for 3 straight days then stopped.It seems I am the type of person who sees a challenge and sort of runs.....

 

It doesn't seem like I've matured much in the last 8-13 years.I remember the summer after my freshmen year of high school,all I did was sit around the house and do things that entertained me,such as watching television and listening to music.And thats pretty much my problem now.I always want to do what is pleasurable.Delayed gratification is a problem with me..My question is how can you get that motivation if it doesn't come naturally to you?Also I've never kissed a woman or had a girlfriend.I know that I'll never get the respect of women in my current state.

 

The not knowing how to drive thing is huge...I feel I may never get high self-esteem,and the respect of my peers unless I get a drivers license.Also,I feel as though I may not be very sharp,quick-minded and intelligent.I want to improve that so I can hold intelligent conversations with others....

 

But again,it's hard for me to get that motivation...How can you get that motivation if it doesn't come naturally to you?What do you guys think my problem is?

 

 

I went searching online for a friend as I had a lot to process, a lot going on. Out of desperation, I posted for a woman to be held by or the like. Yeah-that takes a LOT of doing. Well, I met a woman. She kept her end of the bargain.

 

True story, the only lights were ambient from outside, the moon included. She was laying next to me and we were cuddled on my futon. I saw this certain gleem in her eye with the balcony light and moon highlighting her face along with her smile. She leaned in, and BAM! It was my first adult kiss-and I freaking LOVED it. I asked if we could do that again. One thing lead to another. On that note, let's just say some articles I read from Redbook and Cosmo worked incredibly well. That's how my virginity was lost.

 

As for driving, I too had a time at first. I quickly remedied the issue. Let's just say driver ed in the public schools stunk. If you don't have a proper teacher to give you certain pointers so you can improve, it can be difficult. Some people get things quicker than others, but if you have the right teacher, you'd be amazed how fast you learn how to drive-and how well you're able to maneuver a given vehicle as compared to others in a set time.

 

On that, don't give up driving as if you do, I can guarantee you that you'll never learn. If you need a different approach, maybe that's all you really need. A lot of people have had that issue, and a different approach did them a world of good.

[d0nnivain]

Are you involved with any of the support groups that exist for people who have injuries? You may be able to find a connection through one of them.

[moie]

Are you physically fit though?

[Jenmarie]

I was in a situation similar to yours about a year ago. I'm 23 now.

 

What I started doing to make myself feel better was volunteer work. I'm not really sure what inspired me to do it, but I felt like that would motivate me and give me the confidence I really needed. I do volunteer work at a foodbank in a church. I stock shelves, get food to families in need, and sometimes people bring their children and they ask me to preoccupy their kids while they work. Haha. So I do that twice a week for 3 hours. I've met incredible people there and it has made me feel a lot better. So maybe you should think about trying it, it's a place to start.

 

What do you like to watch on TV? Maybe the reason why you didn't get into reading was because of the things you were reading simply didn't interest you. I believe finding new hobbies and interests can also motivate you.

[JamesM]

First, you are in a depression because you realize how unmotivated and (being blunt) lazy you are. If you tackle the laziness and procrastination, then the depression will lift IMO.

 

Second, you set goals but never try to reach them. Why? Either plain old laziness or concern that you will either succeed or fail. Yes, fear of success can stop people too.

 

Third, you don't try to override your inner feelings.

 

So, if I were you and really really wanted to try, then I would start with number three and then go to number two.

 

What is the main thing you need to do to move ahead in life?

Get a job. Getting a job will get you out to meet people. It will give you skills that will motivate you towards success. It will give you confidence again. Only then will you move forward.

 

Don't give any reasons why you cant get a job. I can easily find a hundred people like you who have jobs and succeed. No car? There is the bus or the train or another person. No skills? Bag groceries until you can move up. Injured back? I can give you an example of a man with no legs and no arms who makes plenty of money.

 

Now set goals with smaller ones at first.

 

Maybe you need to get out and go to the library. Smile at people. Say a couple of words. Who knows...you may meet some girl sitting at a computer who has the same issues as you?

 

As for driving a car, here I live there are private companies that offer personal driving instruction for $25 an hour. This is in conjunction with their driving program. Pay someone who is a careful driver to teach you. Start with parking lots, and then move to side roads with slow or no traffic where the speed limit is 25 mph. And then you can advance with practice.

 

You can do it. I know it. Everyone who reads this (and likes this to show they agree) knows it. And even you know it deep down. The problem is doing it. Quit taking the easy way out and do something.