Think I'm becoming a recluse...

[dragonfire13]

Not sure if this is the right place to post. A few months ago I moved back to my hometown due to job instability which meant I had to give up the place I was renting, which led to a spiral of depression not helped by a relationship that ended and a bunch of my "friends" trying to take advantage of me despite knowing I was going through a few difficulties (for example, asking for personal favours, which I dutifully did as a friend, and then disappearing once I served my purpose).

 

Anyway, family grew concerned and offered to put a roof over my head till I was a bit more stable jobwise. The only person who really has space though was my mother, who I've now come to realise has her own issues... such as flying off the handle at minor things, which result in her sending vile, insulting abuse my way, especially about the past (we were put in care when we were younger. I know it was stupid to go back, but my situation was a little desperate). As such, I find it easier to just not talk to her or keep conversation to a bare minimum.

 

Anyway, my jobhunting has intensified and once I find work I'm out of here. However, I'm finding myself going days just sat in front of a computer and not really speaking to anyone. Even if what few friends I have left get in touch, I keep conversation casual and to a minimum eg. Friend: "Hey, how are?" Me: "Hey, I'm good thanks. Hope all is well with you"

 

I think I've just given up on people. Even when I meet new, seemingly nice people, they end up doing something odd...eg I met a guy in this area recently. He showed an interest, but did the fade out. When he did eventually get in touch, it was meaningless.

 

If this is what people are like, I just find being a loner a lot less disappointing and aggravating. I mean, the problem could be me, maybe I just don't know how to get along with people? But I genuinely believe anyone would get annoyed if they were dealing with these types of people too.

 

Anyone else who can relate? Please, no harsh replies.

[Toodaloo]

I am pretty much like that. I can go days with out speaking to anyone.

 

Its not a bad thing. The bad thing is that you don't trust anyone and that just takes time.

 

Suggest you go out. Find some things you like to do. Talk and smile at people. When people smile back it will make you feel better and not so down. Also have some respect for yourself and stop doing these "favours" unless they are for someone who will return them! You don't have to be a doormat.

 

I don't like people much. It shocks me how abusive, rude and nasty many are. I find when I spend too much time with large groups of people I feel really disheartened and upset. But I also realise that there are some good cookies out there. I set my boundaries and stick by them. occasionally someone falls by the wayside but that is just natural. There are a few who have yet to over step those boundaries and I am thankful that they don't.

 

Keep your boundaries. Keep your self respect and be nice. Don't let it get to you.

[dragonfire13]

Thank you for the tips...its nice to know someone else can relate

I generally am a friendly, chatty person and it's not making friends that's hard...it's keeping them lol because I can't tolerate it when they cross boundaries, as you say. As such, I've been put off meeting new people thinking that they will inevitably disappoint.

 

I think it's just a part of growing up however, and indeed sadly, you have to let people fall by the wayside if they don't bring value to your life.

[tnimbus]

You're not alone dragonfire, I can completely relate too. I'm becoming a bit reclusive myself. I think when we go through some serious things, we have to take some time to reflect and adjust...and we have to heal emotionally. That takes time. Also, bad friends aren't worth keeping..being alone for awhile is hard, but good friends will come into your life to fill that space.

Go out a bit, try to ignore your Mum's issues, and in time you will feel more yourself. You're not alone.

[OwMyEyeball]

Your situation is very common across the world, especially in countries still grappling with the economic crisis. Small comfort in that bit of information, I know, but it does mean there are tens of millions of people who can relate to your situation.

 

A suggestion I have is to volunteer some of your time towards helping the more vulnerable in your community - elderly, ill, disabled, homeless, animals or whichever segment you would feel comfortable around. There can come a very warm and genuine sense of fulfillment for being even a small part of someone else's day. There are added benefits which include:

 

 

- gaining humility through understanding of the suffering of others

- gaining wisdom and insights from the stories and perspectives of others, many of whom have lived very rich and fascinating lives

- shifting time spent from recluse to connection; it also helps to remove you from thoughts of your own problems as your attention is directed at helping others through their own troubles

- meeting other volunteers who, in general, tend to have a more compassionate and caring spirit; it's a good way to meet good people and make good friends

- networking opportunity

- never hurts to have volunteer work on a resume

 

The last two should, of course, be taken as secondary benefits and not primary reasons for volunteering, but they are nonetheless good pluses that have their own value.

 

Best wishes

[dragonfire13]

Your situation is very common across the world, especially in countries still grappling with the economic crisis. Small comfort in that bit of information, I know, but it does mean there are tens of millions of people who can relate to your situation.

 

A suggestion I have is to volunteer some of your time towards helping the more vulnerable in your community - elderly, ill, disabled, homeless, animals or whichever segment you would feel comfortable around. There can come a very warm and genuine sense of fulfillment for being even a small part of someone else's day. There are added benefits which include:

 

 

- gaining humility through understanding of the suffering of others

- gaining wisdom and insights from the stories and perspectives of others, many of whom have lived very rich and fascinating lives

- shifting time spent from recluse to connection; it also helps to remove you from thoughts of your own problems as your attention is directed at helping others through their own troubles

- meeting other volunteers who, in general, tend to have a more compassionate and caring spirit; it's a good way to meet good people and make good friends

- networking opportunity

- never hurts to have volunteer work on a resume

 

The last two should, of course, be taken as secondary benefits and not primary reasons for volunteering, but they are nonetheless good pluses that have their own value.

 

Best wishes

 

Definitely good, practical advice to take into consideration, thank you

[dragonfire13]

Never liked people to be honest.Majority bores me to hell.

 

I have SPD(Schizoid Personality Disorder) along with social anxiety disorder,aspergers and autism.I have symptoms of all of these.

 

This is SPD:

1. Emotional coldness, detachment or reduced affection.

2. Limited capacity to express either positive or negative emotions towards others.

3. Consistent preference for solitary activities.

4. Very few, if any, close friends or relationships, and a lack of desire for such.

5. Indifference to either praise or criticism.

6. Taking pleasure in few, if any, activities.

7. Indifference to social norms and conventions.

8. Preoccupation with fantasy and introspection.

9. Lack of desire for sexual experiences with another person.

 

Hi Sidewinder, I think mine is just a phase of disillusionment and I'm hoping it passes - I generally am a sociable person. OwMyEyeball has listed some good advice on here that you may find helpful?

 

As hard as it is to feel motivated to interact with people, I don't think human beings are made to live in seclusion or with little social interaction. Perhaps engaging in activities that interest you will allow you to meet likeminded people who you enjoy interacting with.

 

It's like exercise - you have little desire to do it, have to force yourself...but once you do, you end up feeling invigorated afterwards.

[dragonfire13]

You're not alone dragonfire, I can completely relate too. I'm becoming a bit reclusive myself. I think when we go through some serious things, we have to take some time to reflect and adjust...and we have to heal emotionally. That takes time. Also, bad friends aren't worth keeping..being alone for awhile is hard, but good friends will come into your life to fill that space.

Go out a bit, try to ignore your Mum's issues, and in time you will feel more yourself. You're not alone.

 

Thank you tnimbus...I'm sure things will improve for the both of us and like you said, good friends or other decent people that can help enrich your life can always be found in time

[Toodaloo]

One good friend is worth far more than a hundred acquaintances...

 

Do the things you enjoy. Be nice to the people around you but don't let them cross your boundaries. I have found that while the quantity of my friends has depleted the quality has gone sky high.