Author englishrose Posted April 30, 2005 Author Share Posted April 30, 2005 Just a quick update on whats happened the last week or so Its official....My husband who was always very very careful with money and HAD to have a healthy bank balance or he'd throw a wobbly fit has now officially gone into his overdraft. He must be P*ssing his pants !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I am taking a certain degree of pleasure in this and NO I am not going to offer him any money. I am sittting tight and seeing what will happen next. I am expecting a phone call within the next few days and I shall just ignore it and make him work a little bit harder. Oh I hope he is having a lovely life !!!!!!!!!! On a sadder not Kikat my little dog got rushed to the vets last night and is now on a drip and antibiotics. He has contracted a infection of the large intestine. Please everyone say a little prayer for him as He is all I have left at the moment and if he dies I really will go to pieces. Once again everyone thanks for your kindness Link to post Share on other sites
Circles Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 Originally posted by Monday P.S. Do you think that when he comes crawling back you are just going to let him back in?? That's AWEFUL! He can leave you and your home, he can blow money on this ho bag, and then you'll take him back? He does NOT deserve you. This is the same situation that I am in. The only differences is I am not working. As I realize now, I gave my life over to my SOON TO BE EX HUSBAND. He has a 6 figure income that why I never really worked after we were married. To make a long story short he started dating a person at the beginning of the year (he has known her about a year and a half).I asked him to leave in February and he did, after two weeks he wanted to come back. Tomorrow is the 1st of May, and he is still calling me everyday, telling me how much he loves me, and miss me!!! The point that I would like to make is the cheating husbands that do leave 95% of them want to come back after the other relationship starts to becomes a real relationship, no more fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
Circles Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 In my first post I forgot to mention, one would think as much money as he makes that he would be financially stable. This is not the case, he lives for today, so he spends money like he has his own printing press. He is truly in debt now. I guess That's why he want's to return to the house that he was dying to get away from. Link to post Share on other sites
Nara Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 englishrose, been reading the thread and all has touched me somehow quite deeply. You seemed to get a bit stronger with every posting you did, at least it seemed like that to me, hope, it is true...wanted to let you know, that I wish you strength and send you good, good thoughts. How is the dog ? Greetings, Nara Link to post Share on other sites
Author englishrose Posted May 3, 2005 Author Share Posted May 3, 2005 Well everyone I had some very sad news today. My little cavalier has been in the vets since last friday on a drip and I have spent nearly all weekend with him holding him and loving him and crying. This morning I had a phone call from the vet to say that he passed away last night at midnight. I am totally distraught and think WHY is all this happening to me? Could god have not let me have him for a little bit longer until I was strong enough to cope with everything. HOW MUCH MORE DO I HAVE TO TAKE ??????? My dog was the only thing that kept me going and now I have nothing. I have no family left and no husband and I feel as if I am in the pits. I keep thinking that I should be with all the people and animals that love me in heaven but I havent got the guts or strength to do anything about it. I can hardly type through the tears and I am so unhappy. My doctor put me on anti depressents when all this started and I have to go back to see him tomorrow. I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out. I left a message at my husbands work and he has rang me about 20 times today but I just cant speak to him. I feel that he hasnt been there for me when I needed him and just dont know what to say to him. All my friends have told me to go out and get another pet which I know is a sensible idea. My other dog aged 18 died at christmas, my husband left me in february and now my other dog has gone. Life is so cruel Link to post Share on other sites
Nara Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 I wished, I could do something for you. But what can I say ? Just, that I'm with you, in my thoughts. Hug... Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 I am new to this forum but have read alot of your messages, ER. I feel so deeply for you, dear. I pray you will feel better soon. It would be a good idea to get a new pet soon, but I understand your missing your sweet pups right now if you don't have the heart or strength to. You need to grieve for the ones you've lost. You'll get a new one when the time is right. You seem so strong, by the reading of your messages. You should be so proud of yourself and how you are handling yourself through all your trials. They WILL pass. You wait and see! I wish I'd had someone like you to just talk with when I was going through my H's affair aftermath. I felt so alone and some of my family and friends had such bad advice, half were bitter from their own past of being cheated on and others had never been through any type of cheating and tried to advize but failed miserably. Anyway, our thoughts and prayers are with you. Know you are not alone. Sincerely, Shellys-trying Link to post Share on other sites
