Lil Honey Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 Okay, maybe it isn't just a "Man Thing" but I'm asking the guys because I've noticed this pattern in a couple guys that I know. I'd appreciate some feedback, because I don't understand. Guy #1 (exhusband): When he wanted to know what to do about a financial situation, I told him my opinion, a couple friends told him their opinion, and our accountant told him his professional opinion. He went ahead and did whatever, dismissing everyone. Uncle Sam taxed him (us) big time. Guy #2: Had problems with his step-daughter. A few people gave him a few ideas. I continued to talk to him, encouraging things like counseling (individual and with her) and having projects and outings together (so they had something to share/have in common). He/They went to a couple counseling sessions but then excuses not to go kept rising to the top. It was as if the effort was . . . um . . . too much effort. To this day, I don't think the step-daughter or he is very happy. Guy #3: Absolutely HATES his job. Feels stuck in life. He is divorced and has a child. He can't move too far, because he wouldn't see his kid. I have tried to encourage him to look for another job (either at another company or in a different division of his current employer). I've also encouraged him to move within driving distance of his child, but in the opposite direction of the traffic and turmoil of where he is now. I know that he HATES change. I understand that. Yet, he will say things like, "I'm stuck here for X number of years" (until his child is 18) . . . yet he could NEVER live without the child. Or he says things to the affect that his life isn't his own or that it's out of his hands. The other day, when I asked what was wrong, he said, "It doesn't matter. I'll get the same advice I always get." I kinda felt like my advice/listening was of no consequence. Question 1: Why sit and complain about these situations if there is no chance in Hell that you are going to do anything about it anyway? Question 2: How can I be encouraging when I feel that my words are falling on deaf ears? Question 3: Should I keep quiet and just let a person (like Guy #3) just talk and let him get it all out? I guess I really don't know what is expected of me or what I'm supposed to do/say. It's hard to be supportive. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 Girl, I've dump my old bf like pair of old shoes. Now after seeing what's on the market, I swear to you ... I think I may be on your shoes with guy numero tres. Tried to change him, made suggestions, threats, promises, even offered for help. Yup, a wall. I'm not a guy but IMHO you cannot do one tinny little thing but swollow it. Face it. He'll always complain and always hate his job. Is what you have with him enough to make you stay? 'Cause you can be sure he ain't gonna change. That's how most men are. Hence the saying: "Behind every successful man there is a very surprised woman ". Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 Men need someone to vent with. Mrs. Moose will sit there and listen to everything, (and yes, she actually listens), then when I'm all done, she'll let me know her true thoughts. Even if it's something I don't want to hear. But all in all, she's very supportive. I haven't any of the problems your 3 guys have had, so I really can't offer you much. Just know that even if you feel you're not contributing or being supportive, you being there is really a big help! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 It goes back to personality types. I've made this comparison with places I've worked. You have the same type personalities at every workplace. 1. The Martyr- does more work than anyone (so they think) and never moves ahead. 2. The Complainer- been quitting since the first day they started but are still there after 15 years- still unhappy and leaving. 3. The Slacker- doesn't ever do any real work but yet never gets fired. 4. The Golden Child- doesn't ever do anything substantial but for some reason always gets promotions- they are pooting sunshine! There is also the backstabber and the butt kisser but I figured those explantations are well known to everyone. He's probably just a complainer. Some people are like that. Perhaps if you're really into him you can overlook it? Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Thanks everyone. I think my problem is that I just haven't been able to understand much of what guys think and do to begin with. They (men) are confusing, but fascinating as well. Originally posted by Moose Mrs. Moose will sit there and listen to everything, (and yes, she actually listens) Of course she does. She's a WOMAN. LMAO Sorry, Moose, I just had to say that. To all you guys . . . no I'm not Man Bashing, just teasing a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by Lil Honey Thanks everyone. I think my problem is that I just haven't been able to understand much of what guys think and do to begin with. They (men) are confusing, but fascinating as well. To all you guys . . . no I'm not Man Bashing, just teasing a bit. I'm glad we're fascinating Mz Pixie is on the right lines though, IMO. It's not about guys, it's about personality types. ReluctantJuliette complained that I took far too *much* advice and wanted me to be self-sufficient in my decision-making process. Apart from her advice of course Link to post Share on other sites
SleepingLover Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 Like ReluctantRomeo said , it is about personality types and not gender because I can name just as many women who fit those descriptions as I can men. You gotta look across the gender lines because, all in all, men and women aren't as different as we would like to think we are. Sure there are different biological issues, but various personality types are not gender specific Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts