Feeling Suicidal - Can't Take Anymore

[Hollywood-Tourist]

I'm not looking for sympathy here, it's more of a rant & a way to get things off my chest.

 

 

Basically I am really struggling to deal with the break up with my fiancé which was almost 2 months ago. The story if you're interested can be read here:

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/492093-i-hit-my-fiance-self-defence-how-can-i-get-her-back

 

 

I have tried everything, just everything I can to try & get over her such as joining a club, visit family & friends & go for a walk but nothing is working.

 

 

I have phoned the Samaritans who have been great & have listened but there's no solution as such. I have been to see my GP about depression & have another appointment next week (hoping to get some meds to see if that works this time.)

 

 

But now I feel suicidal for the first time in my life. I just want the pain to go because every minute of the day my heart is in so much pain & I just feel so deflated and can't be bothered doing anything.

 

 

I'm a 26yr old guy and I know they say you should never end your life over someone, but that's how much I love my fiancé to the point that I literally can't live without her, nobody's any idea how low & sad I feel every day.

 

 

I can't ever be happy until I have her back in my life, it's the only way I can be me again - only she can save me.

 

 

I'm crying here just typing this. :(

[evanescentworld]

Suicide is a really bad step to take, no matter which path you follow - be it Christian, God-fearing, Buddhist or Atheist - it's just got nothing good about it.

 

Go to your Doctor and tell him - or her - you need sectioning for your own good. You need therapy, counselling and whatever it takes. But you need protection, from yourself.

 

I really don't want to get into criticising you, because for my part, I never want to kick a guy when he's down, but let me tell you this:

After having followed your threads I know for a fact, she has nothing to do with your present state of mind.

Nothing.

This is all self-generated and self-inflicted.

You are perpetuating this feeling of misery, and wallowing in it on your own, on purpose.

 

I remember reading somewhere - it could have been on here, but I think actually it was on another website - that every time something disastrous happens in our life, we experience the situation first hand, and get through it.

 

But subsequent mental abiding in that memory, remembering that episode, generates more anguish, sadness, stress, sorrow, mourning, regret.... whatever.

 

That actual process - when we re-live that emotional pull - lasts 12 minutes or so. That's it. That is how long the anguish, sadness, stress, sorrow, mourning and regret - directly associated and connected with that event, actually lasts. 12 minutes.

 

Every additional minute we then 'suffer', is generated by our clinging to that emotion.

We perpetuate those negative emotions by deliberately staying with them, and riding on their coat-tails.

The painful moment passes - or it does, after 12 minutes.

But - just how long have you actually been creating your own hell, for?!

 

The choice is yours, and your next step is actually in your hands.

You CHOOSE to wallow.

You CHOOSE to remain miserable.

You CHOOSE to continue lamenting, mourning, bemoaning your state.

 

How long, exactly, are you going to go ON making your own life hell?

 

Really, you know, it's up to you. She did the original damage.

But you - you just keep ripping the wound open, again, and again, and again...

 

You need help.

[d0nnivain]

It's situational stress. Perfectly understandable under the circumstances but she's not worth killing yourself over & telling her that you are thinking about taking your own life will not make her come back.

 

The pain will eventually stop. For now you have to give yourself TIME to heal.

 

At your wit's end, call a good friend. Go for a walk. Call a suicide prevention hotline. Call your parents. Walk yourself into an ER if that's what it takes but do not kill yourself.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

It's situational stress. Perfectly understandable under the circumstances but she's not worth killing yourself over & telling her that you are thinking about taking your own life will not make her come back.

 

 

I wouldn't tell her that I'm considering suicide, I would have wanted the Police to turn up at her door once they had found my body informing her of my death - only then would she maybe see what she's lost.

 

 

But I simply don't want to carry on in life anymore if she can't be a part of it somehow.

 

 

I'm not even allowed to contact her yet & that makes it all the harder for me, I just feel trapped and backed into a corner.

 

The pain will eventually stop. For now you have to give yourself TIME to heal.

 

 

I've tried giving it almost 2 months of healing time but it's proving to be non effective. They say times a healer, but for me it isn't, not in the slightest.

 

But do not kill yourself.

 

I'll try the meds that the Doctor gives me first, I hope they make me feel better.

[2sunny]

Call a suicide help number - you really need help now! Please don't hesitate.

[d0nnivain]

Call your doctor.

 

Keep posting here.

 

You were with this woman for a long time. You thought you would get married & spend your lives together. It's going to take more than 2 months to get over her. You have to give it at least a year.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

You were with this woman for a long time. You thought you would get married & spend your lives together. It's going to take more than 2 months to get over her. You have to give it at least a year.