Author englishrose Posted May 7, 2005 Author Share Posted May 7, 2005 Hi everyone I will never forget my little dog who passed away and I was so angry with god for taking him when I needed him most. I now understand why HE took him. A couple of days ago I adopted a beautiful collie x who was abandoned by his previous owners when they moved house and left him tied up in the garden. Now I know why. He is truly wonderful and everyone who meets him falls in love with him. He sits for hours just listening to me and cuddling up to me and follows me everywhere I go. He comes to work with me and gets lots of attention from everyone so he loves it. My husband came round last night to see if I was ok (or so he said) and we spent a very amiable hour just chatting. When he went to go he was very hesitant and I knew what was coming. Yes he'd run out of money and couldnt pay the mortgage next month and could I help . Icant believe it but I GAVE him some money AGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (i did get a receipt from him) Anyway I have been living here for the past 2 months for free !!!!! I told him that the money was to pay the mortgage and not to give her and told him that if the mortgage wasnt paid I would get VERY upset and he would certainly suffer. I have now at least bought myself another month breathing space to now sort out my mortgage to buy him out. I feel quite strong again . Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted May 7, 2005 Share Posted May 7, 2005 ER, I am so very sorry for you loss. It seems that you have the right attitude about why your dog passed. I know your new dog will never replace your other dog but I am glad you found him. I am so sorry you are dealing w/ all this. When my H filed for a D and was having an A w/ his co-worker my world fell apart. Everything I knew was gone. I tried in the past to get a separtion from my H and get MC but he refused to leave the house. When he filed for a D he acted like he was going to stay w/ me. I told him to get out, if he wanted a D he wasn't living w/ me. He packed his things up and left, no arguements, nothing. I knew then he truley wanted out. I knew the OW had something to do w/ his filing. The day H told me he wanted a D I called my family. A week later, and the night H was moving out I got a call that my mom was in the hospital! She went in for a routine stress test and passed out. My dad took her to the doctor where she had to have more stents put in. When I got off the phone I yelled at H that it was all his fault. I went over to him and screamed it right in his face. I wasn't blaming God, I was blaming H. My mom was so stressed that H filed for a D I know that is why it happened. She didn't want yet another daughter getting a D. My other sisters were the ones that filed a D from their H's. The next night I went to see my mom in the hospital and she looked good, but it hurt like he!! to see her in that hospital bed again. On my way home (an hour drive) H called me and told me he thought he moved to fast and was having second thoughts. Talking to him about our M was the last thing on my mind. I was going through he!! that time of my life, the D, the A, and then my mom. Like they say, it all happens in 3's. I wish you the best ER, and I wouldn't give your H a dime anymore. God, him, and the OW are the only ones who know if he is giving it to the OW or spending it on her. GL! Link to post Share on other sites
KissMyTiara Posted May 7, 2005 Share Posted May 7, 2005 EnglishRose - The other day I came across your post about your doggie and I couldn't even read it...the thought alone brought me to tears. I am sooooo sorry for you loss. I can't imagine what I'll do when my beloved little baby doggie passes...I hope it's years and years from now. That said, I think it's wonderful that you adopted the abandoned border collie - GREAT dog. You both need each other now. Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted May 8, 2005 Share Posted May 8, 2005 I agree with StillHurtin, don't give him anymore money. Whether he uses it right or not. That will just encourage him to keep doing his own thing and come to you at the same time. Make him tough it out. You don't want a man who just wants your $$ to get him thru while he whiles his time away, possibly with OW. You deserve better and you know this. In your heart you felt sorry for him, but risking letting him give HER the $$ you gave him? How will you feel if he does give it to her? Even more worse and bitter. Just stick to your guns and put your foot down and say no next time and there probably will be a next time he'll ask for more $$. He put himself in the situation he's in, NOT YOU! Men are notorious for using the women that love them, any way they see fit. It's sad but it's true. Be strong! We're all rooting for YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted May 8, 2005 Share Posted May 8, 2005 EnglishRose, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved cavalier. I can't even imagine - even struggling with trying to get over the heartbreak of my ex-MM I have had nightmares that something would happen to my little dog and I just don't think I could make it. I am so glad that your cavalier went in a peaceful way, and that you have found a loving dog who needed someone at a time that you needed him! I don't know about whether or not giving the $$ to your H was a good idea or not - I guess you would have to ask your soliciter. The reality is that you are still married, and still living in the house, and if the mortgage isn't paid and the house goes into foreclosure, then this is not a good thing for you, of course. Can you, in the future, when he cries poverty again, write the check, I mean cheque , directly to the mortgage company? Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Good idea, KKAT! That would be better than handing cash or writing a check to H. Then you would know exactly where the $$ went to. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyBoo Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Hi ER, SO SORRY about your dog. However Congratulations on the collie. I had one for years and they are the most faithful and loving dogs ever. Far better than any man!!! A word of caution : STOP giving your husband money. He is treating you like his Mammy and running back to his lover then. Be business like in ALL your dealing with him. Pay the mortgage to the mortage company and sign your name only to the payment and file ALL recipts from them. In the future all of this documantation will be VITAL when you go for a divorce or a legal separation. LOG everything now...handwritten receipts are not great. Why trust him to pay the mortage when he could not keep it in his pants????? WHat has he done to deserve any trust now? GET SMART!!!! and the best of luck with the dog. What did you call him?? BIG HUGS Link to post Share on other sites
