Justsimplyliving Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Both 20. Together for a year lived together for 4 months. Broken up about 2 months. She broke up with me told me she didn't know what she wanted etc. I went cold NC obviously. She started texting my roomate saying she wanted me back etc we talked ending up kissing and decided to have a serious talk today about getting back together. She said this is going to be a long talk and she doesnt know what to expect from me at the end of it. She wants to be together she says but doesnt know if I am going to want to be with her after we talk? Not sure what that means but we are about to talk here in a few hours and I have no idea what to expect. Shes not the type to sleep around maybe shes gonna say she broke up with me because she didnt get enough attention or wanted to see what is was like to be kissing someone else I'm not sure. But what do you guys think she should have to say for me to take her back? I was literally doing so well NC! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 But what do you guys think she should have to say for me to take her back? I was literally doing so well NC! What do YOU need to hear in order to want to give her a fresh start? What do YOU need and want from and out of any new relationship that you two start? What are YOU willing, prepared, able to contribute and NOT put up with? If anything about whatever she tells you is a deal-breaker for you, then just say, "No, thanks." If you're not sure after your talk, then just tell her that she's given you food for thought and you need time to digest it. Don't be a wuss. Stand firm for what you want, need and deserve. Always. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 14, 2014 Share Posted September 14, 2014 Not knowing what they want, having to find themselves/needing a break from the relationship or love you but not in love with you generally mean there was someone else. Besides, just because she hasn't been known to sleep around so far doesn't mean she can't pick up on that hobby later. Link to post Share on other sites
AquanoxSerp Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 (edited) Rolls her eyes at no limit's response regarding "picking up that hobby". Anyways, I do agree that she seems unsure of herself but that is no surprise given both of your ages. Go and truly think about what made you upset. And from that ask yourself what you need from her to heal your relationship and go slow. DO NOT put her through the ringer if you care about her, but do indeed make your needs and what hurt you at the forefront and MOST important. Treat her the way you would like to be treated but don't apologize and instead tell her what you need to heal in as emotionally distanced a manner as possible. I am also a dumpee and I wrote the same email back to my ex on what he needs to do if he wants the relationship. He exhibited all the behaviors in men I despised at our breakup: machoism, playing around with women, double standards, and vicious accusations and judgements. Now he's regaining his old loving self I do not bring up what he did wrong, but I am also not letting go of the actions. What i do let go is the bitterness though that is separate from what he needs to work on. Does that make sense? Because if you are vengeful, an ass and a jerk and want her to treat you like a king like many vengeful men tend to want, she might capitulate but ultimately you will alienate her permanently and emotionally abuse her until she becomes a doormat and/or she leaves you for good and won't look back. That is where I was and now if he goes back to his "I want to be treated like a king" frankly I won't ever look back at my ex no matter how much he begs and pleads and screams he loves me. Trust me you don't want to be at that place as the only road after that is often bitterness and self delusion and never being able to be wrong about anything (see long time posters here for examples of that) Being culpable is a very important trait many men have yet to master but I digress. Spend a day or two to figure out what you would like her to do and what would make you feel better about the two of you again and put the bitterness beside you. As for judging whether or not she sleeps around, you know her better than we do. And bitter posters and repliers here will all persuade you to think otherwise and call you out on being "naive" and stupid. Such posters have also ruined many relationships and frankly could care less for doing so. To them the more miserable people are the better they can prove their woman hating beliefs so go with what YOU know and ultimately take our advice with a grain of salt. Hope this helps. Edited September 15, 2014 by AquanoxSerp Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justsimplyliving Posted September 15, 2014 Author Share Posted September 15, 2014 She ****ed with me. Said all of those things even said we need to have a serious talk so you can see if you want to be with me. She delayed the talk for 2 days and still tried texting me. Back NC I go that is seriously the most immature thing I have ever encountered. Any advice here? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Any advice here? Have you blocked and deleted and unfriended and unfollowed??? Do not let there be any way at all for her to be able to contact you (save in-person, of course, since that one's out of our own control). Other than that, go back to how you were doing before she rudely interrupted things. Good luck with NC this time...I hope it sticks. Link to post Share on other sites
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