Don't know about my ex, I want to be with her

[Tescos]

Hi there

 

This is my first thread!

 

5years ago I met the woman I still love today.

We dated for 4 years, last year I broke it off, but we remained a couple, without the tags... Still lived together.

 

Due to job movement, I had to move away from her this year.

About a week after moving away, I realised how much I missed her. She was very upset at me leaving too.

 

We were each other's firsts etc, we are both 22.

 

I understand that we are young hence sometimes wondering if the grass is greener on the other side.( that's where I messed up and broke up with her.)

 

 

I tried to talk to her everyday, she got a little distant.

I surprise visited her, 2 weeks after I moved out found her with another guy in her bed. Let's call him B.

 

 

I left, was sad, a few days later we talked. She said she wanted to see changes in me etc.

 

For the last 3 months I've been doing that.

The problem is we have had sex multiple times during these 3 months, there is a very strong connection between us still.

 

Guy B only knows we have had sex once.

 

Guy B is basically a rebound.

She is very dependant girl, loves attention.

 

So I see her a but more, this guy B knows we sometimes hangout, he is very possessive. He wants them to be exclusive. She has to keep telling him that she is single so can do whatever she wants.

 

She tells me everything about him(literally)

 

So now, we are at the point where she is about to dump him.

And reconcile our relationship. She wants our family to be together again and is finally thinking about the future.

 

First question:

She doesn't want our relationship to end up like before, I was lazy, depended on her for house work etc. She always had to shout to get me to do things.

I've changed a lot since living in my own, she always comments on how tidy my house is. I need something more to say to her than 'I've changed' :s

 

Part two:

We aren't together still, will do that/ sort through in a few weeks.

 

She says she is going out with her friend tonight,

However I have a very very strong feeling she is going out with other friends, from a different town, and going with someone called guy Z

 

Guy Z wants to bang my girl.

I know this because she talks to him over fb while I am present, sat next to her. It's very obvious he wants to do her.

 

 

I don't know if I can handle getting back together, if she does this

Does she want one last taste of 'freedom'?

 

Or am I overthinking this, and she is actually just going out with her friend who lives in an opposite town to this guy.

 

I can't tell what to believe.

 

She never lied to me while we were in a relationship.

She has told two white lies while we weren't together.

 

Is this another white lie?

 

Should I hack her fb and check her messages and find out if she is going out with him tonight?

 

I don't want to do that, I know it's very bad to read private messages.

The suspicion is high.

 

What would you do?

Bear in mind, I am not interested in dating other girls, or having one night stands. This girl is the only one for me.

[No Limit]

Thanks to you she's had her cake and is still eating it.

I'm almost inclined to say that it is your fault you created an ever-cheating woman that will probably ruin a lot of other guys or even families throughout her life...

 

Either way, she's not relationship material. F-Buddy at best.

 

And get your self-esteem back. All this time you've let a b!tch talk you into blame, while she's the one having issues. Explains the new word "cum bucket" to me, it had to become popular somehow you know.

Edited September 13, 2014 by No Limit

[Tescos]

I know, she was devastated last year.

I really messed up

 

 

She never actually cheated though, technically. I know that when she's in the relationship she is most loyal. ATM she is just some wild nympho.

 

She has a very high sex drive, higher than mine. She said her self while we were talking a few weeks ago ' i just love cock'

.

 

I think I'm going to call her today, and say,

 

don't **** anyone, don't cause more drama. Until you are defiantly sure you don't want go be with me because I am not accepting more complications and will walk away.

 

Surely if she gives a **** about her future she will calm down.

By that I mean, dependant on me. For almost everything.

[smackie9]

You are f-ing crazy. You two are not together she can have all the c ock she wants. BTW you both are only 22...too young to worry about "calming down". You just need to learn how to let go and move on. Face the fact jack, this will not work.

[Dork Vader]

This is just my personal belief and morals. But I believe that once the sex starts exclusivity is there to some extent. It might not be an "exclusive relationship" but the sex should be exclusive. I feel this way for numerous reasons.

 

 

1. It's not safe from a health stand point. Even if you use condoms you can still get numerous STD's. HSV-2 can be transmitted if you come into contact with a lesion and have a cut. A few other STD's can still transmitted. Condoms simply lower the risk not eliminate it completely.

2. What if she becomes pregnant? What in the world are you going to do? Tell your family she's pregnant and it might be mine?

3. It always leads too nothing but drama.

 

 

If they want to date and explore their options. That's fine but it stops at sex or they end things with me.

 

 

It's great that she has sort of been honest with you. But she is putting you through one hell of an emotional roller coaster and she has her fun. You literally are second to these other men and they are second to you. She is only concerned about herself

 

 

Move on and find someone that will show you some respect. This is not going to end up in a healthy relationship for you. You're either going to become fed up and walk away or she will move on once she has found someone else.

 

 

At BEST if you walk away the lights will come on and she'll realize how poorly she has treated you. Then come back. But the odds of that are slim.

[mightycpa]

Dork Vader has a made a good point. You can either live with a girl who bangs you and other guys, or you can't. Only you know that. You sound like you can't live with it, but the human mind is capable of getting used to a lot of stuff.

 

I didn't used to be so worked up about girls having sex with other guys too... it depended a lot on how much I really liked them. I was having sex with multiple people too, so that gave me a little perspective, I guess. It also kept me on my toes.

 

The bottom line here is that single people can do what they want. So you don't get to decide. The best you can do is to become as attractive as you can be. You can't change your basic looks, but everything else, from your demeanor to your physique is up to you. The thing you can decide is on who gets to see you.

 

That's it.

[lolablue17]

I think you have all the legitimacy in the world to tell her how you feel.

 

If she tells you "We are still not together so I can do what i want", I recommend you to answer "Yes, we are still not together and probably never will be, have fun, bye bye".

 

You have to be serious about that, otherwise its gonna hurt you, and influence your relationship for the long term.

 

I'm not approved with the "we are going to be together but no yet" status.

 

If you're 'going' to be together, for me it means you are together right now. And the meaning of screwing other guys is clear and simple cheating, or instead, a loud declaration of her priorities (you're not first place). Either way I would cut everything if she decides to go with any other guy even for just a first date without sex.

[smackie9]

She not a bad person for wanting to explore other experiences. She missed out on some of the best years of her life being in a committed relationship. The OP is just forcing to keep the past alive....so sorry but it's over, and will never get that back.

 

OP you both are at different places in your lives now, like I said, you need to let go and move on.

 

At this time the only thing that is holding you two together is emotional attachment and nothing more, walk away.

[Justanaverageguy]

At this time the only thing that is holding you two together is emotional attachment and nothing more, walk away.

 

Bingo - the relationship is done, you have both just been unable to let go of the "attachment" emotion in the relationship. It scares me how little people really understand about "love" what it is and their own feelings. Attachment is a drug and you are addicted to your ex partner .... if you keep feeding that addiction by staying in contact and communicating with or having sex with her then - you will stay addicted. Go no contact and break it off properly. In 6months you will look back and wonder how you even considered hanging around.

 

Seriously take off the love glasses for a minute and go back and read through what you have written about her. Stop blaming yourself and actually look at the current state of your relationship. Then think about "why" you still want to be with this girl. This is a girl who is screwing other guys and openly confessing to just loving and wanting "more cock". At this stage of her life she is not looking for the same thing as you. If you stick around you are compromising your own values and will probably end up as the guy standing in the corner of the room holding the camera while your girlfriend cops a different guy every night.

 

Go no contact and move on.