 

Right now 1yr is way too long....2 months has been bad enough and way long enough as it is.

 

 

She's all I want in this life, the only woman I want, the only thing I want - nothing else matters.

[d0nnivain]

Right now 1yr is way too long....2 months has been bad enough and way long enough as it is.

 

 

She's all I want in this life, the only woman I want, the only thing I want - nothing else matters.

 

 

I get that. And I understand the pain of loss. However, you have to hang in there. things will get better but it takes a long time.

 

This week was the 8th anniversary of the death of a friend who killed himself. His passing still devastates a lot of people. He believed there was nothing worth living for but he was WRONG & so are you.

 

It hurts now. the pain feels unbearable. But you are not the 1st person to suffer a broken heart nor will you be the last. You have to find the strength to carry on

[Justaguy30]

Do not kill yourself, you have so much life to live. I was there myself and its horrible but if you hang in there and take steps to getting better you will. Its only been 2 months, give it about 6 more and just stay strong dude! It will get better I promise and its not worth throwing your life away! PM if you wanna talk. I went through the worst situation of my life and I was so hurt I felt like I was going to die for the first 4 months everyday in physical pain!!!!! It was awful but it will get better just be patient and take the time to heal.

[tim_tom]

I wouldn't tell her that I'm considering suicide, I would have wanted the Police to turn up at her door once they had found my body informing her of my death - only then would she maybe see what she's lost.

 

 

But I simply don't want to carry on in life anymore if she can't be a part of it somehow.

 

 

I'm not even allowed to contact her yet & that makes it all the harder for me, I just feel trapped and backed into a corner.

 

 

 

 

I've tried giving it almost 2 months of healing time but it's proving to be non effective. They say times a healer, but for me it isn't, not in the slightest.

 

 

 

I'll try the meds that the Doctor gives me first, I hope they make me feel better.

 

 

Please go to therapy asap. Hearing from a trained professional how toxic your relationship was will go a long way towards you moving on.

 

And I know you feel hopeless, but suicide is never the answer. Call a hotline, call a friend, chat here with people who are going through the same exact thing as you.

[Ronni_W]

D-F,

Are you open to the idea that it might have been a negative karmic relationship (rather than a genuine soul mate relationship as it may have felt or may still feel for you)?

 

If so, Google "michele knight karmic relationships"...she has a quite-good article about it.

 

A different source has this to say about it:The karmic tie may be the tightest of all and begin with the strongest attraction. This is because [both] have a deep yearning to be free, and have an inner knowing that this connection is a key to resolution through balancing karma that is often harsh, such as [through] violence, hatred, abandonment...

 

For lack of any other explanation to explain some of the crap that we seem to be forced to endure, the whole concept does not NOT give one at least something new for our brains to consider.

 

Big hugs, D-F. Clearly it is being extremely difficult for you.

[edgygirl]

If there's one thing I have learned about heartbreaks in the few decades I've been on Earth... is that the pain that seem unbearable, insurmountable, devastating and that we truly believe will never go away...

 

ALWAYS DOES.

 

I promise you that it will go away and you WILL feel like a whole person again. You WILL also love someone else again.

 

I know it's hard to believe now. And I know it's hard to believe there can possibly be someone else you will ever love as much as you love her. Or that there's anyone out there so perfect for you as she is.

 

But there is, and you will.

 

NO ONE is worth taking our own life over. You are super young and have so much to live. Since I've been 26 I have probably loved (for real, and trust me, I'm quite picky) at least 8 times. You will, too. Give yourself a chance. You deserve it. Eventually, as time passes by, you will see there are other options out there.

 

It won't be easy in the first months. But it WILL eventually pass. Learn the lessons you need to learn from the failure of this relationship. We get scars and get stronger and learn for the next one. Meanwhile, we are here for you.

 

If you feel suicidal, please call a hotline. Your life is too precious and you have a whole awesome existence to live. (((hugs)))

[Cupid's Puppet]

I know it hurts. It hurts like hell. And I've been where you are this week, too. I had had enough and told my family I can't escape the nightmare. So I shut my phone off to give myself time to go through with it.

 

But my family wasn't having it. They called every number they could possibly dial to get in touch with me. They called my apartment manager, corporate numbers, HR, etc. When they finally got a hold of me my mom was crying, my dad was scared, my sister was sad, her boyfriend reached out.

 

That gave me a good glimpse of the pain I would have caused if I ended my life. I cried so much after frightening my parents like that. Just made me realize it wasn't worth it. It really isn't. There are so many people who truly love you and are fighting for you. Love them back by continuing to live. You're stronger than you think.

