Feeling Suicidal - Can't Take Anymore

[Bella2]

I don't mean to be nasty here but was that comment a personal attack meaning that I'm incapable of being a good boyfriend/husband?

No, that's not what she meant I think. The thing is, that if you think you "need" someone in your life, that in every relationship you will have in the future, you will run into the same problem. You will "cling" and think you can not be happy without that other person. And that's not a healty way of going into a relationship.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

The thing is, that if you think you "need" someone in your life, that in every relationship you will have in the future, you will run into the same problem. You will "cling" and think you can not be happy without that other person.

 

I understand what you mean, but I should point out that I don't mean that every girl that I get with is one that I'm going to 'need' for the rest of my life or couldn't live without.

 

But with my fiancé it was different, I always felt like I needed her in my life forever (as did she) & I still feel like that.

 

I've had several relationships in the past and don't feel anything for those women now or have any desire to want to be with them anymore. With my fiancé it is different - I really thought she was the most special & perfect one for me (and it took 4 relationships to realise this) so you can't say I haven't tried!

[evanescentworld]

I don't mean to be nasty here but was that comment a personal attack meaning that I'm incapable of being a good boyfriend/husband?

I can't help but take that comment personally and I'm sorry if that was not the way you meant it.

No, it's not the way I meant it. Bella2 explained it well.

The more you believe your happiness depends on the presence of your ex, the less you will find happiness, fulfilment, serenity and joy, in your own right. You cannot depend on her to be present, in order to feel complete.

You have to feel that, and everything else, by yourself - FOR yourself.

 

 

But my fiancé is the person for me, I know that and as soon as I met her & saw her I just knew.

Well that's not true for a start - because otherwise she would still be with you, and believe the same thing.

But she is NOT the person for you (she physically attacked you, remember?) and what you were convinced of then, has obviously not come to fruition.

 

 

She even admitted that to me herself and told me that I am the love of her life, soul-mate & her world.

Believe actions, not words.

 

Is she with you now?

Has she professed her undying love now?

Is she your soul-mate now?

Are you her world, now?

 

I rest my case.

[d0nnivain]

Not that I'm considering doing this anymore and am on the road to recovery with the help of my family, GP & anti-depressants.

 

If someone was so in love with their other half & absolutely knew for sure that there was nobody else in the world for them & they ever parted for whatever reason, would it justify that person ('victim') taking their own life because they just couldn't take the emotional pain anymore despite having professional treatment for it?

 

Nothing would justify taking your own life. You will get through this. Just hang in there.

 

Two weeks ago was the 8th anniversary of my EXs suicide. He had a lot of problems, including being bipolar & off his meds. He'd had a fight with his new GF the night before & for years had been convinced nobody loved him. He was wrong. Over 1,000 people came to his funeral & his death still pains many people. His parents & siblings have carried on but were never the same. His poor son. How that kid managed to keep his life together is a testament to strength & all the support he got from everyone.

 

What I am about to say is harsh but I don't say it to be cruel. So your FI turned out to be a jerk (strangling you etc) & you two aren't getting married. Boo F'ing Hoo. Get over it. You are not the 1st person to ever suffer the end of a relationship. You are not the 1st FI to be dumped & there are millions of people who get divorced.

 

My point: you are not alone. With help -- which I am thrilled you are getting -- you will survive this, but probably not as quickly as you would like.

 

It's been two years & I am just now starting to come out of a depression. It's a long hard process but you have to hang in there.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

It really feels like I'm mourning a death here that's how raw & intense my emotions are.

 

I know myself better than anybody & even though I hate what she did to me and the way she left things, I feel like she is a narcissist.

 

Don't get me wrong, I still have the occasional thought of ending it because as I say the pain is too much. I get good and bad days, but stepping back I think it's fair to say I'm getting on the straight and narrow now.

 

I guess I'm having a bad day today and all the thoughts & feelings come flooding back. But I had prior to seeking help from my GP thought about how I may want to end life but the thought of who I would hurt leaving behind i.e family etc stopped me from proceeding.

I don't even know if the Mrs would even care if I'd died?

[Hollywood-Tourist]

This was an interesting read & I can relate very much to it.

