Feeling Suicidal - Can't Take Anymore

[evanescentworld]

I'm sorry you're going through this, Kid_Charlemange....

I'm in an extremely similar boat... sailing on day by day.....

 

I never permit what's outside of me though, to eat away at what's INSIDE of me.

too precious to sully and blemish with crap like that.

 

I hope you can find peace in your heart.

That's where it lives, and where it needs to settle, most.

 

[Michael 93]

My ex is almost certainly a narcissist. No, she's never been diagnosed, because she would never get counseling. She feels she's pretty much perfect.

 

I read through this thread. It seems like you have gotten some good advice -- I hope you follow it. You're young. You WILL bounce back.

 

Maybe this will help: I'm 51. Bald, ugly, broke, and a bit overweight. One wife left me for another man, the second one, I held her hand when she died at age 46, and the only other LTR treated me like crap. Cheated on me and then threw it in my face, "What did you expect? For me to settle for YOU??"

 

Lost most of my friends in the split with her.

 

I have no family.

 

I owe enough money to the medical center where my wife died, that I could buy a Porsche. A used one, of course. But all my other assets are gone. I lost my house, my savings, my 401k, and my investments. I even lost my job -- when my company found out she was dying, they fired me. "It's not like you're going to be able to focus on your job for a while, is it?" the HR director said. *sigh*

 

So I'm alone, broke, and miserable. And I spent today looking at photos on FB of my ex and some of my former friends having an absolute blast yesterday. She's as happy as she's ever been. I should be happy for her, but I'm not -- It's just a grim reminder of what I once had: A beautiful, funny, intelligent, successful woman who might have once loved me, and certainly said she did, but was absolutely right when she said she deserved better than me.

 

She does.

 

At 51, one cannot get a job. Period. I've been trying to find a f/t job for three years. In that period of time, I've sent out over 1,000 resumes. And got a total of one interview.

 

One.

 

I have a college degree, about half of a master's, and my IQ was measured at 139. But no one will hire me.

 

No one.

 

So. Each month, I go a little more into debt. I make some money freelancing, but it's about enough to cover my rent. Nothing more. Everything else goes onto plastic. That's how I've been living for a year.

 

I've sold everything of value that I own. With one exception:

 

My uncle's Beretta 92F. It's worth about $500. But I won't sell it.

 

What I'm saying is: As bad as your situation sounds? Others have it worse. And, I'll admit, that as bad as mine sounds, others have it worse. The difference, is you have a future. At your age, you can re-invent yourself. Move to a new city, take up a new career. You can do anything you want. Why not wait around and see what happens?

 

Good luck to you.

 

 

 

This has just been a very very wide awakening for me...

 

I wish you the best man. I am so sorry for your troubles.

 

Please do not give up.

[lauri]

D-F,

 

I've been following you around since your original posts to now. I hope you are getting help and I can promise you that once you rebuild yourself and start to regain control of your emotions, your life and everything else around you, you will grow into an amazing person with so much to offer.

 

Once you fix yourself, you can then eventually move on and find a girl who will appreciate you and treat you with the respect you deserve. You can improve your life, have an amazing career, build a strong family. I've met a lot of people who want these things but don't have the opportunity. I don't know your entire situation, but I'm assuming you have the potential to do great things. Even if the potential doesn't appear to be there, I believe that good things will come to good people.

 

I wish you nothing but the best, I know you are fighting your demons now but I have a feeling that you will become something 10x more then anything you could have imagined. Please let us know you are okay.