[Arient]

I'm not looking for sympathy here, it's more of a rant & a way to get things off my chest.

 

 

Basically I am really struggling to deal with the break up with my fiancé which was almost 2 months ago. The story if you're interested can be read here:

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/492093-i-hit-my-fiance-self-defence-how-can-i-get-her-back

 

 

I have tried everything, just everything I can to try & get over her such as joining a club, visit family & friends & go for a walk but nothing is working.

 

 

I have phoned the Samaritans who have been great & have listened but there's no solution as such. I have been to see my GP about depression & have another appointment next week (hoping to get some meds to see if that works this time.)

 

 

But now I feel suicidal for the first time in my life. I just want the pain to go because every minute of the day my heart is in so much pain & I just feel so deflated and can't be bothered doing anything.

 

 

I'm a 26yr old guy and I know they say you should never end your life over someone, but that's how much I love my fiancé to the point that I literally can't live without her, nobody's any idea how low & sad I feel every day.

 

 

I can't ever be happy until I have her back in my life, it's the only way I can be me again - only she can save me.

 

 

I'm crying here just typing this. :(

 

First thing first, sorry for what happened to you. But please understand that all of us here know how painful it was, and how it WILL pass. I myself just stepped out (or pushed out) of a 3,5 years relationship with my almost-fiance too, so I know how unbearably painful it was at the start of the BU. Sorry to say that 2 months are nothing, it's still too early to expect that you can be over with the pain, especially when it's someone you love deeply.

 

After reading what you wrote, I can see that you still put your girl up too high on the pedestal, and still have that mindset of Ex = Happiness embedded in your mind. I experienced that too, I believed that my happiness can only be associated with my Ex, so when he's gone, I would never manage to be happy ever again. WRONG. ONLY YOU can save you, and RECLAIM YOUR HAPPINESS, not she. She, or no one should be responsible for your happiness. Your thoughts right now are very toxic, and when pain is unavoidable, suffering is actually optional. Do not choose to suffer, like you're doing right now. Remember that you're still you before you met her, and will be you (or even a better you) after you parted ways with her. If you think you can not kick that toxic mindset away, go see a therapy. I'm sure they know how they can help you, as it's so typical for people going through BUs.

 

One last thing, honestly ask yourself this question: what will happen after you kill yourself? If your ex somewhat has a conscience, the best she can do is feeling sad and regretful and guilty for a while, and then what, she will move on. In the worst case, she might not even care that much and still enjoy her lives with new guys, parties, careers, etc when you're lying under the cold ground and your loved ones suffer. If she doesn't realize what she's lost when she left you, when you're alive, then how the heck can you expect that she would realize it when you're already dead? Just imagine she's laughing and moving on when you're dying, then see if you still want to kill yourself anymore?

[Reels]

Suicide can never be first or last step.

 

You have a huge life, do just anything, don't play with your life because you never had this right.

[loversquarrel]

Hey brother, hang in there and don't give up, you are much too young to do so. I have been in your shoes but chose to carry on and I have made it to the happiest place I have been in my life. Take some time for yourself and get yourself a harley or triumph and head out on a nice long soul searching ride through the country side. It can be a new lifestyle you can adopt and make your own. Give it a try brother, you haven't lived until you've felt the freedom of the wind through your hair riding on a mountain road on a crisp fall day in new england.

[Sixandout]

You're not alone. This is not an usual feeling to have - just don't act on it. Speak to a counsellor maybe? 2 months is nothing - I'm 7 months or so down the line and still suffering. You just have to get on with it, I know how hard it is but just keep going. You'll get there eventually x

[JDPT]

I'll use the analogy of a cold and apply it to the current pain your are experiencing due to your breakup. This pain is poisonous and detrimental to your body, it requires more than meds to help you feel better. In time you will gradually start to feel better, just like getting over a cold, you don't feel better the following day after taking meds.

 

 

Understand that this pain as excruciating as it is will help you in learning from this life lesson and ultimately help you grow into a new and improved you. The pain will eventually subside, no need to rush this process as crazy as it may sound, you need to go through this to appreciate.

 

 

Internalize the fact that this is your reality and embrace it. I commend you for proactively taking steps forward towards recovery by way of seeing your GP and outsourcing to places that can provide a helping hand. Stay connected and surround yourself with people who can provide you with sound, positive and honest advice.

 

 

Hang strong man, this pain and agony will eventually subside, it will subside only if you want it to.