 

 

Suicide: When It Hurts Too Much To Live | World of Psychology

[GorillaTheater]

You know what your psycho ex would probably do if you killed yourself over "losing" her?

 

Smile.

 

Your best bet is to live life well. Now THAT would break her heart.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

You know what your psycho ex would probably do if you killed yourself over "losing" her?

 

Smile.

 

 

Who knows. Is it part of the Narcissistic persona to show no emotion or feeling?

 

Your best bet is to live life well. Now THAT would break her heart.

 

Maybe, but I'm not out to 'score points', I just want her to know how hurt and destroyed she has left me.

[Bella2]

Your best bet is to live life well. Now THAT would break her heart.

 

Yes. Get your life back together and show the world what a man you can be. She will be amazed and that's the best "revenge".

[GorillaTheater]

Who knows. Is it part of the Narcissistic persona to show no emotion or feeling?

 

And stop trying to get into her head. It's a grim, scary place with monsters shambling about and a few rabid bats flying around.

 

Kind of like a Hieronymus Bosch painting. Or a waiting room at a pediatrician's office.

[Bella2]

I just want her to know how hurt and destroyed she has left me.

 

I'm sure she knows. And what does that change for YOU? Try to answer this question.

 

You have to focus on yourself now.

[Haydn]

She really does not care how you feel. Don`t give her the compliment of knowing it. She does not deserve to know. It is about you. Tough ride. Been there too. Thoughts are with you. Not easy. Take care today. Some great advice from great LS members here for you to digest.

[Ronni_W]

Maybe, but I'm not out to 'score points', I just want her to know how hurt and destroyed she has left me.

Hey D-F.

Listen dude, it's time to pull your sh't together!

Find a better reason to live or die than some other person who did not and cannot see you for who you are and value you, and love you for exactly that.

 

Why she cannot, really does not matter; THAT she cannot is the only thing that's important for you to know and accept. (Leave the 'why' of it to HER doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, Higher Power, Karmic Council. It's beyond your power, authority, scope to understand the all of her.)

 

Riddle me this: You write on a big board in real heavy marker, "You have left me hurt and destroyed!!!" You sign it and leave it where she is SURE to see it.

Then what? How's it really, truly, deeply, honestly gonna help you after you know that she knows that?

 

Obviously you do not need to answer that here. But, think about it for yourself. Please.

[Bella2]

Hey D-F.

 

Riddle me this: You write on a big board in real heavy marker, "You have left me hurt and destroyed!!!" You sign it and leave it where she is SURE to see it.

Then what? How's it really, truly, deeply, honestly gonna help you after you know that she knows that?

 

Exactly my question.

[BC1980]

Maybe, but I'm not out to 'score points', I just want her to know how hurt and destroyed she has left me.

 

She knows, but she'll never truly understand. She can't feel the feelings that you are going through, so it's useless to attempt to make her understand. She doesn't have the same reference point. I think a lot of us have wished our exes knew just how badly they hurt us. I used to wish my ex would understand what he did to me, so he would feel incredibly guilty. . . . so it's selfish on my part to even wish that. It's self serving, and it's not even realistic that it would happen.

[Haydn]

Yes, yes. Straight up.

 

OP let it sink in properly. Read the boards and try to see what others here don`t want you to go through.

 

She knows, but she'll never truly understand. She can't feel the feelings that you are going through, so it's useless to attempt to make her understand. She doesn't have the same reference point. I think a lot of us have wished our exes knew just how badly they hurt us. I used to wish my ex would understand what he did to me, so he would feel incredibly guilty. . . . so it's selfish on my part to even wish that. It's self serving, and it's not even realistic that it would happen.

[True Gent]

 

If someone was so in love with their other half & absolutely knew for sure that there was nobody else in the world for them & they ever parted for whatever reason, would it justify that person ('victim') taking their own life because they just couldn't take the emotional pain anymore despite having professional treatment for it?

 

You Have to realise that there is no just 'one' person out of the millions of people in the world that will be compatible with you.

 

How realistic do you seriously think it is that you've met that 'one' person and that's it there can't be anyone else? If you give up on yourself you will never find the person you may have a chance of spending your life with.

 

If you kill yourself the only people hurt will be your closet family, you can't want that. Also do you think your ex will regret anything because you ended your life over them? Chances are you'll go down in their estimations.

