LC to NC to No A

[hippetyhop]

After much procrastination and reasons I can’t back up any further, I decided I’ve had enough with the MM. Its bittersweet; but the days of laughing and good conversations are over.

 

We had a very bumpy past year due to his wife’s awareness of the affair. It has been the days more times than not of LC, him being MIA, and playing the ‘friends’ card.

 

Most likely, everyone involved in an A will eventually have their breaking points. The likelihood of them up and D just out of the blue isn’t in your favor. I’m sorry, its not. Most of us wish they will (especially if you are a single OM/OW)- but look on the board. The actuality of it is not in the OM/OW favor.

I didn’t do this through NC. I did this by having LC help me become more distant and emotionally unavailable towards him- the same actions he showed towards me. LC allowed me focus on me and not exert energy on him. I think NC just gives the person more of an urge to talk. Just like smoking, cold turkey doesn’t work for everyone.

I keep thinking of all the hurt he put me through just to ensure he can keep his marriage on track. I think my biggest breaking point after all off this was learning they were going through MC. He’s been hot/cold since then. My theory: he can’t focus on his M with me in the picture. Asking me how I’ve been/telling me we can still be friends won’t work all around for either of us. We both know its all or nothing. I’m moving on so he can try and repair his M. He said he wants to be friends. No can do. Right now, he still wants to be a married man. I can’t change that. But I can change me wanting to be a married woman by being someone who can be with me.

 

I didn’t block him and send him a NC email, or had a big Dday blow out. He drifted away from me by his design (his words) which led me to drift from him. I’m not going to be there for his convenience. Once you go to LC, it is done. Everything is done. I stated in a previous thread that the A won’t bounce back to how it was once you’re LC. LC is based on them talking to you at their convenience. You have no power. The only power you have is to say you are done.

 

Prior to yesterday, I didn’t hear from him for 9 days. It ended when I made a joke/comment ABOUT ME and I didn’t hear back. I’ve gained from his actions (well, lack of) the strength to just not reply.

 

I received a text last night that said “Hi. How have you been?” Did I want to reply? Of course. My thinking: he wants us to be just ‘friends’ so he can handle me not replying. Would it be easier to block and move on: yes, but that isn’t me. It just isn’t. For all he knows by me not responding, I have him blocked. How does he know otherwise? I mean, he did go 9 days, didn’t he? I thought about the time I asked him how he was feeling after he said he had a hangover. He didn’t respond to me for almost 2 weeks with the same response. Actions like that are finally making me bitter enough to say “enough is enough”.

 

I do wonder what his intentions were on sending me a text after 9 days. Breadcrumbs? True concern as just friends. If I was to block him, I’d still wonder if he would reach out to me. However, I’m just ignoring how he’s done to me.

 

Listen OM/OW: you don’t need this up/down rollercoaster ride. I’m sad I lost a friend. I really, truly am. He mentioned to me before how we have awesome chemistry, he loves me, etc. But, right now, we aren’t good for each other. Maybe we won’t ever be. It’s a gamble I’m willing to take and need to.

 

However, you need to take care of yourself and worry about you. I learned the hard way that rule #1 is do not let yourself become #2.

 

I’m not sure where I’m going with this thread. Maybe a reassurance to all that its okay if you’re A doesn’t work out; a heads up for those who are new in an A that it may not work out and reassess the situation, and just a general vent. I also wanted to say ‘thanks’ for the words of advice I learned throughout.

Edited September 12, 2014 by hippetyhop

[DKT3]

No disrespect intended, but you sound like the bitter girl who did get asked to the prom.

 

Its almost like even in coming to the decision to be done, you've handed him the power by making it possible for him to come back into your life. Where is your choice?

 

Your mindset is good (better) but its not 100% ready to move forward. Instead of all or nothing how about simply NOTHING? How about its not me to block him, to just blocking his azz.

 

You just about got it, but you just can't seem to slam the door. Still holding on to "maybe" which is likely the reason you won't block him, along with your need to know if he is still trying to contact you.

 

I've seen some of your other stuff here, and you should be proud of your progress, just finish it already. You can't move forward and stay in the same place.

 

Good luck

[hippetyhop]

No disrespect intended, but you sound like the bitter girl who did get asked to the prom.

 

Its almost like even in coming to the decision to be done, you've handed him the power by making it possible for him to come back into your life. Where is your choice?

 

Your mindset is good (better) but its not 100% ready to move forward. Instead of all or nothing how about simply NOTHING? How about its not me to block him, to just blocking his azz.

 

You just about got it, but you just can't seem to slam the door. Still holding on to "maybe" which is likely the reason you won't block him, along with your need to know if he is still trying to contact you.

 

I've seen some of your other stuff here, and you should be proud of your progress, just finish it already. You can't move forward and stay in the same place.

 

Good luck

 

Thank you.

 

I am bitter; towards me not him. It was my choice to take part of this. Is he responsible as well? Yes. But I can't not hold myself responsible either.

 

My choice was to not contact him. I'll be honest, it wasn't an easy one. It wasn't just when he contacted me last night. After I sent that joke/comment to him, and he didn't respond, I would have (in the past) restarted conversation. I didn't. That was it.

 

Not hearing from him for that week and some odd days got me thinking how its not worth for me to just play the A game..just wondering when I'll hear from him; if he'll go MIA like that again, etc. I don't see myself going back to that. I need and deserve more

 

It is a huge step forward for me. Although I'm not dating, I've been talking to single guys/potentials, etc. Its something I wouldn't have been doing a year ago. It feels good and I have the confidence to do that.

