Internet Relationship?

[Internet Dude]

I've been using the internet for several years, 6 years to be exact. During those years I never really talked to many people, sure there were a few people but never turned out to be anything.

 

Most of the time I set in chat rooms and didn't talk nor pay attention. A few weeks ago, I randomly for some reason was drawn to this person on this chatroom. I don't know why, but I felt that I should message her.

 

I messaged her and I don't know, we talked and we talked. After a few weeks it was like we had something between us. We talked for a few weeks and now I feel that I love her so much, we talk on the phone quiet often and we talk on the internet like for hours and hours and hours.

 

I know all about her, everything about her, and she knows everything about me. We want to be together, date and everything but she lives 4,000 miles or so away.

 

I'm planning on flying up there to meet her. I really feel that this can work out, but I feel she might have doubts. We both love each other and care so much for each other, I've never felt love as strong as this.

 

Is this ridiculous? Am I expecting to much? I want the truth and ready to accept flames. I would rather find out now then be hurt later.

[Laurynn]

I surely don't mean to rain on your parade but if you've never met in person yet, you really need to cool down a bit here. In real life, she may be nothing at all like the person she's portrayed herself to be online/on the phone.

 

You really, truly cannot love someone until you've met them in person and have spent a LOT of time with them...really getting to know them. You may *think* you love her/love each other.......but what you're feeling is really just a strong kind of connection.

 

I've learned the hard way, people can really misrepresent themselves online. I was in two long distance relationships (not at the same time LOL) with guys I'd met online. In the beginning, they were perfect, WE were perfect. Each time, I ended up moving to where they lived because we'd fallen in love (had met in person and spent lots of time together before having fallen in love) and we lived a far distance from each other. But once I moved, over time, I got to see the 'real' person. The real person was nothing like the charming, perfect, has-everything-in-common-with-me Guy I'd first known.

 

True love takes time, it takes trust, it takes going through ups and downs together.........it takes knowing someone very very well.........it takes knowing how they treat other people, seeing how they conduct themselves in public, seeing how they deal with every day life and problems........to fall in love with someone you've never met, I think, is impossible.

 

How do you even know she's the age she says she is? How do you know she's not married? How do you know for sure she's not in a relationship with someone? How do you know she's not really 5'1" and 450 lbs? How do you know she doesn't have some kind of mental illness? She could be nothing like the person/personality she represents. Be careful. Maybe that's why she's a little leary herself, about you. People have to be careful these days.

 

Go take a peek at this website:

 

Internet Dating Stories...good and BAD

 

Read through this site. Many many people have shared their disasterous experiences with meeting/falling in love with someone they met online. It's very enlightening.

 

Laurynn

[cass]

I won't give advice because I have just read Lauren's reply and it is exactly what I want to say.

 

I can totally understand how you feel though. I have posted a question recently (over last few weeks) about my situation - called Internet Relationship and I felt/feel a very close connection to the man I chat to (although a lot less frequently now due to him not wanting to do this). I know how easy it is to feel such closeness because all you have to go on is their words and you can read so much into them and the rest is left to the imagination (which is usually what you want them to be like).

 

We too shared lots of thoughts, even though lots of trivial things it made me feel that closeness.

 

Let us know what you decide to do,

[sparkle]

Hello,

 

Listen to what Laurynn had to say. Her advice was excellent.

 

You stated you started talking to her a few weeks ago, and now you're in love with her and you know "all about her, everything about her"?? I'm sorry, but it's impossible to learn everything about a person in your whole lifetime, let alone over a few weeks!!

 

To answer your questions:

Is this ridiculous?

To me it is.

Am I expecting to much?

Yes.

 

Ask yourself what it is about her that makes you love her.

 

I see many things wrong with this picture.

 

1. You two met online.

 

People, when hidden behind a computer screen, can basically say ANYTHING and get away with it. They can lie, they can trick you, they can be complete angels online and just the opposite in person.

 

You don't know too much about her.

 

You don't know how she acts in person and carries herself around others.

 

You don't know what she does when she's not online.

 

You don't know how well she communicates and carries a conversation aside from the email and chatting online.

 

You don't know how many other guys she's talking to at the same time.

 

You don't know if she has a boyfriend.

 

You don't know how she looks like from day to day. Pictures can be deceiving. Very deceiving. They can be their best picture, or outdated or airbrushed. Sometimes, it could even be an entirely different person.

 

2. She lives 4000 miles away.

 

Proximity plays a huge part in relationships. Ask yourself what makes you want to date a girl that lives 4000 miles away. What do you want in a relationship? What makes you want to start one with someone so far away?

 

Is she just a phone call away, where you can call her anytime you want, as often as you want to talk to her? Can you hang out with her anytime you want, a few days a week, every week? Don't you want someone that's RIGHT THERE for you? What's the point of going out with someone that you can't actually "GO OUT" with on a regular basis?

 

That's nuts.

 

Out of the 6 billion people in the world, there isn't just ONE girl out their for you. She is not your soul mate. Trust me. That person will be 4000 miles closer to you.