 

You will only cheat yourself if you ended it and not one single person on this Earth is worth more than your own life.

 

You and your ex were not meant to be. If you were then you wouldn't be going through this.

 

Yes it feels like a bereavement after a breakup, we're all experts in feeling this loss on here believe me. You are not alone in this, trust me you CAN get through it.

 

It will hurt, but you have to feel it to process it and you eventually will accept it. It's bloody hard, but if you think logically you will find inner strength.

[Day.One]

Call them. NOW!

 

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

[Hollywood-Tourist]

And what does that change for YOU? Try to answer this question.

 

It doesn't change anything for me, it just makes me feel like she has won and while I'm feeling really depressed, low, sad, miserable & tearful she is laughing because Narcissists are heartless.

 

 

But like I said, I am receiving treatment & although it will take me a long time to recover (if at all), I suppose this is what I have to focus on now.

 

 

I can't help but feel like she's dead though, that's exactly how it feels - like she's not on this earth anymore and part of that saddens me.

[evanescentworld]

It doesn't change anything for me....she is laughing because Narcissists are heartless.

When has she ever been officially and professionally diagnosed as a narcissist?

[Ronni_W]

It doesn't change anything for me, it just makes me feel like she has won and while I'm feeling really depressed, low, sad, miserable & tearful she is laughing

D-F,

YOU have won if she is NOT laughing (at you and your pain and your feeling destroyed).

If she does not know that you are feeling all pained and destroyed...then YOU have won!

YOU must not, therefore, under any circumstance, let her know, or desire to let her know, that you are in pain and feel destroyed; that is the ONLY way for you to ensure that YOU WIN and she loses.

I can't help but feel like she's dead though, that's exactly how it feels - like she's not on this earth anymore and part of that saddens me.

That is PERFECT. Let it die, and do your grieving and feel your sadness within yourself and by yourself...and with proper support of people who care; friends and professionals. Then you will win.

 

Some people have to go through the bother of a whole 'dis-obsession' or 'de-possession' or 'energy/entity clearing' to get to exactly where you are right now...you are doing great, and you are winning! She is losing and you are winning.

 

Stay strong and keep winning.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

When has she ever been officially and professionally diagnosed as a narcissist?

 

She hasn't, but she has a lot of the symptoms.

[singsparkles]

I'm not looking for sympathy here, it's more of a rant & a way to get things off my chest.

 

 

Basically I am really struggling to deal with the break up with my fiancé which was almost 2 months ago. The story if you're interested can be read here:

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/492093-i-hit-my-fiance-self-defence-how-can-i-get-her-back

 

 

I have tried everything, just everything I can to try & get over her such as joining a club, visit family & friends & go for a walk but nothing is working.

 

 

I have phoned the Samaritans who have been great & have listened but there's no solution as such. I have been to see my GP about depression & have another appointment next week (hoping to get some meds to see if that works this time.)

 

 

But now I feel suicidal for the first time in my life. I just want the pain to go because every minute of the day my heart is in so much pain & I just feel so deflated and can't be bothered doing anything.

 

 

I'm a 26yr old guy and I know they say you should never end your life over someone, but that's how much I love my fiancé to the point that I literally can't live without her, nobody's any idea how low & sad I feel every day.

 

 

I can't ever be happy until I have her back in my life, it's the only way I can be me again - only she can save me.

 

 

I'm crying here just typing this. :(

 

 

 

 

Omg, this post makes me wanna cry. I'm so sorry you're going through these feelings... and I can relate, because I've been there before. When you break up with someone who means the world to you, it feels like your whole world is gone and there's no use in living... but THERE IS... you just don't see it now.

 

This girl does not deserve you and she is not right for you... trust me now. You need someone who will be appreciative of you and respect your feelings and emotions and NEVER make you feel these feelings you're feeling now. She's an idiot... You need to let her go, and realize that even though it didn't work out with her , YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE WORTHY OF HAPPINESS. YOU ARE WORTHY OF A WONDERFUL LIFE. YOU ARE WORTHY OF A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP.

 

Right now you have to focus on healing yourself and staying AS FAR AWAY FROM HER AS POSSIBLE so you don't feel this way anymore. Find new hobbies to get into, keep yourself and your mind as busy as it can be. Focus on yourself and pamper yourself.