Edited September 12, 2014 by hippetyhop

[FusionCutter]

I agree that in some cases perhaps this is a better way out than NC. NC can be devastating.

 

"Right now, he still wants to be a married man. I can’t change that. But I can change me wanting to be a married woman by being someone who can be with me."

 

Those are awesome words.

[hippetyhop]

I agree that in some cases perhaps this is a better way out than NC. NC can be devastating.

 

"Right now, he still wants to be a married man. I can’t change that. But I can change me wanting to be a married woman by being someone who can be with me."

 

Those are awesome words.

 

Thank you. At the end of the words hold true though.

 

I agree with you that nc can be devastating. My LC to NC works for me. I'm not in a position to speak to him so why is NC needed? For extra assurance? How does he know if i have him blocked or not? He doesn't. Where will replying get me? Back in the circle.

[DKT3]

Thank you. At the end of the words hold true though.

 

I agree with you that nc can be devastating. My LC to NC works for me. I'm not in a position to speak to him so why is NC needed? For extra assurance? How does he know if i have him blocked or not? He doesn't. Where will replying get me? Back in the circle.

 

Because you know, because you made the choice to end ALL contact, because you are moving forward, because you want indifference, because it doesn't matter if he is still dropping bread crumbs.

 

BECAUSE YOU RECLAIMED YOUR POWER!!!

[hippetyhop]

Because you know, because you made the choice to end ALL contact, because you are moving forward, because you want indifference, because it doesn't matter if he is still dropping bread crumbs.

 

BECAUSE YOU RECLAIMED YOUR POWER!!!

 

His last breadcrumbs are dropped. The ball is in my court. I know I can't continue down the same path. That is why I'm not worried about NC. I know my where my power stands.

[anika99]

At first I agreed with your post that sometimes NC isn't the best way to end but then I read some of your prior threads and while NC might not be the way for everyone, I think NC is the way for you.

 

 

Your first thread, posted July 2013 stated that you had been in a 10 month affair and now you were ending the relationship. Since that time, thread after thread about ending the relationship. He broke NC, you broke NC, limited contact, more NC, more limited contact etc...

 

 

You have now spent more time ending the affair then you spent actually having the affair. Doesn't that sound ridiculous to you? How many more months/years do you want to spend ending the relationship? Just go NC for real and stick to it. The limited contact is dragging it out and making it go on and on.

[hippetyhop]

At first I agreed with your post that sometimes NC isn't the best way to end but then I read some of your prior threads and while NC might not be the way for everyone, I think NC is the way for you.

 

 

Your first thread, posted July 2013 stated that you had been in a 10 month affair and now you were ending the relationship. Since that time, thread after thread about ending the relationship. He broke NC, you broke NC, limited contact, more NC, more limited contact etc...

 

 

You have now spent more time ending the affair then you spent actually having the affair. Doesn't that sound ridiculous to you? How many more months/years do you want to spend ending the relationship? Just go NC for real and stick to it. The limited contact is dragging it out and making it go on and on.

 

I am NC. I haven't responded to him, nor will I. Too much hurt and time wasted to continue with this. Like I said- I'm not giving any ultimatum or trying to reason. I'm making my choice and letting go.

[Chocobrownie]

I think you are doing the right thing. Especially when you have history, you have to stay strong and just stop the communication. At least until you moved on completely. Someone has to do it. You can do it. Stay strong!

[herself]

My heart goes out to you. I usually dont push in any way but in your case I hope the next step you can get to is blocking.

Not because everyone says to..but because of the pain he has put you through and the depths your hearts been broken.

There is no greater pain than when the love you felt so deeply slips through your fingers so a final no contact will help you greatly now in time, but blocking I think would truly put a nail in his coffin.

Im so sorry for all you went through.

Ive been there. Some of the deepest cuts and bruises I dont even know sometimes how my heart can still beat its been shattered so hard.

So its not as if the pain would be greater for you now if you are able to eliminate all avenues.

A big hug. Its gonna take time.

[hippetyhop]

I think you are doing the right thing. Especially when you have history, you have to stay strong and just stop the communication. At least until you moved on completely. Someone has to do it. You can do it. Stay strong!

 

My heart goes out to you. I usually dont push in any way but in your case I hope the next step you can get to is blocking.

Not because everyone says to..but because of the pain he has put you through and the depths your hearts been broken.

There is no greater pain than when the love you felt so deeply slips through your fingers so a final no contact will help you greatly now in time, but blocking I think would truly put a nail in his coffin.

Im so sorry for all you went through.

Ive been there. Some of the deepest cuts and bruises I dont even know sometimes how my heart can still beat its been shattered so hard.

So its not as if the pain would be greater for you now if you are able to eliminate all avenues.

A big hug. Its gonna take time.

 

Thank you both. Yes, my heart has been broken, but I won't let any salt be poured in the wound.

 

I know he initiated contact to keep me on the back burner. Before, he would need a 'break'. I think he figured out from his last break that I may not stick around (it was 8-10 weeks) so shooting me a text saying 'hi' a week and a half later, keeping conversation then going MIA may be better in his favor than a 'break'.

 

I know its going to take time. It'll take plenty of time. But I'm 11 days NC and am okay. When he couldn't respond to my joke in the text, I knew it was over. That was it. He knows it too. Me not responding is a huge indicator that I'm done. I would have responded by now. But guess what- nothing would change for the better if I don't change it. I can't do this cycle any longer.