[tim_tom]

One last thing, honestly ask yourself this question: what will happen after you kill yourself? If your ex somewhat has a conscience, the best she can do is feeling sad and regretful and guilty for a while, and then what, she will move on. In the worst case, she might not even care that much and still enjoy her lives with new guys, parties, careers, etc when you're lying under the cold ground and your loved ones suffer. If she doesn't realize what she's lost when she left you, when you're alive, then how the heck can you expect that she would realize it when you're already dead? Just imagine she's laughing and moving on when you're dying, then see if you still want to kill yourself anymore?

 

This is a great point to remember. Unfortunately I have been where he is too. Thinking suicide or me getting really sick and unloading on her how she hurt me right before dying would gravely wound her in some way that she would never recover from.

 

Unfortunately however, as is said on these forums every day, if you still had the power over her to cause her so much grief, she'd still be with you. They have moved on and any drastic action on your part would be a minor road bump for them.

 

For instance, My girl used to be so jealous/controlling that if I went out with male friends she'd be texting/calling me all night.. and not be able to sleep untill I got home. I was giving my brother his bachelor party and she was up till 4am texting/calling me the whole time, every other guys girlfriend was sound asleep for hours. When the BU happened, I warned my friends that she may try and keep tabs on me through them. But to my surprise, the first weekend post BU, I nor they heard a peep. She no longer cared what I was doing or with who, like a switch was flipped. This happened so quickly, over a couple weeks time. My point is, that I no longer occupied that place in her heart, I'm sure she would feel bad if something bad happened to me, but the crushing pain/revenge you are seeking she is no longer capable of feeling.

[Shields boy]

Stay strong mate. It's only been 2 months.

 

We have all been there.

 

All pain passes eventually.

[MrWorkinProgress]

I'm also going through a breakup (about 6 weeks out) with a woman I was sure I was going to marry, who would be the mother of my children. It's awful, and I'm constantly flooded with memories, and all kinds of bargaining where I take on responsibility for everything that went wrong in the relationship: not just the things I did, but the things she did, too.

 

I have one advantage, though. I'm 38 years old and I've been through this before. It isn't any more pleasant this time (in fact this is the worst time because it was the most serious relationship), but I know from experience that this WILL get better. I can think back to every previous breakup where I was going through this, and I can now think about that person and not really care all that much, and with time that will be the case here.

 

I don't mean this in a condescending way but I hope my experience can benefit you as its benefiting me: this WILL go away with time. We don't know how long: we just know that when today is over you'll be one day closer to feeling better. I promise. It's been true for me every time, and true for everyone I know. Every time.

 

In the meantime, if you really think you're going to hurt yourself, call 911 or a suicide hotline. Be honest with your counselor and doctor about your mental state and suicidal thoughts so they can treat you properly. If you need to be hospitalized so be it. The only thing that matters right now is that you're okay. You can worry about what happens tomorrow, tomorrow.

 

The main thing is to remember that the main thing is the main thing. And right now the main thing is your well being. Do whatever is necessary to protect it.

[tim_tom]

DF.. You ok bud? Hope you are doing well.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Not that I'm considering doing this anymore and am on the road to recovery with the help of my family, GP & anti-depressants.

 

If someone was so in love with their other half & absolutely knew for sure that there was nobody else in the world for them & they ever parted for whatever reason, would it justify that person ('victim') taking their own life because they just couldn't take the emotional pain anymore despite having professional treatment for it?

[evanescentworld]

The question is unanswerable, because there is always someone for you - but first you must find fulfilment and happiness as the person you are, by yourself, with no need of a prop from another person.

 

The only way you can truly be attractive and desirable to someone else, is to be 100% confident and secure within yourself, through your own merit.

 

Only by being complete, under your own steam, can you successfully negotiate your way through a fulfilling and worthwhile relationship with someone else.

 

While you believe you 'need' someone else, and could not survive without them, you will always fall at the relationship hurdle, and let yourself down.

 

Believe in yourself, and know you are worthy of a wonderful love - because if you cannot believe in yourself, and know you are worthy - how can you expect anybody else to...?

[Hollywood-Tourist]

While you believe you 'need' someone else, and could not survive without them, you will always fall at the relationship hurdle, and let yourself down.

 

 

I don't mean to be nasty here but was that comment a personal attack meaning that I'm incapable of being a good boyfriend/husband?

 

 

I can't help but take that comment personally and I'm sorry if that was not the way you meant it.

 

 

Believe in yourself, and know you are worthy of a wonderful love - because if you cannot believe in yourself, and know you are worthy - how can you expect anybody else to...?

 

 

But my fiancé is the person for me, I know that and as soon as I met her & saw her I just knew.

 

 

She even admitted that to me herself and told me that I am the love of her life, soul-mate & her world.