 

When you least expect it, a WONDERFUL woman is going to walk in your life and you're going to look back at this and laugh and forget who this girl even is. Trust me on this. Right now you are blind. But please know, things ALWAYS get better. Keep holding on and trucking along. Happiness will find you again. All you have to do is let go of the past, and she is lethal for you.

 

You need to worry about yourself right now. She means NOTHING!!

 

No one is worth ruining YOUR life for... she isn't worth it and no one is!!! Your life is SO PRECIOUS. SO SO SO PRECIOUS. And you have a whole life ahead of you. Don't waste your time on her. Go onto new better things.

 

Focus on healing your soul. Do some soul searching and do things that make YOU happy. Love yourself because you're a beautiful person!

 

You will get through. I promise. and if you feel the way you do, just come on here and talk to people or surround yourself with loved ones who love you, even if they are family members.

 

I can't stretch the fact enough that you and your life are both precious, and a wonderful woman is going to appreciate you one day and you will feel fuller than ever. Just give it time... Everything comes with time. Sometimes we have to go through hell to get to heaven. Don't lose hope or faith because you will see a beautiful sunny day again and feel the beautiful feel of love again.

 

Embrace the beauty of life for now, and let this girl live in her stupidity while you focus on your happiness.

 

I'm here for you!!!!

 

Big big hugs!!!!

xxx

[evanescentworld]

She hasn't, but she has a lot of the symptoms.

Well then never apply a label where one hasn't been diagnosed. By doing that, you give reasonable grounds for her behaviour and make it sound as if what she has done has some kind of mentally -based 'justification'.

"Oh, she's a narcissist, it's inbuilt, that's how she operates. "

 

No, it isn't and no she's not. She's just a mean, sadistic, violent and abusive bully and she hurt you in all ways and then some.

Call her what she really is, don't make justifiable excuses for her.

[Kid_Charlemange]

She hasn't, but she has a lot of the symptoms.

 

My ex is almost certainly a narcissist. No, she's never been diagnosed, because she would never get counseling. She feels she's pretty much perfect.

 

I read through this thread. It seems like you have gotten some good advice -- I hope you follow it. You're young. You WILL bounce back.

 

Maybe this will help: I'm 51. Bald, ugly, broke, and a bit overweight. One wife left me for another man, the second one, I held her hand when she died at age 46, and the only other LTR treated me like crap. Cheated on me and then threw it in my face, "What did you expect? For me to settle for YOU??"

 

Lost most of my friends in the split with her.

 

I have no family.

 

I owe enough money to the medical center where my wife died, that I could buy a Porsche. A used one, of course. But all my other assets are gone. I lost my house, my savings, my 401k, and my investments. I even lost my job -- when my company found out she was dying, they fired me. "It's not like you're going to be able to focus on your job for a while, is it?" the HR director said. *sigh*

 

So I'm alone, broke, and miserable. And I spent today looking at photos on FB of my ex and some of my former friends having an absolute blast yesterday. She's as happy as she's ever been. I should be happy for her, but I'm not -- It's just a grim reminder of what I once had: A beautiful, funny, intelligent, successful woman who might have once loved me, and certainly said she did, but was absolutely right when she said she deserved better than me.

 

She does.

 

At 51, one cannot get a job. Period. I've been trying to find a f/t job for three years. In that period of time, I've sent out over 1,000 resumes. And got a total of one interview.

 

One.

 

I have a college degree, about half of a master's, and my IQ was measured at 139. But no one will hire me.

 

No one.

 

So. Each month, I go a little more into debt. I make some money freelancing, but it's about enough to cover my rent. Nothing more. Everything else goes onto plastic. That's how I've been living for a year.

 

I've sold everything of value that I own. With one exception:

 

My uncle's Beretta 92F. It's worth about $500. But I won't sell it.

 

What I'm saying is: As bad as your situation sounds? Others have it worse. And, I'll admit, that as bad as mine sounds, others have it worse. The difference, is you have a future. At your age, you can re-invent yourself. Move to a new city, take up a new career. You can do anything you want. Why not wait around and see what happens?

 

Good luck to you.