 

There are many many manyyyy girls out there that can be a perfect match for you. But if you spend too much time looking for love on-line, you're missing out the chance to meet an actual person..in real life..that lives nearby.

 

Get out of the chatrooms and go out and meet girls that live in your area. There are many out there. You will have a much stronger and more meaningful relationship with someone you can actually talk to and touch and hang out with on a regular basis, not someone you talk to online.

 

If you've only talked to her for a few weeks, yet you two have talke for "hours and hours and hours" and on the phone even, that is definitely more infatuation than it is 'real love'.

 

What I suggest, give yourself a lot more time to think about this before you make any major decisions to be together. Usually, relationships that start off and progress very quickly (talking for hours and hours) are very short-lived. Cut back on the amount of time you talk to her. Treat this as you would any relationship in-person. The first few weeks or months, don't talk EVERY single day. Call/chat a couple times a week, for a short period of time. Live your own life outside of each other. Hang out regularly with other friends and family.

 

Take your time with this...be very patient. Love is all about patience. It may take you a while to realize what you really want out of a relationship and what's best for you.

 

Good luck!

[Internet]

I'm sure you're right. However I know she is who she says she is because by iorny I'm friends with a guy that lives nearby and knows her personally. I've seen several pictures of her and things. I know I'm jumping into this like I shouldn't.

[Internet]

This girl has been through so much, I reall don't want to hurt her and I don't want her to hurt me expecting something that wont' happen.

 

I'm sure she isn't a serial killer or anything. She's had some pretty rough times. Right now she is in a relationship with a cop that abuses her, even when I'm on the phone with her he yells at her calling her names and telling her to do things for her.

 

I've talked to and e-mailed several of her friends. And my friend where she lives knows her personally and has told me she is the greatest person you'll ever met. I don't know why I feel so attracted to her.

[Internet Dude]

I'm also a State Trooper for the state in which I live in so I was able to do a background check and see what I was dealing with. This girl's record is clean. I'm a fool, I know and I'm moving on and not getting involved. Thanks for your advice!

[Curious in Concert]

I'd like to comment upon this. I do sort of believe that there is one person out there that, if you meet them, and you make the connection, that theya re the one person for you. Now, I'm not saying that your not going to find someone you totally love, and are completely willing to spend your life with, but that the one person out there will make that *snap* connection with you on such a deeper level... Anyway, on to the rest of this.

 

Upon your comment about how the person thats right for him will be 4000 miles closer, well, I don't exactly believe that. The girl I'm going out with right now lives away from. Granted, a 6 hour drive is not nearly as far as 4000 miles, but I don't believe that you have to find love where you live, to actual find true love.

 

Upon your comment about internet relationships, I'd agree mostly that relationships that are started over the internet, and remain exclusevily over the internet/phone aren't going to work out. I know, I've tried it. How can you love someone that you'v never met, never been able to feel their presence, feel the closeness of their body when they are hurt, or the warmth when they are happy, the soft smell of their skin, their hair... everything about them.

 

There are little buzzers in your mind that will go off when you've found the right person. This isn't to say that you don't care deeply for this person, or that you have real, legitimate feelings for them, but its hard to know if your in love when there are so many things about them you don't know.

 

And I do argee that you should take a lot of time before you decide what it is your going to do. Don't maintain the relationship because your afraid of hurting her. It will only get worse than it is already.

 

Anyway, nuff said by me. Theres my advice.

[Laurynn]

"I'm sure she isn't a serial killer or anything. She's had some pretty rough times. Right now she is in a relationship with a cop that abuses her, even when I'm on the phone with her he yells at her calling her names and telling her to do things for her."

Hello??? Who really "seems" like a serial killer? Ted Bundy didn't seem like a serial killer, in fact, women found him very mesmerizing. The woman who wrote a book about him/who know him personally, Ann Rule......she had a lot of respect for him (up until he'd been found out).

 

Aside from that......what the hell is going on here??? You are in love with some dame who's in a RELATIONSHIP? Do you see anything wrong with this picture? And an alleged 'abusive cop' to boot? Are you looking to get your a$$ whooped or what? You do NOT want to get tangled up with a woman who's a) ALREADY INVOLVED (hello?)..and b) is involved with someone who's abusive and is legally able to carry a gun!!!!!!!!

 

How do you know this isn't her HUSBAND. H U S B A N D. Which would make her his wife. W I F E. Do you KNOW how many people online lie about their marital status? Surely in the 6 yrs you've been online, you've come across this before, no? (or you've known someone who's pretended to be single but really wasn't?). And NO DOUBT this guy gets angry when she's on the phone TALKING TO YOU........duh!....that's his girlfriend or wife that's talking to ANOTHER MAN!!! HELLO?

 

Wanna know what I think? I think she's married. I think she's bored and spends her days and evenings online, looking for a little excitement and attention. She tells you this sad story about this bad relationships she's in.....bla bla bla.

 

What kind of woman would be in a relationship with someone, yet in LOVE with someone else she's corresponding with online?

 

Why don't you stick to women who are SINGLE (unattached) in your own vicinity.......would save you a whole lot of heartache and potential risk to your safety, in the future.

 

Laurynn