Author englishrose Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 Many thanks for your replies. I know I am such an idiot for giving him the money but I have a theory on that. I thought that the only thing that would make him return home would be if he ran out of money and couldnt afford to pay for 2 households. Well the time has come and I think I gave him the cash so that he wouldnt come home !!! I am now 100% sure that I dont want him back. I have not heard from him now for over a week so he couldnt have been that worried about me. I know he only came round to see me to get money. I have spent many many hours thinking about what has happened and I am now beginning to understand some of it. At the moment he doesnt care about anything or anyone only himself and no matter what anyone says or does he doesnt hear it. It's like he is in his own little world and only thinks of his needs and not mine. He doesnt care about me one iota and I dont trust him as far as I could throw him as every word that comes out of his mouth is a lie. He doesnt miss what we had together because he has a new life now and its what he needs. Every thing that we worked for to get ..he's not interested...he just wants to go to work, go down the pub and get drunk and not worry about every day things. kkat ....my new doggy is called SAM and he is a tower of strength. We go out for lots of new walks so I am losing even more weight and I look GREAT !!!!!!! (sorry to blow my own trumpet !!!) I cant wait for the day when he comes crawling back and I tell him to get lost . To think that 9 weeks ago I was sat here in the dark thinking of taking pills . No one knows what is round the corner for them and I am really glad I didnt take them. I know that I have a tough time to come with sorting out the house etc but I cant wait to see what else God has in mind for me. Thank you everyone Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 God bless you too, ER!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 ER glad to hear how great you are doing. The dog walking is great for the head and the booty. Don't feel stupid for giving him the money - we all make the best decisions we can at the time that we make them. And it sounds like you are doing the right thing for yourself - you don't want him to have to come home because of money and I understand that. At the same time, wouldn't you think it would be best to not give him any more in the future, unless it's part of a strategy worked out with your soliciter? Are you actively working towards a divorce? What's going on with that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author englishrose Posted June 4, 2005 Author Share Posted June 4, 2005 Hi Everyone Well I never heard from my husband for 3 weeks and it that time I did a lot of soul searching and spending lots of time with Sam Sam send everyone big licks and hugs for helping his new mum through all this mess and knows that it has made me a stronger and better person. Last night my husband and I had a big summit meeting to discuss the house. He was very pleasant to me almost like the man I used to know. I made him my offer and he is now using the weekend to think about it. If he accepts then I should be home and dry and a lot more settled. If he doesnt accept (which I have a funny feeling he will do ) then its on to my plan b. He didnt have enough to pay the mortgage this month despite me giving him half the cash and the debits all bounced in this account although I should think by now as he has been paid the bank has taken the money. He really is broke and he would be very foolish to turn down my offer especially as I have offered to pay his legal bill as well. Anway I am keeping busy and remaining strong so wish me luck. One thing that made me proud of myself last night was that in all the visits he has made to our house he would only give me 40 minutes of his time so last night we met at the pub and I decided I would only give him 40 minutes of MY time. I said what I had to say about the financial side asked him a few questions about himself and then said "right well I'm off now as I've things to do" His face was a picture. Also every time he has left after talking to me he always kissed and cuddled me so last night he made an attempt and I turned away and carried on walking. !!!!!! Now this will really make you all laugh. I took Sam to have his injections at the vets the other night and found a lump on his tummy. I was really worried and mentioned it to the vet. He said not to worry as it was his BELLY BUTTTON (apparantly dogs have innies and outies too. I felt such a twit !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway thank you everyone Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 One thing that made me proud of myself last night was that in all the visits he has made to our house he would only give me 40 minutes of his time so last night we met at the pub and I decided I would only give him 40 minutes of MY time. I said what I had to say about the financial side asked him a few questions about himself and then said "right well I'm off now as I've things to do" His face was a picture. Also every time he has left after talking to me he always kissed and cuddled me so last night he made an attempt and I turned away and carried on walking. !!!!!! GOOD FOR YOU!!! That is awesome, you took back the control! HE is not in control of you and your feelings. I'm sure that it was hard to do but YOU did it and I'm proud of you! He can't pull the strings anymore and hey! He got a taste of it and now he knows he can't manipulate you like before. That is great! That's cute about your dog! I didn't know that either. Learn something new everyday eh?! Well, I hope he comes through with the right decision about the house. He is a fool NOT to give you what you want. Good luck and keep on doing what you're doing - It's working! Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 I am very very very proud of you, ER!!!!! You have brass ***** !!!!!! You should be so proud of yourself. I envy you, girlfriend. Words are just not enough to say exactly what I feel. You just keep on doing what you're doing cause from this end of the world, you got no complaints from me. Kinda reminds me of that James Brown song. You know, "Step back, kiss myself" You should! Have that little pooch give you a big paw on the back as a job well done! Link to post Share on other sites
Author englishrose Posted June 6, 2005 Author Share Posted June 6, 2005 Husband rang me yesterday He has agreed to my proposal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now we just have to do all the paperwork and get the ball rolling. He came round this evening to pick up some more stuff and I must admit I did get a bit emotional. He is being so nice to me just like the husband that I knew and love. I did tell him that if things didnt work out that he would always have a place in my heart . Anyway when he went I had a long walk with sam and feel much better. 2 girlfriends dragged me out last night to a singles dance and guess what?? yep i pulled !!!! I wasnt really bothered but he seemed a nice enough fella and I thought we could be friends. He has rang me tonight and texted me saying he hopes we can meet again. Isnt it funny? When you dont want anyone else . you always meet someone when you least expect it. Anyway all my energies are now going on sorting the financial side out. Shelley and whichway....thank you so much for your support. I feel when this is all over I could write a book !!. What a journey I have been on and what a lot of things I have learned. Who would have thought that it would have turned out like this. Anyway I will keep posting as it really does help so thank you everyone Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 I think it's wonderful! I feel so happy for you, ER. Just from what I've read of your posts, you seem like a genuinely nice person and you deserve some happiness. A whole truck load of it! Link to post Share on other sites
DoggyDog Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 ER.... God brought you to it.....God will get you thru it. Always know there is a reason for everything....We may not see it while in pain but later when you look back on what you were doing or feeling you might see that you "were not happy." and you depended on you "H" for happiness. Maybe you were becoming weak and by putting you thru the loss of not only your H but your baby "doggy", it brought you in the mode of survival on your "own." Now that you know you CAN be alone and happy in your own skin, nothing will bring you down to that low point of life that you have already gone thru. And if, by some disaster, another life crisis comes your way, you KNOW you will SURVIVE it. We are stronger woman now and everyone who goes thru the loss of someone you truly love, all say the same thing...........God brought me to it......God will get me thru it....Believe that, I do. Take care, DD Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Yes, I agree DoggyDog. I think sometimes God shows us that the only person we can truly count on is Him then we can believe in ourselves. Sometimes, He will make things happen in our life if/when we forget this and show us how much more dependable He is than anyone else. When my H cheated on me it left me so bereft and alone, God spoke to my heart and told me that my H was "just a man". It's true. Put your faith in 'the man upstairs' and you'll get through. For those who may not be "into religion" or Some may not even be any religion,may be offended, but the comments made above are my belief. Link to post Share on other sites
Author englishrose Posted June 28, 2005 Author Share Posted June 28, 2005 Hi everyone Just thought I would give you all a quick update Well my mortgage has gone through and now its all in the hands of the solicitors. My husband is being very friendly about everything and I am seeing more of him than usual. In fact when he came round at the weekend to sign some forms he seemed very reluctant to leave. He even cooked me dinner and did a few little jobs round the house for me. He behaved like the husband I knew and loved. The house was looking immaculate and he commented on how lovely and clean it was and how pretty the garden looked and what a **** hole he was living in. AHHHHHHHHHH what a shame !!!!!! My life has changed so much these past 4 months and I am so strong it's scary. I have all these plans and dreams and am really excited about what will come in the future. We used to go on 3 or 4 holidays abroad each year so this year I am going away to a nice hotel in england that accepts dogs so I can have a holiday with Sam. My poor poor husband is absolutely flat broke , well into his overdraft and looks really haggard. When I look at him all the old feelings come back and I feel so sorry for him for what he has become. I will NEVER take him back as I know there is only one person that my happiness depends on and that ME I want to thank everyone who has replied to my postings and given me the strength and courage to go on and come out at the other end. You are all truly wonderful kind people and I hope you all get the happiness that you deserve. When all this if finally settled I am treating myself to a garden jacuzzi/ spa and having a big party. So you are all invited !!!!!! Thank you everyone Love English Rose me the first night he told me me 3 months ago me when I got Sam Me today Link to post Share on other sites
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